"Yo Wills," Xander said distractedly as she walked into The Magic Shop. She
smiled sadly.
"Hey Xan. Hey guys." Everyone was sitting around the round table, next to
his or her counterparts. Giles was at the register, standing over a thick,
dusty book. They all looked so content and happy...without her. She shook it
off. This wasn't a time to be so self-whatever. It seemed that she was
always depressed lately.
"So what's up?" Giles cleared his throat and motioned her over to him "This," he said as he turned the book around so she could see it. "It's a spell," she pointed out after she read over the words quickly. "Yes, but I need your help." "What's it for," she asked uncertainly. She remembered all the times Giles getting pissed at her for using magic. "It's to take the Rimnol demon's powers away." He led her over to the book in front of Anya, who was busy sticking her tongue down Xander's throat. "See, we figured if we took away his sight and his sense to tell where the slayer is and anything else you could block, then it would be easier to destroy him. We'll need all the help we can get." She looked at the picture. He didn't look that scary, maybe to a slayer since he was sort of a hit man for one. "Sure, Giles. This is an easy spell." He gave her a taken aback look and she mentally kicked herself. "Ya know, for an advanced person who I can find to help with the spell." Did she forget to tell Giles that she was dabbing a little into some dark arts? Oops. "Well, yes. Anyway," he said as he took off his glasses and cleaned them with a hankie that was in his back pocket. "That would be graciously appreciated," he commented before heading off to the book he was previously absorbed with.
Willow just stood there furious and sort of dumbstruck. Giles never thanked her for anything since she always did things for them. You don't really thank friends; they already know that the other is grateful. So...why the sudden need to be all gracious? That's what people do for others right? Has her relationship with everyone become that strained? She sighed slowly and walked out without a bye from anyone. And not really in a frame of mind to say it to them herself.
After walking from The Magic Box, she decided that a hot bath would calm her fraying nerves.
Some hours later at the Magic Box "I haven't found anything," Xander exhaled while closing the heavy book, causing dust to arise. Buffy snorted. "Like you took your eyes off of Anya's boobs long enough to even look," the blonde slayer accused. "Well at least his tongue wasn't tied with Riley's over there," Anya said defending her boyfriend. Xander chuckled and stuck his tongue at Buffy who was pouting. They all sort of laughed. "You find anything, Buff?" "Nope, nothing at all." "What about you Wills?" Everyone turned to look at the normal spot for the redhead, which was obviously vacant at the moment. "Uh, um...where's Willow, G-man?" Xander asked. Giles looked up from his stack of books. "What do you mean? She was here some hours ago after I asked her to come by to see the spell that we'll be casting two days from now. I guess she left afterwards. Didn't any of you see her?" They all shook their heads guiltily. "Well then, I shall tell her that none of you noticed her missing until now." He looked back at his books and then said: "And please stop calling me that horrid name."
Willow sat in bed and thought to herself. 'I really deserve better,' she thought as her mind drifted towards Spike. She had been thinking too much lately, especially about Spike. The redhead didn't want to get her heart broken again, but it was destined to happen. William the Bloody didn't even like her, so how on earth could he love her?
'The only reason why he's fucking me is just some sort of sick payback vampires have,' she thought to herself idly as her head hit the pillow. She was so tired. Crazy monkey sex with a vampire is exhausting and especially when you're an insomniac too.
After her eyes fluttered closed and she finally was zonked out into a sleep, a dream began to form in her head...
Everything was dark. She didn't know if she was blind or if everything was just pitch-black. Moans echoed off the walls, amplifying them to her ears. She stood up on shaky legs and felt her way through the cold, damp walls. As the moans got louder, she got closer. By the time the "Oh Gods" were being said she was running. All of a sudden, it seemed as though someone turned on a light switch and what was shown made Willow gasp for air. "More," a deep British voice cried out that knocked Willow out of her stupor. "Yes, daddy." "Oh god yes," cried another voice, which meant there were three people. Willow couldn't watch. She couldn't dare watch the scene.
