Josh entered Donna's apartment cautiously. The living room was dark but there was a faint light streaming in from Donna's bedroom. There was a thick haze of distress in the air, Josh wasn't sure what he was going to find, but every bone in his body told him that he needed to find Donna. He stepped toward the bedroom. He breeched the entrance and felt his stomach twist in anguish.
The room had been turned upside down. He had been to her apartment frequently over the last couple of weeks since they had gotten together. She was a tidy person. Seeing broken glass and picture frames on the floor was unsettling. The drapes were all closed and clothes were strung everywhere. He headed for the bathroom fearing the worst had happened.
He stepped into the entryway of the bathroom. He stood there frozen for a moment and just stared. Then he felt his body spring into action; he knelt down next to the bathtub and flipped open his cell phone and dialed 911.
"I have an emergency!"
One week before.
"It's very romantic."
"Which part is romantic, him cutting his feet on lots of glass or beating the hell out of the big German guy?"
"Hey! He did it all in the name of love! His wife was in that building."
"Joshua, you're the one who wanted to do the romantic evening with a romantic movie and then a romantic dinner and then a romantic bath!"
"That's right. We'll have all of that."
"Is watching Die Hard part of all that?"
"Yes."
"Your romantic plan is flawed."
"You're just jealous because you didn't think of it first."
"Just start the movie." Donna curled up against Josh. He put his arm around her and she felt safe and comforted.
Josh peered up at Josh as the credits started rolling. He was fast asleep. She quietly shut off the television and shook him gently. "Let's go to bed, Josh."
He opened his eyes and allowed her to help him off the couch. They headed into the bedroom. She tucked him in on his side and then she tucked herself in. He turned on his side and draped his arm over her waist. She felt weird. There was something twisting inside her. She felt wide-awake now and sort of angry. She flipped around in the bed causing Josh to withdraw from her. Finally after a long struggle she fell asleep.
Josh remembered what it was like for him after he was shot. He had nightmare after nightmare when he fell asleep at night. The only thing he ever felt comforting is when Donna would sneak into his room and sit by his side all night. He remembered her cool touch as she lazily stroked his hair and his shoulders. He remembered he felt every ounce of the pain he felt when he was shot. The nightmares had finally desisted after he met with Stanley. Not that they were completely gone, he had a couple of nightmares here and there. The night the pressroom had been shot at he had had a nightmare. He ended up calling Stanley like Donna had suggested. Then there was the first night in the German hospital before Donna had woken up the first time. Instead of him being shot, he watched her get shot. Never in his life did he remember feeling so awful until he stood outside of the operating room when she had the pulmonary embolism.
When Donna started screaming Josh felt his entire body jolt with adrenaline, she sounded just like she had in his dream when she was shot and there was nothing he could do to help.
Josh sat up and at first there was no sign of Donna, then he heard her gasps coming from the other side of the bed. He leaned over and found her breathless and sprawled out across the floor.
"Donna?"
She looked up at him, her eyes wild with emotion. She didn't respond to him. Josh crawled out of bed and knelt down next to her. She was shaking and crying now. He pulled her into his arms. She sobbed into his shoulder.
He finally got her back into bed and she fell asleep cradled in his arms.
The next morning Donna woke up early. She climbed out of Josh's arms and went into the bathroom. She looked at her reflection in the mirror she didn't recognize the person staring back. She had barely slept a wink last night. She hadn't wanted to go back to where her dreams seemed to take her. She remembered the sounds of the metal exploding, crushing and screeching all around her. There had been a sharp pain in her leg and then her entire body seemed to ache, then there was darkness.
She remembered sitting for hours upon hours with Josh when he had started having nightmares. She had never been more scared watching him cry out in fear and pain. The first couple of nightmares Donna didn't sleep a wink those nights. She knew how it must've looked to him last night, but she was fine.
"You're up early," Josh said sleepily.
"I need to get some stuff done in the office," she mumbled pulling up her socks.
Josh sat up and rubbed his eyes. "Donna, it's Sunday, we had a day planned."
"I know, but I completely forgot, and it's really important."
Josh nodded his head. "Okay. What time do you think you'll be done?"
"I'm not sure." She smoothed her shirt and slid on her tennis shoes. "I'll call you later."
Josh watched her walk out of the bedroom; a moment later he heard the front door close. "Good-bye," he muttered.
Josh waited until eight o'clock before he called Sam. "Hey, Josh!"
"Hi."
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I just...have you talked to Donna recently?"
"Yesterday, why?"
"Did she seem different to you?"
