"Come on Padfoot, let's go! Everyone'll be leaving soon."
"I've got no money, Prongs... no good going to Hogsmeade with no money..."
"Moony and I have money. And I'm sure Wormtail does... come on mate, you know
we'll lend you some if you need it!"
"I couldn't ask you to do that, mate!"
"Aw Padfoot, you're a stick. Come on! If nothing else, just come along to
keep us company, just to hang out with your best friends... your best
friends..."
Sirius Black awoke with a start and found himself leaning against a cold, hard stone wall. He sighed and cursed in the same breath, closing his eyes again and wanting nothing more than to drift back into his dreams... the dreams where he and his best friends were all still together, and happy. But he couldn't go back to sleep. Not now that the sun was shining into the mouth of the cave and almost blinding him.
He noticed that Buckbeak could sleep, and as he glanced towards the hippogriff he saw it was curled up in the corner. Lucky devil... almost immediately after they had arrived here, the hippogriff had fallen asleep. The creatures were loyal enough, and handy for quick getaways, but they didn't make very good company... Left once again with no one to speak to and nothing to do, his thoughts turned to those happy days... and his friends...
All three of them had been brilliant. Sirius had no idea why he'd been so lucky as to have friends as good as them. They were the best friends you could've asked for: undyingly loyal, understanding... and what lunatics they'd all been! Running around the school like they owned the place... causing no end of torment for the teachers (all in good fun, of course; they really had liked most of the teachers)... sneaking out at all hours of the night and day...
And they'd had such fun creating the Marauder's Map. They'd explored the castle countless times... they knew every passageway by heart. Or at least... almost. "Oy Sirius, does this one curve here... or just there?" "A bit further on. Come on Remus, haven't you been paying attention?"
Remus. Good old Moony. He'd tried so hard to keep the other three out of trouble, to sort of 'show them the error of their ways.' Of course it had never made any difference; Sirius and James had always loved mischief. They always managed to somehow do their work, and they did it well—but they always had plenty of time left over for goofing off and making trouble.
Poor Moony... he really had tried. Dumbledore had even made him a prefect in their fifth year, no doubt hoping that he would keep them in line... no such luck. Though Remus had almost never helped them with their pranks (well, there had been that one time when they'd bewitched all of those snowballs to chase Snivellus across the yard...) he had, after a while, given up trying to stop them. He had pretended to highly disapprove of them: "You know, one day you two are going to get into serious trouble and I'm not going to be able to help you out of it."
Well... he and James had never gotten into any trouble more serious than being taken to see the headmaster countless times, and he'd always let them off fairly easily; at least, they'd never been expelled. And even when they did have a worse than usual punishment, of course Remus helped them... "You really don't deserve it. You should have to do it all on your own." Sirius smiled as he remembered the grin on Remus' face. "But to hell with it. What are best friends for?"
Remus had been absent for several days each month, and eventually they'd noticed a pattern... "Remus, just where is it you go every month?" "Oh. Well, last month it was my... my mother. She's been ill. And the month before my uncle died... they wanted me to be there..." But they'd figured it out... Remus was a werewolf. He'd seemed so frightened when they'd finally confronted him... "You... know? How did you... well, I should've known you would, you and James are the smartest in our year... I'm... sorry. I suppose you won't want to keep company with a... with me." How ridiculous. They wouldn't want to keep company with him? Their best friend? "Remus, mate, we don't care. We really don't. It doesn't make any difference to us whether you're a werewolf or a vampire... you're still you."
Good old Moony... What joy last year, when Remus had realized the truth, that Sirius was innocent... they'd embraced, like the brothers they used to be. And Sirius had allowed himself to think for a few brief moments that maybe everything would soon be all right again. But no. There seemed to be a cloud hanging over Sirius... no good luck for Padfoot, no sir, got to keep his life as miserable as possible... and anyway, of course everything couldn't be "all right" again. Not without James...