Buffy was hanging from handcuffs that were suspended at the ceiling; her body lay limp in the manacles, not from death, but tiredness. Bites and bruises were on her naked body. She looked so weak and feeble. But that didn't stop her from calling out to Spike –her worst enemy –as he ate her out. And Spike was looking straight into Willow's eye while he was bring her best friend to orgasm.
'Oh goddess, Buffy,' Willow thought as she stared into Spike's eyes. She felt her heart break. Her best friend was cheating on Riley with Spike. 'Oh goddess help me," she silently prayed to herself as she looked downwards at her lover's body which had Drusilla, his not so ex-love of his unlife, attached to his dick. After he spurted into Dru's mouth, he brought her face up to his and started kissing her deeply and forcefully. "I love you so much, baby. So bloody much," he states and kisses her again. Willow stared at the two who clearly still love each other and felt a loss. She wished he would just kill her and get it over with. This was too hard to witness. 'Oh goddess, why do I love him?' her brain silently asked. "I've got a prezzie for you, baby." Spike took Drusilla over to Buffy who was still high from her own release. "Stinky Slayer," Drusilla clapped and jumped up and down. "God, Spike, that was just so great. I love you so," Buffy moans as he started fingering her. "Love you too, Buffy," he grins as he vamps out and bites her neck. Dru does the same, roughly sucking the life out of the slayer. "I love you...William the Bloody," the dying girl says right before she slipped into death. Spike smirks and throws her body towards Willow, who was shaking from her forceful sobs. 'Spike could love his mortal enemy but not me,' she thought as the last thing that Buffy said replayed through her mind. 'Buffy died. Oh goddess. How can I think about Spike loving her and not me? How can I live? How will I tell everyone? How can I tell them it's basically my fault since I deactivated Spike's chip. Oh goddesss above, help me.'
She shrieked when she saw the body coming toward her. She closed her eyes forcefully, not caring to wipe away the tears away from her face, and wrapped her arms around her body. She was waiting for death herself.
Suddenly, everything started to spin and Willow was thrown from her standing potion. She was now in an old warehouse type building. Her body laid on the cold floor, almost in a fetal position. Heavy boots walking on the floor and the rain pouring down on the roof was all that her ears heard. "You've been a bad, bad girl," she heard in a deep, thick English accent that belongs to know one else but Spike. She kept to the floor, even though the iciness was seeping through her, making her bones rattle. "Want to know something?" he asked, his voice almost childlike. Willow didn't reply. "You'll answer me, whore, when I ask a question," he said as he kicked her making a cry escape her lips. "So I'll take that as a yes. Anyway..." he drawled while taking a drag on his cigarette. "I heard that you love me." He was sort of giddy. She gasped, 'How does he know.' "I know what you're thinking, whore. And to answer that..." He stood above her, and kicked her "you," kicked her again, "bloody talk," kicked her in the stomach, "in your," kicked her again, "sleep."
Willow was in so much pain. She was sure he broke some things when he kicked her. She still couldn't catch her breath. "I could never love you," he said as he brought the girl up on her legs. Tears were pouring out of her eyes. She couldn't look at him. "You disgust me. Just a vampire's whore." He put his hands around her thin waist and threw her against a wall, her head falling back as it clunked against it. Her body slid down, a blood trail following the slowly path were her body was falling.
She opened her eyes, and saw she was still in the warehouse. 'Must have passed out,' she thought to herself as she looked around. No one was there.
"Hello?" her voice was shaking, she never felt so cold and in so much pain. And not just physically either. "Why, 'ello pet. Nice to be joining us." His voice was colder than usual. "Found some friends of yours. They were just bullocking around..." He motioned towards a dark cornered that had Xander and Giles, hands tied behind their backs, knocked out, and lying on top of each other. Her eyes were tearing up. Her best child hood friend and surrogate father had been taken captured by her lover. Or pimp since he was her whore, as he so delicately put it. "I told Xapper here all about our little coupling," he said as though he had ruined everything that was going for her...which he had. "Wake up, boy." He kicked Xander; she had to close her eyes.
