Case 4: Masada, Part 4
Disclaimer: Same as before. ACME uses the 24 hour time scale, like the military does.
C.J. Sandiego - I'm not that far removed from plot contrivances, but I figured I'd give little morsels to any Ivy/Hal shippers to enjoy as a pleasant diversion to the plot. Please forgive me if I choose to deepen Demerest's character a bit.
~ ~ ~ ~
ACME HQ, 1100 Local Time
26 May 2000: Jackie Harris filed yet another bit of paperwork. Her case had been solved and Chris was planning to take her out to lunch to celebrate. She had gotten a short phone call from Ivy saying that she had run into Andrew Demerest. She had to smile at that, a bittersweet grin. Andrew was a good friend of hers, they still wrote each other, but it wasn't anything like face to face contact.
'You saw he was hurting deeply when he left for Israel over a year ago. Why didn't you insist he answer the question?' Jackie thought, 'He was always a kind, caring, if slightly eccentric fellow. Why did he leave?'
She glanced at a picture on her desk of her and Andrew at a San Francisco 49ers game about four months before he left to Israel. He seemed so happy in that picture, so removed from the man who regarded her with the eyes of one broken emotionally. His normally happy disposition seemed to have forsaken him that day at the airport, it was as if there was something on the tip of his tongue, but something he didn't say.
Jackie wandered out into the hallway to head for the bullpen to retrieve that yogurt she had put in there earlier. She was so lost in her thoughts she ran right into Tatiana. "Oh, I'm sorry." Jackie said.
Tatiana said to the smaller brunette woman, "Oh it's alright. You seemed pretty lost in thought. Are you OK?"
"I am, it's just that I was thinking of a friend of mine." Jackie said, "The last time we saw each other was over a year ago, before he left for Israel."
"You mean Andrew Demerest?" Tatiana asked. She knew Demerest as one of the more promising junior detectives in his class.
"Yes." Jackie began, "The last four months before we left, I knew something was wrong but he didn't want to tell me. Why would he turn away from a friend like that?"
"Maybe he didn't want to involve you, or hurt you." Tatiana replied, 'Actually the man was in love with you for way longer than Chris. Why can't you see it? Didn't you see the pain in his eyes the day before he left.'
At the same time Chris Osteen talked to Zack as they walked out of the Crime Lab. "Hey Zack, what's the story with Jackie and Andrew?"
"They're good friends." Zack asked, "Why?"
"I think I may be slightly jealous of that. I mean she almost always wonders why he left. She was confused the first few months of our relationship, with Demerest's little gestures." Chris replied.
"Which ones?" Zack asked.
"The compilation CDs he gave her occasionally, the fact that if she seemed to have any sort of problem he was willing to drop what he was doing to help her out...." Chris said.
"They're good friends." Zack said, "Nothing to be alarmed about. That's what friends do for each other."
"He obviously resented me. I could see it in his eyes. Even though he tried to play the clown and say nothing was wrong, he was hiding something and I knew it." Chris said.
They ran into Zack and Tatiana and Chris gave his girlfriend, Jackie, a hug and said, "So are we still on for lunch?"
"Sure." Jackie said, smiling.
As they left, Tatiana said, "It must have killed Demerest to see them like that."
Jackie and Chris walked arm in arm with an easy banter of a close couple. Zack imagined that as tough as the Israeli sleuth was, this pain he hid day in and day out was too much to bear.
~ ~ ~ ~
Demerest walked beside Ivy and Hal as they headed for a car that would drive them to Masada where a contact desired to meet them concerning Parhouz's whereabouts.
As they neared the ruins of the ancient fort atop a steep plateau Demerest said, "During basic training, all Israeli recruits are taken here, to a revered site in our culture. It was here that rather than surrender to the Romans a band of Jewish zealots chose mass suicide. It is a symbol of defiance and courage against all odds."
Demerest's tone was a serious one as he stood atop the fortress, watching an Israeli officer talking to a cluster of about forty young men sitting in the open air forum's ruins. The forty young men were to be future soldiers of the Israeli Army, kitted out in olive fatigues and desert tan hats. Strange, almost two years earlier that had been him.
"Our contact's not due for another hour, why are we here so early?" Ivy said, not even looking at her watch.
"Ivy, how you manage to tell time without even looking at a clock or your watch amazes me." Hal replied.
