Bachelor Party
Disclaimer: Same as before...
~ ~ ~ ~
0430 Local Time, San Francisco Police Department
24 May 2000: "They're right in that cell over there." The policeman said to Ivy.
As Ivy walked down the hallway with Tatiana in tow, she could hear arguing coming from the cellblock. She heard Zack's voice combined with two British voices and one Argentinean one. She knew Armando's voice was the Argentine one and one of the British voices was Hal's.
"You wanker! This was your bloody fault!" Hal said.
"ME! I'm not the one who decided to load Zack on bourbon!" Armando said.
"We couldn't have done any more damage than that Jose Cuervo crap you had him drink." Said the other British voice, "And besides you were the one grabbing the wheel from the designated driver."
"And you were mooning every pedestrian in sight." Hal said to Lucas.
"And I certainly didn't hire those two strippers...." Armando began.
"Bollocks!" both British voices snapped simultaneously.
"That blonde one was certainly sweet on you, Hal." Armando snapped.
"Better than that confused French poodle that started humping your leg at midnight when you got drunk and staggered into the next lawn you bloody wanker."
"Lucas, shut up!" Armando and Hal said simultaneously.
"Your siding with the Spic, bloody hell mate, we go way back." Lucas replied.
"Lads, I called Ivy about half an hour ago, she should be on her way over." Hal replied.
"Guys, please shut up! I'm dying right here." Zack groaned.
"You got a bloody hangover mate." Lucas replied.
"Tell me again how we got into all of this?" Zack groaned.
"Yes, do tell." Ivy said.
"Please, don't leave anything out." Tatiana added.
"We're busted." Zack replied, "We're so busted."
"Well, first we decided to take Zack to the pub. And who should we run into but this slimy wanker right here, Lucas." Hal replied.
"Hey! I resent that remark!" Lucas replied.
"You resemble it too, mate." Hal replied, indicating the other Englishman, a medium built fellow with long brown sideburns, a goatee, and a mustache.
"Anyway, we went to the bar and then we ran into Lucas." Hal continued
~ ~ ~ ~
23 May 2000: "Hey, come here often dickhead?" said a guy from the bar.
"Lucas, you wanker, what are you doing here?" Hal asked.
"Who is this clown?" Armando asked.
"This 'clown' is one of my best mates from G Squadron." Hal replied, "And from before we joined the Regiment."
"Sergeant Lucas Coven, South Hampton."
"They made you sergeant?" Hal asked, "Who was drunk enough to promote you?"
"The same bloke drunk enough to make you a bloody rupert." Lucas replied.
Both men started laughing, "What brings you here mate?"
"I got me a few days leave, so I figured I'd visit the States and one of my favorite ruperts." Lucas added.
"Kiss ass." Hal joked back.
"What about you?" Lucas asked.
"Oh, the Argentine fellow is Armando and the blonde is Zack. They're mates of mine at ACME." Hal replied, "This is the blonde's bachelor party."
"Now, I've got plenty of experience with those. I planned Digger's bachelor party a few years back." Lucas said, "I've got some ideas and a couple contacts here we could use."
"Be afraid, be very afraid." Hal replied.
"What's this stuff?" Zack said, "Jose Cuervo? Geez Armando, I can barely tolerate ale."
"Ah, it's good for you, for a bit of fun before your wedded bliss." Armando said, "It'll put the hair on your chest and we know how much women love hair."
"Maybe I'll try a bit." Zack said, and took a swig. And when he did he felt a buzz and a jolt like he'd been kicked by a mule, "Whoa. Maybe I'll try a little more."
~ ~ ~ ~
Half an hour later: "When Irish eyes are smiling...hic." Armando began, singing off key with Zack accompanying.
"Wanker, some people can't hold their alcohol." Lucas remarked.
"They've already gone through a whole bottle and now they want some more." Hal remarked.
"I vote we move this party somewhere else." Lucas mentioned.
"Where?" Hal replied.
"Aren't Zack's parents out of town." Lucas said, he'd overheard it in the conversation.
"Yeah." Hal remarked.
"Since you've only had a bit to drink, your designated driver." Lucas replied, "C'mon mates, lets go."