After a few kicks and a rough drag to a chair, her old friend was up and looking at her with so much repulsion. "Whore," he croaked, his throat too dry and the blood seeping down his throat didn't help. "It wasn't like that," she said quietly, being the first thing she spoke since he captured her. "No, don't speak, bitch. I heard what you did. All behind our backs...and giving him his bite back. How could you? You're nothing to me now." Willow couldn't even hear his words anymore. She tried to capture everything he was saying, but the blood loss she had now was making everything blurred. And it all just hurt too much. "See that, wench, he doesn't want anything to do with you either," Spike chuckled cruelly. He then took the moron by the neck and broke it. Xander's eyes stayed open the whole time...staring at Willow as he died. 'Oh goddess," she cried out as sobs overtook her body. Almost everybody she carried about was dying and it was caused by her love...and it was all her fault.
"Aw, poor Red. Everyone she loves is being killed by the love of her life," he mocked in a high pitch voices as he brought Giles over into her view, by dragging him on the floor. "Well, just shut the bloody hell up. I don't care about your blubbering!" He kicked the old watcher a couple times, causing him to wake up and throw up blood and spit. He stared at Spike with such a fear. "Oh Goddess, Giles," she whispered as she looked at the man she considered a father for so many years. Spike grinned as he saw the watcher. His shirt was off exposing many bruises and some deep cuts. Most of the cuts looked infected. "What's going on here?" the man asked after looking at the sobbing Willow and the dead Xander and the grinning manically vampire. "Oh, slutty didn't tell you? I got my bite back." He emphasized his words with vamping out and smacking him. "That was for chaining me up to your bathroom, you bloody bastard." "But how? The chip in your head..." "Is deactivated," Willow said quietly interrupting what Spike was about to say. "Bloody 'ell it is!" Spike said as walking over to his whore and pulled her up to her feet. Then he kissed her roughly, vamped out and scraped his fangs against her lips causing blood to rise from the tender wounds. Her eyes were closed as he licked the blood that was running down her mouth and down her throat. She turned her head away after he threw her back down. She didn't want to see the repugnance in Giles's eyes. "What the fuck is going on here?" Giles said, the Ripper running close through his veins. By what he could make out that Spike and Willow were something. He could see the bite marks on her neck and chest. Anger coursed throughout his body, but he tried to conceal it. There was no use anyway. He would die here by William the Bloody's hand. "Oh. You don't know? Man, Watcher, you don't know about anything anymore. Tell 'im bitch," he motioned to Willow who looked at him in horror. How was she ever going to tell him? "Me and Spike, we kind of. Like we, I mean," suddenly her mouth felt so dry, but the death rays Spike were sending her told her she should continue and fast. "I sort of deactivated Spike's chip after I slept with him one night. And we've sort of been fucking since then and now I'm sort of his whore," she said so quietly. Even though she was disgusted with herself, it felt good to get the truth out. "You forgot the best part, love," he growled. "Oh yea, and I sort of fell in love with him along the way." Willow closed her eyes tightly and brought her head to her knees. "Oh God," Giles said trying to get a look on the girl's face, but his broken glasses made everything so blurred. And the blinding pain in his body also discouraged his wish. "Yea, isn't it sweet? Your little bloody protégée falling in love with such a monster. Actually turning him into the demon he was in the first place and in the end killing everyone she loved. Such a nice little diddle," he sneered. "You let him violate your body Willow? Is all of it true?" His tone was pleading, pleading to be wrong. And all she could do was nod. She knew she was a whore and a skank. She had to be since she was involved in such explosive, great sex with a demon that didn't even like her and just used her for sex. But that didn't make the confrontation any less harder. Or facing up to herself, for that matter. Or even watching all her friends die. "How could you? Betray us all like that? Love such a demon as William the Bloody and even go as far as to take the one thing that protected him all from us." His head swirled with the new information. "I know, she's such an unruly little chit, ain't she? And to think she brought this all on her soddin' self." He smirked, as he suddenly appeared a large bowie knife. "Another supprise, Watcher," he snarled right before ramming it into his back. His eyes rolled back into his head and blood ran from his mouth making a nice puddle on the floor. "Oh goddess," she sobbed, her hands covering her face that was contorted in pain. "Don't worry, love," he said venom dripping off of his words and staring at her with such an intense icy glare. "I'm sure they'll come back to haunt you in your dreams." "Oh and don't bloody well forget. Their blood," he paused making sure he had her attention, "is on your hands." He snickered before leaving Willow to the dark. She screamed when she felt something cold and wet on her hands, knowing that it was blood –her best friends' blood.
