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Yusuke's Letter

Yusuke,

I am writing this letter for you. You should know that I am not drunk out of my mind right now. I have thought about what you said to me last night. You told me that I would not ever see my grandchildren when you have children if I did not clean up my act.

I had a lot of time to think about it and I decided that you are very much correct. Yes, I actually think that you are correct about something. I think that you should go tell all of your friends that I actually said that you are correct for once. Anyways, I have decided that maybe I should stop drinking and getting drunk. If you actually ever have children, I want to be alive to see them.

I want to be able to tell them what a macho punk you used to be. If your children are good at school, I want to be able to tell them that they did not get their smarts from their father, but instead they got their smarts from their mother. I want to see you marry Keiko someday. I hope that you two won't get married for at least a couple of years.

I want to be able to find a husband before you finish growing up completely. Yes, I know you only have a couple more years before you turn 18. I can always hope, right Yusuke? I want to be able to tell you stories of yourself from when you were a baby. I don't want to die yet. I just can't seem to be able to fathom why you finally had it with my antics. You never did seem to mind, but I am thinking that maybe you have minded all these years and just never told me.

Yusuke, when you were a baby, nothing seemed like it could go wrong. I had noticed that you were not like the other children, but I really did not know that you were going to grow up to be a fighter. Sometimes I wonder if somehow I did not play a role in that perspective. I mean, I was not always there for you. You had to learn how to do a lot of adult things like cooking, cleaning, and the laundry. I should have done all of that, but I was usually drunk or not there.

I know that it is too late to say I am sorry, but I am very sorry. It had never occurred to me that I was not only hurting myself, but I was also hurting you. I wish that you had said something before to me, but maybe you did and I just did not listen to you. Why could you not tell me before and make me listen? I feel so mad at myself.

Yusuke, last night after you ran out of the apartment with tears in your eyes, I realized that I might lose you again. Not in death this time, but in body, spirit, and memory. I could never lose you in my heart, but I can lose you in every other way. I do not want that to happen. By the time you read this, you will probably be wondering if I am drunk again. I can assure you that I am not. You may check the entire apartment, but you will not find any bottles of alcohol that I did not dump down the drain. You might notice that the drain smells like alcohol.

I decided that I will be going away once more. This time I should only be gone for a few months. I want you to know that I am going to get help. I also want you to know that I would love it if you would visit me at the rehab center. I talked to someone last night on the phone and we agreed that I would be better living there until I get better. I am afraid that if I would stay here, I would not stop drinking. I am hoping that you can respect my decision to stay there.

The person I talked to is a councilor. We agreed last night over the phone that she wold be the one helping me get better. Yusuke, I now wish that I had done this years ago. If I did maybe I could have given you a better life. I am deeply sorry about the life that I have given you. Botan had told me that you said that you thought that you were better off dead because I was still young and I might have a chance of finding a decent man if you were not around. I am very regretful that you feel that way.

Yusuke, all I want for you since the day that you were born, is for you to be happy. I have screwed that up for you. I would like your forgiveness someday. I do not want you to forgive me right now. I want you to know how proud I am of you. You have grown into someone who has honor. You grew with honor even though I was messing up your life as well as my own life.

I am glad that you never did ask me about why I drank. I think that I should tell you someday. Not right now though. I have a feeling that if I were to tell you right now, you would be very mad and I don't want that. Some people say that drinking runs in the genes. I want you to know that you do not have to drink if you do not want to. My parents did not drink. I am the only one. At first I started out as a social drinker, but as you can tell my drinking escalated past social drinking.

I should tell you right now that I have always been proud of you. I am even proud of your little pranks. Even though Keiko slaps you, I can tell that she will always forgive you. If your father comes back to me, I would forgive him and take him back immediately. I still love your father and I still need his love. I have always wanted my parents approval of the person I love. My parents never gave me their approval. I give you my approval to date, love, and marry whomever you do love. I do not care if the person is male or female. I just want to see you happy.

Yusuke, you should know that I am probably at rehab right now. I ordered a room with an ocean view and a hot tub. In case you did not laugh at that, you were supposed to. Anyways, I should be there by the time you do wake up. I have asked your friends to look in on you. Hiei, at first, was unwillingly but I changed his mind. Kurama's mother said that you may go over for meals and that she will help with money for you. You should not worry about paying her back. I already made plans to pay her back.

Yusuke, I want you to know that I love you and I always have. Please do not think that I am leaving you for good. I will be gone for a few months. It is time that I did get help. Take care of yourself, my son. When I get back, we will go out for dinner. Please come visit me and I will tell you how things are going. If you do not want to visit, I will understand. Please write or call me at least once a week. I will expect something from you, but if I don't receive anything from you, I won't be disappointed. I gotta run now. I will see you later. Bye Yusuke.

Love from your drunken mother,
Mother

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------- How was this letter for Yusuke? I started it about 5:30 in the morning. I hope this letter makes some sense. Please review.