"Different how?"
"I don't know. Last night she had a nightmare and then this morning she left at like five o'clock in the morning to go to work and she didn't even say good-bye. I would like to think that I did something wrong, but I didn't. We watched a movie together last night, and I fell asleep, she woke me up to bring me to bed and then...that's it. I didn't do anything wrong."
"Are you sure? Because it sounds like you did."
"What?"
"What movie did you watch?"
"Die Hard."
"With Bruce Willis?"
"Is there another one?"
"Josh!" Sam scolded.
"What?" he squeaked.
"Nothing, I'm sure that she gave you plenty of crap for that one. It doesn't sound like you did anything."
"Even if I did it's not like her just to leave like that. She didn't kiss me; she barely acknowledged my presence. She just put on her shoes, told me she would call me later and left.
"I don't know, Josh."
He let out a long sigh. "You know what, I'm probably being paranoid. I was half asleep when she left, maybe she did say good-bye, I'm sure I'll hear from her later and everything will be fine."
"I'm sure you're right, buddy."
Two days later.
"I don't care!" Donna yelled at the top of her lungs. "Like it matters to me!" She slammed the phone down so hard that she slipped and nailed her hand down onto of the cradle for the phone. She cried out in pain.
Josh hesitated before he said anything. "Donna?" His voice was barely above a whisper.
She snapped her head up to find him staring at her with concern. "When did you get here?"
"Just in time to witness your performance there."
"I was dealing with some idiot from the majority whip," she growled.
"Donna, are you okay?"
"I'm fine," she snapped.
Josh didn't respond. "I came by to see if you wanted lunch."
"I can't. I have a thing."
"You've just been getting busier and busier lately haven't you? This is like the third lunch date you've broken."
"I'm sorry, Josh, but I can't always drop everything I'm doing to attend to your ego!"
"Hey!" Josh was taken aback. "I just wanted to spend some time with you."
"I'm sorry, Josh, my job here is important and I thought you of all people who have broke more dates for your job would totally understand that."
"I get it, Donna, you don't have to be such a..."
"I thought you liked bitches, Josh, lord knows you attract enough of them."
It was then that Josh knew that he was no longer dealing with "his Donna" she had been replaced with something angry and practically violent.
"I'm just going to go, I obviously did something to piss you off."
"All you had to do was be you!"
Josh stormed out without another word. Donna just stared after him for a moment. "They always leave," she muttered before slamming her office door shut.
C.J. busted into Josh's office without even knocking. "Josh!"
He stood up looking alarmed. "What's wrong?"
"You're right something's wrong!"
"What are you..."
C.J. interrupted, "She was fired from work today!"
"What?" He felt his entire body shake. "What the hell happened?"
"She took a swing at someone, she was fired on the spot. That's not the worst of it."
"What is?"
"The press has a hold of the story. In fact that's how I found out about it."
Josh covered his face with his hands. "What happened to her, C.J.?"
"You haven't talked to her?"
"Three days ago. She won't return my calls. No one can seem to get a hold of her."
C.J. looked at her friend. "I don't know what to do. I'll say no comment for right now, but that's going to hold forever."
"Thanks, C.J. I'll see what I can do."
Josh sat and stared at his desk for a long time. His thoughts drifting over and over what had been going on for the last week. It was then when it occurred to him.
He quickly started paging through his phone book on his cell phone he punched the number in. "Hi, it's me, how soon can you be in D.C.?"
Donna ignored the mirror. She hadn't been able to look at herself for a long time now. She didn't even know who she was anymore. She started the bathtub. She needed to relax. She wandered into her bedroom where she started to disrobe. She sat on the bed and on her nightstand was a picture of her and Josh. It was a picture of them at the Inauguration Balls after he had come and picked her up after discovering that she lied about the quote. He brought Toby, Will, Charlie and Danny to her apartment. They stood out in the street throwing snowballs at her window. She remembered how romantic she thought it was. She picked up the picture and examined it. Josh had brought it as a present when he returned the engagement ring that Andi had found. Who was the smiling blonde staring back her? She threw the picture across the room it shattered against the wall. Suddenly she released her anger on the rest of the room. She started throwing things, breaking things, shredding things. Her room was left in complete disarray when she finally headed into the bathroom to take her bath.
She stepped into the scolding hot water. She didn't care, she said down not feeling her sensitive skin burning. She shut off the water and laid back into the water.
This was the worst day of her life. But what she couldn't remember, what she couldn't think of...what was the point of getting up tomorrow morning. There was nothing for her now.
