( Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter )
Katie Boobus Bell sat on her bed packing up a suitcase. She was humming the milkshake song and shaking her bottom ever so slightly. "My milkshake brings all da boys to the yard.." Suddenly there was a knock on Katie's window and Katie looked up, a sock in her hand that she was about to place inside the suitcase.
It was her stupid-ass neighbor Hermione Granger. The bushy-headed bitch was outside Katie's window, tapping away. "Let me in! There's a bee's nest out here in your tree!" Katie walked over to the window and peered at Hermione. Hermione was sitting on a branch of a tree near Katie's window, bees swarming around her. Katie took delight in watching Hermione swat them away and sob heavily.
After an hour had passed, Katie got bored with watching Hermione get stung by a thousand bees and opened the window to help her inside. "What were you doing in my tree anyway?" Katie asked, hoisting her neighbor inside the window. Hermione was covered in large red bumps that were oozing delightfully. Katie shut the window, and Hermione took a painful seat on Katie's bed.
"I heard that you were going to Hogwarts..and.." Hermione plucked out a bee's stinger from her fat ass. "...I thought I could tell you about it, or answer some questions you may have about it."
"She's such a bitch!" Katie thought. She hated Hermione! The girl didn't really want to help Katie out! It was all a nasty scheme to get Katie to like her so Katie wouldn't like Ron anymore. Katie stared at Hermione. "I don't need your help, ass wipe."
Hermione's eyes brimmed with tears. "I always knew you didn't like me. I knew from the very first day our parents made us play together. Remember? We were five. We each had our dolls and we were having a pretend picnic. Then you took my doll and...and.." She began to cry into her hands.
"-And I shoved it up your ass!!" Katie roared excitedly, jumping up from her bed. "I'll always remember that day! Oh, you should've seen how your stupid poopy eyes crossed in pain. You bitch." Katie opened her window and the swarm of bees flew in and attacked Hermione.
"Oh my goodness!" Hermione said calmly as the bees stung her. She got up and started dancing around like a wildebeest. Katie laughed at her and got out her camera. Hermione did several back-flips and then fell out of Katie's window. Katie clapped, shut the window, and went downstairs to talk to her mom.
Katie clomped down the stairs and skid to a stop in the living room, where Katie's mom was playing with the family pet. It was a fuchsia leprechaun named Hitler. Her mom tickled Hitler's tummy, then looked up at Katie.
"Hello chalk-face. Come and have a go at this leprechaun." She scooted over on the couch to make room for Katie, but Katie shook her head.
"I don't feel like it today, ma. Tomorrow I leave for Hogwarts and I am going to miss you and dad." She kicked the wall and her foot left a large hole in the plaster. Katie's mom stared at her.
"Come here, my boy. The time has come, to talk of many things. Of shoes- and ships- and sealing wax- And cabbages and kings. And why the sea is boiling hot- and whether pigs have wings." Her mother gave her the finger and motioned Katie over with her hand. Katie pouted.
"Mom, I hate you. Who's gonna take me to Hogwarts tomorrow?" Katie moon-walked over to Hitler and began humping his head.
"No one. We thought you were going to walk." Her mom turned on the tv. Jerry Springer was on and it was Katie's mom's favorite show. "Whoopee! Hit 'em with the chair!" Her mom whacked Katie with the couch and sat back down.
"But I can't walk to Hogwarts! It's in England! We live in Africa! What should I do?" Katie began to cry. But Katie's mom didn't care, she was too busy flashing her flat A-cup boobs to the tv.
"Come on, Jerry! Gimme some beads!"
"I hate you mom!" Katie cried, and went back upstairs to try and decide what she should do. Perhaps she could call Ron. She was always so nervous talking to him though, and she'd never called him on the phone before.
Suddenly the phone rang which made Katie jump and hit her head on the ceiling fan. "Crap!" Said Katie, her hair clipped off, now bald. She picked up the phone. "Hello? Dis is Katie, yaw." She said in a Swedish accent.
"Katie? This is Ron Weasley." Katie began humping the phone.
"Hey...Ron!" She said getting all sweaty and out of breath from the humping. She was so out of shape!
"Want me to take you to Hogwarts tomorrow?" He asked. Katie let out a long whoop and then sang opera.
"No shit, sherlock!" Katie screamed into the receiver and slammed down the phone. She would be going to Hogwarts with Ron! This was great! She couldn't wait to inform her mama.
