Thanks for the lovely people who reviewed! Here is more Death Eater Insanity!!!
Severus Snape fell onto his king sized bed fully robed, exhausted and ready to just fall asleep. He yawned, pulled on his grey nightshirt and settled into his already warm bed. He pulled the covers over himself and shut his tired eyes.
"BRRING BRRRRING!!!" a phone on the other side of the room rang.
"Hmmmmmm" Snape mumbled, ignoring the ringing annoying telephone.
"BRRRRRRRRRRING BRRRRRRRRRRING"
"Go away!!!" Snape moaned, covering his ears with a few pillows.
"BBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING BBBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRING BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING BBBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRING BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" the phone rang, obviously paying no attention to Snape.
"FINE FINE! I'm UP! Are you happy telephone? Insufferable stupid Muggle gadget" Snape muttered, cursing Voldemort for telling every Death Eater to get a damned phone. He walked to the contraption and silenced it by picking it up and holding it against his head.
"WHAT?" Snape said in a cold tired irritated voice.
"Sevvie! Hope I didn't catch you at a bad time" the evil voice on the other end said cheerfully.
"No....not at all Voldie" Snape said. He had a great urge to throw the phone at the wall and tell Voldemort to go and screw himself.
"Listen, about the next meeting. It's tomorrow at 1pm. Can you make it?" Voldemort's cold voice asked.
"Actually I'm teaching sorry" Said a relived Snape.
"Oh" Voldemort said. "We'd better change the time then. I'll ring back later. Peace Out!" Snape hung up the phone and went back to bed. He waited for five minutes for Voldemort to call back. Five minutes later and there was no peep out of the telephone. He waited another five minutes. Nothing. He waited another twenty minutes. Not a noise out of the ringing annoying machine. Snape thought bugger it and fell to sleep.
Two hours later, the phone rang again.
"Brrrrring brrring"
Snape stirred.
"Brrrring brrrring brrrring brrrring"
Snape rolled over.
"BRRRRING BRRRRING BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!"
Snape opened one eye and saw the stupid phone. He reached down into his pocket and grabbed out his wand.
"Silencio" he mumbled pointing his wand at the phone. The noise stopped abruptly. Satisfied at the silence, he fell to sleep again, feeling as if he, Severus Snape had the upper hand against the mighty Dark Lord.
And yet a few hours after that there was a knock at the door.
"KNOCK BANG KNOCK BANG"
Snape woke with a start as a horrible banging noise sounded through his room.
"Lumos" Snape whispered and a light ignited the end of his wand. He realised the knocking was coming from the door. He had a visitor! Snape sighed, got up and opened the door dressed still in his nightshirt. He was met by a mysterious cloaked figure.
"Hey! Sevvie!" the cloaked figure with a high pitched voice said, stepping into Snape's dwelling.
"Your phone is not working Severus." Snape's face tried to keep his face impassive but he couldn't resist giving Voldemort one of his signature sneers.
"I bought you some cookies" Voldemort said, handing Snape a batch of home baked chocolate chip cookies. "I made them myself."
"Uh thanks Voldemort" Snape said, taking the cookies from his guest. When Voldemort turned away, Snape threw them into a cauldron that was destined for the 'destroy' spell. He did not eat wholesome food like cookies, especially since they were made by the Dark Lord himself. Snape didn't think that Voldemort could be trusted.
"What are you doing here?" Snape asked, stifling a yawn.
"Since I kept getting your answer phone and I don't believe in trusting answering machines with important information, I came to tell you in person that the meeting has been shifted to tomorrow at 11pm. Somebody brought it to my attention that our meetings should be held at night so that we look Dark and Mysterious and Evil." Snape nodded and let out a giant yawn that he couldn't contain. Voldemort noticed the giant yawn.
"Oh I'm sorry. Did I wake you?" Voldemort asked. "By the way that is a really nice nightshirt"
"Um Voldie? It's three in the morning." Snape stated, in disbelief. The Dark Lord glanced at his watch.
