Chapter 5: New Moon
The world seemed to be a very happy, peaceful place, those last few weeks of summer. Remus recovered from his last change within a week, and was back in action by the time Harry and company were escorted to Grimmauld Place. He and Tonks were trying desperately to keep their amour a secret affair, but somehow Mr. and Mrs. Weasley seemed to know, and Moody and Kingsley were about an inch away from announcing that they smelled something suspicious. Dumbledore couldn't not have known. He twinkled in their direction every time he came to Black Manor, where Tonks seemed to have made herself at home.
The night of new moon was, as it happened, the night of Arthur's birthday celebration, which he and Molly hardly ever celebrated (except on their own, of course). This year, however, they had two things to celebrate: Arthur's birthday, and his new job as Undersecretary. So Molly had been bustling about headquarters, cleaning like crazy and planning menus, Tonks following her around at a safe distance, trying to be of assistance where she could.
At six o'clock on August 12, Remus found himself in his room, examining his appearance in the dusty mirror inside his wardrobe. He usually avoided mirrors at all costs. But tonight he felt uncharacteristically unsure of himself, so he needed to reassure himself that he looked somewhat presentable.
If only he posessed Tonks's rare ability to change her appearance at will. He couldn't help but notice the gray hairs that had been present practically since he had come of age, the lines on his face that had come from seeing and feeling too much pain at what should have been a happy time in his life, and the residue of that pain that lingered unfalteringly in his eyes, like a scar. She was so young. He only wished that she would never have to feel an ounce of his former misery.
However, clad in a crisp white shirt, his new black vest and blue trousers, and slipping on his wool coat, he wondered if perhaps there was some truth to Tonks's opinion on the subject of his looks. He appeared, and indeed, felt, better than he had in years. The rich colors in his new clothes managed to make him look a bit less washed out than normal, and he felt delighted at having something to wear which didn't bear a thousand signs of poverty. He combed out his light brown hair, gawking at the near stranger in the looking glass and silently vowing that he would repay Tonks, and he would repay her a thousandfold, when the evening's festivities were over.
Feeling very emotionally naked, he gave himself a final glance, looked about his room to see that everything was in order, and swept self- consciously out onto the landing.
Tonks, who had been expecting him to wear his new favorite brown work robes, was won over in that instant if she hadn't been before. "Damn," she whispered to herself, not sure why. She was supposed it was because he looked better than she could stand, and it hurt her a little to see him.
Hidden out of his view, she pulled a compact out of her pocket and gave herself a once-over, changing her hair a few times and finally settling for dignified, chestnut brown ringlets pulled out of her face into a graceful chignon. Her eyes were turquoise, matching her turquoise and black robes. Molly had pursuaded her to come shopping again with her, but this time there were fewer embarassing questions, so it hadn't been such a trial. She really had always admired Molly, after all, and found herself enjoying her company. Molly herself was wearing a dark red gown and gold slippers, and seemed alight with happiness as she bounded around, making sure everyone was well fed, watered, and entertained.
Up until that moment the focus of the evening had been on Arthur. But as soon as Remus's lean form could be seen descending the stairs, the guest of honor took a back seat. Every single person stared at him, with expressions of awe, astonishment, and in Tonks's case, repressed desire.
This was a moment in which the shy, reserved werewolf wanted to run away and hide, preferably someplace dark and snug. "Must find Tonks," he thought frantically; "Must find reason for getting through evening..."
But he didn't have the chance, because the uncomfortable silence was broken by Mundungus Fletcher, who said, through a mouthful of Molly's pineapple casserole, "Who're you trying to impress, Rem? You look like a million galleons."
He let this impertinent (however truthful) remark slide over him as he was bombarded with complements from everyone at least once, except from the one person he wanted to see more than any other, who wasn't anywhere in sight.
And then, just when he was shaking hands with Arthur to congratulate him, he saw her. And everything else melted away.
His sudden, jerking movement made as he caught sight of her didn't go unnoticed to Arthur, who looked around at her and then back at him. "A sight this evening, isn't she?" Remus nodded numbly, barely registering what he had just heard. "Of course," the older man cleared his throat, " she's not Molly," he said to himself. The werewolf didn't hear this last bit. Every single sense he posessed was employed in the worshipping of the beautiful woman who stood in the far corner of the room, and in the thought of what would take place between them in a few (interminable, he groaned inwardly) hours.