James. Prongs was fantastic—there was really no better word for it. He'd been the best friend anyone could've asked for. They'd always had such fun together. He had no idea what he would've done without James those years at school... he'd been so reliable, and confident, even cocky, so, so... there was really no word that could describe James. Always rumpling up his hair because he thought it looked cool... And that stupid Snitch that he'd nicked... or had it been more than one? Sirius couldn't remember... all he knew was that James always seemed to have a Snitch, and wherever they went he'd take it out and play with it, partly to amuse himself and partly to show off to random passersby. Occasionally it had gotten annoying... "Oy Prongs, d'you have to mess with that thing every second? Put it away." "If it bothers you, Padfoot." Sirius gave a sad smile; he had a feeling that he'd been the only one James would've stopped for. And he'd had that pathetic crush on Lily... Lily Evans...how she'd hated him at school. Of course, that had changed later...
Looking back, Sirius supposed he and James had behaved like complete idiots while they'd been at school. But that hadn't mattered then; they'd just been out to have fun. And had they had fun... they were constantly guiding first years in the wrong direction, dropping dung bombs, hiding the teachers' books, tormenting Slytherins... Snivellus in particular. He had to admit it: they'd lived to make Snape's life miserable. And he thought they'd succeeded pretty well. Not that he hadn't deserved it... slimy, long- nosed greasy git. Of course, part of the reason was that he'd spent his every waking minute attempting to get the better of James, no doubt he was jealous of him... but Snivellus had never really bothered James. James was smarter, quicker, more talented and more popular. Stupid Snivellus...
James was also a marvel on the Quidditch field. He was an absolutely excellent Seeker; in fact, if he remembered right, James had never lost a game... Well, no. There had been that game in their fourth year when he'd been too busy trying to show off to Lily to pay any attention to the Snitch and Hufflepuff had beaten them... they'd lost the Cup for that. Needless to say, after that Prongs had paid a bit more attention.
Sirius and James had always been inseparable, almost like twins. Yes, they'd been like twin brothers. You rarely saw one without the other. They did everything together, went everywhere together, told each other everything. How he missed Prongs... and if they'd been like twins, Remus had been like an older brother, trying to keep them in check... and Peter...
Wormtail. Wormtail had been like the often annoying little brother they all picked on. But unlike most little brothers, he'd never really retaliated... of course, part of the reason for that was he'd been so much weaker than the others, and less talented. He'd really had no defense for when Sirius had pointed out how out-of-style he always looked, or when James had marveled at how bad his Potions essay was. Poor, stupid Peter.
Looking back, Sirius wasn't sure why they'd even hung out with Peter... why had they, exactly? Oh yes, he remembered... he and James had taken a liking to Remus, and Remus had pitied Peter because he was rather pathetic and stupid and had no friends (alright, so that wasn't exactly what Remus had said), so they'd all started hanging out together.
And really, he thought, Wormtail hadn't been so bad. It had occasionally been nice when he'd laughed at their pathetic attempts at jokes... but only occasionally. Other times it had just been annoying as hell. That stupid, high-pitched giggle. And it had been somewhat flattering, all the many times Peter had said how much better the other three's work had been (and it had been true). But then, he'd really only said that so frequently in the hopes that they might help him with his abysmal essays. But despite how annoying he'd been, they really had liked him. And they never would have guessed that he would have turned on them... hell, Sirius would never have even thought he was capable of it. But he had been... very capable...
Sirius's face contorted at the mere thought of how he'd deceived them all. The bloody coward... he'd never done anything unless he knew that those who were bigger and stronger than he was could keep him safe. At school it had been James and Sirius. But once they'd left Hogwarts, they hadn't been there to keep little Peter safe anymore. He had had to face the real world now. But he didn't want to do it alone... he still needed someone powerful to protect him...
But, Sirius wondered as mixed feelings of hatred and sorrow consumed him, why Voldemort? Why had stupid little Peter Pettigrew had to seek shelter with Voldemort? And why... why had he betrayed them? How could he have done it? How could he have betrayed his best friends, handed them to the most evil wizard who'd ever lived? His best friends. And in a way, Sirius knew it was his fault. James and Lily had known that Voldemort was after them, and they'd made Sirius their Secret Keeper. "You're my best friend, Padfoot, you always have been... if I can't trust you, who can I trust?" And he'd been honored.