Katie Boobus Bell sat on her bed packing up a suitcase. She was humming the milkshake song and shaking her bottom ever so slightly. "My milkshake brings all da boys to the yard.." Suddenly there was a knock on Katie's window and Katie looked up, a sock in her hand that she was about to place inside the suitcase.
It was her stupid-ass neighbor Hermione Granger. The bushy-headed bitch was outside Katie's window, tapping away. "Let me in! There's a bee's nest out here in your tree!" Katie walked over to the window and peered at Hermione. Hermione was sitting on a branch of a tree near Katie's window, bees swarming around her. Katie took delight in watching Hermione swat them away and sob heavily.
After an hour had passed, Katie got bored with watching Hermione get stung by a thousand bees and opened the window to help her inside. "What were you doing in my tree anyway?" Katie asked, hoisting her neighbor inside the window. Hermione was covered in large red bumps that were oozing delightfully. Katie shut the window, and Hermione took a painful seat on Katie's bed.
"I heard that you were going to Hogwarts..and.." Hermione plucked out a bee's stinger from her fat ass. "...I thought I could tell you about it, or answer some questions you may have about it."
"She's such a bitch!" Katie thought. She hated Hermione! The girl didn't really want to help Katie out! It was all a nasty scheme to get Katie to like her so Katie wouldn't like Ron anymore. Katie stared at Hermione. "I don't need your help, ass wipe."
Hermione's eyes brimmed with tears. "I always knew you didn't like me. I knew from the very first day our parents made us play together. Remember? We were five. We each had our dolls and we were having a pretend picnic. Then you took my doll and...and.." She began to cry into her hands.
"-And I shoved it up your ass!!" Katie roared excitedly, jumping up from her bed. "I'll always remember that day! Oh, you should've seen how your stupid poopy eyes crossed in pain. You bitch." Katie opened her window and the swarm of bees flew in and attacked Hermione.
"Oh my goodness!" Hermione said calmly as the bees stung her. She got up and started dancing around like a wildebeest. Katie laughed at her and got out her camera. Hermione did several back-flips and then fell out of Katie's window. Katie clapped, shut the window, and went downstairs to talk to her mom.
Katie clomped down the stairs and skid to a stop in the living room, where Katie's mom was playing with the family pet. It was a fuchsia leprechaun named Hitler. Her mom tickled Hitler's tummy, then looked up at Katie.
"Hello chalk-face. Come and have a go at this leprechaun." She scooted over on the couch to make room for Katie, but Katie shook her head.
"I don't feel like it today, ma. Tomorrow I leave for Hogwarts and I am going to miss you and dad." She kicked the wall and her foot left a large hole in the plaster. Katie's mom stared at her.
"Come here, my boy. The time has come, to talk of many things. Of shoes- and ships- and sealing wax- And cabbages and kings. And why the sea is boiling hot- and whether pigs have wings." Her mother gave her the finger and motioned Katie over with her hand. Katie pouted.
"Mom, I hate you. Who's gonna take me to Hogwarts tomorrow?" Katie moon-walked over to Hitler and began humping his head.
"No one. We thought you were going to walk." Her mom turned on the tv. Jerry Springer was on and it was Katie's mom's favorite show. "Whoopee! Hit 'em with the chair!" Her mom whacked Katie with the couch and sat back down.
"But I can't walk to Hogwarts! It's in England! We live in Africa! What should I do?" Katie began to cry. But Katie's mom didn't care, she was too busy flashing her flat A-cup boobs to the tv.
"Come on, Jerry! Gimme some beads!"
"I hate you mom!" Katie cried, and went back upstairs to try and decide what she should do. Perhaps she could call Ron. She was always so nervous talking to him though, and she'd never called him on the phone before.
Suddenly the phone rang which made Katie jump and hit her head on the ceiling fan. "Crap!" Said Katie, her hair clipped off, now bald. She picked up the phone. "Hello? Dis is Katie, yaw." She said in a Swedish accent.
"Katie? This is Ron Weasley." Katie began humping the phone.
"Hey...Ron!" She said getting all sweaty and out of breath from the humping. She was so out of shape!
"Want me to take you to Hogwarts tomorrow?" He asked. Katie let out a long whoop and then sang opera.
"No shit, sherlock!" Katie screamed into the receiver and slammed down the phone. She would be going to Hogwarts with Ron! This was great! She couldn't wait to inform her mama.