The phone ringing knocked her out of her sleep. She came up gasping for air, sweating and panting. She checked her hands. They were fine. Free of blood. But she, on the other hand, wasn't fine.
Letting the answering machine take the call, Willow ran into the bathroom and turned the shower on. Everything in her dream was coming back to her and she felt so dirty and nauseous. After the water was warm enough for her desire, she stepped into the tub and pulled the curtain closed. The water was so hot that steam already fogged up the mirror, but that's what she wanted. The redhead wanted to be able to make her skin raw with her washcloth and the heat. Because, maybe just maybe, if she scrubbed hard enough it could erase those horrid memories. Those images of Spike fucking Buffy and her enjoying it, telling him that she loved him and even having him saying it back, and then killing her. Those memories of Spike telling her that he could never love such a person as Willow Rosenburg. That he was disgusted with her and who wouldn't be. Xander was. Her oldest best friend in the whole world told her that he wanted nothing to do with her. He accepted death rather than be with her, it seemed. Even Giles looked on her with repulsion and just...
She sighed as she scrubbed harder on her skin, ignoring the tears that ran down her face. It wouldn't be good to think about this since she was trying to do the opposite. 'It just hurts too much,' she thought to herself. She almost felt like she kept breaking every time she replayed the dream.
'No. Bad mind. Must not think about it. Must think about water and soap.' But her wrinkled hands and fingers told her another story, so she jumped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her body. She wiped down the mirror that had a thick coating of fog and stared at herself. Her heart sank as she looked at herself, really looked. Faint bite marks covered her neck, chests, shoulder, and collar; yellowed bruises were in forms of handprints danced around her skin. She had dark circles under her eyes from the lack of sleep. Her eyes were pained and dull, just like how she felt. "I can't keep on living like this," she whispered to herself. The dreams were killing her faster than anything.
See, the thing was, this wasn't her first dream that kept her up at night. Sadly, she had more. One of her dream consisted of Spike going after the man whom in the future discovered a cure for cancer. His blood and millions of those who died from cancer, was obviously and literally on her hands. Another one was the man of her life killing all of her family not just her, but her past and future. He told her that then he wouldn't ever have to see her face again; she would no longer exist. That one hurt her. The next night, Spike killed Oz, well not after telling him each and every detail of their union. Oz was so upset and sickened that he werewolf-ed on himself and attacked Spike. That had obviously been suicidal, since Spike killed him and put his blood on Willow's hands. That didn't even top this dream though. Having to know her friends would be appalled and actually hearing what they said...and still having to die knowing that was the worst feelings she could ever go through.
Tears came pouring out of her eyes as she remembered. No one screamed. It's almost like everyone wanted it, after hearing what she did. "Oh goddess, I basically killed my friends," she hiccupped to herself. "I just wish I could stop feeling everything. It's so tough." And then an idea occurred to her. It was dangerous. It was risky. It was basically chaos. But she was desperate enough to try it –to perform it. Three weeks of sleepless nights, exhausting sex with Spike, and the guilt of it all really played hard on the hardcore Wicca. Lack of sleep makes some people crazy and some lose their better judgment. But nothing mattered now. All that stopped Willow between her and her sanity was feelings. She didn't want to stop caring for Spike, just to stop feeling remorse, guilt, sadness...anything. She ran and got the supplies she needed. She wanted to get this over; she wanted to be able to live again.
After getting all of the ingredients ready, she translated the Latin. Some days she wished she actually took Latin back in high school since it would be easier to convert into English. Thank goddess for those little translator doctrinaires. "So mote it be," she finished as she wiped the back of her hand against her forehead. The spell had been one of the hardest she had performed, only because it was so personal and detailed. She stood up and tried to tell if there was a difference. "I don't think it worked," she frowned to herself. She yawned and decided to go to sleep, that she had such a hard day already.
