I misplaced the disclaimer telling everyone I don't own X-Men Evolution characters. Gosh I have no idea where I put it. Sorry I haven't done many Brotherhood fics lately, the Misfits have literally taken over my brain. Just enjoy the insanity.
Brotherhood Errands
The trouble all started one afternoon when Lance went into the kitchen to check on the groceries. "Okay I'm going to the store, what do we need?" He called out.
Todd was in the kitchen munching on a huge pile of celery. "Well we could always use more celery! You know this stuff ain't half bad, especially with cheese whiz on 'em!" He squirted some on a stalk and chomped on it.
"I know I am going to regret asking this. Why are you eating all that celery?" Lance asked.
"It's a proven fact," Todd chomped. "Chicks are more receptive to a guy if he eats celery. This doctor lady on the Food Network was talking about pheromones and…"
"Say no more," Lance sighed. "I should have known it was another attempt to win Wanda's heart. Where is she by the way?"
"Yeah I haven't seen Pietro either now that you mention it," Todd looked around.
"Oh they went out a while ago with their old man," Fred walked in. "They're doing some kind of Daddy bonding thing."
"Oh well at least it will be somewhat quiet today," Lance remarked.
"FREE MARTHA NOW!" Pyro shouted loudly as he bounced into the kitchen waving a sign saying the exact same thing. "FREE MARTHA NOW!"
"Not again…" Lance groaned.
"So much for peace and quiet," Todd loudly chomped on his celery.
"She's got to get a new trial!" Pyro shouted. "The jury was obviously against her! They can't send her to prison!"
"Yeah everybody knows prison orange is so out of season," Todd quipped.
"Oh thanks for your sympathy!" Pyro snapped. "How could they even think of locking her up like some kind of criminal?"
"Well isn't she?" Todd blinked.
"Oh please!" Pyro snapped. "We've done a lot worse than she has and would you call us criminals?"
"I think I'll take the fifth on that question," Lance remarked.
"You people are such ingrates!" Pyro snapped. "Look at all the things Martha's accomplished! She has brought sunshine and meaning to our drab dreary lives! She has made the world a better place to live in!"
"She's shown us how to make lovely dried apricot and sage scones," Fred said casually.
"EXACTLY!" Pyro mistook this for a complement. "And how do they repay her? They throw the book at her! And all because she's a woman! SEXIST PIGS!"
"So what are you gonna do about it?" Fred asked.
"I am going to start a protest!" Pyro said. He pulled out a piece of paper. "This is a petition to make the government pardon Martha!"
"And you want us to sign it?" Lance asked.
"Actually you already did," Pyro said. "Well I did it for you. You were all busy the other night and I didn't want to bother you."
"Oh really," Lance glanced at the petition. "That's considerate of you. I have to admit you did do our handwriting nicely. And Xavier's. As well as all the other X-Men."
"Yeah I'm really starting to get the hang of Jean Grey's," Pyro nodded happily. "A little more practice I'll get Kelly's."
"So what do you need?" Lance asked.
"Take me to the grocery store with you so I can get some real signatures," Pyro requested.
"Hey you know what we should go too," Todd said.
"Yeah I have been feeling a little cooped up lately," Fred nodded.
"Fine!" Lance resigned. "We'll all go! We haven't destroyed anything in a week. Why break our record?"
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"Why do we have to drive three towns over anyway?" Pyro asked as they rode on the highway.
"Do you really have to ask that question?" Lance snapped. "Especially after the last time we went to the grocery store in Bayville!"
"Hey look at the bright side," Todd said. "At least we got a lot of free tomatoes. And whatever else they threw at us."
"Well here we are," Lance sighed as they pulled into a store. "Okay now let's go over the rules again! One! No using our powers! Two keep as low a profile as possible and three, NO STEALING! Got it?"
"Got it mate," Pyro nodded. "We're undercover. Don't worry just call me Mr. Inconspicuous!" Then he took out his sign and a boom box. He got out of the car and started to play it. "FREE MARTHA NOW! FREE MARTHA NOW! SAVE MARTHA!"
"I've just thought of another name to call him," Lance covered his eyes. "It rhymes with clucking Rick bed."
"Mucking Snick Ned?" Fred scratched his head.
"Let's just go get the stuff and get out of here!" Lance shoved them inside the store while Pyro ranted on about Martha Stewart. "With any luck he'll distract the cops enough for us to make a getaway!"
"Hey this isn't just a grocery store," Todd looked around. "It's one of those stores that's part groceries and regular department stores."
"Yeah we need a few things like appliances and stuff," Lance sighed. "Good thing Pietro has a large amount on his credit card."
"Oh he lent it to you?" Fred asked.
