Chapter Three
Another Jump Cut- School Time
Angela
I was glad school was back in. I still couldn't shake this malaise that I was under. It had been months since I had felt truly happy. Everyone seemed to be getting their lives together except for me. I talked to my Student Advisor and she suggested that I volunteer somewhere in a field that interested me. Which is how I found myself in a children's wing in a hospital. I was reading a child a story, which was boring to me but interesting to him.
His parents told me that he had sickle cell anemia and he had been hospitalized for a crisis, which I didn't understand but nodded knowingly anyway. After he fell asleep, I went from room to room to see if anyone else wanted a story. Basically, I was a candy striper, but I felt like I was helping kids. The cloud I was under was starting to go away. I could even see myself going into medicine, but I would have to take a ton of makeup classes in science and math, and time was running out for me to take those.
After I left the hospital, I called Shawn. We were supposed to study tonight with Topanga and Cory, and I had told them I would be running a little late. I hummed as I stopped at the store to pick up some chips and dip for the study session. As I was in the checkout line, I saw a little girl with the prettiest eyes you could imagine. They were huge, liquid, and expressive. She was holding a woman's hand, presumably her mother. I smiled as she tugged on the woman's hand. I remembered doing that to my mother, a long time ago. Then I remembered something else that took the smile off of my face. I hurriedly paid for my purchases and left the store.
Topanga
I lumbered through the apartment. At seven months, my gracefulness had went the way of my figure. It was one more thing that I was resentful for. The hoped for feeling of motherhood had not started when the baby started kicking. In fact, Dr Hastings had told me that what I was feeling were kicks, not just butterflies in the stomach. Since then, the kicks had gotten stronger and more frequent, as if the child wasn't willing to stay inside any longer. At least Dr Hastings thought I would probably deliver before my due date rather than after, although she did warn me that first babies came on their own schedule.
Cory came in right behind me. He was carrying my backpack and his. Ever since I got out of the hospital, he had been taking extra special care of me, which I liked or resented, depending on my mood. Right now, I liked it. "Thanks, honey," I said, kissing him on the cheek.
"Anytime, milady," he said gallantly. He mock bowed after setting the bags by the door. He came and sat besides me on the couch. "Now, what else do you require? Ice cream with pickles? Frosted Flakes and Spagetti-o's? A nice foot rub?"
"Actually, I'm going to do something for you!" I carefully got off of the couch and went into our little kitchen. "I'm fixing your favorite meal tonight."
"Your'e making pancakes for dinner? All right!" As he danced around the room, I couldn't help but laugh. Hopefully if we were both in relaxed moods, then what I had to say to Cory would go better. I had really thought about what Ms Runyon had said about adoption. We were really young, relatively broke, and still in school. I was seriously starting to think about the possiblity.
As we sat down to dinner (Cory was eating the pancakes plain and I was eating mine smothered in peanut butter), the phone rang. I got up to answer it before Cory could.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Topanga. This is Angela."
"Well, hi! How's life at the hospital?"
"It's fine. Listen, I need to talk to you. Tonight."
I looked over at Cory, who was listening to every word I said. "Um, I'm not sure tonight will be good."
"Go ahead, honey. I need some time to study anyway."
"All right," I said relunctantly. "See you around nine?"
"See you then."
After dinner, I reminded Cory that we had another appointment with Ms Runyon the next day. He said, "I don't see why we have to go back to her anyway. All she ever does is insult us because this wasn't a planned pregnancy."
"Cory! That's not what she means at all. She's just saying that there are obstacles that we have to overcome, and you know that a baby was the last time that either of us wanted right now!"
"Accidents happen to the best people. All I'm saying is that we'll be fine."
"I would rather go back to the way it was before!" I knew I was yelling and probably not making any kind of sense, but the words came flying before I could catch them. "I don't want to keep the baby!"
Cory had a thunderstruck look on his face, like I had announced that the sky had fallen in. And in a way, it had. "What do you mean," he said, having found his voice.
"She was right, you know. One of us is going to have to drop out of college, and it will probably be me! I was going to be a lawyer, remember? I wanted to make something of myself, but now I have to give it all up on something I didn't even want! I'm sorry, but that's the way I feel!" I grabbed a sweater and headed for the door. "I'm going to Angela's."
As I walked to her apartment, I remembered my old fear- that Cory would leave me when he found out about my pregnancy. "I guess I was the one to do the leaving," I spoke out loud. I was surprised to feel a little kick.
Angela
Shawn and I were on my couch again. We had eaten dinner after studying, and what had started out to be conversation turned into a major snog-fest, so much that when my doorbell rang, I was surprised to hear it. Topanga was standing there, with tears running down her face.
"Hold on, Topanga, okay?" I turned to Shawn and said, "Can you leave? Now? I promise I'll make it up to you."
He agreed, I told him I would call, and shooed him out the door while simultaneously letting Topanga in. He took one glance at her tearstained face and instead of saying anything, he walked out. There's a reason I love him.
