Lost Times

I'm not sure how they done the whole memory sweep about Conner but I made it up as I went along.

I've also wanted a Cordy/Wes bonding moment for ages and this was it.

They sat in silence, punctuated by the radio, as they made their way into LA city centre. Derek had scanned her letter for her and sent it via email to Wesley. It was quicker than courier and hopefully Wesley would be waiting for them at the hotel when they got there. He looked at the young lady sitting beside him. It was hard for him to imagine that Cordelia could have been a part of trying to bring the world to it's knees. She seemed so innocent and too concerned for others. There had been rumours of possession and now that he had spoken to her it seemed more plausible than Cordelia herself being responsible. He was also puzzled how she had woken up at all. Her brain wave activity had shown permanent vegetation with no chance of recovery, yet here she was sitting right beside him, very much awake and alert. His brow furrowed as he wondered what she was thinking and what had caused the stray tear that now slipped silently down her cheek. "Are you ok?"

She turned to look at him with horror and terror in her eyes. "I think I'm remembering. Oh my god, what have I done?"

"We don't think it was you. We think you were taken over by another demon. Your demon side couldn't fight him; he was too strong. We are not sure why he chose you but prophecies mention the birth of a being that was never meant to be. I think their still working on that one. Nothing you did or said was under your control."

"How do you know all this?" Cordelia asked in wonder.

He looked away sheepishly. "I was interested in you, your case I mean, so I asked for your complete file. It's a whole 2 filing cases long. I started at the end and worked my way back. Your high school graduation seemed a hoot. Was your mayor really a snake demon?"

"Yeah." Cordelia chuckled. "High school was a real battle for survival." Her faced turned white, her eyes blank. All the people I've hurt, I went against very thing that I was meant to believe in. I'm a Higher Being, I'm meant to be all things good, moral and near godly. They must really hate me around now. Angel, Fred, Gunn and Wesley. Not to mention the Powers That Be." She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to look at Derek. He was giving her 'It's OK' look and she smiled slightly. She hoped Wesley had her note by now.

Even if he got her note, would he come? After what she had done, killing Lilah. No matter what she said, she realised that she would live in regret for her actions over the past year. After everything that she had been through, since Buffy Summers had walked into her life, had made her accept things at face value. She had seen people die, people close to her. She had feared for her life more times than she cared to count anymore. All this had happened but she had taken the one thing she held valued above everything else; a human life. No matter how evil that life had been she had no right to take it away.

A tap on her shoulder again brought her out of her ravine. "We're here. It's looking a little run down but it's still habitable."

"Thank-you Derek. I don't know what to say, just promise me that you won't tell Angel I'm here. I wanna do that myself."

Derek seemed to hesitate but suddenly pulled her into a soft hug. "I promise. Hey, if it helps, you don't strike me as a person out to destroy the world."

Cordelia smiled at him and stepped, blinking, into the sun. The Hyperion was looking a little run down but the building was still a comfort to her. She noted the nice black Benz sitting outside the door to the hotel. Looked like Wesley had got her note after all. With a deep breath she walked back into the shade from doorway of the former base of Angel Investigations.

The figure of a tall, slim man was standing in what was the lobby of the great entrance to the hotel. He was casually dressed in dark slack and a beige jacket. His hair shimmered slightly with small hairs of gray. Cordelia walked quietly in, wanting to have a look at the man in front of her before she had to face him head on.

"Wesley." She said simply.

The man turned on his heels and stared at her. It was her Wesley all right but this one seemed aged around the face and his eyes still slightly dark. The advanced facial hair suited him, gave him the edge he had lacked in Sunnydale. He didn't smile at first as if unsure of what was proper etiquette in this circumstance.

"Cordelia?" He took a small step forward. "Cordelia, I can't bel…" He didn't finish his sentence as he ran towards her, circling her in his arms.

"Wes, really need to breathe here." She hugged him even tighter back. "It's so good to see you, It just isn't funny."

They stepped apart and stared in wonder at each other. "We should talk huh?"