"Something like that," Lance shrugged. "Okay now listen, we need to get some items. A lot of stuff actually and I don't want to be thrown out of here so try to act as inconspicuous as possible. Got it?"
"Lance we're three guys with a shopping cart in the middle of a school day," Todd told him. Some people were already staring at them."Yeah we blend."
"Let's just get the stuff," Lance sighed. "Blob you get the detergents and soaps we need. There is no way I am letting you get the food. Toad see if you can find some supplies. Band aids, duct tape…you know what I'm talking about."
"Oh yeah," Todd nodded. "The important stuff." He hopped away.
"No hopping!" Lance hissed. "Oh who am I kidding?"
He went on his way shopping. For a while it was relatively quiet with only one or two people giving him looks. Then he made his way to the shampoo aisle. He saw a stock clerk playing around with the shampoo bottles. "I am Shampoo!" He spoke in a funny voice. "I make your hair clean! Well I am Conditioner! I make your hair silky and manageable!"
"Oh goody," Lance said to himself. "Just what my day needed, a rabid Adam Sandler fan."
"I am better! No I am better!" The stock boy kept playing with the bottles. "BATTLE TO THE DEATH! AGGGGHHH!" He started to take off the tops and squirt shampoo all over the place. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"And people think mutants are nuts!" Lance said as he got out of the aisle as the stockboy's actions caused people to slip and fall all over the place. He then saw Todd walk towards him wearing a Harry Potter cape and glasses. "Then again, maybe they're not that far off."
"Hey Lance!" Todd grinned.
"What have you done now?" Lance groaned.
"I'm just looking for some new threads yo," Todd grinned.
"I know I am going to regret this," Lance sighed. "But why the Harry Potter getup?"
"Because the Shrek stuff was all sold out."
"Ask a stupid question," Lance sighed. "Did you do anything productive yet?"
"Yeah I got new underwear," Todd nodded. "My old pair was full of holes and it really smelled. It was even a real sickly gray and that's not good cause when I got 'em they were white."
"Well that's something at least," Lance said. "Where are they? The new underwear?"
"I'm wearing 'em," Todd grinned. "They're real comfy!"
"I should have known. And I'm not even going to ask what you did with the old pair," A loud roar interrupted him. "Now what's going on?" Lance groaned as he looked outside. "I don't believe it! Pyro's organized a Martha Stewart support rally!"
Outside Pyro was whipping the crowd up into a frenzy. "You cannot take our beloved Martha away from us!" The crowd cheered. "WE MUST BAN TOGETHER TO SAVE MARTHA!"
"MARTHA! MARTHA! MARTHA!" The crowd chanted.
"Well at least he'll be too busy to burn things down," Lance sighed.
"There's another group of supporters out there," Todd told him. "Only they ain't Martha Stewart fans. They're Michael Jackson fans."
"Oh good grief I'm going back to the shampoo aisle…" Lance shook his head. "It's saner there!"
"Hey there…" Fred walked up carrying a huge load of food. "Did you guys know someone set off a stink bomb in the fruit department?"
Lance looked at Todd who made an apologetic grin. "Heh, heh…" Todd grinned.
"Let me take a wild guess," Lance sighed. "That's where you hid the underwear?"
"Not exactly," Todd shook his head. He held up his foot. "I also got new socks too."
"WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LOBSTERS?" Someone screamed. "THEY'RE ALL DEAD!"
"That's where the underwear went," Todd told him.
"Of course…" Lance sighed. "How silly of me. Well what damage did you do Blob? Besides eat half the store's food supply?"
"How did you know?" Fred asked.
"Oh geeze…" Lance held his hand to his head. "Please tell me you didn't get into a fight with security when they tried to stop you or anything."
"Lance give me some credit," Fred huffed. "Nothing like that happened. I made sure I locked them up in the ice cream freezer first."
"Ugggh!" Lance winced. Then he saw Pyro running at them. "What's the matter with you? Shouldn't you be out there with the rest of the Martha Mob out there?"
"I'm afraid the Martha Stewart supporters have now just gotten into a tiny little scuffle with the Michael Jackson supporters," Pyro told them.
"Well that was pretty stupid," Todd remarked. The others looked at him. "Think about it, the Martha Stewart fans know how to use knives!"
"Not to mention any other kitchen utensil with deadly precision," Pyro agreed.
"And they are using them so well," Lance looked out the window. "Boy I'll bet the manager of this store is kicking himself for agreeing to sell all those kitchen utensils in aisle 9!"
"We're leaving now aren't we?" Todd commented as the riot police showed up.
"Yeah and as usual we didn't really accomplish anything!" Lance said as they snuck out the back, forced to abandon their groceries. "Unless you count riots and total destruction!"
"You say that like it's a bad thing," Pyro sniffed.