"I'm sorry I'm early," she sobbed. "I yelled at Cory for no reason, and I hate this, and I want to give the baby up for adoption!"
I stared at her in shock. "Um, I must have cotton in my ears. Did you say you want to give the baby up for adoption?"
"I think it would be for the best."
I looked at her again and said seriously, "I need to tell you something."
Angela's Story
When I was twelve, we moved from the Army base to Springfield. It was the longest my dad had been stationed in one place since before I was born. I got to go to a regular school, and I made some friends. I had a happy time there. I met this guy, Trey. His real name was Trevor, but he was around black kids for so long that he was black in everything but color. He was sixteen. My friends all told me that he liked me, wanted to 'talk to me'. I was flattered that a guy so much older would even look at me. And he was so sweet- he would walk me home after school, he took me to all of the dances that year, and my parents even liked him. He was my first kiss, my first everything. He introduced me to sex. I didn't know anything. I didn't know about protection, so in retrospect it was easy to see that I would get pregnant.
I know in the stereotypical stories the boy disappears from the story then, never to be heard from again. But Trey was different. He wanted to do the right thing, but we were both too young to get married. My parents were horrified, and they wanted me to 'take care of it'. I wanted to keep my child. Trey wanted me to keep the child. But as I got nearer to term, my father learned that he was going to be shipping out the month after the baby would be born. It was decided that I would have an 'open adoption'. A mixed couple was selected to take my baby. After she was born, I got to hold her once. I cried as they took her.
Two weeks after she was born, on May 17th, we moved again, to an army base in Kentucky. Trey and I wrote each other for a while, but what do you talk about after you have a child that you'll never see again? Last thing I heard, he had moved somewhere out west.
I still get letters every now and again. She's seven now. Her name is Angelika. She really doesn't look like me- she's the color of a just baked biscuit. She has light eyes and curly reddish hair. She knows that her mom loved her, but she doesn't know anything else about me. She'll have the right to find out about me when she's eighteen. She's seven now.
Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. I know that she's well taken care of, that she has another family. But if I could do it over again, I would definitely keep her.
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A/N: Not that I have anything against adoption. In fact, if I were ever to want to raise a child, adoption would probably be the way I would go, because why bring more children into this world when there are so many that need a home? It's just that I know that birth mothers have a unique way of looking at this- they know they can't take care of their child, but still they love them. Now, on to your regularly scheduled chapter. -jumps off soap box-
Another Jump Cut- School Time
Angela
I was glad school was back in. I still couldn't shake this malaise that I was under. It had been months since I had felt truly happy. Everyone seemed to be getting their lives together except for me. I talked to my Student Advisor and she suggested that I volunteer somewhere in a field that interested me. Which is how I found myself in a children's wing in a hospital. I was reading a child a story, which was boring to me but interesting to him.
His parents told me that he had sickle cell anemia and he had been hospitalized for a crisis, which I didn't understand but nodded knowingly anyway. After he fell asleep, I went from room to room to see if anyone else wanted a story. Basically, I was a candy striper, but I felt like I was helping kids. The cloud I was under was starting to go away. I could even see myself going into medicine, but I would have to take a ton of makeup classes in science and math, and time was running out for me to take those.
After I left the hospital, I called Shawn. We were supposed to study tonight with Topanga and Cory, and I had told them I would be running a little late. I hummed as I stopped at the store to pick up some chips and dip for the study session. As I was in the checkout line, I saw a little girl with the prettiest eyes you could imagine. They were huge, liquid, and expressive. She was holding a woman's hand, presumably her mother. I smiled as she tugged on the woman's hand. I remembered doing that to my mother, a long time ago. Then I remembered something else that took the smile off of my face. I hurriedly paid for my purchases and left the store.
Topanga
I lumbered through the apartment. At seven months, my gracefulness had went the way of my figure. It was one more thing that I was resentful for. The hoped for feeling of motherhood had not started when the baby started kicking. In fact, Dr Hastings had told me that what I was feeling were kicks, not just butterflies in the stomach. Since then, the kicks had gotten stronger and more frequent, as if the child wasn't willing to stay inside any longer. At least Dr Hastings thought I would probably deliver before my due date rather than after, although she did warn me that first babies came on their own schedule.
Cory came in right behind me. He was carrying my backpack and his. Ever since I got out of the hospital, he had been taking extra special care of me, which I liked or resented, depending on my mood. Right now, I liked it. "Thanks, honey," I said, kissing him on the cheek.
"Anytime, milady," he said gallantly. He mock bowed after setting the bags by the door. He came and sat besides me on the couch. "Now, what else do you require? Ice cream with pickles? Frosted Flakes and Spagetti-o's? A nice foot rub?"
"Actually, I'm going to do something for you!" I carefully got off of the couch and went into our little kitchen. "I'm fixing your favorite meal tonight."
