Chapter Six
Hello! I'm back, so is my muse, my laziness is gone, my homework is finished, and a plotbunny just whacked me over the head. So, here is the sixth chapter, after my usual disclaimer and review replies (see below). world groans again, and this time I wasn't dreaming :P

Z 2004 and Divine Phoenixx - Sure you can join! The Xylia - I'll try to make Artemis more in character. But I'm not sure where he's ooc, he hasn't had much time to speak! Little miss demosthenes - Yes, she is doing algebra now, but the last time she did the ritual, in about grade 2 or 3, she was learning multiplication. (At least I think that's what they learn there.... hmm)

Extremely Lengthy Disclaimer: I, along with my team of enthusiastic authors bent on AF-domination, am still trying to gain rights to Artemis Fowl. And it isn't working.........grrrr.......... keep firing!! Ouch! Okay, take cover!! Retreat! RETREAT!! sighs I guess we are just no match for them. Cast and Lawyers: (smugly) Got that right!! FIRE!! Ha ha! Caught them off guard!! Okay, readers, we promise we will secure the copyright rights for AF by the next chapter!! And you will never have to write disclaimers again!! loud cheer Thank you, thank you— Crowd: Actually, we were cheering at the Amanda Show. It's being taped behind you. Could you move over??? Grrrr........ ok fine (sniffle) I am so unappreciated. And I still don't own AF. Here's Chap. 6! :(

I jump at the sound (I swear, at least six feet into the air.) "Aah! Where'd you come from?" I yell automatically.

I turn cautiously to see that it is only Kristen, my very enthusiastic reading partner from second grade. Our teachers make us help the smaller, and more vocabularily challenged, kids from the lower grades to read, every Thursday. The rest of my class always groans audibly at the prospect of a half hour with them, but I like it.

(A/N SEE! That wasn't SO predictable, rite? I can do twists! Well, sort of! : )

She scratches her head at my question. "Well, my parents tell me it all started with the stork —" she answers. I shake my head and say to never mind.

"Whatcha doing?" she asks while chomping on her Italian ice from the cafeteria. She glances at the ground, then at me, then back again. "Why are you planting an acorn?"

"Uh, um, science project," I offer, and she seems to accept that, and skips off to play hopscotch, after wishing me luck with my "project." I turn back to my task and am exactly one millimeter from the ground, when I hear another voice a few feet away.

I jump, again, but a few feet less this time. "Aah! Where'd you come from??" I yell, again, but I tell myself to calm down, of course it wouldn't be –

I turn around, expecting to see a tyke from grade two, when I see someone clad in matching Armani loafers and suit. Oh Frond. And there was only one person, probably on the whole globe, stubborn enough to wear that in ninety degree weather.

"Hello, Ginger," he says congenially, as if inviting me to afternoon tea. "If that is your real name." Then he scratches his head at my question. "Well, my parents keep telling me it started with the stork – " I sigh loudly and tell him to never mind.

I try to make a break for it, and run inside the school, or anywhere else on Earth, but I feel my feet rooted to the spot.

"I know all about your little secret," he continues, still as calmly as if discussing a business proposition. "And I think you're, how shall I put this, interesting."

I raise my eyebrows, Artemis-style. "What do you w-want?" I squeak out, sounding very much like a tiny mouse who just had its piece of cheese taken away.

"Well, world domination, or riches, whichever comes first," he replies, after giving it some thought. I pull my Neutrino out of my knapsack and point it straight at him, telling him in no uncertain terms, to get away from me.

Then, a dark shape, which I had assumed was a tree, moves behind me. I see the wrestler/mountain from the mall, presumably Artemis's bodyguard, stand up. "Aaah! Where'd you come from?" I yell, automatically, again. It seemed to be my catchphrase of the day.

The scary figure stops for a moment and scratches his head at my question. "Uh, well, my parents still tell me it all started with the stork — " I roll my eyes and tell him grumpily to never mind.

I feel my feet still stuck to the spot. The bodyguard apparently takes advantage of that, snatches my Neutrino, and deposits it in his pocket. "Nice pea-shooter," he sniggers.

"HEY! I had ten more payments on that!" I gripe angrily. Artemis and the mountain take a step closer.

"Know back, with, don't you stay what you're human dealing stay!" I blurt out. Somehow, that didn't sound quite right. Whenever I get nervous, the words just come out in an incredible jumble and no one has any idea what I just said. "Stay you, don't, dealing know human back what with," I repeat, but that didn't sound correct either. "Stay dealing, back, — oh, you know what I mean."

At that moment, I truly believed I was doomed. Suddenly, my friends jump out from behind the dumpster and pin Artemis and the mountain, remarkably, to the building wall.

"You STAY AWAY from my friend!!" yells Natalie, loud enough to wake the kids sleeping in class five floors up. Quite bravely for someone who nearly fainted when she had to read her English report to the class.

I breathe again, safe. But only for the moment. It was only a matter of seconds before the duo broke free from their grasp. After all, the bodyguard must have weighed at least twice as much as all of us.

I try to help, or run away, or do something, but my feet were still, of course, stuck to the spot. I chew on a Pocket Pack to calm down, seriously considering that support group, and vow that that was the last time I ever read an Artemis Fowl book.

Hehe!! Another evil cliffie!! I am still so evil!!!! Mwahahahahahaha — uh, yeah. swings pendulum Reader........ you....... will............... review............! Will have next chapter up....... EVENTUALLY! No, I'll update soon, promise!! :)