While getting into bed she didn't notice the little flame that ignited in the center of the circle she created for the spell. "No gain, no pain," she mumbled slightly as her head hit the pillow and instantly fell into sleep. And slowly the flame dimmed down.
"So what's up?" Giles cleared his throat and motioned her over to him "This," he said as he turned the book around so she could see it. "It's a spell," she pointed out after she read over the words quickly. "Yes, but I need your help." "What's it for," she asked uncertainly. She remembered all the times Giles getting pissed at her for using magic. "It's to take the Rimnol demon's powers away." He led her over to the book in front of Anya, who was busy sticking her tongue down Xander's throat. "See, we figured if we took away his sight and his sense to tell where the slayer is and anything else you could block, then it would be easier to destroy him. We'll need all the help we can get." She looked at the picture. He didn't look that scary, maybe to a slayer since he was sort of a hit man for one. "Sure, Giles. This is an easy spell." He gave her a taken aback look and she mentally kicked herself. "Ya know, for an advanced person who I can find to help with the spell." Did she forget to tell Giles that she was dabbing a little into some dark arts? Oops. "Well, yes. Anyway," he said as he took off his glasses and cleaned them with a hankie that was in his back pocket. "That would be graciously appreciated," he commented before heading off to the book he was previously absorbed with.
Willow just stood there furious and sort of dumbstruck. Giles never thanked her for anything since she always did things for them. You don't really thank friends; they already know that the other is grateful. So...why the sudden need to be all gracious? That's what people do for others right? Has her relationship with everyone become that strained? She sighed slowly and walked out without a bye from anyone. And not really in a frame of mind to say it to them herself.
After walking from The Magic Box, she decided that a hot bath would calm her fraying nerves.
Some hours later at the Magic Box "I haven't found anything," Xander exhaled while closing the heavy book, causing dust to arise. Buffy snorted. "Like you took your eyes off of Anya's boobs long enough to even look," the blonde slayer accused. "Well at least his tongue wasn't tied with Riley's over there," Anya said defending her boyfriend. Xander chuckled and stuck his tongue at Buffy who was pouting. They all sort of laughed. "You find anything, Buff?" "Nope, nothing at all." "What about you Wills?" Everyone turned to look at the normal spot for the redhead, which was obviously vacant at the moment. "Uh, um...where's Willow, G-man?" Xander asked. Giles looked up from his stack of books. "What do you mean? She was here some hours ago after I asked her to come by to see the spell that we'll be casting two days from now. I guess she left afterwards. Didn't any of you see her?" They all shook their heads guiltily. "Well then, I shall tell her that none of you noticed her missing until now." He looked back at his books and then said: "And please stop calling me that horrid name."
Willow sat in bed and thought to herself. 'I really deserve better,' she thought as her mind drifted towards Spike. She had been thinking too much lately, especially about Spike. The redhead didn't want to get her heart broken again, but it was destined to happen. William the Bloody didn't even like her, so how on earth could he love her?
'The only reason why he's fucking me is just some sort of sick payback vampires have,' she thought to herself idly as her head hit the pillow. She was so tired. Crazy monkey sex with a vampire is exhausting and especially when you're an insomniac too.
After her eyes fluttered closed and she finally was zonked out into a sleep, a dream began to form in her head...
Everything was dark. She didn't know if she was blind or if everything was just pitch-black. Moans echoed off the walls, amplifying them to her ears. She stood up on shaky legs and felt her way through the cold, damp walls. As the moans got louder, she got closer. By the time the "Oh Gods" were being said she was running. All of a sudden, it seemed as though someone turned on a light switch and what was shown made Willow gasp for air. "More," a deep British voice cried out that knocked Willow out of her stupor. "Yes, daddy." "Oh god yes," cried another voice, which meant there were three people. Willow couldn't watch. She couldn't dare watch the scene.
Buffy was hanging from handcuffs that were suspended at the ceiling; her body lay limp in the manacles, not from death, but tiredness. Bites and bruises were on her naked body. She looked so weak and feeble. But that didn't stop her from calling out to Spike –her worst enemy –as he ate her out. And Spike was looking straight into Willow's eye while he was bring her best friend to orgasm.