After Josh got off the phone he decided that he needed to find Donna. He went over to her apartment to find a disaster waiting for him. Donna was lying in the bathtub unconscious and it looked like she had slit her wrists. The ambulance arrived in short order, but he had no idea how long she had been bleeding, how long she had been unconscious. For the second time that year he wondered if he would ever see Donnatella's smile.
He waited in the hospital waiting room. C.J. and Sam showed up shortly after.
"What the hell happened?" Sam was extremely upset.
"It looks like she tried to kill herself," Josh muttered.
"God." C.J. sat down.
Sam just stared at his best friend. "How did this happen? She was fine."
"Obviously she wasn't fine. She had stopped talking to me, she got fired for getting into a fight and she tried committing suicide, obviously she WASN'T FINE!" Josh yelled.
Sam grabbed Josh by the upper arms and shook him a little. "This isn't your fault."
"Shouldn't I have seen this?"
"Josh, don't you dare blame yourself for this," C.J. wrapped her arm around her friend's shoulders.
"Josh?" The three of them turned around.
Josh had a look of relief. "I'm so glad you could come."
Donna woke up with a bad headache. She had no idea where she was; she recognized the surroundings enough to know that she was in a hospital. Part of her wondered if she ever got out of Germany, if that last few months had been a dream. It was then that she saw a familiar face staring at her.
"Hi, Donna."
"What are you doing here?"
"Josh asked me to come."
"I'm fine."
"I don't think you are."
"Look, I appreciate that Josh asked you to come, but I'm fine."
"You're sitting in a hospital again because you slit your wrists, does that sound fine to you."
"I didn't die, now did I?"
Donna felt like her world was spinning out of control. She turned and looked at the older man. "Where is Josh?"
"He's out in the waiting room. He didn't think that you would want to see him, so he sent me in here."
"What does he think that you can just fix me, Stanley?"
"He knows better than that, but he hopes that's what I'm going to do."
Donna smirked. Stanley knew Josh well. She supposed it wasn't that hard to figure out, but nonetheless.
"What happened, Donna?"
Josh was pacing back and fourth outside the main entrance to the hospital on his cell phone. "Hi, Mrs. Moss. I wanted you to know that the doctor just came out and told me that she's awake and that she's doing well."
"Oh thank god! Have you seen her?"
"No, not yet."
"Is everything okay between the two of you?"
"I'm not sure. Look, I don't know if Donna told you but a few years ago after I was shot I developed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and I talked to a guy."
"I do remember Donna was worried sick. She didn't sleep until she took you to the hospital that night."
Josh closed his eyes for a moment, feeling sick for having worried her so much. "Well I flew Stanley in, the guy I talked to. I figured that if he can help me, he can help any body. He even sat with the President for a while."
"Thank you so much, Josh."
"I'm so sorry, Mrs. Moss."
"You just take of yourself. Let me know if there are any changes and have her call me when she's ready."
Josh hung up the phone a few minutes later and wandered back into the waiting room. Sam and C.J. had been replaced with Mallory, Carol, and Margaret. Josh sat down across from the three women.
Hours later everyone had disappeared; Josh was left alone in the waiting room. He was starting to doze off reading the latest issue of In Style.
"Josh?" Stanley's voice brought everything back into focus.
"How is she?"
Stanley held out his hand and helped Josh to his feet. "I never saw a couple better suited for each other. I thought that three years ago and I still do. I don't know where either of you would be without the other. I think you two have saved each other's lives on many accounts. She's going to be fine. You were right she does have PTSD. I'm coming by tomorrow morning to do some more talking with her. She was very tired by the end of our conversation but she asked me to send you in."
Josh felt relieved. Stanley always made him feel better. "Thank you."
"She's still a little raw and probably will be for a while. Just take it easy with her and be patient."
"Yes, sir," Josh replied.
"Go in and see her and then go get some sleep."
Josh headed for Donna's room slowly. He peered in and she saw him right away. He leaned in the doorway feeling helpless and angry that he had allowed her to be put back into a hospital bed so soon.
"Come closer," she called.
Josh approached the bed and looked down at her pale face.
"I'm so sorry, Joshua!" she sobbed.
Josh leaned in and caressed her cheek. "Shhh, it's okay."
"I never meant to..."
"It's okay. I know. I know." Josh glanced over her bandaged wrists and then back to her face. She started to calm down; her eyes were heavy with exhaustion. "Go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up." Josh quietly pulled the chair over to her and sat beside her.
"I love you, Donnatella," he whispered as he watched her as she started to doze off. "Please come back to me."