Tonks couldn't stop herself from watching him. There was something so different about him tonight, something she had never noticed about him before. He seemed to be surrounded by a sort of youthful confidence, the gray in his hair invisible against his golden aura. The way he held himself, the way the candlelight in the chamber flickered in his eyes, the way he met her eyes and held her gaze for eternity, belonged to no age, to no time; it was the stance of a man who saw the thing he had been longing for, and who was waiting for the inevitable moment in which he would reach out and take it for his own, a state that had existed from the very moment when first men began to feel that hot surge of unbridled desire. And what Tonks didn't know was that her own aura matched his, and the light that surrounded him was flickering and reaching out and yearning to melt with her own radiance.
Although she didn't realize this, a tiny voice in her head gently whispered to her that now, more than any other time, she deserved the name Nymphadora.
They knew subconsciously that to come too closely to one another would result in a betrayal of their emotions to every person in the room. They stayed a safe distance apart, but never far enough away that they lost sight of one another. As much as both of them wanted to feel immensely happy for Arthur and Molly and the Weasley children who were all present, laughing mirthfully and chatting with Hermione, Harry, and all the members of the Order who were present in the house for the party, they couldn't feel anything but that persistent ache of passion.
And after the longest measure of time either of them had ever endured, it was finally time for the other Order members to head out, for the children to go up to bed, for Molly to clean up and join her husband, and for Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks to finally meet one another's eyes once again, closing the distance between themselves at last in the empty room and wordlessly allow their lips to find each other's, then after a blissful minute, to disappear up the staircase to Remus's bedroom, holding hands, shutting the door behind them.
"Shut the door, Remus," bid Tonks, looking up at him with unreadable eyes. He complied, murmuring a locking charm, and a silencing charm, and a few other precautions. Then he turned around to face her.
"Can I ask you something?" Tonks's voice betrayed nothing of her emotions. This surprised Remus, who had expected her to sound as fluttered as he felt.
"Of course," he answered breathily.
"How long has it been for you?"
He looked at her quizzically. "You mean, since..." She nodded.
He sighed, and landed on the edge of the bed, running his hands through his hair. "Tonks, I really don't want to talk about it," came his very quiet reply. He was lost in thought, Tonks knew. She wanted to focus on the subject at hand, which was not his past, but his present. But this was something she had to know. Molly had made a comment about his past love life only once before, and she had been curious about it ever since.
"I think I deserve to know, love."
"No one deserves that." He sounded bitter.
"What happened, Remus?" she pressed.
"Look, this isn't why I'm up here- to talk about my past. I'm trying to reconcile certain mistakes that happened a long time ago, and- well, that's why I wanted to do this. One of the reasons."
"I think you need to talk about it. Molly knows about it, and I think the other Order members know about it, too. So I feel like I have a right to know. You can't hold this in forever." It was like talking to her schoolmates about her brother for him, she realized. She quickly put the memory of his death out of her head.
"She died, Tonks." It came out in a whisper. It was the admission of one more death he had faced. "It's another one of those things people feel sorry for me about. I must sound really pitiful, I suppose. I've just seen too damn much." He breathed heavily for a moment. "Look, tonight, now I think about it, really isn't such a good night. It's the night when I'm most human." He held his head in his hands, a fresh wave of mourning for Sirius, and for Lily and James and for his Dana overpowering him. This had certainly never happened before. Why did he pick now? He had been waiting for Tonks forever.
"Remus, please, don't cry. We... we don't have to talk about it if you don't..."
"Tonks, you're right." Remus heaved a great sigh. "You do have a right to know." He patted the bed beside him, before beginning.
"Who was she?" Tonks whispered. Her eyes had become their own liquid green again, the green she only showed to him.
"Her name was Dana," he answered, hesitating before saying anything else. "She was... she was a werewolf, like me. Do you know that there are wolves in the Forbidden Forest, Tonks?"
"I've heard that," she murmured.
"She was there when I was in school. They- the wolves, that is- can't leave during full moon. Their lair was bewitched by the Ministry ages ago to keep them away from the grounds of Hogwarts. But the Ministry couldn't drive them out of the Forest. They had been there too long."
"They didn't attend the school, did they?"
"No. I was the first." He unfastened his cufflinks, his mind not in this room, with this woman. "Dana was a few years older than I was. Sirius and James and Peter and I wandered too far into the Forest one day and there she was, with two of her brothers. I... I fell in love with her. I was sixteen, and almost of age. We promised we would be together, since we couldn't be married..."