"Two reasons, one I'd like to make sure that we don't get any unexpected surprises. And two, is a personal reason." Demerest replied.
"Why is that?" Hal asked.
"I sometimes come out here, when time permits, just staring out at the vast desert, contemplating this revered event in Israeli history, and thus my own history." Demerest replied. Looking into his eyes, Ivy could again see the animal pain that had driven him from ACME.
"So you'd martyr yourself over her?" Hal asked Demerest.
"I beg your pardon, sir." Demerest replied coldly.
"Isn't that why you left? Because you couldn't stand to watch Jackie and Chris together, you knew leaving was your only alternative." Hal replied.
"Yes sir." Demerest replied, his stern reply hiding the pain inside, "I've got nothing remaining to me, so if I should die, nothing would matter."
"So you're willing to just sacrifice yourself, Andrew." Ivy replied, "You're a young man, almost twenty-one now. You've got your whole life ahead of you."
"I've got nothing left." Demerest replied, simply as he turned away, standing with one foot atop a massive stone block, his CAR-15 slung but easily accessible. He looked every bit the impassive Israeli Special Forces soldier, with his Golani beret, dark sunglasses, well used assault rifle, fatigues and brown paratrooper boots, but inside he was still battling his inner demons.
"Imagine being told much of your life you'd never amount to anything. Where affection of any sort was a dim and distant memory..." Demerest replied.
~ ~ ~ ~
(San Francisco)
Zack and Tatiana had gone off on their lunch break and went to eat at a moderately priced Greek restaurant that had opened up a few blocks away. As they waited for their orders, they talked about The Dinner.
"So you're sure that you're coming?" Tatiana asked Zack.
"Honey, we've been over this." Zack said, "I'll be there with you tonight. I'm your fiancé, your future husband. I love you, remember?"
A tear flowed down Tatiana's face as she smiled, "Zack, I know that. I'm pregnant, remember, my hormones are acting up. I just hope my grandmother doesn't get mad when I tell her about this."
"Even if she is, she'll get over it. Trust me, I'm not looking forward to telling my parents either." Zack replied, "I mean, I know Mom and Dad know we're grown ups, but I'm pretty sure they'll...."
"Zackary Darren, you've got nothing to worry about!" Tatiana exclaimed, "It's not as if we were a couple sixteen year olds who made a mistake. We're getting married, remember."
"I made sure our reservation is in place." Zack replied, "It's sure that our families are coming. Look, even if our parents are mad, I still love you and I support you no matter what. That is our child and he's a gift, no matter where he came from."
"I know." Tatiana said, playfully adding, "She is a gift. No matter where she came from, she is a gift."
"Well we'll figure it out soon enough after we move into our new house. It's in San Jose, in a nice little residential district." Zack replied, "I'm already talking to Armando about hiring his cousin, who's an interior decorator, to model the new baby's room. And I'm not sure whether to paint the walls blue or pink. I'll figure that our once we've found out the kid's gender."
"Zack, why don't you just move in?" Tatiana said, "To my apartment I mean, until we get moved into the new house. I mean you practically already live there."
"Tatiana, I'm down the hall from you, it's not that big a deal spending the night at your place or you spending it at mine." Zack replied, "But the idea does have some merit, I mean we're not due to move into the new house for another six months."
"Zack, you're right, we are moving into our new place in six months. I can't believe we're actually gonna have our own house soon." Tatiana replied, "Excuse me."
Tatiana bolted up faster than humanly possible and raced off into the bathroom. "Morning sickness." Zack groaned, "One more month of it. And seven more of weird cravings and racing around town to find stuff. But boy was Honolulu a lot of fun..."
Zack was referring to that case that he and Tatiana had served early and courtesy of Wells had been granted an unexpected holiday in Hawaii. That had been four days worth of lying on the beach, room service, and quite a bit of time in each others arms in and out of bed. Plus one or two midnight swims in the Pacific. Zack was smiling when he was imagining that night where he and Tatiana had first made love. It was a slow, passionate love making affair, after a meal at the Charthouse and a walk on the beach. He remembered sliding her dress tenderly off her body and....
"Zack," Tatiana said, "ZACK."
"Whoa! That got my attention, what's up?" Zack said.
"You just looked like you were dreaming." Tatiana said.
"I was dreaming about a beautiful, exotic blonde I knew." Zack said, slyly.