'Oh goddess, Buffy,' Willow thought as she stared into Spike's eyes. She felt her heart break. Her best friend was cheating on Riley with Spike. 'Oh goddess help me," she silently prayed to herself as she looked downwards at her lover's body which had Drusilla, his not so ex-love of his unlife, attached to his dick. After he spurted into Dru's mouth, he brought her face up to his and started kissing her deeply and forcefully. "I love you so much, baby. So bloody much," he states and kisses her again. Willow stared at the two who clearly still love each other and felt a loss. She wished he would just kill her and get it over with. This was too hard to witness. 'Oh goddess, why do I love him?' her brain silently asked. "I've got a prezzie for you, baby." Spike took Drusilla over to Buffy who was still high from her own release. "Stinky Slayer," Drusilla clapped and jumped up and down. "God, Spike, that was just so great. I love you so," Buffy moans as he started fingering her. "Love you too, Buffy," he grins as he vamps out and bites her neck. Dru does the same, roughly sucking the life out of the slayer. "I love you...William the Bloody," the dying girl says right before she slipped into death. Spike smirks and throws her body towards Willow, who was shaking from her forceful sobs. 'Spike could love his mortal enemy but not me,' she thought as the last thing that Buffy said replayed through her mind. 'Buffy died. Oh goddess. How can I think about Spike loving her and not me? How can I live? How will I tell everyone? How can I tell them it's basically my fault since I deactivated Spike's chip. Oh goddesss above, help me.'
She shrieked when she saw the body coming toward her. She closed her eyes forcefully, not caring to wipe away the tears away from her face, and wrapped her arms around her body. She was waiting for death herself.
Suddenly, everything started to spin and Willow was thrown from her standing potion. She was now in an old warehouse type building. Her body laid on the cold floor, almost in a fetal position. Heavy boots walking on the floor and the rain pouring down on the roof was all that her ears heard. "You've been a bad, bad girl," she heard in a deep, thick English accent that belongs to know one else but Spike. She kept to the floor, even though the iciness was seeping through her, making her bones rattle. "Want to know something?" he asked, his voice almost childlike. Willow didn't reply. "You'll answer me, whore, when I ask a question," he said as he kicked her making a cry escape her lips. "So I'll take that as a yes. Anyway..." he drawled while taking a drag on his cigarette. "I heard that you love me." He was sort of giddy. She gasped, 'How does he know.' "I know what you're thinking, whore. And to answer that..." He stood above her, and kicked her "you," kicked her again, "bloody talk," kicked her in the stomach, "in your," kicked her again, "sleep."
Willow was in so much pain. She was sure he broke some things when he kicked her. She still couldn't catch her breath. "I could never love you," he said as he brought the girl up on her legs. Tears were pouring out of her eyes. She couldn't look at him. "You disgust me. Just a vampire's whore." He put his hands around her thin waist and threw her against a wall, her head falling back as it clunked against it. Her body slid down, a blood trail following the slowly path were her body was falling.
She opened her eyes, and saw she was still in the warehouse. 'Must have passed out,' she thought to herself as she looked around. No one was there.
"Hello?" her voice was shaking, she never felt so cold and in so much pain. And not just physically either. "Why, 'ello pet. Nice to be joining us." His voice was colder than usual. "Found some friends of yours. They were just bullocking around..." He motioned towards a dark cornered that had Xander and Giles, hands tied behind their backs, knocked out, and lying on top of each other. Her eyes were tearing up. Her best child hood friend and surrogate father had been taken captured by her lover. Or pimp since he was her whore, as he so delicately put it. "I told Xapper here all about our little coupling," he said as though he had ruined everything that was going for her...which he had. "Wake up, boy." He kicked Xander; she had to close her eyes.