"Oh Hehe.... lost track of time. I'm so inconsiderate. Ok, better get going. Bye Severus" In a poof, Voldemort had gone. Snape slammed the door as fast as he could and jumped back into bed. He closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep. After a while he gave up. He was wide awake.
"DAMN YOU VOLDEMORT!!' Snape screamed to the empty room. He grabbed his wand and destroyed that blinking telephone imagining it was the Dark Lord. He felt considerably better after that.
Severus Snape walked into the room. He was shocked to see that although he had tried his hardest to arrive late, he was in fact one of the first members to arrive.
"Why do I always get here early?" Snape spat to Wormtail who had stupidly decided to sit in Big Daddy again.
"I dunno" he answered pensively. Snape sat in one of the less impressive chairs and sulked. He sulked frowned and narrowed his eyes at various people who arrived in their indistinguishable makes and robes, none of them Voldemort. Two hours passed and as Snape started to think of leaving (and stealing the pink and yellow 'evil' fire DID cross his mind) who should waltz into the room with an armful of cookies and a few cartons of milk.
"Ah look, I'm just on time. Phew" mumbled Voldemort as he dropped the cookies and milk onto the table and headed to Big Daddy, his precious chair.
"Crucio" Voldemort cried, aiming his wand at Wormtail.
"What did I tell you Wormtail? DON'T sit in my Big Daddy!" he said as Wormtail cried out in pain.
"I hope you've learned your lesson" Voldemort said, sitting (or sinking) into the soft folds of the luxurious Bid Daddy. Wormtail struggled to get up and when he finally did, he realised he was left without a chair. Again. Funnily enough, the thought of conjuring a chair never popped into Wormtail's extremely small brain. So Wormtail sat at the Dark Lord's feet like a faithful little puppy dog.
"I'm glad you all have come back again" Voldemort started, opening up the cookies and handing them round. "See I do keep my promises, here we are free cookies for everyone. Welcome to all the new members!" Snape looked around and saw that there were no new members at all. The Death Eaters had hopelessly failed at recruiting new members but as if anybody had the breath to tell the Dark Lord that. Good job Snape thought spitefully that will teach you for showing up TWO HOURS LATE!!!!!!!!] He stared at Voldie with an evil look on his face.
"Severus, why are you looking at me evilly?" Voldemort asked a bit of hurt in his voice.
"You're late Master" Snape said, clenching his fists together. Snape had missed his favourite soap opera (coughcoughporncoughcough) to come. It took him a lot of self control to stop him from hexing the Dark Lord into Kingdom Come.
"I got here just on time" Voldemort protested, opening his planner book and reading out his notes "See Snape, it says here Death Eater Meeting at... oh... um... 11pm. Why did I think it was at 1am?"
"The old time was at 1pm Master" Nott spoke aloud.
"Ooops. My bad. Anyway, never mind. Sorry, I'll take you all out for a game of bowling to make up for my tardiness, is that ok?" Snape at that moment wanted to curse Voldemort into oblivion.
"Ok, the meeting will begin at (checks watch) 1:07am. Avery, I hope you're writing this all down, I'm sure you'll make a great secretary."
"Yes Master" said Avery, trying to fight the temptation of sleep.
"So how did member recruiting go?" asked Voldemort.
Silence.
"Anybody get any new members?"
Silence. Voldemort gave an impatient huff.
"Ok, NO NEW MEMBERS?? That makes me angry. And when the Dark Lord gets angry, Nagini gets upset." Nagini gave a little hiss. "And when Nagini gets upset, people DIE!!!!" Voldemort slashed his wand at less important Death Eaters.
"Avada Kedavra! WHY MUST I BE SURROUNDED BY FREAKING IDIOTS?" Voldemort cried as the Death Eaters quivered in fright. Well all the Death Eaters except Snape. Snape gave a bored yawn.
"Ok then, whoever can bring a new member along next time, the newbie can come bowling with us and I'll pay for their shoe hire too. I must stress this to you men (Bellatrix gave a small cough). Ok and women (Bellatrix gave another small cough) ok fine WOMAN (Bellatrix smiled in satisfaction). Men and WOMAN, we need more members! Ok, now I have a brilliant way of getting our name out there. We are going to make POSTERS!" Voldemort waved his wand around and instantly large sheets of card, coloured quills, glitter and stencils appeared on the table.
