Here we go kids......it's the last leg of all of this
~Chapter 22: a funeral, a wand, and a job~
Hermione gathered the staff into the backroom where she had set up 2 tables together. Candles were all over the room, and the lights were dimmed. Slow, dreary music filled the back, and Pansy was laid across the two tables, hands across her chest, eyes closed.
She was dead.
Or at least pretending to be. 'Bloody hell, stupid Hermione and all this getting to know you by pretending you're dead bullshit...' Pansy continued to mumble under her breath as Hermione came into the room and stood by Pansy's feet.
"We're gathered here today to pay our last respects to Pansy. She left us and never said why, but I'm really gonna miss her. And I wish that I could have known her a little better." Hermione bowed her head towards the 'corpse.'
"Dogshit."
Seamus nudged Pansy, "Hey, dead people don't talk."
Hermione gestured towards Lee. "Lee, would you like to say anything?"
"Pansy, I just...I just want you to stay, that's all."
Hermione nodded, and then looked at Draco.
Draco took a deep breath and began speaking, except he was looking at Hermione the whole time. "Well, is it better to know or to not know? You see, I wanna go to art school but I'm afraid."
Pansy squirmed on the table, "Merlin, I hate this funeral!"
~*~
Back in the store, Ron was left in charge while the mock funeral went on in the back. He was at the register ringing up customers, answering the phone, and trying to keep the peace. Just as soon as Ron hung up with an inquiry, the wizard phone rang....AGAIN.
"Empress Records open 'til midnight, this is Ron.....huh? Yes....I SAID WE'RE OPEN TILL MIDNIGHT YOU BUBBLE-HEADED GIT!"
Ron took out his wand and pointed at the wizard phone with murder in his eyes. He backed away slowly and pressed a button on the register...
"HELP ME!" Ron's voice echoed throughout the store and in the back. "Help me, Help me, help me! Oh, Merlin's beard...umm......"
~*~
Ron's cries for help were heard loud and clear in the backroom. Pansy had to control herself and keep from laughing out loud. Everyone else was in the same position; giggles were being stifled around the room-it was a funeral after all.
Draco sighed after the tenth cry for help. "I'll take care of it Sev."
"Thanks," said Snape, who at this point could care less if the store burned to the ground.
Meanwhile, Hermione was watching the whole mock-funeral, feeling like there was a big part of her missing. "I miss Ginny," she blurted out loud.
"That's really special but aren't we supposed to be talking about me?" Pansy was not one to be ignored, even at her own 'funeral.'
"I know," said Hermione, slightly embarrassed that she had let those words slip out, "I just can't stop thinking about her. She's not afraid of life, and she's not afraid to be herself. And I wish that I could be like that, I wish I could be brave like Ginny. So much for being a Gryffindor, I basically failed my house."
Out of the shadows, a figure walked into the room. Everyone squinted in the dimly lit room to make out who had been watching the 'funeral' this whole time.
It was Ginny.
She ran up to Hermione and gave her a hug. She pulled away and took Hermione's face in her hands. Tears were streaming down her face, "You are brave. You're getting out of here! "Ginny let go and looked around the room and then back to Hermione. "You're always talking about how I do what I wanna do, but I don't. I don't. Partly because I have complete bone-heads as brothers who, like every guy out there, sees me as someone who should just settle down after Hogwarts and pop out kids like my mum. But I want to sing in a band, but, erm, I don't even have the guts to audition! And I know that if I don't do something I'm gonna end up like my mother, her life ended after Hogwarts. She popped out Bill and Charlie, and hell, she was barefoot and preggers for years!"
Hermione was shocked to hear that speech come from Ginny. Ginny, fiery, brave, persistent, guts of steel Ginny. She took the red-head's hand and gave her a warm smile.
"You're never gonna be like your mum if you don't want to be like her. You're gonna be fine."
The two girls embraced as a disgusted and annoyed Pansy watched.
"That is so sweet I think I'm gonna barf." Pansy got up from her 'coffin.' "Excuse me."
Hermione suddenly pinned Pansy down. She wasn't done with the funeral, "Hey, help me keep her down! Someone go get Ron, Draco can run the store fine!"