Wesley walked them over to a couch and pulled the dustsheet off. It was the big comfy couch they would all pile onto after a successful mission. They sat down at either end. "Oh Wesley, I'm so, so sorry for what I did to Lilah. I literally didn't know what I was doing. I wouldn't have done it, I couldn't have…" Cordelia trailed off as the tears threatened to fall down her cheeks.

Wesley placed a brotherly arm around her shoulders and drew her closer. "We all knew it wasn't you. Something took over your body, something evil. Do you… do you remember anything?"

"I didn't at first but it all started coming back to me in the car over here. It was like I was there but not in control of what was going on. I tried to stop it but it kept beating me back. It was kinda like Angel with Angelus. Two different things but with the same face. I tried so hard to stop what it was doing. Oh and Jasmine…" The tears fell. "Lilah as well…" The flood gates had opened and there was no stopping them.

Wesley felt his heart break as the young woman in front of him cried into his shoulder. He could feel the sobs as they racked through her body. They, as a family, had, had months to deal with Cordelia's demon betrayal yet she had, had a few hours. She had the guilt and horror of it all in her memories and the realisation she couldn't so a thing to stop it. He muttered soothing words into her ear and felt her sobs calm.

"Why are you so understanding Wesley? I mean I hurt you all, Gunn, Lorne, Fred and Angel. I bet they all hate me."

"We all know what happened to you, the real story. There was nothing at all you could have done. After you gave…went into a coma, the story came out and we've had time to deal with it. Speaking of Angel. Has he been informed of your awakening?"

"No, I begged Derek, the doctor who was there when I woke up, not to tell Angel. I'm not ready to face him yet. I mean how do I tell him I slept with someone else, who I don't remember but I slept with someone else. I don't think it was any big secret but I loved Angel. I know he loved me some level, not the whole "Buffy, I'll Give You Forever" kinda love but there was something. Do you know who the father of Jasmine was?"

Wesley looked at her perplexed. "No, no one seems to know and if you don't know, maybe it was some twisted sort of Immaculate Conception. So you know about Wolfram and Hart then."

Cordelia nodded. "Derek told me. I'll except many things Wes, but not this, never this. I can't believe you all switched sides, after all we set up. Their evil lawyers that tried to kill all of us, they hated Angel. Why would Angel work for them, or any of us for that matter?" She scooted away from Wesley's touch.

"Ah, yes. " Wesley muttered, his English primness appearing again. "They…We reached a cease-fire, a peace treaty you might say. Wolfram and Hart took the attitude of if you can't beat them, give them the company, well the Los Angeles branch. We have so many resources and the equipment that they possess is amazing. It's like Pro Bono with a twist. We still deal in demons and evil except now we compromise with them. It seems to be working." Cordelia phhfted. "It really is. I must admit it isn't as hands on, Gunn's a lawyer now, Fred get to do some serious work in the kited out physics lab. Wolfram and Hart had all the patents the US Patents office had! We have armored vehicles and great medical care. It's different."

"How do you know who to help?" Cordelia asked.

"Oh, Wolfram and Hart have a pool Seer's, kinda like secretaries. We get tip offs and contacts in the demon world."

Cordelia looked down at her feet. "Hate to sound all self-centered but I've been replaced."

Wesley smiled softly at her. "No-one could ever replace you Cordelia, you're unique. We all miss you. You were the heart, we've all fragmented, all in different departments. We need you there to bind us back together again. You are staying around aren't you." Wesley was ready for heart breaking news.

"I'll be here for a while anyway. Don't have anywhere to stay though. Don't suppose…"

"Of course you can stay with me. I have an apartment downtown now. Spare bedroom. All of your things are in storage. Things were tight after you ascended, we had to let your apartment go but we still have Dennis. Good old Fred. Now I have to go as we have a board meeting but we'll stop at my apartment first and you can settle in on your own. Do you want to tell Angel or anyone yet?"

Horror filled Cordelia's face again. "No, Not yet. Maybe tomorrow. I need to think about this."

Wesley helped her to her feet. "I'll have some of your stuff sent over."

They walked out of the hotel and Wesley locked the door behind them. Cordelia could hear him fall into step beside her. She looked up to find him smiling fondly at her.

"What?" She laughed gently.

"It's so good to have you back." She smiled back and they climbed into the waiting Benz.