But Voldemort knew... he knew how close Sirius and James were. He'd be expecting James to make Sirius his Secret Keeper. And Sirius would have sooner died than give away Lily and James... but he knew that Voldemort had terrible powers, powers that they couldn't even imagine. If he found Sirius... he knew he couldn't risk that. So he'd persuaded James to make Peter his Secret Keeper. "Peter's always been weak, James, he wouldn't expect Peter to know, he wouldn't expect you to tell him..." It had been a terrible mistake. Dumbledore had suggested himself for their Secret Keeper, and they should've let him; he was the only one Voldemort had ever feared. But James had trusted Sirius. And Sirius had trusted Peter...
And now, because Sirius had trusted Peter, they were gone. James and Lily were gone forever. Peter had betrayed them. Voldemort had killed them. And then he'd gone after Harry...
Harry. James and Lily's son. Sirius had loved him for much longer than he knew... since he'd been a baby. Whenever he'd gone to visit James he'd held the boy, played with him... "There he is! How's my favorite godson? Honestly James, he's already much better looking than you...and he has your eyes, Lily. Harry, Harry...can you wave to your godfather? That's right, wave to Godfather Sirius."
He'd been so pleased, honored, when they'd named him Harry's godfather. "James, are you sure you trust me to be your son's godfather?" "Me? Of course I don't, I know better than that by now. But Lily insisted." If anything ever happened to them, they'd said that they wanted Sirius to be the one to take care of Harry. But nothing would ever happen, not to Lily and James... not to his best friends... that would be unthinkable...
But the unthinkable had happened. That night, when he'd found Hagrid there with Harry... "Let me take him, Hagrid, I'm his godfather." "I can't do that, Sirius. Dumbledore's orders." So Sirius had given Hagrid his motorcycle, the only way in which he'd been able to help, and had gone looking for Peter instead, knowing that he'd been the one who'd done it... no one else could have told Voldemort where Lily and James were. No one else knew. But Peter had wised up since they'd left Hogwarts... he knew a thing or two now. And Sirius hadn't been quick enough—for once in his miserable life, Peter had won. He'd beaten James, and he'd beaten Sirius.
But what good had it done him? James dead, Sirius sent to Azkaban, Remus believing that Sirius was guilty and that both Peter and James had died... but then what? Voldemort had fallen. Peter's protector was gone, weak, near dead. His fellow Death Eaters blamed him for that. So Peter had gone into hiding... lived as a rat for 12 years...
And Sirius had found him. He'd broken out of Azkaban after 12 long, miserable years of clinging onto the hope of finding that one person. And he'd found him, come so incredibly close to finally giving Peter what he deserved... but he'd gotten away. Wriggled to freedom. Again. And Sirius was now an outcast, a dangerous, murdering criminal to the public mind, forced to live in this wretched cave, instead of the home he might've had... with Harry...
"Are you insane? Of course I want to leave the Dursleys! Do you have a house? When can I move in?" "You want to? Really? Do you mean it?" "Yeah, I mean it!" Sirius smiled sadly as the conversation with the boy swam into his mind. Even in those brief moments he'd had with Harry, he had been reminded so forcefully of James... not only in looks—though the physical resemblance was uncanny—but in the way they boy had acted. The way his eyes had burned when he'd looked at Wormtail, or how they had lit up when Sirius had mentioned coming to live with him. Those eyes—Lily's eyes. And the boy's nerve, his daring... he'd risked everything to save Sirius' life that night.
But Wormtail had still escaped, and now he was no doubt on his way back to Voldemort. And soon... soon they'd both be coming for Harry.
A sharp cry for attention from Buckbeak brought Sirius abruptly back to the cave. Back to the present time. "Hungry, are you?" He tossed a dead rat he'd found earlier that day to the hippogriff. "Sorry, that's all I've got for now." He leaned against the wall of the cave and studied the creature. "I won't let them do it." Buckbeak turned to Sirius and cocked his head to one side, as though he was listening. "I won't let them get to him. They'll have to get past me first. They've taken James and Lily from me, and they've as good as taken Remus, everyone I held dear in the whole world... they won't take Harry. I'll see to that." He clenched his fist around a handful of the filthy clothes he wore. "James trusted me to keep my godson safe. I've been incapable of doing that for the past 12 years, of course, but now I'll make sure... Peter will get what he deserves. We'll find a way to defeat Voldemort. And maybe some day, Harry can come and live with me. Maybe some day I'll be free. Maybe some day, things will finally start going my way." He gave a small smile and closed his eyes as Buckbeak cast his attention back to his meal. "Maybe some day."
