Chapter 1: Faggot In the Mirror
"All I've got to do is march up to her, tell her I'm gay, and that'll be that," Angel said to his reflection in the mirror.
"I can't believe I'm standing here talking to myself," the reflection said back. Angel continued to stare, and analyze his appearance. He had no facial hair, and flawless, caramel colored skin. He ran a hand through his black, curly hair. He hated his hair and considered wearing a wig quite a few times, but was always too poor to buy one. He turned sideways and noticed how thin he was. The deep-set amber eyes stared back at him.
"I really do look like a fag," he said out lout and continued, "What the hell does Lenny see in me?" he sighed, "Oh well. I just have to do this."
He straightened his rumpled t-shirt, and continued the conversation with his own reflection, "Mamma loves me, she'll understand." Angel tried to convince himself.
With that, he shut the closet door and quietly trudged down the hallway of his family's apartment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Mamma?" Angel approached his mother with caution. He knew it would be one of the most difficult things he's ever done.
"Hijo, what is it?" She responded. Angel looked at his mother, and saw a splitting image of himself, except she was beautiful. She, too, was thin and had the same caramel skin and amber eyes. She was born in Peru, and had the accent to prove it. When he was younger, Angel loved to listen to his mother speak. He started to let his thoughts wander to a time when he was young, and she would read him stories, and he would listen to his mother's rhythmic accent.
"Nobody speaks like Mamma," he thought to himself, and then was shaken back to reality. "Shit, I'm stalling," he thought, and continued, "Mamma, I need to talk to you."
"Angel, hijo, que es eso?" She asked him. She quietly embraced her son, and sat him down in the worn kitchen chair.
"Mamma. I'm gay."
Angel watched as the blood drained from his mother's face. Her frightened eyes looked up to the ceiling as she began to mumble things in Spanish.
"Ay, dios mio, Angel. Ay ay ay," she continued to glance upwards and pray.
Angel immediately regretted telling her, and began, "Lo siento, Mami. Te amo!" his voice began to get louder as his mother hushed him and began speaking.
"Angel, I love you too, but I don't know if I can. Ay, Angel, what about Papi?" She shook her head and walked away, mumbling more prayers in Spanish.
Papi. He forgot about telling his father. It wasn't that he forgot, he just didn't want to, because he knew what would happen when he did. Papi's a firm believer in the "man is superior" attitude, and Angel knew that he wouldn't stand to have a faggot for a son. He used to tell Angel every day that he needed to go to the gym and work out, get a job, find a girl, live his life. He hated the fact that his son liked to sing and dance, and that he liked to shop instead of play sports.
Angel's thoughts were interrupted by the front door opening. Without even thinking, he ran upstairs and picked up the phone to call Lenny.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hello?" Lenny's voice answered sleepily on the other line.
"Lenny?"
"Hey baby," Lenny replied, immediately waking up, "What is it?"
"I told Mamma. She's praying downstairs in Spanish. I don't know what to do!"
"Alright, calm down. Did you tell your dad yet?" Lenny's voice had concern and compassion to it, and Angel knew that his boyfriend would be there for him, no matter what.
"No, he just got home. I'm so scared, baby, I don't know what to do. What if they kick me out?" Angel was on the verge of tears.
"If they do, you can come crash with me. My parents love you!" Lenny's parents didn't know that Lenny and Angel were gay, or that they were in love. His parents, nonetheless, had been warm and loving towards Angel since they first met him.
"Thanks so much. I love you."
"I love you too. Call me after you tell your dad. I'll make up a bed for you just in case."
Angel replied, smiling, "We can't share a bed?"
Lenny laughed and continued, "Come on, baby, you know my parents don't know. But we'll see. Maybe I'll 'accidentally' lose the extra set of sheets, or something."
"Shit! My dad's coming. I'll call you later," Angel fumbled with the phone, and hung up before Lenny had a chance to say anything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So, Son, how was school today?" Angel's father asked him, giving his son a slap on the back. He was a strong man in his mid thirties. He looked nothing like his son, with his Polish descent. He had a slight accent. His body was firmly built, and he went to the gym on a regular basis. He stood a full head and a half taller than his son, and towered over him in spirit as well.
"Um, it was fine, Dad, but I have something to tell you." Angel answered, awkwardly. He took a deep breath, afraid of what his father would do to him.
"Did you find yourself a girl, Son?" His father asked, beaming with pride.
"No, not exactly. Mamma already knows, she didn't say anything to you?" His hands were sweating, and he could feel his entire body shaking with nerves.
"No, but she did seem a bit upset about something. What is it?"
"Dad, uh I'm. I'm gay." Angel closed his eyes anticipating a slap from his father.
"That's funny, Son, but what did you really need to tell me?" his father was still smiling that same, ignorant smile.
"No, Dad, that's what I had to tell you. I'm gay."
The beaming pride was erased from his father's face, his strong features twisting into a snarl of anger, "No son of mine will be a faggot!"
"Stop! Don't say that!" Angel was hurt by his father's comment.
His father put both his large hands on Angel's shoulders, threw him forcefully into the empty wall near him, and continued speaking, "You're a fucking faggot! You don't deserve to live in this house. Get out!" His father was yelling now, crushing his son's body into the wall.
"Dad, where am I-"
"NOW!" his voice boomed as he pushed him even harder, "Pack your stuff and leave. You're never living here again."
Angel's father stormed out of his son's bedroom, leaving him on the floor of his barren bedroom. He took out his suitcases which he had packed this morning. He had a feeling that his father would throw him out, but he considered himself lucky that his father hadn't beaten him to a bloody pulp. Angel hung his head in shame. He was the ultimate disgrace to his family: No father wants a faggot for a son.
