Once again, THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed (Ildera, glad you're feeling better!). I am so glad to see some new names reading this fic as well. It's been so much fun so far working on it. So, this chapter is for all you beautiful people out there who continue to give me feedback!!!

*Kissy*

P.S. I own nothing.

~**~

Warren was crouched down on the floor desperately trying to pry the knuts and sickles off the floor. Harry and Draco watched in amusement as the little shoplifter used his wand, his fingers, and at one point his teeth to try and get the growing collection of money off the floor.

"Who stuck all this money down?"

Draco smirked. "I did."

"What the hell for, man?"

"I don't feel that I need to explain my art to you Warren."

Harry walked around to look at the wizard discs that Warren had taken. "Warren, look at what you took." Harry flipped through some of the discs with an amused smile on his face. "Muggle rap, metal, more muggle rap, more metal, and what's this? Witchy Houston?"

"It's for my girlfriend, ok?" Warren blushed and looked away.

"Sure it is. You know, someone like you needs to diminish their criminal impulses, not magnify them. Maybe some jazz or some classical?"

"Maybe you bite me."

Minerva watched the banter between Harry and Warren with an amused glint in her eyes.

"Do any of you, er, like Gilderoy Lockhart's new record?"

Warren looked at Minerva, and then burst out into fits of laughter. "hahahha! Hahahahahahahahahahahahah!"

"What?"

"Dance-party-wizard-teeny-bopper type of shit right?"

Minerva looked a bit taken aback. She despised the man, but didn't want him to suffer too much. "I don't know," she said in retaliation. "Actually, it tested well among teenage males."

"Minerva," said Harry," did you compare the percentage of teenage male Gilderoy Lockhart fans to the incidents of homosexuality among wizard teens?"

This comment put Warren into another fit of hysterics.

"No," replied Minerva rather weakly.

Harry sat back down on the couch and smirked.

~*~

Gilderoy was still signing items as if his life depended on it. Actually, his career did, and he knew it. He didn't LIKE it, but he knew that middle wizarding communities ate up his records like pumpkin cakes.

Gilderoy looked up from the stack of records and photos he was signing and came face to face with a young witch.

"Who should I make it out to?"

"Denise."

"Denise," mumbled Gilderoy as he began to scribble on the stack of items in front of him. "I've always loved that name."

"Thank you, but it's not mine, it's my mum's. She loves you, I've never heard of you."

A low growl escaped from Gilderoy's lips. He stood up and leaned forward so that he was practically nose to nose with the young girl.

"Tell me," said Lockhart in a low, menacing way," does your MUM still have her on teeth?"

The young girl was not at all threatened by the singer; she just crossed her arms over her chest and smiled. "Cool hair," she said sarcastically. She grabbed her items off the table and walked out.

Gilderoy sat down and ran his hand through his hair, silently cursing his stylist, and at the same time, hating himself for no longer appealing to the younger crowd. He sat up straight and motioned for the next fan to come forward.

A woman stepped forward clouded in colorful robes. Ron, who was overseeing the whole operation, recognized her immediately as that dolty Professor Trelawney. She came up to the table, and to everyone's surprise, even Ron's, she began to sing in an opera voice........

"Say no more, mon amour, Say no more, mon amour, say no more, MOOOOOOONNNN AMMMMOOUUUURRRRRR! SAAYYYYY NOOOOO MOOORREEEE....."

Lockhart wanted to curse himself, and Ron just clapped.

~*~

In the backroom, Harry was busy staring off into space, occasionally smirking at no one in particular.

The door opened and none other than Lee Jordan walked in. In the last few years at Hogwarts, Lee had started playing the muggle guitar and got into music. The most remarkable thing about him was that Pansy, hater of the world, was quite taken by Lee, and the two were frequently spotted together.

"Jordan," said Harry. He continued to look at the ceiling with renewed interest.

"Harry, I heard a story about you."

"Really. Which one? And don't tell me it's the one where I fathered Narcissa Malfoy's child then gave it to Ol' Voldie in exchange for my freedom. That one is getting old, and it's ruining me a bit."

"The one where you stole nine thousand galleons went to Atlantis City, and there's a contract out on you."

Harry smiled at the accuracy and gave Lee a thumbs up.

Lee looked around the room. "Has anyone seen Pansy today?"

Draco looked up from his sketch book. "Yeah, we saw her. She shaved her head, both the muggle and magical way. And she has a bandage on her wrist."

