Title: The Phone Call -- Takes place post "Not Fade Away".
Summary: What happens when Faith finds out about Wesley's death? Lots of thoughts run through her head.
Rating: R—all for language; please tell me if I rated it right. The f word is the worst of it; there is a bit of violence; I'll change it if I'm wrong.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Unfortunately.
The Phone Call
The phone call wasn't unexpected, but Faith really didn't think it would be right then, right now. By Willow's look, she knew it was bad. Another battle, another apocalypse, another death. This one hit her the hardest.
Faith had finally gotten it. You had to try making friends and keeping them, not the other way around. She had never tried with Buffy, she just expected it because of who they were, kindred spirits, she had thought at the time.
In time, she had discovered they weren't the same, but that was no reason they couldn't be friends. Dammit all to hell and back, she could have tried at least with him.
Things changed within her. Prison had changed her in ways no one would have expected. She wanted, no craved to be a part of a group. And only one group in particular. They had rejected her in Sunnydale so long ago.
Now, having the right watcher helped. Eased her back into the real world. Giles had welcomed her back, not unconditionally of course. She wouldn't have expected no less from him. He'd been burned by her too many times to count. She'd done that to everyone who had tried to get close. Rebuilding trust was such a bitch. Just ask Angel, she thought. Redemption was even harder.
The phone call had stunned her. Usually she was not speechless. Usually she had some comeback to hide her true feelings. Whatever they were at that moment, all jumbled and painful.
Could someone be devastated beyond comprehension? When Willow answered that phone, she knew something was wrong. Her spider sense, as Buffy would call it, tingled from her head to her toes.
Willow nodded, then put her hand over her mouth, trying to control her reaction. Tears formed in the witch's eyes. Giles immediately got up from his seat. Faith tensed up, ready for a fight. It was the only way she knew how to react.
"Faith, it's for you. It's Angel." Willow looked at her with sorrow in her eyes. It couldn't be Buffy, because she was in Rome with the baby sister. Faith took the receiver in her hands like it was dynamite.
"Yeah," was all she could get out.
"Faith, it's me. I, uh, I have to …"
"Spit it out. Who died?" Don't dance around what happened, she wanted to yell. It was already dawning on her what might have happened. The silence on the other end seemed to last a lifetime.
"We went up against some very nasty demons. Too many of them. I lost them all, Faith. I won the battle but lost the war. They're all gone." Angel's voice broke after the last word. Man, she had never seen him break.
Faith couldn't understand his ramblings. "What the hell is going on Angel?" She wanted to reach out and put her hands around his neck to make him explain.
"Wesley's gone, Faith. Some demon named Vail gutted him. Gunn's on life support. They don't think he's going to live."
Faith's breathing became shallow, trying to draw enough air into her lungs, but not succeeding at all.
"Fred, Cordy?" Maybe, if they survived . . . .
"They've been dead for months. Didn't anyone tell you?"
No, apparently no one had bothered. Maybe they didn't think she'd care. She had just gotten back from China of all places. Big demons to take care of.
"They're gone," she managed to croak out finally. What she meant to say was "He's gone," but luckily it didn't come out that way.
"They died fighting, Faith. I just thought you'd like to know."
Without saying another word, Faith handed the phone back to Willow, and slowly walked out the door.
"Faith, wait," she could hear Willow call to her. It didn't register at all.
She took off at a run as soon as her feet hit the ground. She ran and ran, practically the diameter of Cleveland, before her legs gave out. Sitting on the sidewalk at an intersection, God knew where, Faith finally realized it was night. Strange and quite dangerous neighborhood as she looked around. Good, something to hit. That was just what she needed.
Her wish came true as two vampires came around the corner and headed straight for her. And she just sat. Better not to have to expend too much energy with her mind occupied with one face.
"Hey baby. What's cookin'?" one of the vampires asked her as he came near.
"Goddamn it. I have to get the stupid ones. Why can't they ever be smart like the Master, the First, or maybe even Angelus. But you two sons a bitches have to be here, now to take me on."
The two stopped about ten feet from her and just looked. "Who are you?"
"The person that's going to kick your ass from here to Sunday, then I'm going to put this nice pointy stake where the sun don't shine."
"Who do you think . . .," the first one started.
"Slayer," the other concluded.
"Hey, you're not as dumb as you look. But you're still going to be dust."
Faith jumped into action, slaying the first one in mere seconds. The second one appeared to be more of a challenge.
"You stupid, mother-fucking moron. You think you can beat a slayer," Faith continued, giving the guy a pounding. "The best damn slayer trained by the best damn watcher ever."
It hit her then like a ton of bricks. He was gone and there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it.
"I am sick and tired of this. Do you hear me?" Faith exploded, her voice getting shriller by the moment. "Sick and tired of beating you assholes. Sick and tired of losing everything and everyone that ever meant anything to me."
The vampire's head was a bloody mess as she continued to take her pound of flesh. "He was a good man. I tried so hard not to believe that he wasn't. But you know what?" Faith noticed that the vampire wasn't listening, or moving for that matter. She staked him without any more hesitation.
"He taught me to always try to do the right thing to the very end. Oh God, what am I going to do?"
Faith dropped her stake on the ground as her tears started to flow uncontrollably. Her limbs started shaking from her gut wrenching sobs.
"You're going to pick yourself up and go on. That's what he'd want you to do," Giles voice said from behind her.
"How many times can one person do that, Giles? How many times did Wesley do that only to be beaten down again?"
Faith would never tell anyone what went on between the two of them in her short time with him in Los Angeles. But she'd learned more from him in that short time than she had from any other watcher.
"I do have to agree that his life in general was more difficult than most. But he'd never want your pity."
Faith whirled around to confront him. "Is this what you think I'm doing? Giles, there's no pity there. They're all gone. I could have stayed." That's what she had wanted to say all day. I COULD HAVE STAYED.
Giles could only shrug. "Yes, maybe you could have. But you chose another path, just as they chose theirs."
"What am I doing here? Another hellmouth. More evil than I can fight. I can't do this anymore."
Giles put his hand on her arm, to reassure her but not to pressure her, she was sure. "You'll do it for them. For every single last person who has died fighting the good fight."
Faith moved closer to the older man, drawn in by his warmth. Something she would never have done back in Sunnydale. "But what if it doesn't matter?"
"It may not matter what we do. It only matters that we do. It's all anyone can ask of any of us."
Faith's face, covered with tear-streaked grime, looked up at one of only three people in her life that had ever cared for her. Now one was gone, one scarred by yet another friend's death. Angel must be ready to stake himself, she thought.
"He was my watcher," Faith whispered, afraid that Wesley might hear her wherever he may be now. Giles' now was speechless.
Faith didn't want to tell Giles that he'd been so much more. That under different circumstances, Wesley and she could have been more. She didn't want to go there with anyone else. Since her relationship with Wes had been oh, so complicated, even she couldn't figure out her feelings right then. She just hoped that some day she could care that same way again about someone. She didn't want to call it love, since she didn't know what that was. But it made her long for more.
"And he will always be," Giles finally answered, thinking that's what she wanted to hear.
I am going to crumble, Faith thought to herself. Any day now. What will she do without Wesley there to pick up the pieces as he had done too many times before? Everyone thought that Angel had put her on the straight and narrow. But it was Wesley, the man who didn't give her back to the Council, who visited her in prison, who trusted her to catch Angelus and not stake him on sight, the man who wasn't perfect by any stretch, had shown her what it was to be human. And vulnerable.