"Why not?" Tonks gasped, enraptured by his speech and quite having forgotten their intended lovemaking.
"She was a hereditary werewolf. Their society is vastly different from ours. They have castes and marriage laws and all sorts of things. I was an outsider. She was the daughter of a pack leader. It never would have worked, and we knew it."
"But how did she die?"
Remus swallowed audibly. "Supposedly, we don't yet know." Tonks furrowed her brows. "There was a massacre. No one knows who was responsible, but we can pretty well guess."
"Who?" Tonks breathed.
"Our friends at the Werewolf Capture Unit, of course. And you can guess who put them up to it."
"Umbrage?" Lupin nodded. "I see." Tonks put her arm around him.
"Just something we're used to, Tonks."
"I didn't think it ever got that bad, Rem. We never read about it in the Prophet." He laughed sadly at her words. "Does this kind of thing happen a lot?"
"Not that often. Less now than in the past. We're not exactly the most popular of beasts."
"Beings," Tonks admonished him gently. He looked up at her, and met her gaze. She was so different from Dana. Dana, even when she was alive, was a dark, fierce woman, powerful and feminine and feral. But Tonks was his light. Tonks was warm, and made his heart dance. He didn't want to think about his old love anymore. Not tonight, at least.
He leaned in and kissed her softly. She placed her hand on his cheek and returned the kiss more persistently. Ever so slowly and reluctantly, he broke away. "I don't want tonight to be overshadowed by my past, Tonks. You know that right now all I want is you."
"I know." She gave him a small smile. "I want you too, Moony."
He suddenly felt very good, and smiled back dangerously. "Can you restrain yourself long enough to take off your own robes, or shall I use my fangs?"
"That doesn't sound like a bad idea to me," she purred.
Aaaaah! The suspense! Will they ever finally do the deed, as they say????
Stay tuned to the next installment to find out!
p.s. Sorry it took so darn long to update... I was running low on inspiration, but hoorah, I found some hiding away under my bed and added it to my secret stash, so here you go! By the way, if you haven't checked out my newer RL/NT, Housewarming, please do. It's quite good!
-DSB
The world seemed to be a very happy, peaceful place, those last few weeks of summer. Remus recovered from his last change within a week, and was back in action by the time Harry and company were escorted to Grimmauld Place. He and Tonks were trying desperately to keep their amour a secret affair, but somehow Mr. and Mrs. Weasley seemed to know, and Moody and Kingsley were about an inch away from announcing that they smelled something suspicious. Dumbledore couldn't not have known. He twinkled in their direction every time he came to Black Manor, where Tonks seemed to have made herself at home.
The night of new moon was, as it happened, the night of Arthur's birthday celebration, which he and Molly hardly ever celebrated (except on their own, of course). This year, however, they had two things to celebrate: Arthur's birthday, and his new job as Undersecretary. So Molly had been bustling about headquarters, cleaning like crazy and planning menus, Tonks following her around at a safe distance, trying to be of assistance where she could.
At six o'clock on August 12, Remus found himself in his room, examining his appearance in the dusty mirror inside his wardrobe. He usually avoided mirrors at all costs. But tonight he felt uncharacteristically unsure of himself, so he needed to reassure himself that he looked somewhat presentable.
If only he posessed Tonks's rare ability to change her appearance at will. He couldn't help but notice the gray hairs that had been present practically since he had come of age, the lines on his face that had come from seeing and feeling too much pain at what should have been a happy time in his life, and the residue of that pain that lingered unfalteringly in his eyes, like a scar. She was so young. He only wished that she would never have to feel an ounce of his former misery.
However, clad in a crisp white shirt, his new black vest and blue trousers, and slipping on his wool coat, he wondered if perhaps there was some truth to Tonks's opinion on the subject of his looks. He appeared, and indeed, felt, better than he had in years. The rich colors in his new clothes managed to make him look a bit less washed out than normal, and he felt delighted at having something to wear which didn't bear a thousand signs of poverty. He combed out his light brown hair, gawking at the near stranger in the looking glass and silently vowing that he would repay Tonks, and he would repay her a thousandfold, when the evening's festivities were over.
Feeling very emotionally naked, he gave himself a final glance, looked about his room to see that everything was in order, and swept self- consciously out onto the landing.