Sirius Black awoke with a start and found himself leaning against a cold, hard stone wall. He sighed and cursed in the same breath, closing his eyes again and wanting nothing more than to drift back into his dreams... the dreams where he and his best friends were all still together, and happy. But he couldn't go back to sleep. Not now that the sun was shining into the mouth of the cave and almost blinding him.
He noticed that Buckbeak could sleep, and as he glanced towards the hippogriff he saw it was curled up in the corner. Lucky devil... almost immediately after they had arrived here, the hippogriff had fallen asleep. The creatures were loyal enough, and handy for quick getaways, but they didn't make very good company... Left once again with no one to speak to and nothing to do, his thoughts turned to those happy days... and his friends...
All three of them had been brilliant. Sirius had no idea why he'd been so lucky as to have friends as good as them. They were the best friends you could've asked for: undyingly loyal, understanding... and what lunatics they'd all been! Running around the school like they owned the place... causing no end of torment for the teachers (all in good fun, of course; they really had liked most of the teachers)... sneaking out at all hours of the night and day...
And they'd had such fun creating the Marauder's Map. They'd explored the castle countless times... they knew every passageway by heart. Or at least... almost. "Oy Sirius, does this one curve here... or just there?" "A bit further on. Come on Remus, haven't you been paying attention?"
Remus. Good old Moony. He'd tried so hard to keep the other three out of trouble, to sort of 'show them the error of their ways.' Of course it had never made any difference; Sirius and James had always loved mischief. They always managed to somehow do their work, and they did it well—but they always had plenty of time left over for goofing off and making trouble.
Poor Moony... he really had tried. Dumbledore had even made him a prefect in their fifth year, no doubt hoping that he would keep them in line... no such luck. Though Remus had almost never helped them with their pranks (well, there had been that one time when they'd bewitched all of those snowballs to chase Snivellus across the yard...) he had, after a while, given up trying to stop them. He had pretended to highly disapprove of them: "You know, one day you two are going to get into serious trouble and I'm not going to be able to help you out of it."
Well... he and James had never gotten into any trouble more serious than being taken to see the headmaster countless times, and he'd always let them off fairly easily; at least, they'd never been expelled. And even when they did have a worse than usual punishment, of course Remus helped them... "You really don't deserve it. You should have to do it all on your own." Sirius smiled as he remembered the grin on Remus' face. "But to hell with it. What are best friends for?"
Remus had been absent for several days each month, and eventually they'd noticed a pattern... "Remus, just where is it you go every month?" "Oh. Well, last month it was my... my mother. She's been ill. And the month before my uncle died... they wanted me to be there..." But they'd figured it out... Remus was a werewolf. He'd seemed so frightened when they'd finally confronted him... "You... know? How did you... well, I should've known you would, you and James are the smartest in our year... I'm... sorry. I suppose you won't want to keep company with a... with me." How ridiculous. They wouldn't want to keep company with him? Their best friend? "Remus, mate, we don't care. We really don't. It doesn't make any difference to us whether you're a werewolf or a vampire... you're still you."
Good old Moony... What joy last year, when Remus had realized the truth, that Sirius was innocent... they'd embraced, like the brothers they used to be. And Sirius had allowed himself to think for a few brief moments that maybe everything would soon be all right again. But no. There seemed to be a cloud hanging over Sirius... no good luck for Padfoot, no sir, got to keep his life as miserable as possible... and anyway, of course everything couldn't be "all right" again. Not without James...
James. Prongs was fantastic—there was really no better word for it. He'd been the best friend anyone could've asked for. They'd always had such fun together. He had no idea what he would've done without James those years at school... he'd been so reliable, and confident, even cocky, so, so... there was really no word that could describe James. Always rumpling up his hair because he thought it looked cool... And that stupid Snitch that he'd nicked... or had it been more than one? Sirius couldn't remember... all he knew was that James always seemed to have a Snitch, and wherever they went he'd take it out and play with it, partly to amuse himself and partly to show off to random passersby. Occasionally it had gotten annoying... "Oy Prongs, d'you have to mess with that thing every second? Put it away." "If it bothers you, Padfoot." Sirius gave a sad smile; he had a feeling that he'd been the only one James would've stopped for. And he'd had that pathetic crush on Lily... Lily Evans...how she'd hated him at school. Of course, that had changed later...