Playing along, Tatiana said, "Do I know her."
"Oh yes." Zack replied, "She's good with her hands, has a lovely body, gets really wild after a few daiquiris...."
Tatiana playfully slapped her mate, "Zack, you are NOT funny."
~ ~ ~ ~
"Corporal Demerest ?" A voice asked.
"That's me." Demerest replied, making sure his weapon was readily accessible.
A female Israeli soldier approached them. She wore the uniform of the Lochamot MAGAV (Female officers of the Israeli Border Police). "I am Elsa Neuman," the woman said, "I'm your contact here."
"What was the name of 21 SAS, originally?" Hal asked, this was a test to figure out the veracity of their contact, who would have been briefed on the word.
"The Artist's Rifles." Elsa replied, the correct code word.
"Right." Hal replied, "What do you know about the activities of Parhouz?"
"He has a tendency to practically give away weapons to the Palestinian terrorist groups." Elsa replied, "It is not safe to talk of things of this nature here. Perhaps it would be best if we headed for the station."
Elsa led the way to her jeep. Ivy noticed that Elsa was also armed as well with an M-16 and wore a bullet proof vest. She was a beautiful, ginger haired woman of nineteen years, her fatigues, body armor and weapon did nothing to hide it.
'Does anyone in Israel not carry a weapon?' Ivy thought. The 9mm Beretta pistol she carried under her loose fitting shirt was digging into her hip. This case had been classified as a Code Blue, meaning the detectives placed in the field were to be armed with sidearms.
Ivy had gotten some tips on pistol concealment from Hal, who had learned those tips from years with the SAS. If she didn't know that Hal had the pistol hidden under his shirt, in the waistband of his jeans, she wouldn't have guessed he was armed.
"Hey, are you alright Ninja Girl, you seem a bit distracted?" Hal asked.
"I'm fine, Hal, really. I'm just kinda weirded out by the fact that...." Ivy said.
"Everyone and his mother carries a gun." Hal replied, "Sadly that's the way of life in this part of the world. The only place in the world where I go to a Catholic service and I see the priest is wearing combat fatigues under his robes and has an M-16 with three magazines taped together under his pulpet. I spent a year over here training the Israeli Special Forces."
As they got into the jeep and drove down a street in Tel Aviv, Ivy could see several off duty Israeli policemen and soldiers. In uniform the soldiers carried their rifles with at least three magazines of ammunition and in civvies they had pistols hidden under their clothing. The whole thing was damned disturbing, how was Hal so calm in the midst of all this. She regarded him for a minute, he was impassive, wearing his green checkered shirt over a blue United Kingdom World Cup t-shirt and jeans and his Oakley's. She could sniff that unique blend of sweat, Old Spice aftershave and cologne that Hal usually wore. She first thought it an odd combination but later grew to love that smell.
Hal looked at Ivy. She seemed worried, but still confident in her abilities. After last night he could see just how vulnerable she was underneath that tough, professional air she had at work. Holding her tenderly in his arms last night felt good, but what felt better was seeing how peaceful it made her feel. He could still remember that sleepy smile she gave him when he hugged her close last night.
'Bloody Hell.' Hal thought, 'What the hell are you thinking? She's your partner and your friend for Christ's sake. You've already hurt her enough, Olden.'
'Hmm, he's wearing that cologne again. I love that smell. Down, Darren, you're a grown woman, not a hormone crazed teenager. Last night felt right though, lying in each others arms, the way he held you saying he'd be there for you whenever you needed him....' Ivy thought, 'I wonder what he's thinking? Those eyes of his are so unreadable under those sunglasses.'
Hal regarded Ivy again and for some reason felt this protective urge for her. It had been like that practically since they first met. At first he figured it was because of her resemblance to Diane, even though Ivy was nothing like the woman she so uncannily resembled. Ever since the InGen case this protective instinct she inspired in him always got stronger, even though he'd since released Diane's ghost.
'What is it about her that makes you do this anyway, Olden?' Hal thought, as the jeep stopped at the station, 'I mean she's a grown woman, who can stand a chance of beating you in a fight. That's precisely it, she's strong, yet so vulnerable as well. You found that out last night. Whatever it is, I'd best watch her back as well as your own, because if she gets hurt I'll never forgive myself.'