After a few kicks and a rough drag to a chair, her old friend was up and looking at her with so much repulsion. "Whore," he croaked, his throat too dry and the blood seeping down his throat didn't help. "It wasn't like that," she said quietly, being the first thing she spoke since he captured her. "No, don't speak, bitch. I heard what you did. All behind our backs...and giving him his bite back. How could you? You're nothing to me now." Willow couldn't even hear his words anymore. She tried to capture everything he was saying, but the blood loss she had now was making everything blurred. And it all just hurt too much. "See that, wench, he doesn't want anything to do with you either," Spike chuckled cruelly. He then took the moron by the neck and broke it. Xander's eyes stayed open the whole time...staring at Willow as he died. 'Oh goddess," she cried out as sobs overtook her body. Almost everybody she carried about was dying and it was caused by her love...and it was all her fault.
"Aw, poor Red. Everyone she loves is being killed by the love of her life," he mocked in a high pitch voices as he brought Giles over into her view, by dragging him on the floor. "Well, just shut the bloody hell up. I don't care about your blubbering!" He kicked the old watcher a couple times, causing him to wake up and throw up blood and spit. He stared at Spike with such a fear. "Oh Goddess, Giles," she whispered as she looked at the man she considered a father for so many years. Spike grinned as he saw the watcher. His shirt was off exposing many bruises and some deep cuts. Most of the cuts looked infected. "What's going on here?" the man asked after looking at the sobbing Willow and the dead Xander and the grinning manically vampire. "Oh, slutty didn't tell you? I got my bite back." He emphasized his words with vamping out and smacking him. "That was for chaining me up to your bathroom, you bloody bastard." "But how? The chip in your head..." "Is deactivated," Willow said quietly interrupting what Spike was about to say. "Bloody 'ell it is!" Spike said as walking over to his whore and pulled her up to her feet. Then he kissed her roughly, vamped out and scraped his fangs against her lips causing blood to rise from the tender wounds. Her eyes were closed as he licked the blood that was running down her mouth and down her throat. She turned her head away after he threw her back down. She didn't want to see the repugnance in Giles's eyes. "What the fuck is going on here?" Giles said, the Ripper running close through his veins. By what he could make out that Spike and Willow were something. He could see the bite marks on her neck and chest. Anger coursed throughout his body, but he tried to conceal it. There was no use anyway. He would die here by William the Bloody's hand. "Oh. You don't know? Man, Watcher, you don't know about anything anymore. Tell 'im bitch," he motioned to Willow who looked at him in horror. How was she ever going to tell him? "Me and Spike, we kind of. Like we, I mean," suddenly her mouth felt so dry, but the death rays Spike were sending her told her she should continue and fast. "I sort of deactivated Spike's chip after I slept with him one night. And we've sort of been fucking since then and now I'm sort of his whore," she said so quietly. Even though she was disgusted with herself, it felt good to get the truth out. "You forgot the best part, love," he growled. "Oh yea, and I sort of fell in love with him along the way." Willow closed her eyes tightly and brought her head to her knees. "Oh God," Giles said trying to get a look on the girl's face, but his broken glasses made everything so blurred. And the blinding pain in his body also discouraged his wish. "Yea, isn't it sweet? Your little bloody protégée falling in love with such a monster. Actually turning him into the demon he was in the first place and in the end killing everyone she loved. Such a nice little diddle," he sneered. "You let him violate your body Willow? Is all of it true?" His tone was pleading, pleading to be wrong. And all she could do was nod. She knew she was a whore and a skank. She had to be since she was involved in such explosive, great sex with a demon that didn't even like her and just used her for sex. But that didn't make the confrontation any less harder. Or facing up to herself, for that matter. Or even watching all her friends die. "How could you? Betray us all like that? Love such a demon as William the Bloody and even go as far as to take the one thing that protected him all from us." His head swirled with the new information. "I know, she's such an unruly little chit, ain't she? And to think she brought this all on her soddin' self." He smirked, as he suddenly appeared a large bowie knife. "Another supprise, Watcher," he snarled right before ramming it into his back. His eyes rolled back into his head and blood ran from his mouth making a nice puddle on the floor. "Oh goddess," she sobbed, her hands covering her face that was contorted in pain. "Don't worry, love," he said venom dripping off of his words and staring at her with such an intense icy glare. "I'm sure they'll come back to haunt you in your dreams." "Oh and don't bloody well forget. Their blood," he paused making sure he had her attention, "is on your hands." He snickered before leaving Willow to the dark. She screamed when she felt something cold and wet on her hands, knowing that it was blood –her best friends' blood.