The group finally pinned Pansy down, and Ron came into the back looking disheveled and relieved at the same time.
Harry was the first one to begin speaking again. "Er, I used to pee in my bed." The staff just stared at the boy-who-lived, now the boy-who-pissed- the-bed. "I did, I, I wet the bed until I was ten. Aunt Petunia wanted to turn me over to an orphanage when I was ten, not because I wet the bed, at least I don't think that was it, but she said I was a bad seed like my mother. She was terrified of our kind, of magic. Anyways, then Hagrid showed up when I turned eleven, and well, ever since I've been at Hogwarts, and met Dumbledore, and Ron and Hermione, and well, now befriended all of you, especially Sev and Draco, I'm a lot more well-adjusted today than I ever was. That and Voldemort's dead, so that saved some of my sanity as well."
Pansy was getting pretty tired of the confessionals around her. She sat up and looked at everyone, then pulled up her sleeve and looked at her bandaged wrist. "Look, I tried to kill myself with a muggle razor; a pink plastic razor with daisies on it and a thing called a moisturizing strip. And it took me forever to just get through my skin. I don't know; I was just really tired of being invisible."
Before she could protest, the whole staff was hugging Pansy. "We love you Pansy!" was heard over Pansy's screams of protest.
~*~
In the store, everything was smooth sailing. Draco calmed the storm, and was glad that Ron was called to the back. He was irritating the hell out of him today. 'Stupid Weasley and his stupid trips and highs.' Draco continued to silently curse out Ron as he worked the registers. He finished ringing up the last person in line, but before he could lean back for a bit, another person came up in front of him. Draco stared at the person intently, slightly amused.
"Warren, get out of the store."
Warren leaned over the counter and sneered at Draco. "You can't tell me what to do, DRACO." He drew out Draco's name as long as his breath held out. He pulled out his wand and Draco instinctively reached for his. 'Crap.' Draco's wand was lying on the coffee table in the backroom. Warren realized that Draco was wand-less, so he pointed the wand at Draco, waving it around in a threatening manner.
"What are you doing with that wand?"
"What do you THINK I'm doing with a wand?" Warren began to mutter words under his breath.....
BANG!!
~*~
In the back room, Seamus jumped up. "What the hell was that?"
~*~
Warren looked at the gaping hole in the wall where his curse had hit. "Oh, holy shit man..." He looked frantically around the registers for any sign of Draco. Images of Azkaban zipped in front of his mind.
Out of nowhere, Draco appeared and began to dust off his robes. He looked at Warren and held out his hand.
"Warren, why don't you let these people go?" He looked around the store where the customers had dropped to the ground, too terrified to move. Warren saw this and started waving his wand at anyone who tried to leave. "Warren, what do you say, huh?"
"Good try Draco, good try. You're trying to fool me, man, and I'm not that dumb. These people will call the ministry on me!"
"Warren, no one is going to call the ministry."
The rest of the staff was watching the face off from the door window in the back room.
Snape shook his head. "It's Warren, he's shooting up the place with who knows what curse.."
Hermione ran up to look out into the store and gasped, "Oh no, Draco!"
Snape held her arm to keep her from going out into the store. "Draco is fine. Everybody stand back, Minerva.is Minerva still here?"
McGonagall stepped up front. "Yes?"
"Call the ministry."
~*~
Warren was running around the register, wand poised to shoot out curses at whoever moved.
"I'm crazy, and I've got a wand." He looked around and saw Snape walking towards him. "Hey! Hey Severus! Did you see that, man? Did you see that? Wasn't that brilliant?" Warren pointed to the hole in the wall and grinned maniacally. "YEAH! Didn't you just LOVE that? You told me not to come back......and here I am!"
"Give me the wand, Warren."
Warren pointed his wand towards Snape faster than Snape could grab his own wand. "Expelliarmus! (a/n: sorry if the spelling is busted() Snape ducked just in time to miss the curse. It hit a shelf right behind him and sent several wizard discs toppling to the ground. Severus got up and began to walk towards Warren with his own wand in his hand when someone put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. He looked up and saw Pansy.
"Pansy? What are you doing?"
"I wanted to have a little chat with Warren."
"Ha, have a little chat with my wand!"