The four of them piled into Hal's Land Rover and they drove towards Zack's parents' house in the suburbs. "What have you got to drink here?" Lucas said.
"Nothing really." Zack said, mildly croaked.
"St. Paulie's? Budweiser? Wanker, don't you people have anything decent to drink?" Lucas remarked.
"It doesn't appear so, evidently." Hal remarked.
"Well go head to that liquor store down the street." Lucas said, "I'll call up some of my contacts out here."
~ ~ ~ ~
24 May 2000: "So you bought the bourbon?" Ivy asked.
"I didn't think they'd drink it." Hal replied.
"This is worse than Armando getting Zack tanked on his twenty-first birthday." Ivy groaned.
"Told you this bloke wasn't entirely blameless!" Lucas remarked.
"Shut up, will you, this is getting good." The guard said.
"Right. Afterward, Lucas' infamous contacts made an appearance." Hal replied.
"This is gonna be good." Tatiana said, with a wolfish grin, looking daggers at Armando, Hal, and Lucas.
~ ~ ~ ~
23 May 2000: "Don't tell me, that whole bottle's gone?" Hal asked.
"Your idea, wanker." Lucas said.
"You, my friend, said get something from the liquor store." Hal replied.
"I didn't mean a bottle of bourbon. And the buggers didn't leave any for me, bloody hell." Lucas replied.
"Amazingly, they're still conscious." Hal replied. The doorbell rang just then.
"Well no shit." Lucas said, "My contacts are here."
"Where's Zack and Armando?" Hal said.
"They're in the living room, playing a drinking game." Lucas said, frankly.
"Which one?" Hal asked.
"They're watching American Pie and taking a swing from the bourbon whenever they hear any band camp related words. It's a good thing my contacts got here, we need to liven things up a tad." Lucas remarked.
Two women came in just then. One was a brunette in a harem outfit, the other was a blonde wearing a trench coat and a fedora hat. "Where's the future groom?" the blonde asked Hal, and added in a low, husky whisper, "You know, after I'm done with him, we could arrange a private show."
"I'd rather not." Hal began.
"What's the matter, you don't like girls." The woman replied.
"Of course I do." Hal replied.
"Then what's the problem then." Lucas said, "You've hardly had any action since Diane."
"Lucas, you even mention her I'll tear you in half." Hal replied.
"Geez mate, don't be so sensitive." Lucas said, "Anyway, Zack's the bloke with the blue polo shirt and slacks sitting on the couch. Dora, I'm glad you could make it, I see Lindy's already doing a great job entertaining the gaucho and the male blonde."
"Lucas told me all about you." Dora, the blonde, said, "So who was Diane?"
Hal told her the entire story and Dora said, "You know what, I think you're getting a little spark when it comes to Ivy."
"What?" Hal replied, "She's my partner and lately we've been becoming good friends...."
"So when you kissed her in England, was it her you kissed, or Diane?" Dora asked.
"I'm not sure myself really. I'm sure I was kissing Diane for the last time and at the same time trying to welcome Ivy into my life. But as far as I know we're just friends." Hal replied.
"Don't be afraid to explore that option. If this conversation's any clue, you should go for Ivy. Now, if things don't work out, you know where to find me." Dora said, "Now, I've got a suspect to interrogate."
"This should be good." Hal said, walking into the living room as Dora provocatively circled Zack after making sure his hands were cuffed behind him. His shirt and undershirt were already gone and he was muttering something about Tatiana killing him if she heard about this.
"Don't worry about it mate, we won't tell." Lucas said, fingers crossed behind his back.
The next thing they knew was that Dora removed both her trench coat and fedora and was wearing little more than lace, stockings, heels and a smile under that coat. She straddled Zack's lap and the look on his face was priceless.
"Oh God, she's gonna kill me." Zack moaned.
"Where's Armando?" Hal asked.
"I don't know, he just left the room fifteen minutes ago." Zack said, "Please God I'm gonna die if Tatiana finds out."
"Well, I'll look for Armando, could you make sure that Dora doesn't get out of hand and get Zack in trouble." Hal told Lucas.
"Right." Lucas said.
