What Was it Like? ©2004 Star24

Disclaimer: Don't own them and certainly don't make a profit of any kind from this.

Spoilers: From Dead Man Talking through the Season Finale. Not sure where exactly this is going but I can't believe Kate could really be as cruel as she's come across since DMT…

Chapter Two: From Bad to Worse

What was it they say about the best intentions going astray? Kate wondered to herself over the next week as, despite her best efforts, Tony remained elusive. He was friendly enough on the surface and to all appearances things were back to normal, but Kate knew that they weren't. Not really.

She couldn't seem to get a moment alone with him to smooth things over. And as time passed she started to get annoyed. Sure she had been bitchy to him about Voss. But it wasn't as if he hadn't screwed up. The cardinal rule of observing a suspect was to observe. It wasn't her fault he had broken the rules and interacted. When the niggling reminder that Gibbs had allowed it, inserted herself into her thoughts, she ruthlessly pushed it down. Gibbs wasn't exactly one for the rule book himself. Tony might go on about Gibb's almighty gut, but the rules were there for a reason. If Tony had just followed them, he wouldn't have put himself in the position that had caused her to make her remark. And if Gibbs was half the team leader he should be, he would have been the one to point that out to Tony.

After several days of telling herself that, Kate decided that she really didn't need to apologize to Tony after all. She had simply pointed out to him that he had gone outside the lines. There were consequences to actions. Her parents had always drummed that into her head, but clearly Tony hadn't had the advantages of that kind of upbringing. She had probably done him a favor. Maybe next time a pretty face came along he wouldn't be so quick to fall all over her. Yes, that was it. Her remark had been along the lines of a parent correcting a child. The child might be angry at first, but in the long run they would come to thank the parent.

Once she had come to that conclusion, Kate found that she was looking at Tony in a new way. She felt responsible for him. Gibbs obviously wasn't going to do anything to rein him in and make him grow up, but that was okay because she could do it instead. Without realizing what she was doing, Kate found herself taking every opportunity to point out to Tony the things he needed to work on. Once or twice a small inner voice tried to pipe up and tell her that she was coming across as priggish and small-minded, as when Tony explained to her the differences between the types of missile a SMA could use and she commented that it was good to see he read something besides comic books, but she suppressed it.

And then came the real test. Gibbs allowed Tony to go undercover as an illegal weapons dealer. The kicker was that the buyer he was dealing with turned out to be a female undercover ATF agent. A hot blonde one. One who was exactly the type of female to have Tony panting after her. One who the ATF also suspected of going bad. Kate waited to see the results of his encounter with Voss and her recent dealings with him. She knew that this time Tony wouldn't fall for a hot body and a sexy smile. Surely he had learned his lesson.

She said as much to Abby when they met up briefly in the break room. Tony and Gibbs had gone out with the ATF agent on a sting to get the weapons dealer who had murdered a marine.

"Well at least this time Tony won't be falling all over the blonde." Kate commented idly when Abby mentioned the ATF agent.

"What do you mean?" Abby wanted to know.

"Oh, I think he learned his lesson with Voss. He might have been angry that I pointed out to him that he screwed up, but I think he's been getting the message."

"Message, Kate?"

"You know, men and their hormones. No one's ever made Tony sit back and realize that he doesn't have to be ruled by them before."

Abby regarded her silently for a moment. "You really think Tony's ruled only by his hormones?"

Kate laughed, "That's been obvious from the moment I met him."

"Kate, I don't think you really get Tony at all." Abby started out.

"Abby, I've known guys like him all my life. The only thing that confuses me is how Gibbs hired him. It doesn't really make a lot of sense. Gibbs is so serious about what he does and Tony takes it way too lightly."

Abby shook her head. "Kate, did you ever stop to think that this job can be depressing, to say the least? We all have to cope with it somehow. Check out the alcoholism statistics sometime as regards to law enforcement personnel. When things get tough around here, Gibbs broods. You've never seen him when a case isn't going his way. Hope you never do."

"What's that got to do with Tony?"