Tonks, who had been expecting him to wear his new favorite brown work robes, was won over in that instant if she hadn't been before. "Damn," she whispered to herself, not sure why. She was supposed it was because he looked better than she could stand, and it hurt her a little to see him.
Hidden out of his view, she pulled a compact out of her pocket and gave herself a once-over, changing her hair a few times and finally settling for dignified, chestnut brown ringlets pulled out of her face into a graceful chignon. Her eyes were turquoise, matching her turquoise and black robes. Molly had pursuaded her to come shopping again with her, but this time there were fewer embarassing questions, so it hadn't been such a trial. She really had always admired Molly, after all, and found herself enjoying her company. Molly herself was wearing a dark red gown and gold slippers, and seemed alight with happiness as she bounded around, making sure everyone was well fed, watered, and entertained.
Up until that moment the focus of the evening had been on Arthur. But as soon as Remus's lean form could be seen descending the stairs, the guest of honor took a back seat. Every single person stared at him, with expressions of awe, astonishment, and in Tonks's case, repressed desire.
This was a moment in which the shy, reserved werewolf wanted to run away and hide, preferably someplace dark and snug. "Must find Tonks," he thought frantically; "Must find reason for getting through evening..."
But he didn't have the chance, because the uncomfortable silence was broken by Mundungus Fletcher, who said, through a mouthful of Molly's pineapple casserole, "Who're you trying to impress, Rem? You look like a million galleons."
He let this impertinent (however truthful) remark slide over him as he was bombarded with complements from everyone at least once, except from the one person he wanted to see more than any other, who wasn't anywhere in sight.
And then, just when he was shaking hands with Arthur to congratulate him, he saw her. And everything else melted away.
His sudden, jerking movement made as he caught sight of her didn't go unnoticed to Arthur, who looked around at her and then back at him. "A sight this evening, isn't she?" Remus nodded numbly, barely registering what he had just heard. "Of course," the older man cleared his throat, " she's not Molly," he said to himself. The werewolf didn't hear this last bit. Every single sense he posessed was employed in the worshipping of the beautiful woman who stood in the far corner of the room, and in the thought of what would take place between them in a few (interminable, he groaned inwardly) hours.
Tonks couldn't stop herself from watching him. There was something so different about him tonight, something she had never noticed about him before. He seemed to be surrounded by a sort of youthful confidence, the gray in his hair invisible against his golden aura. The way he held himself, the way the candlelight in the chamber flickered in his eyes, the way he met her eyes and held her gaze for eternity, belonged to no age, to no time; it was the stance of a man who saw the thing he had been longing for, and who was waiting for the inevitable moment in which he would reach out and take it for his own, a state that had existed from the very moment when first men began to feel that hot surge of unbridled desire. And what Tonks didn't know was that her own aura matched his, and the light that surrounded him was flickering and reaching out and yearning to melt with her own radiance.
Although she didn't realize this, a tiny voice in her head gently whispered to her that now, more than any other time, she deserved the name Nymphadora.
They knew subconsciously that to come too closely to one another would result in a betrayal of their emotions to every person in the room. They stayed a safe distance apart, but never far enough away that they lost sight of one another. As much as both of them wanted to feel immensely happy for Arthur and Molly and the Weasley children who were all present, laughing mirthfully and chatting with Hermione, Harry, and all the members of the Order who were present in the house for the party, they couldn't feel anything but that persistent ache of passion.
And after the longest measure of time either of them had ever endured, it was finally time for the other Order members to head out, for the children to go up to bed, for Molly to clean up and join her husband, and for Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks to finally meet one another's eyes once again, closing the distance between themselves at last in the empty room and wordlessly allow their lips to find each other's, then after a blissful minute, to disappear up the staircase to Remus's bedroom, holding hands, shutting the door behind them.
"Shut the door, Remus," bid Tonks, looking up at him with unreadable eyes. He complied, murmuring a locking charm, and a silencing charm, and a few other precautions. Then he turned around to face her.
"Can I ask you something?" Tonks's voice betrayed nothing of her emotions. This surprised Remus, who had expected her to sound as fluttered as he felt.
"Of course," he answered breathily.
"How long has it been for you?"
He looked at her quizzically. "You mean, since..." She nodded.
He sighed, and landed on the edge of the bed, running his hands through his hair. "Tonks, I really don't want to talk about it," came his very quiet reply. He was lost in thought, Tonks knew. She wanted to focus on the subject at hand, which was not his past, but his present. But this was something she had to know. Molly had made a comment about his past love life only once before, and she had been curious about it ever since.