"Really?"

Lee put his guitar down and surveyed the room. His gaze landed on a woman who was; well, too old to be working at Empress. She looked vaguely familiar. The long black hair streaked with gray....the spectacles....she looked so familiar to Lee.

"Who're you?"

Minerva smiled a bit. Her former students had some trouble recognizing her without the severe bun.

"Mr. Jordan, surely you recognize you old transfigurations professor. It has only been about a year and a half."

"Oh, hello Professor."

"Minerva will be just fine Lee. I work for Gilderoy Lockhart."

Lee almost lost it just hearing that. All he could get out was "Ohhhh............."

Suddenly, after an extended period of silence, the entire group, save Minerva, burst into laughter.

Minerva stood up and put on the sternest face she could muster at that moment.

"You think that's funny, don't you?"

The boys continued to laugh. Tears were streaking down Lee's face, and Warren was rolling around on the floor.

Minerva began to collect her purse and straighten out her robes. "If you'll excuse me....." She began to weave her way through the laughing boys.

Snape stepped out of his office and caught up to her.

"You're quitting? You can't quit!"

"Oh Severus, it's not them," shooting a glare at the boys who had collected themselves and numbed the laughter down to staggered giggles. "It's Gilderoy. You know, I don't even like his music!"

"Come on Minerva, you've got to stay."

"I need a change of scenery." Minerva turned her heel and opened the door to the back entrance.

"Minerva, come on, you can't do it to the---" the back door shut in his face as Minerva walked out. Severus stomped off to his office and slammed the door.

"I can't believe it, she quit."

Snape went over to his wizard disc player and entered a loud head-banging song.

He grabbed drumsticks, walked over to the muggle drum set he purchased and started banging the drums along with the song.

~*~

The whole staff heard the music throughout the store. They knew Snape was pissed about something.

Hermione and Ginny were working at the registers (Pansy decided to take inventory) when they saw Mitchell Fudge burst through the doors.

Mitch looked up at the two girls who were singing and dancing along to the music. Mitch pulled out his wand. "Petrificus Totalus!"

The two girls were frozen in mid-dance. Mitch went up to them and smirked. "Excuse me, LADIES, there should be more selling, THANK YOU!" Mitch walked away, then turned around to mutter "finite incantantum!"

Hermione had to literally hold Ginny back once the curse was lifted. Ginny grabbed her wand and pointed to the speakers. "GUESS WHO'S HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Mitch ignored the girl and walked up to Gilderoy. "How are you? I'm Mitchell Fudge-I own this place."

Gilderoy looked up to the smiling man. "Oh, good to meet you." Lockhart shook Fudge's hand, then sat down to resume his signing duties. "You have a nice a store."

"Oh, nice of you to say. I'll tell you though, you should have seen it originally: Fudge's Bath and Bidet, wizard bathroom emporium. My great- grandfather started it. It was my muggle-obssessed mother who turned it into a record store after she went to one in London. I tell you, if I was selling wizard toilets today, I'd be richer than my father, and he's the minister of magic!

Mitch continued to talk about the wonders of magical bathrooms when Snape walked into the store.

"Severus, what's the matter with you?" 'Great,' though Snape. I see this bastard for the first time today and he's already down my throat with useless crap.

"Severus, you're sweating like a pig."

"Well, it's nice to see you too Mitch."

"Snape, come on." Mitch brought him towards the table where Gilderoy was still signing autographs. "Is this how we treat Mr. Lockhart? Where's the fresh fruit? The Silver Label Butterbeer?"

Gilderoy was ecstatic. Silver Label! That was not cheap stuff. But this was not the place to act like a pig. Lockhart smiled almost solemnly and humbly replied, "No, no, that's not necessary. But thank you."

Mitch waved his humble words off. "No no, please. Severus, he's a BIG STAR." It was obvious that Mitchell wanted Gilderoy to leave the store in awe.

Snape muttered a string of obscenities under his breath. "Yup," he said with a great big plastic smile on," big, huge star! Big big big!"

"So let's get him something SEVERUS."

"Sure, sure."

"Ok, Mr. Lockhart, we'll be back shortly. Please let us know if there is anything else you'll need."

And with that, Mitch and Snape walked to the back. Severus lagged behind, knowing that once he was in the backroom with Mitch and no money, he was a dead wizard.