"Somehow Tony manages to keep a smile on his face no matter what. You met Gibbs' old assistant, Stan. He was as serious about things as Gibbs. He also ended up with an ulcer and tension headaches working for Gibbs. He couldn't cope and more importantly, he didn't know how to help Gibbs cope. Tony does. Gibbs at his worst doesn't seem to faze Tony. And no matter how angry Gibbs might get at Tony, he depends on him as well. Tony lets Gibbs get it out instead of bottling it up. You ever notice how Tony seems to always do something to provoke Gibbs, whenever Gibbs seems like he's on the verge of exploding?"

Kate was confused, "You mean it's an act?"

"I mean it's Tony. He knows how to disconnect when he has to. How to manage to still find the good things in life, despite the awful stuff we see people doing to each other every day. If that includes him enjoying a pretty woman, so be it. When it comes down to it Gibbs trusts Tony with his life. I would too. So can you."

Kate just looked at her digesting what she had said. "You think I was wrong to say what I did to Tony about Voss."

Abby sighed. "Tony was already hurting that night. He felt like he let Gibbs down and he let Pacci down. He didn't need another reminder of that. Kate, Tony can be the best friend you'll ever have in this place. If you let him. The stuff about women, it doesn't mean anything. It's just his way of letting off steam. Don't let it bother you so much." She paused, "Unless there's another reason it bothers you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Come on, Kate. Tony's hot. Don't tell me you never noticed. He's also smart and charming and funny. Sometimes I've watched you with him and wondered…"

"No. No way. Tony is so not my type." Kate threw up her hands in instant denial.

Abby shrugged, "Yeah, just a dumb thought on my part is all." Her pager vibrated. "That's the lab calling. Time to check on some tests I'm running. Think about what I said, Kate and give Tony a break. K?"

With that she was gone, leaving Kate standing and staring after her. She shook her head and picked up her coffee. Abby was a loyal friend but she was a Goth after all. She didn't understand about rules either. Kate pushed down her doubts and picked up her coffee to go back to her desk. When she got there, all hell broke loose and she and McGee had to head out to pick up the marine who had been involved in the weapons deal with the dead sergeant. When they finished up with her, Kate returned to the office to do her paperwork and waited for Gibbs and Tony to return.

Word came back that the sting had gone down and that Gibbs and Tony had arrested the ATF agent who had turned out be a part of the weapons ring. Kate waited eagerly for Tony's return, sure that he had learned his lesson and that this time the pretty face hadn't gotten to him.

"I really liked her." Tony said as he gathered his things to go home.

Kate felt a surge of anger at his words. "ATF agent involved in illegal weapons and murder. What's not to like?"

"So quick to judge, Kate. Sure she had flaws…"

Kate felt a pang at Tony's first words. Hadn't Abby accused her of the same thing, although not in so many words? She focused back in on what Tony was saying.

"… she had good qualities as well."

"Two of them wouldn't happen to live under her shirt would they?" The words were out before Kate could stop them.

Tony tried for a smile, "You're not gonna believe this, but when it comes to women I actually look for more complex things under the surface." His voice was soft and he seemed sincere.

"Really?"

"Really." He was standing at her desk now, looking down at her.

Kate found herself looking into his eyes and something stirred inside of her. Suddenly she felt a surge of panic and heard herself saying, "Like when you were tonguing that he/she a week ago? Lots of complex things under that surface."

There was no mistaking the look of hurt in Tony's eyes as he tried for a smile but couldn't quite seem to make it work. "I gotta go." His voice was a whisper and he quickly turned away from her.

Kate felt her face stretching into a smile, even as a voice inside of her screamed in protest at her behavior.

Then Tony was gone, almost running Gibbs over in the process and Kate was left to wonder about why she had just done what she had. She refused to think about what Abby had said. With a heavy sigh she packed up her things and rose to leave.

"Kate."

She had forgotten that Gibbs was still there.

"Yes?"

"I think its time you worked out whatever the problem is between you and Dinozzo."

"There is no problem, Gibbs." Her protest sounded weak even to her own ears.

"We're a team, Kate. Go home and think about that." Gibbs turned back to his face matching program, effectively dismissing her but she hadn't missed the note of warning in his voice.

Kate stared at him for a moment but he didn't appear to notice. She turned and left the building with Gibbs words ringing in her ears.