Ryan lead Marissa back to the pool house in silence. He was still all torn up inside about hitting her, and figured he always would be. He wasn't the type to forgive himself. He had hurt the person closest to his heart and he should pay for that. But for the moment he wasn't gonna think about it. Marissa was not going to put up with his dwelling, or obsessing or brooding and he didn't want her angry at him.

Once Ryan made it into the pool house Marissa practically ran into his arms. She embraced him tightly, relieved when he embraced her back. Ryan gentle kissed the top of Marissa's head and she started to glow from happiness.

"Thank You." Marissa said snuggling deeper into Ryan's arms smiling. She was happy, she hadn't been happy when she came over, and she hadn't been happy when she woke up and found him fighting with his dreams, she wasn't happy when he had started to beat himself up for his honest mistake, but now she was happy.

"For what?" Ryan asked pulling away from her slightly so he could see her eyes.

"For letting it go. For believing me when I told you it wasn't your fault." Ryan didn't protest when she disentangled herself then. He felt guilty for humoring her, and decided he would do his best to actually let it go. No matter how uncharacteristic that action would be.

Ryan turned and looked over at Marissa who was lying snuggled under his blankets. Her hair was sprayed out on the pillow giving her an ethereal look. She was sweet, she was his and he needed to suck it up and accept that.

Ryan crawled in to bed and wrapped around Marissa, happy to have her nestle back against him. He craned his head and realized it was 5:53. They had to be up in about a half-hour.

"Do you really want to go back to bed for a half hour?" Ryan said suggestively to the relaxed peaceful form of Marissa.

Marissa rolled onto her back and stretched languidly. And looked up at Ryan with mischievous eyes.

Ryan loved to have her in this position laying next to him looking up at him with such beautiful eyes, tempting him. He reached down and brushed an imaginary hair from Marissa's cheek smiling at how smooth her skin was. He kissed her gently and climbed on top of her, stretching out.

Marissa loved the feel of Ryan pressed against her. All there was was Ryan and that was the way she liked it. He consumed her with his gentle kisses or set her a blaze with his passionate kisses. Either way when they were like this she was happy.

Ryan was still in shock that he had the privilege of kissing Marissa. He had never though that night he bummed her a smoke he would ever be in this position. Marissa is so beautiful and he is so damaged.

Ryan began to kiss down Marissa's neck yet again. He licked and nibbled his way from behind her right ear to the spot where her neck becomes her shoulder. Marissa was panting by now, her skin alive with sensation.

Ryan could cause sensations in her body she hadn't know were possible to feel. He seemed to ooze sex. He defined sex to her. He was every pleasure she had ever felt and would ever feel.

Ryan began to kiss down her chest and Marissa felt him stop and wondered what was going on. Her heart fell a little. She usually stopped him he never stopped himself. She knew it had to be the bruise.

"Ryan." She called. He lifted his face and she could see tears wetting his eyes. She was so scared suddenly; why was he crying. "Baby."

Ryan rolled off of her and laid on his back starring at the ceiling. Tears slipped down his checks. Marissa got on top of Ryan and looked at him, but he wouldn't look back. She could see the glistening tears slide down the side of Ryan's face. She laid her head against his chest and felt the tiny sobs he repressed vibrate through him.

She never thought she would see Ryan cry. But here he was crying, over her. "Talk to me baby."

Ryan heard Marissa's request and tried to steady himself against his own self disgust. He didn't want to sound as pathetic as he looked. "Sorry."

Marissa heard his apology and felt pity and guilt swell up in her throat. She wasn't sure if he was apologizing for the bruise or the crying but both were equally as uncalled for. He had nothing to be sorry for. She wished he would realize that.

"For what."

Ryan didn't respond. He couldn't when he though of what he was apologizing for he lost more control. He was sorry he wasn't man enough. He had started the night out anxious and tired of trying at keep his relationships up and ended it by hitting Marissa and crying.

Marissa sat up and put her hands gently around Ryan's face making him look at her.

"For what?" She asked again looking him in the eyes conveying her concern and deep affection for him.

Ryan looked into her eyes that tore at his soul. How could he tell her that he wasn't a man? She obviously cared for him so much.

Ryan kissed Marissa lightly then leaned back against the pillows. He had a feeling of de'ja vue as he opened his mother and spoke. "We're just from different worlds. And that bruise just reminds me that I don't deserve you."