Looking back, Sirius supposed he and James had behaved like complete idiots while they'd been at school. But that hadn't mattered then; they'd just been out to have fun. And had they had fun... they were constantly guiding first years in the wrong direction, dropping dung bombs, hiding the teachers' books, tormenting Slytherins... Snivellus in particular. He had to admit it: they'd lived to make Snape's life miserable. And he thought they'd succeeded pretty well. Not that he hadn't deserved it... slimy, long- nosed greasy git. Of course, part of the reason was that he'd spent his every waking minute attempting to get the better of James, no doubt he was jealous of him... but Snivellus had never really bothered James. James was smarter, quicker, more talented and more popular. Stupid Snivellus...
James was also a marvel on the Quidditch field. He was an absolutely excellent Seeker; in fact, if he remembered right, James had never lost a game... Well, no. There had been that game in their fourth year when he'd been too busy trying to show off to Lily to pay any attention to the Snitch and Hufflepuff had beaten them... they'd lost the Cup for that. Needless to say, after that Prongs had paid a bit more attention.
Sirius and James had always been inseparable, almost like twins. Yes, they'd been like twin brothers. You rarely saw one without the other. They did everything together, went everywhere together, told each other everything. How he missed Prongs... and if they'd been like twins, Remus had been like an older brother, trying to keep them in check... and Peter...
Wormtail. Wormtail had been like the often annoying little brother they all picked on. But unlike most little brothers, he'd never really retaliated... of course, part of the reason for that was he'd been so much weaker than the others, and less talented. He'd really had no defense for when Sirius had pointed out how out-of-style he always looked, or when James had marveled at how bad his Potions essay was. Poor, stupid Peter.
Looking back, Sirius wasn't sure why they'd even hung out with Peter... why had they, exactly? Oh yes, he remembered... he and James had taken a liking to Remus, and Remus had pitied Peter because he was rather pathetic and stupid and had no friends (alright, so that wasn't exactly what Remus had said), so they'd all started hanging out together.
And really, he thought, Wormtail hadn't been so bad. It had occasionally been nice when he'd laughed at their pathetic attempts at jokes... but only occasionally. Other times it had just been annoying as hell. That stupid, high-pitched giggle. And it had been somewhat flattering, all the many times Peter had said how much better the other three's work had been (and it had been true). But then, he'd really only said that so frequently in the hopes that they might help him with his abysmal essays. But despite how annoying he'd been, they really had liked him. And they never would have guessed that he would have turned on them... hell, Sirius would never have even thought he was capable of it. But he had been... very capable...
Sirius's face contorted at the mere thought of how he'd deceived them all. The bloody coward... he'd never done anything unless he knew that those who were bigger and stronger than he was could keep him safe. At school it had been James and Sirius. But once they'd left Hogwarts, they hadn't been there to keep little Peter safe anymore. He had had to face the real world now. But he didn't want to do it alone... he still needed someone powerful to protect him...
But, Sirius wondered as mixed feelings of hatred and sorrow consumed him, why Voldemort? Why had stupid little Peter Pettigrew had to seek shelter with Voldemort? And why... why had he betrayed them? How could he have done it? How could he have betrayed his best friends, handed them to the most evil wizard who'd ever lived? His best friends. And in a way, Sirius knew it was his fault. James and Lily had known that Voldemort was after them, and they'd made Sirius their Secret Keeper. "You're my best friend, Padfoot, you always have been... if I can't trust you, who can I trust?" And he'd been honored.
But Voldemort knew... he knew how close Sirius and James were. He'd be expecting James to make Sirius his Secret Keeper. And Sirius would have sooner died than give away Lily and James... but he knew that Voldemort had terrible powers, powers that they couldn't even imagine. If he found Sirius... he knew he couldn't risk that. So he'd persuaded James to make Peter his Secret Keeper. "Peter's always been weak, James, he wouldn't expect Peter to know, he wouldn't expect you to tell him..." It had been a terrible mistake. Dumbledore had suggested himself for their Secret Keeper, and they should've let him; he was the only one Voldemort had ever feared. But James had trusted Sirius. And Sirius had trusted Peter...