~ ~ ~ ~
24 May 2000: "So let me get this straight. The two strippers were 'interrogating' Zack while Lucas watched and you went looking for Armando?" Ivy said.
"Exactly." Hal replied, though he gingerly avoided mentioning the little conversation with Dora regarding Ivy.
"What happened next? I assume that was when you all got put in jail." Ivy replied.
Far from getting upset, Tatiana was actually laughing about this entire matter, "Zack, it's a bachelor party, you're supposed to enjoy the treatment that the others give you. Now if you do something like this again, then I will kill you."
"We're still busted." Lucas said.
"QUIET!" Everyone in the room shouted.
~ ~ ~ ~
"I can't find him anywhere." Hal said.
"Well, let's go look for him." Lucas said, "Help me get Zack dressed."
The three men walked out into the night and hadn't got more than four blocks when they saw Armando staggering around the neighborhood singing at the top of his lungs the song, Mi Caballo Blanco, (My White Horse).
"Armando! Get over here!" Hal shouted.
"Whee! Can't catch me!!!" Armando shouted as Hal grabbed a fistful of his shirt. Armando threw it off and said, "Wow, so liberating. Now let's see how much more free this feels! Yahoo!"
Presently Armando was wearing nothing but a goofy grin as he ran down the residential neighborhood. "Lucas! Zack, head him off at the pass and...."
"Whoopie! Wait Armando!!!" Zack shouted, and ran just as naked down the street.
"Now we've got two problems mate!" Lucas said.
"Oh shut up!" Hal shouted, "Make that three."
A police car with its sirens blaring came right up to the quartet. "Wanker." Lucas groaned.
~ ~ ~ ~
24 May 2000: "And that's when we got picked up for disturbing the peace and indecent exposure for Armando and Zack." Hal finished.
Ivy laughed as the guard let them out of the cell. "Armando, that's the last bachelor party you ever plan." Ivy said.
"Ditto." Hal replied, "You plan another one I'll skin you alive."
Ivy and Hal walked into her 1999 Corvette as they drove towards Harbor View, and Hal's apartment he fell asleep.
"Men." Ivy remarked, grinning.
~ ~ ~ ~
TBC
Disclaimer: Same as before...
~ ~ ~ ~
0430 Local Time, San Francisco Police Department
24 May 2000: "They're right in that cell over there." The policeman said to Ivy.
As Ivy walked down the hallway with Tatiana in tow, she could hear arguing coming from the cellblock. She heard Zack's voice combined with two British voices and one Argentinean one. She knew Armando's voice was the Argentine one and one of the British voices was Hal's.
"You wanker! This was your bloody fault!" Hal said.
"ME! I'm not the one who decided to load Zack on bourbon!" Armando said.
"We couldn't have done any more damage than that Jose Cuervo crap you had him drink." Said the other British voice, "And besides you were the one grabbing the wheel from the designated driver."
"And you were mooning every pedestrian in sight." Hal said to Lucas.
"And I certainly didn't hire those two strippers...." Armando began.
"Bollocks!" both British voices snapped simultaneously.
"That blonde one was certainly sweet on you, Hal." Armando snapped.
"Better than that confused French poodle that started humping your leg at midnight when you got drunk and staggered into the next lawn you bloody wanker."
"Lucas, shut up!" Armando and Hal said simultaneously.
"Your siding with the Spic, bloody hell mate, we go way back." Lucas replied.
"Lads, I called Ivy about half an hour ago, she should be on her way over." Hal replied.
"Guys, please shut up! I'm dying right here." Zack groaned.
"You got a bloody hangover mate." Lucas replied.
"Tell me again how we got into all of this?" Zack groaned.
"Yes, do tell." Ivy said.
"Please, don't leave anything out." Tatiana added.
"We're busted." Zack replied, "We're so busted."
"Well, first we decided to take Zack to the pub. And who should we run into but this slimy wanker right here, Lucas." Hal replied.
"Hey! I resent that remark!" Lucas replied.
"You resemble it too, mate." Hal replied, indicating the other Englishman, a medium built fellow with long brown sideburns, a goatee, and a mustache.
"Anyway, we went to the bar and then we ran into Lucas." Hal continued
~ ~ ~ ~
23 May 2000: "Hey, come here often dickhead?" said a guy from the bar.
"Lucas, you wanker, what are you doing here?" Hal asked.