~ ~ ~ ~
TBC
Disclaimer: Same as before. ACME uses the 24 hour time scale, like the military does.
C.J. Sandiego - I'm not that far removed from plot contrivances, but I figured I'd give little morsels to any Ivy/Hal shippers to enjoy as a pleasant diversion to the plot. Please forgive me if I choose to deepen Demerest's character a bit.
~ ~ ~ ~
ACME HQ, 1100 Local Time
26 May 2000: Jackie Harris filed yet another bit of paperwork. Her case had been solved and Chris was planning to take her out to lunch to celebrate. She had gotten a short phone call from Ivy saying that she had run into Andrew Demerest. She had to smile at that, a bittersweet grin. Andrew was a good friend of hers, they still wrote each other, but it wasn't anything like face to face contact.
'You saw he was hurting deeply when he left for Israel over a year ago. Why didn't you insist he answer the question?' Jackie thought, 'He was always a kind, caring, if slightly eccentric fellow. Why did he leave?'
She glanced at a picture on her desk of her and Andrew at a San Francisco 49ers game about four months before he left to Israel. He seemed so happy in that picture, so removed from the man who regarded her with the eyes of one broken emotionally. His normally happy disposition seemed to have forsaken him that day at the airport, it was as if there was something on the tip of his tongue, but something he didn't say.
Jackie wandered out into the hallway to head for the bullpen to retrieve that yogurt she had put in there earlier. She was so lost in her thoughts she ran right into Tatiana. "Oh, I'm sorry." Jackie said.
Tatiana said to the smaller brunette woman, "Oh it's alright. You seemed pretty lost in thought. Are you OK?"
"I am, it's just that I was thinking of a friend of mine." Jackie said, "The last time we saw each other was over a year ago, before he left for Israel."
"You mean Andrew Demerest?" Tatiana asked. She knew Demerest as one of the more promising junior detectives in his class.
"Yes." Jackie began, "The last four months before we left, I knew something was wrong but he didn't want to tell me. Why would he turn away from a friend like that?"
"Maybe he didn't want to involve you, or hurt you." Tatiana replied, 'Actually the man was in love with you for way longer than Chris. Why can't you see it? Didn't you see the pain in his eyes the day before he left.'
At the same time Chris Osteen talked to Zack as they walked out of the Crime Lab. "Hey Zack, what's the story with Jackie and Andrew?"
"They're good friends." Zack asked, "Why?"
"I think I may be slightly jealous of that. I mean she almost always wonders why he left. She was confused the first few months of our relationship, with Demerest's little gestures." Chris replied.
"Which ones?" Zack asked.
"The compilation CDs he gave her occasionally, the fact that if she seemed to have any sort of problem he was willing to drop what he was doing to help her out...." Chris said.
"They're good friends." Zack said, "Nothing to be alarmed about. That's what friends do for each other."
"He obviously resented me. I could see it in his eyes. Even though he tried to play the clown and say nothing was wrong, he was hiding something and I knew it." Chris said.
They ran into Zack and Tatiana and Chris gave his girlfriend, Jackie, a hug and said, "So are we still on for lunch?"
"Sure." Jackie said, smiling.
As they left, Tatiana said, "It must have killed Demerest to see them like that."
Jackie and Chris walked arm in arm with an easy banter of a close couple. Zack imagined that as tough as the Israeli sleuth was, this pain he hid day in and day out was too much to bear.
~ ~ ~ ~
Demerest walked beside Ivy and Hal as they headed for a car that would drive them to Masada where a contact desired to meet them concerning Parhouz's whereabouts.
As they neared the ruins of the ancient fort atop a steep plateau Demerest said, "During basic training, all Israeli recruits are taken here, to a revered site in our culture. It was here that rather than surrender to the Romans a band of Jewish zealots chose mass suicide. It is a symbol of defiance and courage against all odds."
Demerest's tone was a serious one as he stood atop the fortress, watching an Israeli officer talking to a cluster of about forty young men sitting in the open air forum's ruins. The forty young men were to be future soldiers of the Israeli Army, kitted out in olive fatigues and desert tan hats. Strange, almost two years earlier that had been him.
"Our contact's not due for another hour, why are we here so early?" Ivy said, not even looking at her watch.
"Ivy, how you manage to tell time without even looking at a clock or your watch amazes me." Hal replied.