The phone ringing knocked her out of her sleep. She came up gasping for air, sweating and panting. She checked her hands. They were fine. Free of blood. But she, on the other hand, wasn't fine.
Letting the answering machine take the call, Willow ran into the bathroom and turned the shower on. Everything in her dream was coming back to her and she felt so dirty and nauseous. After the water was warm enough for her desire, she stepped into the tub and pulled the curtain closed. The water was so hot that steam already fogged up the mirror, but that's what she wanted. The redhead wanted to be able to make her skin raw with her washcloth and the heat. Because, maybe just maybe, if she scrubbed hard enough it could erase those horrid memories. Those images of Spike fucking Buffy and her enjoying it, telling him that she loved him and even having him saying it back, and then killing her. Those memories of Spike telling her that he could never love such a person as Willow Rosenburg. That he was disgusted with her and who wouldn't be. Xander was. Her oldest best friend in the whole world told her that he wanted nothing to do with her. He accepted death rather than be with her, it seemed. Even Giles looked on her with repulsion and just...
She sighed as she scrubbed harder on her skin, ignoring the tears that ran down her face. It wouldn't be good to think about this since she was trying to do the opposite. 'It just hurts too much,' she thought to herself. She almost felt like she kept breaking every time she replayed the dream.
'No. Bad mind. Must not think about it. Must think about water and soap.' But her wrinkled hands and fingers told her another story, so she jumped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her body. She wiped down the mirror that had a thick coating of fog and stared at herself. Her heart sank as she looked at herself, really looked. Faint bite marks covered her neck, chests, shoulder, and collar; yellowed bruises were in forms of handprints danced around her skin. She had dark circles under her eyes from the lack of sleep. Her eyes were pained and dull, just like how she felt. "I can't keep on living like this," she whispered to herself. The dreams were killing her faster than anything.
See, the thing was, this wasn't her first dream that kept her up at night. Sadly, she had more. One of her dream consisted of Spike going after the man whom in the future discovered a cure for cancer. His blood and millions of those who died from cancer, was obviously and literally on her hands. Another one was the man of her life killing all of her family not just her, but her past and future. He told her that then he wouldn't ever have to see her face again; she would no longer exist. That one hurt her. The next night, Spike killed Oz, well not after telling him each and every detail of their union. Oz was so upset and sickened that he werewolf-ed on himself and attacked Spike. That had obviously been suicidal, since Spike killed him and put his blood on Willow's hands. That didn't even top this dream though. Having to know her friends would be appalled and actually hearing what they said...and still having to die knowing that was the worst feelings she could ever go through.
Tears came pouring out of her eyes as she remembered. No one screamed. It's almost like everyone wanted it, after hearing what she did. "Oh goddess, I basically killed my friends," she hiccupped to herself. "I just wish I could stop feeling everything. It's so tough." And then an idea occurred to her. It was dangerous. It was risky. It was basically chaos. But she was desperate enough to try it –to perform it. Three weeks of sleepless nights, exhausting sex with Spike, and the guilt of it all really played hard on the hardcore Wicca. Lack of sleep makes some people crazy and some lose their better judgment. But nothing mattered now. All that stopped Willow between her and her sanity was feelings. She didn't want to stop caring for Spike, just to stop feeling remorse, guilt, sadness...anything. She ran and got the supplies she needed. She wanted to get this over; she wanted to be able to live again.
After getting all of the ingredients ready, she translated the Latin. Some days she wished she actually took Latin back in high school since it would be easier to convert into English. Thank goddess for those little translator doctrinaires. "So mote it be," she finished as she wiped the back of her hand against her forehead. The spell had been one of the hardest she had performed, only because it was so personal and detailed. She stood up and tried to tell if there was a difference. "I don't think it worked," she frowned to herself. She yawned and decided to go to sleep, that she had such a hard day already.
While getting into bed she didn't notice the little flame that ignited in the center of the circle she created for the spell. "No gain, no pain," she mumbled slightly as her head hit the pillow and instantly fell into sleep. And slowly the flame dimmed down.