"All I've got to do is march up to her, tell her I'm gay, and that'll be that," Angel said to his reflection in the mirror.
"I can't believe I'm standing here talking to myself," the reflection said back. Angel continued to stare, and analyze his appearance. He had no facial hair, and flawless, caramel colored skin. He ran a hand through his black, curly hair. He hated his hair and considered wearing a wig quite a few times, but was always too poor to buy one. He turned sideways and noticed how thin he was. The deep-set amber eyes stared back at him.
"I really do look like a fag," he said out lout and continued, "What the hell does Lenny see in me?" he sighed, "Oh well. I just have to do this."
He straightened his rumpled t-shirt, and continued the conversation with his own reflection, "Mamma loves me, she'll understand." Angel tried to convince himself.
With that, he shut the closet door and quietly trudged down the hallway of his family's apartment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Mamma?" Angel approached his mother with caution. He knew it would be one of the most difficult things he's ever done.
"Hijo, what is it?" She responded. Angel looked at his mother, and saw a splitting image of himself, except she was beautiful. She, too, was thin and had the same caramel skin and amber eyes. She was born in Peru, and had the accent to prove it. When he was younger, Angel loved to listen to his mother speak. He started to let his thoughts wander to a time when he was young, and she would read him stories, and he would listen to his mother's rhythmic accent.
"Nobody speaks like Mamma," he thought to himself, and then was shaken back to reality. "Shit, I'm stalling," he thought, and continued, "Mamma, I need to talk to you."
"Angel, hijo, que es eso?" She asked him. She quietly embraced her son, and sat him down in the worn kitchen chair.
"Mamma. I'm gay."
Angel watched as the blood drained from his mother's face. Her frightened eyes looked up to the ceiling as she began to mumble things in Spanish.
"Ay, dios mio, Angel. Ay ay ay," she continued to glance upwards and pray.
Angel immediately regretted telling her, and began, "Lo siento, Mami. Te amo!" his voice began to get louder as his mother hushed him and began speaking.
"Angel, I love you too, but I don't know if I can. Ay, Angel, what about Papi?" She shook her head and walked away, mumbling more prayers in Spanish.
Papi. He forgot about telling his father. It wasn't that he forgot, he just didn't want to, because he knew what would happen when he did. Papi's a firm believer in the "man is superior" attitude, and Angel knew that he wouldn't stand to have a faggot for a son. He used to tell Angel every day that he needed to go to the gym and work out, get a job, find a girl, live his life. He hated the fact that his son liked to sing and dance, and that he liked to shop instead of play sports.
Angel's thoughts were interrupted by the front door opening. Without even thinking, he ran upstairs and picked up the phone to call Lenny.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hello?" Lenny's voice answered sleepily on the other line.
"Lenny?"
"Hey baby," Lenny replied, immediately waking up, "What is it?"
"I told Mamma. She's praying downstairs in Spanish. I don't know what to do!"
"Alright, calm down. Did you tell your dad yet?" Lenny's voice had concern and compassion to it, and Angel knew that his boyfriend would be there for him, no matter what.
"No, he just got home. I'm so scared, baby, I don't know what to do. What if they kick me out?" Angel was on the verge of tears.
"If they do, you can come crash with me. My parents love you!" Lenny's parents didn't know that Lenny and Angel were gay, or that they were in love. His parents, nonetheless, had been warm and loving towards Angel since they first met him.
"Thanks so much. I love you."
"I love you too. Call me after you tell your dad. I'll make up a bed for you just in case."
Angel replied, smiling, "We can't share a bed?"
Lenny laughed and continued, "Come on, baby, you know my parents don't know. But we'll see. Maybe I'll 'accidentally' lose the extra set of sheets, or something."
"Shit! My dad's coming. I'll call you later," Angel fumbled with the phone, and hung up before Lenny had a chance to say anything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So, Son, how was school today?" Angel's father asked him, giving his son a slap on the back. He was a strong man in his mid thirties. He looked nothing like his son, with his Polish descent. He had a slight accent. His body was firmly built, and he went to the gym on a regular basis. He stood a full head and a half taller than his son, and towered over him in spirit as well.
"Um, it was fine, Dad, but I have something to tell you." Angel answered, awkwardly. He took a deep breath, afraid of what his father would do to him.
"Did you find yourself a girl, Son?" His father asked, beaming with pride.
"No, not exactly. Mamma already knows, she didn't say anything to you?" His hands were sweating, and he could feel his entire body shaking with nerves.
"No, but she did seem a bit upset about something. What is it?"
"Dad, uh I'm. I'm gay." Angel closed his eyes anticipating a slap from his father.
"That's funny, Son, but what did you really need to tell me?" his father was still smiling that same, ignorant smile.
"No, Dad, that's what I had to tell you. I'm gay."
The beaming pride was erased from his father's face, his strong features twisting into a snarl of anger, "No son of mine will be a faggot!"
"Stop! Don't say that!" Angel was hurt by his father's comment.
His father put both his large hands on Angel's shoulders, threw him forcefully into the empty wall near him, and continued speaking, "You're a fucking faggot! You don't deserve to live in this house. Get out!" His father was yelling now, crushing his son's body into the wall.
"Dad, where am I-"
"NOW!" his voice boomed as he pushed him even harder, "Pack your stuff and leave. You're never living here again."
Angel's father stormed out of his son's bedroom, leaving him on the floor of his barren bedroom. He took out his suitcases which he had packed this morning. He had a feeling that his father would throw him out, but he considered himself lucky that his father hadn't beaten him to a bloody pulp. Angel hung his head in shame. He was the ultimate disgrace to his family: No father wants a faggot for a son.