"Two reasons, one I'd like to make sure that we don't get any unexpected surprises. And two, is a personal reason." Demerest replied.
"Why is that?" Hal asked.
"I sometimes come out here, when time permits, just staring out at the vast desert, contemplating this revered event in Israeli history, and thus my own history." Demerest replied. Looking into his eyes, Ivy could again see the animal pain that had driven him from ACME.
"So you'd martyr yourself over her?" Hal asked Demerest.
"I beg your pardon, sir." Demerest replied coldly.
"Isn't that why you left? Because you couldn't stand to watch Jackie and Chris together, you knew leaving was your only alternative." Hal replied.
"Yes sir." Demerest replied, his stern reply hiding the pain inside, "I've got nothing remaining to me, so if I should die, nothing would matter."
"So you're willing to just sacrifice yourself, Andrew." Ivy replied, "You're a young man, almost twenty-one now. You've got your whole life ahead of you."
"I've got nothing left." Demerest replied, simply as he turned away, standing with one foot atop a massive stone block, his CAR-15 slung but easily accessible. He looked every bit the impassive Israeli Special Forces soldier, with his Golani beret, dark sunglasses, well used assault rifle, fatigues and brown paratrooper boots, but inside he was still battling his inner demons.
"Imagine being told much of your life you'd never amount to anything. Where affection of any sort was a dim and distant memory..." Demerest replied.
~ ~ ~ ~
(San Francisco)
Zack and Tatiana had gone off on their lunch break and went to eat at a moderately priced Greek restaurant that had opened up a few blocks away. As they waited for their orders, they talked about The Dinner.
"So you're sure that you're coming?" Tatiana asked Zack.
"Honey, we've been over this." Zack said, "I'll be there with you tonight. I'm your fiancé, your future husband. I love you, remember?"
A tear flowed down Tatiana's face as she smiled, "Zack, I know that. I'm pregnant, remember, my hormones are acting up. I just hope my grandmother doesn't get mad when I tell her about this."
"Even if she is, she'll get over it. Trust me, I'm not looking forward to telling my parents either." Zack replied, "I mean, I know Mom and Dad know we're grown ups, but I'm pretty sure they'll...."
"Zackary Darren, you've got nothing to worry about!" Tatiana exclaimed, "It's not as if we were a couple sixteen year olds who made a mistake. We're getting married, remember."
"I made sure our reservation is in place." Zack replied, "It's sure that our families are coming. Look, even if our parents are mad, I still love you and I support you no matter what. That is our child and he's a gift, no matter where he came from."
"I know." Tatiana said, playfully adding, "She is a gift. No matter where she came from, she is a gift."
"Well we'll figure it out soon enough after we move into our new house. It's in San Jose, in a nice little residential district." Zack replied, "I'm already talking to Armando about hiring his cousin, who's an interior decorator, to model the new baby's room. And I'm not sure whether to paint the walls blue or pink. I'll figure that our once we've found out the kid's gender."
"Zack, why don't you just move in?" Tatiana said, "To my apartment I mean, until we get moved into the new house. I mean you practically already live there."
"Tatiana, I'm down the hall from you, it's not that big a deal spending the night at your place or you spending it at mine." Zack replied, "But the idea does have some merit, I mean we're not due to move into the new house for another six months."
"Zack, you're right, we are moving into our new place in six months. I can't believe we're actually gonna have our own house soon." Tatiana replied, "Excuse me."
Tatiana bolted up faster than humanly possible and raced off into the bathroom. "Morning sickness." Zack groaned, "One more month of it. And seven more of weird cravings and racing around town to find stuff. But boy was Honolulu a lot of fun..."
Zack was referring to that case that he and Tatiana had served early and courtesy of Wells had been granted an unexpected holiday in Hawaii. That had been four days worth of lying on the beach, room service, and quite a bit of time in each others arms in and out of bed. Plus one or two midnight swims in the Pacific. Zack was smiling when he was imagining that night where he and Tatiana had first made love. It was a slow, passionate love making affair, after a meal at the Charthouse and a walk on the beach. He remembered sliding her dress tenderly off her body and....
"Zack," Tatiana said, "ZACK."
"Whoa! That got my attention, what's up?" Zack said.
"You just looked like you were dreaming." Tatiana said.
"I was dreaming about a beautiful, exotic blonde I knew." Zack said, slyly.
