Fooom. I wrote this one night when I was feeling depressed. But now, I'm not depressed no mores! FOOOSH! e.o;
More angst... Dib's POV... yay. Late night reflections on ...STUFF. O.O
Also, I would like to remind you to please review all my other fics... reviews cheer me up. :)
Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim. I never said I did. Whoever is stupid enough to beleive so should go doom themselves in a ditch somewhere in northern Australia. x)
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Press the blade against your skin. Release the stifled scream within...
3: 02 AM.
That's what the clock says. I can't sleep... I've been trying to for hours, but... there's too much on my mind. Too much.
Things don't usually bother me as much. But... so much stress lately...
Next year I will go to Middle Skool. Everyone in my class will. Great. Older kids to hate my guts. Joy of all joys.
Why do I even care?
Why?
Because I am a human being.
I need companionship. I need friends.
But I don't have friends.
People fail to see that the only things I have to look forward to in my life are an alien hell-bent on world domination, a family that doesn't care, and an empty house.
Everyone at my Skool hates me. They hate me.
It would be fine to just ignore me, to just let me fade away into the background, but NO. They... hate me...
The way they look at me... they... really... hate me...
When they look at me... their eyes... burn into my mind... they want me to die...
All the while I struggle to fight for them, I risk my life, my health for THEM. I return their hateful glares with blank, desperate looks, eyes that beg for acceptance and friendship and trust...
I'm sane you know.
And next year I won't have Gaz to sit next to. Oh what fun.
I also have exams. Damn exams... I'm too busy saving the world from Zim! I can't study!
But... if I fail... Dad... will be even more disappointed in me...
He doesn't look at me. He always wears those goggles, hides his gaze away from us, as if seeing the, 'insanity' in my eyes would hurt him...
It's all too much... I'll be alone forever! I don't want to, I don't want to face this all alone, alone!! I... can't...
Oh... God... no... musn't curse.... mm. No. Keep it together, Dib...
...
Summer vacation! Yes!
Only a few days left of Skool! When Summer Vacation starts, you'll feel better! A great load taken off your shoulders!
....
And an even greater weight to look forward to...
I can't take it. I can't take it...
I... think I'll go get a snack...
My bed creaks as I sit up and stand. It grates against my hearing, deafening in the thick silence. I grit my teeth, hoping not to wake Gaz or Dad.
Slowly, carefully, I tiptoe out of my room and down the stairs. Whoa... 4 AM... did I really spend so much time pondering? Whatever...
Yes. Eating is good... actually, I don't remember having eaten today... I guess I've been busy... a sandwich sounds good...
I sit at the table and sigh, resting my head on my hand. It feels heavy. Maybe it is as large as people say...?
Nah.
I stand again, and turn on the light. It blinds me momentarily, and as my eyes adjust to the brightness, something catches my eyes. Something... shining...
An... exacto knife?
What's that doing down here?
I smile. I always liked exacto knives. So small and delicate... so accurate in their deadly blade...
Wow. This is so boring...
Food forgotten, I sit back at the table and pick it up. I look down and see a drawing Gaz drew earlier this afternoon... of me... being eaten by a monster.
Charming.
Scowling bitterly, I set the drawing in front of me, and put the exacto knife on it. I press down, and drag. The paper makes a satisfying noise as it rips in a straight line.
I look at my face. Not my real one, the one on the picture.
Oh, come on. My head isn't that big! That's just... stupid... like everything else lately...
I glare at the picture of myself, suddenly finding myself hating it for some reason.
Grinding my teeth, I place the knife right on my face, in the picture. My eyes narrow as I drag it through my illustration, cutting my face in half in a neat, straight line.
But the monster is still there, taunting me...
I begin breathing heavily.
"This... really... sucks..." I hiss to myself, marking each syllable with another cut to the picture.
Suddenly, I stand up abruptly, knocking the chair over. I twitch, and put the knife against my skin.
"God... damnit!" I say to myself, through clenched teeth as I press it in.
Into my wrist.
Realizing what I'd done, I flung the knife away and looked at my wrist in dazed shock. A bubble of red blood formed on the surface of the cut... I blinked, and admired it's vivid color...
Everything feels... floaty. I feel... relieved... wow. Maybe I am crazy...?
Nah.
Stop kidding yourself...
I look down at the knife. It's blade is stained with red life, and I smile at it, feeling gratitude to that which has freed me, if only temporarily.
"I think.... you're my new friend..." I whisper to it, as I kneel down and pick it up.
This knife is my friend.
It's the only thing that ever understood me, and gave me what I needed.
Thank you...
Whooo. I'm feeling light headed.
What did I come here for, again?
Oh, who cares.
I'm going back to sleep...
NERF. I... am losing what little confidence I had in my writings... x)
Review, and reassure me that I am a semi-decent writer. :)
Or, you could just yell at me about what a waste of space I am... whatever you want. (:
Review.... because... it is the right thing to do. o.O;