And now, because Sirius had trusted Peter, they were gone. James and Lily were gone forever. Peter had betrayed them. Voldemort had killed them. And then he'd gone after Harry...
Harry. James and Lily's son. Sirius had loved him for much longer than he knew... since he'd been a baby. Whenever he'd gone to visit James he'd held the boy, played with him... "There he is! How's my favorite godson? Honestly James, he's already much better looking than you...and he has your eyes, Lily. Harry, Harry...can you wave to your godfather? That's right, wave to Godfather Sirius."
He'd been so pleased, honored, when they'd named him Harry's godfather. "James, are you sure you trust me to be your son's godfather?" "Me? Of course I don't, I know better than that by now. But Lily insisted." If anything ever happened to them, they'd said that they wanted Sirius to be the one to take care of Harry. But nothing would ever happen, not to Lily and James... not to his best friends... that would be unthinkable...
But the unthinkable had happened. That night, when he'd found Hagrid there with Harry... "Let me take him, Hagrid, I'm his godfather." "I can't do that, Sirius. Dumbledore's orders." So Sirius had given Hagrid his motorcycle, the only way in which he'd been able to help, and had gone looking for Peter instead, knowing that he'd been the one who'd done it... no one else could have told Voldemort where Lily and James were. No one else knew. But Peter had wised up since they'd left Hogwarts... he knew a thing or two now. And Sirius hadn't been quick enough—for once in his miserable life, Peter had won. He'd beaten James, and he'd beaten Sirius.
But what good had it done him? James dead, Sirius sent to Azkaban, Remus believing that Sirius was guilty and that both Peter and James had died... but then what? Voldemort had fallen. Peter's protector was gone, weak, near dead. His fellow Death Eaters blamed him for that. So Peter had gone into hiding... lived as a rat for 12 years...
And Sirius had found him. He'd broken out of Azkaban after 12 long, miserable years of clinging onto the hope of finding that one person. And he'd found him, come so incredibly close to finally giving Peter what he deserved... but he'd gotten away. Wriggled to freedom. Again. And Sirius was now an outcast, a dangerous, murdering criminal to the public mind, forced to live in this wretched cave, instead of the home he might've had... with Harry...
"Are you insane? Of course I want to leave the Dursleys! Do you have a house? When can I move in?" "You want to? Really? Do you mean it?" "Yeah, I mean it!" Sirius smiled sadly as the conversation with the boy swam into his mind. Even in those brief moments he'd had with Harry, he had been reminded so forcefully of James... not only in looks—though the physical resemblance was uncanny—but in the way they boy had acted. The way his eyes had burned when he'd looked at Wormtail, or how they had lit up when Sirius had mentioned coming to live with him. Those eyes—Lily's eyes. And the boy's nerve, his daring... he'd risked everything to save Sirius' life that night.
But Wormtail had still escaped, and now he was no doubt on his way back to Voldemort. And soon... soon they'd both be coming for Harry.
A sharp cry for attention from Buckbeak brought Sirius abruptly back to the cave. Back to the present time. "Hungry, are you?" He tossed a dead rat he'd found earlier that day to the hippogriff. "Sorry, that's all I've got for now." He leaned against the wall of the cave and studied the creature. "I won't let them do it." Buckbeak turned to Sirius and cocked his head to one side, as though he was listening. "I won't let them get to him. They'll have to get past me first. They've taken James and Lily from me, and they've as good as taken Remus, everyone I held dear in the whole world... they won't take Harry. I'll see to that." He clenched his fist around a handful of the filthy clothes he wore. "James trusted me to keep my godson safe. I've been incapable of doing that for the past 12 years, of course, but now I'll make sure... Peter will get what he deserves. We'll find a way to defeat Voldemort. And maybe some day, Harry can come and live with me. Maybe some day I'll be free. Maybe some day, things will finally start going my way." He gave a small smile and closed his eyes as Buckbeak cast his attention back to his meal. "Maybe some day."