"Your'e making pancakes for dinner? All right!" As he danced around the room, I couldn't help but laugh. Hopefully if we were both in relaxed moods, then what I had to say to Cory would go better. I had really thought about what Ms Runyon had said about adoption. We were really young, relatively broke, and still in school. I was seriously starting to think about the possiblity.
As we sat down to dinner (Cory was eating the pancakes plain and I was eating mine smothered in peanut butter), the phone rang. I got up to answer it before Cory could.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Topanga. This is Angela."
"Well, hi! How's life at the hospital?"
"It's fine. Listen, I need to talk to you. Tonight."
I looked over at Cory, who was listening to every word I said. "Um, I'm not sure tonight will be good."
"Go ahead, honey. I need some time to study anyway."
"All right," I said relunctantly. "See you around nine?"
"See you then."
After dinner, I reminded Cory that we had another appointment with Ms Runyon the next day. He said, "I don't see why we have to go back to her anyway. All she ever does is insult us because this wasn't a planned pregnancy."
"Cory! That's not what she means at all. She's just saying that there are obstacles that we have to overcome, and you know that a baby was the last time that either of us wanted right now!"
"Accidents happen to the best people. All I'm saying is that we'll be fine."
"I would rather go back to the way it was before!" I knew I was yelling and probably not making any kind of sense, but the words came flying before I could catch them. "I don't want to keep the baby!"
Cory had a thunderstruck look on his face, like I had announced that the sky had fallen in. And in a way, it had. "What do you mean," he said, having found his voice.
"She was right, you know. One of us is going to have to drop out of college, and it will probably be me! I was going to be a lawyer, remember? I wanted to make something of myself, but now I have to give it all up on something I didn't even want! I'm sorry, but that's the way I feel!" I grabbed a sweater and headed for the door. "I'm going to Angela's."
As I walked to her apartment, I remembered my old fear- that Cory would leave me when he found out about my pregnancy. "I guess I was the one to do the leaving," I spoke out loud. I was surprised to feel a little kick.
Angela
Shawn and I were on my couch again. We had eaten dinner after studying, and what had started out to be conversation turned into a major snog-fest, so much that when my doorbell rang, I was surprised to hear it. Topanga was standing there, with tears running down her face.
"Hold on, Topanga, okay?" I turned to Shawn and said, "Can you leave? Now? I promise I'll make it up to you."
He agreed, I told him I would call, and shooed him out the door while simultaneously letting Topanga in. He took one glance at her tearstained face and instead of saying anything, he walked out. There's a reason I love him.
"I'm sorry I'm early," she sobbed. "I yelled at Cory for no reason, and I hate this, and I want to give the baby up for adoption!"
I stared at her in shock. "Um, I must have cotton in my ears. Did you say you want to give the baby up for adoption?"
"I think it would be for the best."
I looked at her again and said seriously, "I need to tell you something."
Angela's Story
When I was twelve, we moved from the Army base to Springfield. It was the longest my dad had been stationed in one place since before I was born. I got to go to a regular school, and I made some friends. I had a happy time there. I met this guy, Trey. His real name was Trevor, but he was around black kids for so long that he was black in everything but color. He was sixteen. My friends all told me that he liked me, wanted to 'talk to me'. I was flattered that a guy so much older would even look at me. And he was so sweet- he would walk me home after school, he took me to all of the dances that year, and my parents even liked him. He was my first kiss, my first everything. He introduced me to sex. I didn't know anything. I didn't know about protection, so in retrospect it was easy to see that I would get pregnant.
I know in the stereotypical stories the boy disappears from the story then, never to be heard from again. But Trey was different. He wanted to do the right thing, but we were both too young to get married. My parents were horrified, and they wanted me to 'take care of it'. I wanted to keep my child. Trey wanted me to keep the child. But as I got nearer to term, my father learned that he was going to be shipping out the month after the baby would be born. It was decided that I would have an 'open adoption'. A mixed couple was selected to take my baby. After she was born, I got to hold her once. I cried as they took her.
Two weeks after she was born, on May 17th, we moved again, to an army base in Kentucky. Trey and I wrote each other for a while, but what do you talk about after you have a child that you'll never see again? Last thing I heard, he had moved somewhere out west.
I still get letters every now and again. She's seven now. Her name is Angelika. She really doesn't look like me- she's the color of a just baked biscuit. She has light eyes and curly reddish hair. She knows that her mom loved her, but she doesn't know anything else about me. She'll have the right to find out about me when she's eighteen. She's seven now.
Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. I know that she's well taken care of, that she has another family. But if I could do it over again, I would definitely keep her.
========================================================================
A/N: Not that I have anything against adoption. In fact, if I were ever to want to raise a child, adoption would probably be the way I would go, because why bring more children into this world when there are so many that need a home? It's just that I know that birth mothers have a unique way of looking at this- they know they can't take care of their child, but still they love them. Now, on to your regularly scheduled chapter. -jumps off soap box-