"I think I deserve to know, love."
"No one deserves that." He sounded bitter.
"What happened, Remus?" she pressed.
"Look, this isn't why I'm up here- to talk about my past. I'm trying to reconcile certain mistakes that happened a long time ago, and- well, that's why I wanted to do this. One of the reasons."
"I think you need to talk about it. Molly knows about it, and I think the other Order members know about it, too. So I feel like I have a right to know. You can't hold this in forever." It was like talking to her schoolmates about her brother for him, she realized. She quickly put the memory of his death out of her head.
"She died, Tonks." It came out in a whisper. It was the admission of one more death he had faced. "It's another one of those things people feel sorry for me about. I must sound really pitiful, I suppose. I've just seen too damn much." He breathed heavily for a moment. "Look, tonight, now I think about it, really isn't such a good night. It's the night when I'm most human." He held his head in his hands, a fresh wave of mourning for Sirius, and for Lily and James and for his Dana overpowering him. This had certainly never happened before. Why did he pick now? He had been waiting for Tonks forever.
"Remus, please, don't cry. We... we don't have to talk about it if you don't..."
"Tonks, you're right." Remus heaved a great sigh. "You do have a right to know." He patted the bed beside him, before beginning.
"Who was she?" Tonks whispered. Her eyes had become their own liquid green again, the green she only showed to him.
"Her name was Dana," he answered, hesitating before saying anything else. "She was... she was a werewolf, like me. Do you know that there are wolves in the Forbidden Forest, Tonks?"
"I've heard that," she murmured.
"She was there when I was in school. They- the wolves, that is- can't leave during full moon. Their lair was bewitched by the Ministry ages ago to keep them away from the grounds of Hogwarts. But the Ministry couldn't drive them out of the Forest. They had been there too long."
"They didn't attend the school, did they?"
"No. I was the first." He unfastened his cufflinks, his mind not in this room, with this woman. "Dana was a few years older than I was. Sirius and James and Peter and I wandered too far into the Forest one day and there she was, with two of her brothers. I... I fell in love with her. I was sixteen, and almost of age. We promised we would be together, since we couldn't be married..."
"Why not?" Tonks gasped, enraptured by his speech and quite having forgotten their intended lovemaking.
"She was a hereditary werewolf. Their society is vastly different from ours. They have castes and marriage laws and all sorts of things. I was an outsider. She was the daughter of a pack leader. It never would have worked, and we knew it."
"But how did she die?"
Remus swallowed audibly. "Supposedly, we don't yet know." Tonks furrowed her brows. "There was a massacre. No one knows who was responsible, but we can pretty well guess."
"Who?" Tonks breathed.
"Our friends at the Werewolf Capture Unit, of course. And you can guess who put them up to it."
"Umbrage?" Lupin nodded. "I see." Tonks put her arm around him.
"Just something we're used to, Tonks."
"I didn't think it ever got that bad, Rem. We never read about it in the Prophet." He laughed sadly at her words. "Does this kind of thing happen a lot?"
"Not that often. Less now than in the past. We're not exactly the most popular of beasts."
"Beings," Tonks admonished him gently. He looked up at her, and met her gaze. She was so different from Dana. Dana, even when she was alive, was a dark, fierce woman, powerful and feminine and feral. But Tonks was his light. Tonks was warm, and made his heart dance. He didn't want to think about his old love anymore. Not tonight, at least.
He leaned in and kissed her softly. She placed her hand on his cheek and returned the kiss more persistently. Ever so slowly and reluctantly, he broke away. "I don't want tonight to be overshadowed by my past, Tonks. You know that right now all I want is you."
"I know." She gave him a small smile. "I want you too, Moony."
He suddenly felt very good, and smiled back dangerously. "Can you restrain yourself long enough to take off your own robes, or shall I use my fangs?"
"That doesn't sound like a bad idea to me," she purred.
Aaaaah! The suspense! Will they ever finally do the deed, as they say????
Stay tuned to the next installment to find out!
p.s. Sorry it took so darn long to update... I was running low on inspiration, but hoorah, I found some hiding away under my bed and added it to my secret stash, so here you go! By the way, if you haven't checked out my newer RL/NT, Housewarming, please do. It's quite good!
-DSB