Things between them had been tense after that day in her secret hiding place. She hadn't really expected him to want anything more than her help at finding a happy medium... But now he wanted to know more about her and she was reluctant to share the information. She didn't open up to anyone easily... and the fact that he was Draco Malfoy didn't make it any easier for her. She was starting to wonder if she was actually going to be able to keep her end of this... She had said she would help him, but what was the cost to herself going to be? She hadn't thought that far through after she'd 'betrayed' him in the garden. She sat on her bed... wondering just what in the nine hells she had gotten herself into.
He lay on his bed pouring over recent events. He was upset that she was still afraid of him... He hadn't said anything to anyone, or made any gestures thus far that would make her think he'd hurt her. Right now, whether she knew it or not and whether he really wanted to admit it or not, that little Allie Cat was the only thing keeping him sane. During the days he was still Draco... still the guy everyone loved to hate. He was still the picture of Slytherin morality... Only in those moments in the secrecy of a ghostly garden was he just a guy. Yet, his savior was still fearful of him. What could he do to change her mind? He didn't know.
He pondered this and the questions she insisted he had to answer before they could really do anything that would help him come to terms with changing. Who was he? Draco Malfoy, a pureblood wizard, son of Narcissa and Lucius. His father was in prison. He was a member of Slytherin house at Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He was in his 6th year and he was prefect. He played Quidditch and tormented first years and the students of other houses. He at times abused the power granted to him by Prefecture. He didn't know why, it was just what he'd always done. Now, it no longer held the amusement or satisfaction that it had before he'd found out his entire family was a lie.
He looked on who he was and didn't like what he saw. He didn't want to be in the shadow of his father anymore. He didn't want to be the boy his father had tried to turn him into... the boy that often broke his mother's fragile heart. He didn't want to be strong and terrible... He didn't want to be the one people hated and feared... at least not anymore. He didn't know how to change it... he didn't know where to start. He figured he'd better start writing these things down... Try to take his reform as seriously as he took his classes. Maybe that would help his newest teacher have a little faith in him.
Who did he want to be? He wanted to be better. He didn't want to be a Harry Potter or a Ron Weasley, but he was tired of being Malfoy. He didn't want to be a loathsome git anymore. He wanted to be respected and treated like everyone else. He wanted to have real friends, not just people that thought it better to be at the right hand of the devil than in his path. He wanted to be able to trust without having to instill fear into those people to get what he wanted. He just wanted to be who he should have been had his father not tried to mold him into a miniature Lucius Malfoy... He wanted to be someone that his mother could be proud of... someone that his mother wasn't afraid of... Someone that his mother could love without fear of getting her heart broken time and time again. He wanted his mother to look at him and not see his father. He wanted that more than anything.
What did he want to change? Well a lot, nearly everything. That much was obvious from who he was and who he wanted to be. It just wasn't going to be easy. People were going to think that he was under some sort of spell. Maybe he was. Maybe the little cat that was really a girl had bewitched him in some way. However, he knew she wouldn't. Somehow, he just knew that wasn't her style. She was too soft and gentle to do anything that wicked. She wasn't a Slytherin and got as nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs around them. She tried to be unobtrusive, tried to stay out of the way... and not add to the trouble. She wouldn't have bewitched him...but it would have been a lot easier if she had.
What would it change to? He didn't know... he just wanted to be better, be a better person - that was all he knew. Maybe Allie Cat could help him with that. Always back to her. Damn it. How had she gotten under his skin like that? Why did he seek her approval, why did her opinion matter to him? Why did he care what she thought? He didn't know. He wasn't used to this. Wasn't used to dealing with people like this... He was trying to be nice, trying to be patient and was trying to let her help him, but it wasn't easy. She went against everything that he had been... She went against his Slytherin sense and who he used to be. Yet... there she was, helping him... even though she was afraid of him and was reluctant to trust him... she was still helping him.
He had to respect her for that. For facing her fear and uncertainty every time she let him go to that ghostly garden for help. She faced her fear every time she saw him... every time she let herself be alone with him. How did she do it? Why did she do it? She didn't have to... She could easily just stop going to their meetings... and he wouldn't honestly blame her for it. If their positions were reversed and he felt that way, he probably would have bailed.
That was it, wasn't it? That was why she got to him. She was better than him. She was a better person. Forget that she was a skilled witch that had her animagus form nearly down pat. Even though she was under no real obligation to help him anymore, even though she feared him for the tyrant he had been for so long, she still kept her promise and she was still helping him. He winced and sighed. He wasn't helping matters any. He just continuously went to her for help, for answers... for that happy medium she talked about...
He had tried to seem interested and concerned about her. However, he had no practice at it and had sounded like he was prying into something she had obviously not wanted to talk about. He didn't know how to deal with her or what to do. She wasn't like Pansy. He couldn't just kiss Allie Cat and make her shut up or relax... He was the problem. He was why she was so nervous... skittish. He scared her. How did he change that? How could he make her feel more at ease? Would she ever relax around him or would she always be afraid of him? He didn't know the answer to that either. For the first time in his life that he'd admit to anyway... Draco Malfoy was at a complete and total loss... and because of a girl no less... He sighed and shook his head... and went back to writing down the answers to the questions she'd posed to him.