Pansy seemed unfazed by the threat. She walked directly up to Warren and pointed his wand to her face.
"What do you want Warren?"
Blood rushed to Warren's face, "STOP CALLING ME WARREN! MY NAME ISN'T FUCKING WARREN!"
~*~
The staff in the back passed the new information around.
"His name isn't Warren." Said Seamus to Hermione. "His name isn't Warren," said Hermione to Ginny.
"His name isn't Warren?" Lee was a little confused.
"I thought his name was Warren?" Ron peeked out the door, then shrugged his shoulders and ate more pumpkin cakes.
~*~
Pansy was still standing directly in front of Warren's wand. "Well, you can't kill me, 'Warren,' because I'm already dead. And I talked to the Hogwarts founders and they said 'Yo, wassup?' and erm, they want to you to lose the wand."
Shaking, Warren looked all over the store, to Draco who was still standing by the registers, Snape who had given up and began to fix up the damage he had caused, to the heads that were sticking out of the door that lead to the backroom. He looked back at Pansy, panic spreading all over his face. "You're psycho! YOU ARE PSYCHO! What the hell is wrong with you people? All of you belong to St. Mungo's! Everyone one of you! Forget you guys, I don't need you. You think you're so good and damn great cos you work in a freakin' record store! You think you're so....." Warren took a deep breath, his face red with frustration, ".......superior! Hey, Snape, Harry the great STEALS nine grand from you and you don't do dick to him? What are you gonna do to me? Give me a job?!"
Lee and the rest of the staff had come out of the back room during Warren's speech. Lee approached Warren with caution, seeing as he was obviously mad, and armed.
"So that's it Warren? You wanna work in a record store?"
"No."
Harry came up and stood next to Lee. "I think you're lying, Warren."
Pointing to Snape, Warren looked at Harry, "He's not gonna give me a job."
"How do you know?"
"Why should he? Why would ANYONE give ME a job?"
"He gave me one." Harry and Snape walked towards Warren, and before he could even blink, Snape had his wand.
Looking hopefully at Severus, Warren grinned, "So, do I get the job?"
At that moment, a team of wiz-cops charged through the door.
~Chapter 22: a funeral, a wand, and a job~
Hermione gathered the staff into the backroom where she had set up 2 tables together. Candles were all over the room, and the lights were dimmed. Slow, dreary music filled the back, and Pansy was laid across the two tables, hands across her chest, eyes closed.
She was dead.
Or at least pretending to be. 'Bloody hell, stupid Hermione and all this getting to know you by pretending you're dead bullshit...' Pansy continued to mumble under her breath as Hermione came into the room and stood by Pansy's feet.
"We're gathered here today to pay our last respects to Pansy. She left us and never said why, but I'm really gonna miss her. And I wish that I could have known her a little better." Hermione bowed her head towards the 'corpse.'
"Dogshit."
Seamus nudged Pansy, "Hey, dead people don't talk."
Hermione gestured towards Lee. "Lee, would you like to say anything?"
"Pansy, I just...I just want you to stay, that's all."
Hermione nodded, and then looked at Draco.
Draco took a deep breath and began speaking, except he was looking at Hermione the whole time. "Well, is it better to know or to not know? You see, I wanna go to art school but I'm afraid."
Pansy squirmed on the table, "Merlin, I hate this funeral!"
~*~
Back in the store, Ron was left in charge while the mock funeral went on in the back. He was at the register ringing up customers, answering the phone, and trying to keep the peace. Just as soon as Ron hung up with an inquiry, the wizard phone rang....AGAIN.
"Empress Records open 'til midnight, this is Ron.....huh? Yes....I SAID WE'RE OPEN TILL MIDNIGHT YOU BUBBLE-HEADED GIT!"
Ron took out his wand and pointed at the wizard phone with murder in his eyes. He backed away slowly and pressed a button on the register...
"HELP ME!" Ron's voice echoed throughout the store and in the back. "Help me, Help me, help me! Oh, Merlin's beard...umm......"
~*~
Ron's cries for help were heard loud and clear in the backroom. Pansy had to control herself and keep from laughing out loud. Everyone else was in the same position; giggles were being stifled around the room-it was a funeral after all.
