The Damage Mary Sues Cause
AN: Okay I've devised the following theory on a piece of paper (possibly recycled).
I figured there are three types of fan fics:
1. Mary Sues 2. Stories in which Mary Sues are slaughtered 3. And uh, the crap in between.
I don't hate Mary Sues, the only reason I'm doing this is because the production rate of these particular stories has skyrocketed since the last massacre of 2002a.d.
Disclaimer: I don't own Lotr or The Day After Tomorrow. Now leave me alone...
) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) (
Aragorn put his hand out of the door for a few seconds and removed it quickly, just missing the girl who was falling to earth but is now lying on the soggy ground twitching.
"Urgh, It's raining again. Umbrellas up boys!"
The legion of soldiers that lined the walls of Helms Deep lowered their weapons and opened the stainless steel umbrellas that they were given before every battle or major event in which Legolas is involved or mentioned in.
"Aww looks so pretty," cooed Legolas
"Shut up Legolas, you're the reason this happens"
"I know, I know, I just can't help falling in love with these people, the authors tell me to..,"
"I understand, authors can be pretty persuasive, just wait until they pass the new law prohibiting writers from owning sharp objects. "
When the Mary Sue shower had ended the trio walked out onto the battlement where they readied themselves again for battle.
"What the hell is that?" yelled the elf guy with yet another bad hairdo.
They all looked up to see a very large colourful object in the sky.
"It's a type of meteor that only occurs after the ten ga-freakin-zillionth Mary Sue has been posted. " Said Dennis Quaid, who had just appeared out of nowhere.
"What shall we do about it?" said Aragorn "Look, I'm only here to dispense geographical facts that a twelve year old would know, waste most of the time you have left and to tell you that you're screwed. I'm not God! But I can tell you that he hates you…… See ya!"
With that Dennis Quaid vanished.
"Git" muttered Gimli "what an utter bast-, wait, do you hear something?" The group looked towards the valley that was situated just a few miles west of Helms Deep, everything was very quiet, until a gigantic tidal wave of Mary Sues rounded the corner.
They then looked to the east where a huge tornado of Mary Sues had gathered.
"Oh dear mother of g-" Legolas began before the meteor, tidal wave and tornado all hit him simultaneously, leaving everyone else, apart from a few thousand soldiers who no one ever really loved, relatively intact.
"Wow, this story was so pointless" said Aragorn "nobody important died"
"Is Orlando dead yet?" called Jake Gyllenhaal from inside the cave.
"Yep" replied Aragorn
"Thank God, now Mary Sues can fall into Middle Earth for me and me only."
"Not bloody likely" muttered the Author before striking Jake Gyllenhaal down with her almighty hand.
"Okay, finished... but I feel as if I've forgotten something..."
Far North, Bilbo is sitting, reading his book when suddenly the lights go out.
"I'm gonna die..." He sighed.
FIN
Okay I sincerely apologise to any Mary Sue writers out there who took offence to that but truthfully you shouldn't have. For once sit back and laugh at your characters!
Come on, they had it coming!
(Music fades in, Antigone rips off her clothes to reveal SASSY outfit)
They had it coming!
They had it coming!
They had it coming all along!
AN: Okay I've devised the following theory on a piece of paper (possibly recycled).
I figured there are three types of fan fics:
1. Mary Sues 2. Stories in which Mary Sues are slaughtered 3. And uh, the crap in between.
I don't hate Mary Sues, the only reason I'm doing this is because the production rate of these particular stories has skyrocketed since the last massacre of 2002a.d.
Disclaimer: I don't own Lotr or The Day After Tomorrow. Now leave me alone...
) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) (
Aragorn put his hand out of the door for a few seconds and removed it quickly, just missing the girl who was falling to earth but is now lying on the soggy ground twitching.
"Urgh, It's raining again. Umbrellas up boys!"
The legion of soldiers that lined the walls of Helms Deep lowered their weapons and opened the stainless steel umbrellas that they were given before every battle or major event in which Legolas is involved or mentioned in.
"Aww looks so pretty," cooed Legolas
"Shut up Legolas, you're the reason this happens"
"I know, I know, I just can't help falling in love with these people, the authors tell me to..,"
"I understand, authors can be pretty persuasive, just wait until they pass the new law prohibiting writers from owning sharp objects. "
When the Mary Sue shower had ended the trio walked out onto the battlement where they readied themselves again for battle.
"What the hell is that?" yelled the elf guy with yet another bad hairdo.
They all looked up to see a very large colourful object in the sky.
"It's a type of meteor that only occurs after the ten ga-freakin-zillionth Mary Sue has been posted. " Said Dennis Quaid, who had just appeared out of nowhere.
"What shall we do about it?" said Aragorn "Look, I'm only here to dispense geographical facts that a twelve year old would know, waste most of the time you have left and to tell you that you're screwed. I'm not God! But I can tell you that he hates you…… See ya!"
With that Dennis Quaid vanished.
"Git" muttered Gimli "what an utter bast-, wait, do you hear something?" The group looked towards the valley that was situated just a few miles west of Helms Deep, everything was very quiet, until a gigantic tidal wave of Mary Sues rounded the corner.
They then looked to the east where a huge tornado of Mary Sues had gathered.
"Oh dear mother of g-" Legolas began before the meteor, tidal wave and tornado all hit him simultaneously, leaving everyone else, apart from a few thousand soldiers who no one ever really loved, relatively intact.
"Wow, this story was so pointless" said Aragorn "nobody important died"
"Is Orlando dead yet?" called Jake Gyllenhaal from inside the cave.
"Yep" replied Aragorn
"Thank God, now Mary Sues can fall into Middle Earth for me and me only."
"Not bloody likely" muttered the Author before striking Jake Gyllenhaal down with her almighty hand.
"Okay, finished... but I feel as if I've forgotten something..."
Far North, Bilbo is sitting, reading his book when suddenly the lights go out.
"I'm gonna die..." He sighed.
FIN
Okay I sincerely apologise to any Mary Sue writers out there who took offence to that but truthfully you shouldn't have. For once sit back and laugh at your characters!
Come on, they had it coming!
(Music fades in, Antigone rips off her clothes to reveal SASSY outfit)
They had it coming!
They had it coming!
They had it coming all along!