He lay on his bed pouring over recent events. He was upset that she was still afraid of him... He hadn't said anything to anyone, or made any gestures thus far that would make her think he'd hurt her. Right now, whether she knew it or not and whether he really wanted to admit it or not, that little Allie Cat was the only thing keeping him sane. During the days he was still Draco... still the guy everyone loved to hate. He was still the picture of Slytherin morality... Only in those moments in the secrecy of a ghostly garden was he just a guy. Yet, his savior was still fearful of him. What could he do to change her mind? He didn't know.
He pondered this and the questions she insisted he had to answer before they could really do anything that would help him come to terms with changing. Who was he? Draco Malfoy, a pureblood wizard, son of Narcissa and Lucius. His father was in prison. He was a member of Slytherin house at Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He was in his 6th year and he was prefect. He played Quidditch and tormented first years and the students of other houses. He at times abused the power granted to him by Prefecture. He didn't know why, it was just what he'd always done. Now, it no longer held the amusement or satisfaction that it had before he'd found out his entire family was a lie.
He looked on who he was and didn't like what he saw. He didn't want to be in the shadow of his father anymore. He didn't want to be the boy his father had tried to turn him into... the boy that often broke his mother's fragile heart. He didn't want to be strong and terrible... He didn't want to be the one people hated and feared... at least not anymore. He didn't know how to change it... he didn't know where to start. He figured he'd better start writing these things down... Try to take his reform as seriously as he took his classes. Maybe that would help his newest teacher have a little faith in him.
Who did he want to be? He wanted to be better. He didn't want to be a Harry Potter or a Ron Weasley, but he was tired of being Malfoy. He didn't want to be a loathsome git anymore. He wanted to be respected and treated like everyone else. He wanted to have real friends, not just people that thought it better to be at the right hand of the devil than in his path. He wanted to be able to trust without having to instill fear into those people to get what he wanted. He just wanted to be who he should have been had his father not tried to mold him into a miniature Lucius Malfoy... He wanted to be someone that his mother could be proud of... someone that his mother wasn't afraid of... Someone that his mother could love without fear of getting her heart broken time and time again. He wanted his mother to look at him and not see his father. He wanted that more than anything.
What did he want to change? Well a lot, nearly everything. That much was obvious from who he was and who he wanted to be. It just wasn't going to be easy. People were going to think that he was under some sort of spell. Maybe he was. Maybe the little cat that was really a girl had bewitched him in some way. However, he knew she wouldn't. Somehow, he just knew that wasn't her style. She was too soft and gentle to do anything that wicked. She wasn't a Slytherin and got as nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs around them. She tried to be unobtrusive, tried to stay out of the way... and not add to the trouble. She wouldn't have bewitched him...but it would have been a lot easier if she had.
What would it change to? He didn't know... he just wanted to be better, be a better person - that was all he knew. Maybe Allie Cat could help him with that. Always back to her. Damn it. How had she gotten under his skin like that? Why did he seek her approval, why did her opinion matter to him? Why did he care what she thought? He didn't know. He wasn't used to this. Wasn't used to dealing with people like this... He was trying to be nice, trying to be patient and was trying to let her help him, but it wasn't easy. She went against everything that he had been... She went against his Slytherin sense and who he used to be. Yet... there she was, helping him... even though she was afraid of him and was reluctant to trust him... she was still helping him.
He had to respect her for that. For facing her fear and uncertainty every time she let him go to that ghostly garden for help. She faced her fear every time she saw him... every time she let herself be alone with him. How did she do it? Why did she do it? She didn't have to... She could easily just stop going to their meetings... and he wouldn't honestly blame her for it. If their positions were reversed and he felt that way, he probably would have bailed.
That was it, wasn't it? That was why she got to him. She was better than him. She was a better person. Forget that she was a skilled witch that had her animagus form nearly down pat. Even though she was under no real obligation to help him anymore, even though she feared him for the tyrant he had been for so long, she still kept her promise and she was still helping him. He winced and sighed. He wasn't helping matters any. He just continuously went to her for help, for answers... for that happy medium she talked about...
He had tried to seem interested and concerned about her. However, he had no practice at it and had sounded like he was prying into something she had obviously not wanted to talk about. He didn't know how to deal with her or what to do. She wasn't like Pansy. He couldn't just kiss Allie Cat and make her shut up or relax... He was the problem. He was why she was so nervous... skittish. He scared her. How did he change that? How could he make her feel more at ease? Would she ever relax around him or would she always be afraid of him? He didn't know the answer to that either. For the first time in his life that he'd admit to anyway... Draco Malfoy was at a complete and total loss... and because of a girl no less... He sighed and shook his head... and went back to writing down the answers to the questions she'd posed to him.