Draco sighed after the tenth cry for help. "I'll take care of it Sev."
"Thanks," said Snape, who at this point could care less if the store burned to the ground.
Meanwhile, Hermione was watching the whole mock-funeral, feeling like there was a big part of her missing. "I miss Ginny," she blurted out loud.
"That's really special but aren't we supposed to be talking about me?" Pansy was not one to be ignored, even at her own 'funeral.'
"I know," said Hermione, slightly embarrassed that she had let those words slip out, "I just can't stop thinking about her. She's not afraid of life, and she's not afraid to be herself. And I wish that I could be like that, I wish I could be brave like Ginny. So much for being a Gryffindor, I basically failed my house."
Out of the shadows, a figure walked into the room. Everyone squinted in the dimly lit room to make out who had been watching the 'funeral' this whole time.
It was Ginny.
She ran up to Hermione and gave her a hug. She pulled away and took Hermione's face in her hands. Tears were streaming down her face, "You are brave. You're getting out of here! "Ginny let go and looked around the room and then back to Hermione. "You're always talking about how I do what I wanna do, but I don't. I don't. Partly because I have complete bone-heads as brothers who, like every guy out there, sees me as someone who should just settle down after Hogwarts and pop out kids like my mum. But I want to sing in a band, but, erm, I don't even have the guts to audition! And I know that if I don't do something I'm gonna end up like my mother, her life ended after Hogwarts. She popped out Bill and Charlie, and hell, she was barefoot and preggers for years!"
Hermione was shocked to hear that speech come from Ginny. Ginny, fiery, brave, persistent, guts of steel Ginny. She took the red-head's hand and gave her a warm smile.
"You're never gonna be like your mum if you don't want to be like her. You're gonna be fine."
The two girls embraced as a disgusted and annoyed Pansy watched.
"That is so sweet I think I'm gonna barf." Pansy got up from her 'coffin.' "Excuse me."
Hermione suddenly pinned Pansy down. She wasn't done with the funeral, "Hey, help me keep her down! Someone go get Ron, Draco can run the store fine!"
The group finally pinned Pansy down, and Ron came into the back looking disheveled and relieved at the same time.
Harry was the first one to begin speaking again. "Er, I used to pee in my bed." The staff just stared at the boy-who-lived, now the boy-who-pissed- the-bed. "I did, I, I wet the bed until I was ten. Aunt Petunia wanted to turn me over to an orphanage when I was ten, not because I wet the bed, at least I don't think that was it, but she said I was a bad seed like my mother. She was terrified of our kind, of magic. Anyways, then Hagrid showed up when I turned eleven, and well, ever since I've been at Hogwarts, and met Dumbledore, and Ron and Hermione, and well, now befriended all of you, especially Sev and Draco, I'm a lot more well-adjusted today than I ever was. That and Voldemort's dead, so that saved some of my sanity as well."
Pansy was getting pretty tired of the confessionals around her. She sat up and looked at everyone, then pulled up her sleeve and looked at her bandaged wrist. "Look, I tried to kill myself with a muggle razor; a pink plastic razor with daisies on it and a thing called a moisturizing strip. And it took me forever to just get through my skin. I don't know; I was just really tired of being invisible."
Before she could protest, the whole staff was hugging Pansy. "We love you Pansy!" was heard over Pansy's screams of protest.
~*~
In the store, everything was smooth sailing. Draco calmed the storm, and was glad that Ron was called to the back. He was irritating the hell out of him today. 'Stupid Weasley and his stupid trips and highs.' Draco continued to silently curse out Ron as he worked the registers. He finished ringing up the last person in line, but before he could lean back for a bit, another person came up in front of him. Draco stared at the person intently, slightly amused.
"Warren, get out of the store."
Warren leaned over the counter and sneered at Draco. "You can't tell me what to do, DRACO." He drew out Draco's name as long as his breath held out. He pulled out his wand and Draco instinctively reached for his. 'Crap.' Draco's wand was lying on the coffee table in the backroom. Warren realized that Draco was wand-less, so he pointed the wand at Draco, waving it around in a threatening manner.
"What are you doing with that wand?"
"What do you THINK I'm doing with a wand?" Warren began to mutter words under his breath.....
