Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need
It's gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet
-Holding out for a Hero by Bonnie Tyler
As much as you'd like to elude yourself, you're still the same Ashley Kerwin. You've taken drugs, you've chopped off your hair, you've grown it back, you've found yourself through severe trial and error and had your heart broken twice. Nonetheless, you're still the girl you were in eighth grade. You want the same thing.
Prince Charming. And it sounds so stupid, so insanely, grossly, pitifully stupid to the point where you can't believe you'd actually say its what you're in search of. You wish to live your life on some Disney, cartoon-based life that will never work.
You want Peter Pan to sweep through the nursery and take you to Never Neverland where you don't have to grow up. But all the people say 'oh, you're so mature,' and you figure it'd be hard to find that innocence you'd shunned aside years ago. Your feet are lead, heavily rooted in this Canadian community. You're not fit for flying in that sense, and its far too hard to think of a happy thought to get you off the ground long enough.
Jimmy was a prince, a knight, a valiant solider of the basketball court and you were his storybook princess. That was the way things were until the princess slipped up and broke the glass slipper. And he took you back, he forgave you, yet still he was shoving and pushing and wiggling your foot into the glass slipper of a prep perfect life without poetry and with a surface of perfection, a persona of grace and happiness and just a swell life. But that's not you and soon Jimmy learned that.
Sean was a bad boy phase that never panned out to much. He made you feel honored, the same way Jimmy had, in this cliche sort of way that was like he almost hero-worshipped you, like you really might be the fairytale princess. But you weren't.
Craig was your gift, your relief, someone to take you as you were and wrap you up in the comfort of his voice and the lightness of his eyes. He held you close to his nearly perfect self and it seemed you'd finally found the Charming to outlast them all, that'd you'd ride away in a horse drawn carriage into the blissful ever after. But as if history repeats itself, you were pushed from his arms not by acting like yourself but rather another girl.
And it's a cold world when you stand alone, facing couples left and right - each attempting a slice of their own Utopia. You've said you just may not be the princess type - leave that for girls like Paige and Hazel and there little warped fantasies. You're more real and you've had tastes of the real world and blah blah blah.
To you it's all a sad excuse, a pretense for why you just want to run to a guy and have him hold you. Hold you like Jimmy held you when you were pretending and Craig held you while he lied. But just because you've had trial-and-error Prince Charmings and you aren't the prim and proper princess, does that mean there is no happy ending either?
Author's Note: I've been watching Degrassi since "Caberet" was a new episode, so those of you newbies may not have gotten all this. I didn't like this as much as I liked its intentions, so... hmm. Haha. Ashley's prince in my head should be SPINNER MASON but I figured I'd just leave it open ended. It is rather short but I'm not continuing. You can if you want! Haha. Just kidding.
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