Playing along, Tatiana said, "Do I know her."
"Oh yes." Zack replied, "She's good with her hands, has a lovely body, gets really wild after a few daiquiris...."
Tatiana playfully slapped her mate, "Zack, you are NOT funny."
~ ~ ~ ~
"Corporal Demerest ?" A voice asked.
"That's me." Demerest replied, making sure his weapon was readily accessible.
A female Israeli soldier approached them. She wore the uniform of the Lochamot MAGAV (Female officers of the Israeli Border Police). "I am Elsa Neuman," the woman said, "I'm your contact here."
"What was the name of 21 SAS, originally?" Hal asked, this was a test to figure out the veracity of their contact, who would have been briefed on the word.
"The Artist's Rifles." Elsa replied, the correct code word.
"Right." Hal replied, "What do you know about the activities of Parhouz?"
"He has a tendency to practically give away weapons to the Palestinian terrorist groups." Elsa replied, "It is not safe to talk of things of this nature here. Perhaps it would be best if we headed for the station."
Elsa led the way to her jeep. Ivy noticed that Elsa was also armed as well with an M-16 and wore a bullet proof vest. She was a beautiful, ginger haired woman of nineteen years, her fatigues, body armor and weapon did nothing to hide it.
'Does anyone in Israel not carry a weapon?' Ivy thought. The 9mm Beretta pistol she carried under her loose fitting shirt was digging into her hip. This case had been classified as a Code Blue, meaning the detectives placed in the field were to be armed with sidearms.
Ivy had gotten some tips on pistol concealment from Hal, who had learned those tips from years with the SAS. If she didn't know that Hal had the pistol hidden under his shirt, in the waistband of his jeans, she wouldn't have guessed he was armed.
"Hey, are you alright Ninja Girl, you seem a bit distracted?" Hal asked.
"I'm fine, Hal, really. I'm just kinda weirded out by the fact that...." Ivy said.
"Everyone and his mother carries a gun." Hal replied, "Sadly that's the way of life in this part of the world. The only place in the world where I go to a Catholic service and I see the priest is wearing combat fatigues under his robes and has an M-16 with three magazines taped together under his pulpet. I spent a year over here training the Israeli Special Forces."
As they got into the jeep and drove down a street in Tel Aviv, Ivy could see several off duty Israeli policemen and soldiers. In uniform the soldiers carried their rifles with at least three magazines of ammunition and in civvies they had pistols hidden under their clothing. The whole thing was damned disturbing, how was Hal so calm in the midst of all this. She regarded him for a minute, he was impassive, wearing his green checkered shirt over a blue United Kingdom World Cup t-shirt and jeans and his Oakley's. She could sniff that unique blend of sweat, Old Spice aftershave and cologne that Hal usually wore. She first thought it an odd combination but later grew to love that smell.
Hal looked at Ivy. She seemed worried, but still confident in her abilities. After last night he could see just how vulnerable she was underneath that tough, professional air she had at work. Holding her tenderly in his arms last night felt good, but what felt better was seeing how peaceful it made her feel. He could still remember that sleepy smile she gave him when he hugged her close last night.
'Bloody Hell.' Hal thought, 'What the hell are you thinking? She's your partner and your friend for Christ's sake. You've already hurt her enough, Olden.'
'Hmm, he's wearing that cologne again. I love that smell. Down, Darren, you're a grown woman, not a hormone crazed teenager. Last night felt right though, lying in each others arms, the way he held you saying he'd be there for you whenever you needed him....' Ivy thought, 'I wonder what he's thinking? Those eyes of his are so unreadable under those sunglasses.'
Hal regarded Ivy again and for some reason felt this protective urge for her. It had been like that practically since they first met. At first he figured it was because of her resemblance to Diane, even though Ivy was nothing like the woman she so uncannily resembled. Ever since the InGen case this protective instinct she inspired in him always got stronger, even though he'd since released Diane's ghost.
'What is it about her that makes you do this anyway, Olden?' Hal thought, as the jeep stopped at the station, 'I mean she's a grown woman, who can stand a chance of beating you in a fight. That's precisely it, she's strong, yet so vulnerable as well. You found that out last night. Whatever it is, I'd best watch her back as well as your own, because if she gets hurt I'll never forgive myself.'
~ ~ ~ ~
TBC