BANG!!
~*~
In the back room, Seamus jumped up. "What the hell was that?"
~*~
Warren looked at the gaping hole in the wall where his curse had hit. "Oh, holy shit man..." He looked frantically around the registers for any sign of Draco. Images of Azkaban zipped in front of his mind.
Out of nowhere, Draco appeared and began to dust off his robes. He looked at Warren and held out his hand.
"Warren, why don't you let these people go?" He looked around the store where the customers had dropped to the ground, too terrified to move. Warren saw this and started waving his wand at anyone who tried to leave. "Warren, what do you say, huh?"
"Good try Draco, good try. You're trying to fool me, man, and I'm not that dumb. These people will call the ministry on me!"
"Warren, no one is going to call the ministry."
The rest of the staff was watching the face off from the door window in the back room.
Snape shook his head. "It's Warren, he's shooting up the place with who knows what curse.."
Hermione ran up to look out into the store and gasped, "Oh no, Draco!"
Snape held her arm to keep her from going out into the store. "Draco is fine. Everybody stand back, Minerva.is Minerva still here?"
McGonagall stepped up front. "Yes?"
"Call the ministry."
~*~
Warren was running around the register, wand poised to shoot out curses at whoever moved.
"I'm crazy, and I've got a wand." He looked around and saw Snape walking towards him. "Hey! Hey Severus! Did you see that, man? Did you see that? Wasn't that brilliant?" Warren pointed to the hole in the wall and grinned maniacally. "YEAH! Didn't you just LOVE that? You told me not to come back......and here I am!"
"Give me the wand, Warren."
Warren pointed his wand towards Snape faster than Snape could grab his own wand. "Expelliarmus! (a/n: sorry if the spelling is busted() Snape ducked just in time to miss the curse. It hit a shelf right behind him and sent several wizard discs toppling to the ground. Severus got up and began to walk towards Warren with his own wand in his hand when someone put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. He looked up and saw Pansy.
"Pansy? What are you doing?"
"I wanted to have a little chat with Warren."
"Ha, have a little chat with my wand!"
Pansy seemed unfazed by the threat. She walked directly up to Warren and pointed his wand to her face.
"What do you want Warren?"
Blood rushed to Warren's face, "STOP CALLING ME WARREN! MY NAME ISN'T FUCKING WARREN!"
~*~
The staff in the back passed the new information around.
"His name isn't Warren." Said Seamus to Hermione. "His name isn't Warren," said Hermione to Ginny.
"His name isn't Warren?" Lee was a little confused.
"I thought his name was Warren?" Ron peeked out the door, then shrugged his shoulders and ate more pumpkin cakes.
~*~
Pansy was still standing directly in front of Warren's wand. "Well, you can't kill me, 'Warren,' because I'm already dead. And I talked to the Hogwarts founders and they said 'Yo, wassup?' and erm, they want to you to lose the wand."
Shaking, Warren looked all over the store, to Draco who was still standing by the registers, Snape who had given up and began to fix up the damage he had caused, to the heads that were sticking out of the door that lead to the backroom. He looked back at Pansy, panic spreading all over his face. "You're psycho! YOU ARE PSYCHO! What the hell is wrong with you people? All of you belong to St. Mungo's! Everyone one of you! Forget you guys, I don't need you. You think you're so good and damn great cos you work in a freakin' record store! You think you're so....." Warren took a deep breath, his face red with frustration, ".......superior! Hey, Snape, Harry the great STEALS nine grand from you and you don't do dick to him? What are you gonna do to me? Give me a job?!"
Lee and the rest of the staff had come out of the back room during Warren's speech. Lee approached Warren with caution, seeing as he was obviously mad, and armed.
"So that's it Warren? You wanna work in a record store?"
"No."
Harry came up and stood next to Lee. "I think you're lying, Warren."
Pointing to Snape, Warren looked at Harry, "He's not gonna give me a job."
"How do you know?"
"Why should he? Why would ANYONE give ME a job?"
"He gave me one." Harry and Snape walked towards Warren, and before he could even blink, Snape had his wand.
Looking hopefully at Severus, Warren grinned, "So, do I get the job?"
At that moment, a team of wiz-cops charged through the door.