"Who is this clown?" Armando asked.
"This 'clown' is one of my best mates from G Squadron." Hal replied, "And from before we joined the Regiment."
"Sergeant Lucas Coven, South Hampton."
"They made you sergeant?" Hal asked, "Who was drunk enough to promote you?"
"The same bloke drunk enough to make you a bloody rupert." Lucas replied.
Both men started laughing, "What brings you here mate?"
"I got me a few days leave, so I figured I'd visit the States and one of my favorite ruperts." Lucas added.
"Kiss ass." Hal joked back.
"What about you?" Lucas asked.
"Oh, the Argentine fellow is Armando and the blonde is Zack. They're mates of mine at ACME." Hal replied, "This is the blonde's bachelor party."
"Now, I've got plenty of experience with those. I planned Digger's bachelor party a few years back." Lucas said, "I've got some ideas and a couple contacts here we could use."
"Be afraid, be very afraid." Hal replied.
"What's this stuff?" Zack said, "Jose Cuervo? Geez Armando, I can barely tolerate ale."
"Ah, it's good for you, for a bit of fun before your wedded bliss." Armando said, "It'll put the hair on your chest and we know how much women love hair."
"Maybe I'll try a bit." Zack said, and took a swig. And when he did he felt a buzz and a jolt like he'd been kicked by a mule, "Whoa. Maybe I'll try a little more."
~ ~ ~ ~
Half an hour later: "When Irish eyes are smiling...hic." Armando began, singing off key with Zack accompanying.
"Wanker, some people can't hold their alcohol." Lucas remarked.
"They've already gone through a whole bottle and now they want some more." Hal remarked.
"I vote we move this party somewhere else." Lucas mentioned.
"Where?" Hal replied.
"Aren't Zack's parents out of town." Lucas said, he'd overheard it in the conversation.
"Yeah." Hal remarked.
"Since you've only had a bit to drink, your designated driver." Lucas replied, "C'mon mates, lets go."
The four of them piled into Hal's Land Rover and they drove towards Zack's parents' house in the suburbs. "What have you got to drink here?" Lucas said.
"Nothing really." Zack said, mildly croaked.
"St. Paulie's? Budweiser? Wanker, don't you people have anything decent to drink?" Lucas remarked.
"It doesn't appear so, evidently." Hal remarked.
"Well go head to that liquor store down the street." Lucas said, "I'll call up some of my contacts out here."
~ ~ ~ ~
24 May 2000: "So you bought the bourbon?" Ivy asked.
"I didn't think they'd drink it." Hal replied.
"This is worse than Armando getting Zack tanked on his twenty-first birthday." Ivy groaned.
"Told you this bloke wasn't entirely blameless!" Lucas remarked.
"Shut up, will you, this is getting good." The guard said.
"Right. Afterward, Lucas' infamous contacts made an appearance." Hal replied.
"This is gonna be good." Tatiana said, with a wolfish grin, looking daggers at Armando, Hal, and Lucas.
~ ~ ~ ~
23 May 2000: "Don't tell me, that whole bottle's gone?" Hal asked.
"Your idea, wanker." Lucas said.
"You, my friend, said get something from the liquor store." Hal replied.
"I didn't mean a bottle of bourbon. And the buggers didn't leave any for me, bloody hell." Lucas replied.
"Amazingly, they're still conscious." Hal replied. The doorbell rang just then.
"Well no shit." Lucas said, "My contacts are here."
"Where's Zack and Armando?" Hal said.
"They're in the living room, playing a drinking game." Lucas said, frankly.
"Which one?" Hal asked.
"They're watching American Pie and taking a swing from the bourbon whenever they hear any band camp related words. It's a good thing my contacts got here, we need to liven things up a tad." Lucas remarked.
Two women came in just then. One was a brunette in a harem outfit, the other was a blonde wearing a trench coat and a fedora hat. "Where's the future groom?" the blonde asked Hal, and added in a low, husky whisper, "You know, after I'm done with him, we could arrange a private show."
"I'd rather not." Hal began.
"What's the matter, you don't like girls." The woman replied.
