All Roads Lead To Rome - Chapter Two – The Eternal Internal Debate

Buffy couldn't believe it. She was flying back to California… to LA. To freaking Wolfram and Hart. The Big Bad Evil law firm, run by her once true love. To see her once… what? What was Spike to her? Ex-lover? She couldn't call what they did to each other love on her part… but definitely on his.

A sigh escaped her lips. Regret for her own part in all that pain and suffering. Remorse for never bothering to see the man beneath her own prejudices. No matter. They'd mended their fences, healed most of their wounds. Never had the time for anything else. Death by glowy soul pendant precluded discovery of what could have been.

Her eyes snapped open as she came to a startling realization. She was actually going to see Spike. Spike who died. Well, died permanently in that dusty way. Again, well… not so permanently, obviously, since Andrew actually spent time with him. A severely injured Spike. My god… his arms… his hands! So much of Spike was in his hands. He had to be the most tactile being she'd ever known. He was always touching, stroking, feeling, rubbing, finge… erm… better stop now. Not a smart place to go. She considered the irony. Spike was almost destroyed by a slayer who wasn't Buffy. Trying to save another slayer who WASN'T Buffy. She got a bit pissy then… thinking, mulishly, that he hadn't bothered to call her to say he was back.

Buffy wondered just what her reaction would have been. She'd pick up the ringing phone, of course, and hear his dulcet tones say… what? "Hello Buffy, luv. I'm baaa-aaack!" All Jack Nicholsony. Had to giggle at the thought. Would she even have believed it was Spike? Maybe there was no easy way to do this. To let someone know you were back from the dead. She certainly had a hell of a time doing so. Crawled out of her own grave, alone and afraid. Wondered how it had been for Spike. Great! Another thing they had in common – a second death for all the right reasons and involuntary resurrection. Where had he been? Heaven? Was his sacrifice enough to change his path? Did he suffer, as she did? Was there anyone to help him? To comfort him? Could she or would she have been able to ease his way as he did hers, had she known he was back?

Shifting in her seat, Buffy added another piece to the puzzle. What was up with Angel? The new CoW had been doing research into just what Wolfram & Hart represented, especially now that Angel was at the helm. She was not a happy little camper, no sirree! Evil! Evil! Evil! It was screaming at her. What in god's name had he been thinking? Was he thinking? Could he be trusted? Well, no, obviously… which was why she sent Andrew with the Barbie Brigade to collect Dana. It was just the not knowing that hurt her. Angel might not be her 'be all, end all' anymore… but she was always sure that he would do the right thing, choose the good path. Now? More grey areas in her life. And she wasn't quite sure how much grey she was willing to cope with.

More than anything, she stewed about the radio silence regarding Spike. Buffy knew that things were volatile at best between the two vamps. Family history and all. She thought back on her little wrestling comment, a bottle of oil and a locked door. Smiling wickedly, she wondered just what all the real secrety books the CoW had hidden away spilled on her two vampires? Had they had their wicked way with each other? Demons with no inhibitions, and… they were certainly pretty, yes? Ah well… a girl could dream. And she had lots of time left before the plane landed in LA.

Shaking her happily drifting mind back to sharpness, Buffy decided to let the both of them have a piece of her mind. No way in hell was she gonna let it go. Forgiveness would NOT come easy from this woman. Nuh uh! Jeez, she wouldn't let Spike go down the same path that Angel did, making decisions for her. Doing the 'right thing' without her input. She was too old for this shit. Really.

The big problem remained. What the hell was she going to do? How did she feel? How did Spike feel? Did he still love her? Could she love him? Would they still have that treasured trust they'd developed before everything went tits up? Bloody hell, it wasn't going to be easy. She grinned wildly when she realized just what had gone through her mind. Already hearing Spike in her head. She felt a pleasant warmth suffuse her soul, and decided to let the questions come up as they may.

Spike was back.