Disclaimer: I do not own these jokers. I take no responsibility for their actions. This is not my fault.
The doors are mag-locked shut, with a portable device running separate from the system. The commander looks, then tugs my arm. "Come on." We pull back down the hall, and he gives me a boost, so I can reach one of the ceiling panels. It doesn't take much to disengage it, then it's simply a matter of pushing it back inside and scrambling in. I reach down to take his hand, and he's gone. Completely.
"Bastard." I pull back inside the crawlspace and slide the panel into place. I can't believe he just left me behind…
The radio on my belt clicks once. Twice.
"Hello?"
Only static answers me at first, then…
"Mr. Tucker. How good of you to join us." Not the voice I was expecting. Especially since…
Thank-you, sir. I realise suddenly who Travis was really working for, and possibly Hoshi as well. The commander must have realised it too, which explained why he never let us get near Cargo-Bay Three. The only person who knows Commander Tucker well enough to set up a triple-layer bluff to catch him.
"Captain." He doesn't sound surprised, merely resigned.
"Where's your partner in crime, Commander? I'd like a word with her, too."
"Sir?" One thing about Commander Tucker is that he always stands by his people, even in the face of danger. Which I imagine he's looking into right now.
"Lieutenant Hess?"
"I cannot be certain of the lieutenant's present whereabouts, sir." And he says I can double-talk. I mean, I might have moved, but…
"Well, I'm certain you can pass the message on, Commander. I believe you'll find your 'comrades in arms' inside? I'm sure they can help you think up a good explanation for being out of uniform while on duty. Which I'm sure they'll be happy to do once you explain to them that you and the lieutenant will be bearing full responsibility for the actions of any engineering personnel today." No, Captain Archer does not sound like a very pleasant person to be in a tent with.
"And suffice it to say, Commander, T'Pol is not a very happy camper right now, either." Well, that accounts for both of them, then.
"No, sir." I can tell this hurts, because – despite all his wisecracks and teasing – Commander Tucker actually does want to impress the sub-commander, even if he doesn't know it himself.[1]And being caught behaving like a child hardly impresses most intelligent women. I can almost picture him studying his boots at this point. Sometimes Captain Archer just plays nasty. I want to jump in and say something, but somehow I know the captain is counting on the commander's and my quasi-sibling relationship. Lean on one, and the rest of the guilty parties will confess. Except in our family we always took turns playing scapegoat so that all of us weren't punished at once.
I wait up there, I don't know how long – I'd have left, but the panel isn't easy to pull up from this side -- before the captain calls Lieutenant Reed and Commander Tucker to his ready-room, and the line clicks in again.
"She can't hide forever, you know." Captain Archer's first words are obviously a continuation of the earlier conversation. "Eventually she'll have to come out and face it."
"Not until I have a guarantee, sir."
"A guarantee?" Captain Archer sounds genuinely confused at this turn of events. "You aren't exactly in a position to be making demands, Commander. And from what I can tell, Lieutenant Hess is the one who started all of this."
"No sir. I did, sir. It was my reaction that set this off." Obviously Commander Tucker hasn't learned how the trick works.
"Commander…"
"Sir. I am not in any way attempting to contact Lieutenant Hess until I have a guarantee that Malcolm stays away from her, sir. At least until this all blows over." That is so sweet. I thought he was trying to keep Captain Archer from hitting me with the same punishment as he's going to get, but he's actually thinking of poor, little, personal me.
"As far as I'm concerned, Commander, after that little stunt she pulled, he can do whatever he wants." I can almost see the satisfaction settling onto Lieutenant Reed's face at the captain's response. I wish the itch compound lasted more than a couple of minutes, simply because he deserves it.
"No, sir." My boss bites off each word, he's getting angry now. "She's my SIC, that makes it my responsibility in the chain of command. And you have no proof that it was Lieutenant Hess, other than what somebody thinks they heard." He doesn't get protective like this, often, but when he does, he's like a big momma pit-bull.
"I see." The captain's voice comes through, cold, flat. "Since you are insistent upon taking responsibility, would you mind explaining to me the reasons behind this little stunt?"
"We were just blowing off some steam, sir. Maybe it got a little out of hand, sir, but nothing was intended to get nasty. When it started out, none of it was personal, we were just having fun."
"Would you care to explain to me exactly when it got personal?" Uh-oh. Trick question there. If he back-stabs Malcolm, he loses a friend, but if he doesn't…
There's no answer from the commander, he's decided not to let the lieutenant hang.
"I see."
I notice Malcolm's not jumping in to take his share. I'm glad I don't work for him.
"You realise, Commander, that I would be fully within my rights charging Lieutenant Hess with assault on an officer."
"She never touched him, sir." Commander Tucker's a little light on the finer points of the law.
"Do you want to be charged with Aiding and Abetting, Commander?" The captain's getting angrier; this could get nasty.
"If you think that will be necessary, sir, then charge me. However, I do believe I have the right to whichever attorney I choose."
"You can't have Hess. She's your co-accused."
"I didn't say that, sir. I have a civilian attorney already sir. You can have a Captain's Mast if you'd like sir, remove me from duty, but I cannot be formally court-martialled until my attorney of record arrives." Nor can I, for that matter.
"I don't want to court-martial you, Trip." The captain's speaking through clenched teeth now, I can tell by the sound. "I am giving you the opportunity to get out of it."
"Well, sir, all I can say is that I want the same level of treatment for Lieutenant Hess. If you charge her, you charge me. If you don't charge me, you don't charge her." He's such a sweet boy. A little misguided, but sweet.
"Trip…"
Commander Tucker doesn't give him the satisfaction. I can imagine him standing there, looking straight ahead, not falling for any of it.
"Sir… I…"
"Shut up, Malcolm." Okay, so the captain's not too happy with him, either. "You know what happens if you're court-martialled, Trip. You'll end up with a black mark on your record, and you'll never get out into space again. I don't want to do that to you…" That's nasty. Commander Tucker has wanted to get out here since he was a kid.
"Then don't, sir. It's your decision." Oooh. Talk about playing nasty.
There's a distant thumping sound, I think it's the captain's head and a wall. "What in heaven's name possessed me to bring you on this mission, anyway? At the very least I should've had more say in your personnel choices."
"Lieutenant Hess is an excellent engineer."
"Lieutenant Hess is a walking force of chaos. Especially when combined with you, Commander."
"Sorry about that sir. You can send us home if you like."
"And replace you with whom?"
"There are plenty of competent engineers in Starfleet sir. I'm sure you can find a couple to handle our duties." It's his best move: The Guilt Trip. No one can look at that sad little face and stay mad forever. Especially not when he's taking responsibility for his actions. Porthos can't pull off puppy-dog eyes like Commander Tucker.
"Fine, Trip. Have it your way." He pulled it off, I don't believe it. "Mr. Reed, place Mr. Tucker under arrest for Insubordination, Aiding and Abetting the Assault on an Officer, and Hindering an Investigation. And when you find Lieutenant Hess, you can arrest her too."
Then again, maybe not….
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A/N: Is this the end of the line for Hess and Tucker? Of course not. Stay tuned for the next episode in the ongoing saga of insanity.
[1] For this, we refer to Article Seven in the Nic Hess Dating Manual: Arguments are often a sign of infatuation, especially on the part of the insecure male. Excessive defensiveness usually indicates deep attraction. What can I say? Five brothers. I've observed a lot.