"Of course I do." Hal replied.
"Then what's the problem then." Lucas said, "You've hardly had any action since Diane."
"Lucas, you even mention her I'll tear you in half." Hal replied.
"Geez mate, don't be so sensitive." Lucas said, "Anyway, Zack's the bloke with the blue polo shirt and slacks sitting on the couch. Dora, I'm glad you could make it, I see Lindy's already doing a great job entertaining the gaucho and the male blonde."
"Lucas told me all about you." Dora, the blonde, said, "So who was Diane?"
Hal told her the entire story and Dora said, "You know what, I think you're getting a little spark when it comes to Ivy."
"What?" Hal replied, "She's my partner and lately we've been becoming good friends...."
"So when you kissed her in England, was it her you kissed, or Diane?" Dora asked.
"I'm not sure myself really. I'm sure I was kissing Diane for the last time and at the same time trying to welcome Ivy into my life. But as far as I know we're just friends." Hal replied.
"Don't be afraid to explore that option. If this conversation's any clue, you should go for Ivy. Now, if things don't work out, you know where to find me." Dora said, "Now, I've got a suspect to interrogate."
"This should be good." Hal said, walking into the living room as Dora provocatively circled Zack after making sure his hands were cuffed behind him. His shirt and undershirt were already gone and he was muttering something about Tatiana killing him if she heard about this.
"Don't worry about it mate, we won't tell." Lucas said, fingers crossed behind his back.
The next thing they knew was that Dora removed both her trench coat and fedora and was wearing little more than lace, stockings, heels and a smile under that coat. She straddled Zack's lap and the look on his face was priceless.
"Oh God, she's gonna kill me." Zack moaned.
"Where's Armando?" Hal asked.
"I don't know, he just left the room fifteen minutes ago." Zack said, "Please God I'm gonna die if Tatiana finds out."
"Well, I'll look for Armando, could you make sure that Dora doesn't get out of hand and get Zack in trouble." Hal told Lucas.
"Right." Lucas said.
~ ~ ~ ~
24 May 2000: "So let me get this straight. The two strippers were 'interrogating' Zack while Lucas watched and you went looking for Armando?" Ivy said.
"Exactly." Hal replied, though he gingerly avoided mentioning the little conversation with Dora regarding Ivy.
"What happened next? I assume that was when you all got put in jail." Ivy replied.
Far from getting upset, Tatiana was actually laughing about this entire matter, "Zack, it's a bachelor party, you're supposed to enjoy the treatment that the others give you. Now if you do something like this again, then I will kill you."
"We're still busted." Lucas said.
"QUIET!" Everyone in the room shouted.
~ ~ ~ ~
"I can't find him anywhere." Hal said.
"Well, let's go look for him." Lucas said, "Help me get Zack dressed."
The three men walked out into the night and hadn't got more than four blocks when they saw Armando staggering around the neighborhood singing at the top of his lungs the song, Mi Caballo Blanco, (My White Horse).
"Armando! Get over here!" Hal shouted.
"Whee! Can't catch me!!!" Armando shouted as Hal grabbed a fistful of his shirt. Armando threw it off and said, "Wow, so liberating. Now let's see how much more free this feels! Yahoo!"
Presently Armando was wearing nothing but a goofy grin as he ran down the residential neighborhood. "Lucas! Zack, head him off at the pass and...."
"Whoopie! Wait Armando!!!" Zack shouted, and ran just as naked down the street.
"Now we've got two problems mate!" Lucas said.
"Oh shut up!" Hal shouted, "Make that three."
A police car with its sirens blaring came right up to the quartet. "Wanker." Lucas groaned.
~ ~ ~ ~
24 May 2000: "And that's when we got picked up for disturbing the peace and indecent exposure for Armando and Zack." Hal finished.
Ivy laughed as the guard let them out of the cell. "Armando, that's the last bachelor party you ever plan." Ivy said.
"Ditto." Hal replied, "You plan another one I'll skin you alive."
Ivy and Hal walked into her 1999 Corvette as they drove towards Harbor View, and Hal's apartment he fell asleep.
"Men." Ivy remarked, grinning.
~ ~ ~ ~
TBC