"We are making POSTERS?" Snape said scratching his head. He was still wishing he hadn't come. He could've spent his time so much more efficiently. Sleeping would've been nice. Or maybe he could've marked some unfortunate Gryffindor potions papers.
"So everybody let the creative juices flow!" And again nobody moved. Voldemort was the first to pick up a big piece of paper and a black quill and began drawing. Everybody else followed suit reluctantly. Snape did not think that this was a very evil activity. He shook his head and rolled his eyes before grabbing himself a bit of paper and a quill.
It was very amusing to see a dozen or so wizards (and witch) painting and drawing like small kindergarten children. The biggest child had to be Voldemort, the Dark Lord himself who had somehow gotten coloured ink all over his hands. One hand held a cookie and a green quill was in the other. Also interesting to note he had a milk moustache. After about twenty minutes of creative flow, Voldemort stood and cleared his throat.
"Ok, now each of you should've finished your posters. Now we are going to have a gallery. Hang your posters up on the wall over there. "Voldie pointed at the wall on the 'Dumbledore' side of the room. Each death eater placed their poster on the wall. As Bellatrix passed the naked Dumbledore statue, she could not resist but throw a curse at it. Everybody rolled their eyes towards the ceiling. After Wormtail had stuck his poster on the wall (it had taken quite a while – he had [i]forgotten[/i] the sticking spell incantation and had instead doused his poster with water) Voldemort stood back to admire the works of art.
"Wow Avery, you prove to be quite the artist... um Goyle.... nice effort. Whoa! Bellatrix, this is some piece, lots of anger and rage and destruction, very nice. Lucius... who did you pay to do this?"
"Nobody" Lucius lied "I did it myself" Actually he had paid Avery to do his.
"Lies ALL LIES!!!!.... oh well done Avery, it is really effective." Voldemort walked down the posters. He came to stand in front of one particular poster. It was merely a piece of paper with 'Join the Death Eaters' written in miniscule spidery writing in the top left hand corner. The rest of the page had been left blank.
"Uh Severus, did you run out of time?" Voldie asked Snape pointing at the poor poster. Snape stifled a laugh.
"Yes Master" said Snape, trying not to laugh. Designing posters was NOT a thing that Severus Snape did, and besides Snape thought it was a big waste of time.
"Ok now those are done. Post them around everywhere, Knockturn Alley, Hogsmeade, Diagon Alley even. Advertising is the key. Right next thing on the agenda, since our main focus at the moment is Recruiting members, I will leave less important details till later meetings. This meeting I shall go through our focus." Voldemort rummaged through a pile of paper in his handsome planner and pulled out a black piece of paper with green script on it.
"Ah... here we go" Voldemort read the green script on the black piece of paper:" The Death Eaters will aid me, Voldemort, The Dark Lord, in taking over the Wizarding world and making it perfect! No Mudbloods! Anybody with a problem with this leave now. Bellatrix will help you in that department won't you sweetie" Bellatrix fingered her wand lovingly.
"Bellatrix please demonstrate" Voldemort said, gesturing at the naked Dumbledore statue.
"AVADA KEDAVRA" Bellatrix roared, pointing her wand at Dumbledore. The statue was enrobed with an eerie green glow before falling to the ground still intact. Another slash of her wand and the statue was back to normal.
"So, anyone want to leave? Nobody? Ok that's great. Next aim – purification of the Wizarding race. We are ALL going to be CLEAN! No exceptions. Wormtail, you better work on that one, your personal hygiene is shocking" And indeed there was a distinct gap between Wormtail and his fellow Death Eaters. Nobody could stand his smell.
"On top of this, we will be getting rid of all Mudbloods"
"Why" asked Snape.
"Because, well..........um...... because that's what it says here in the planner. Are you questioning me?" Voldemort asked dangerously.
"Of course not Voldemort" Snape replied smoothly.
"Carrying on. Any Mudbloods here?"
Like anyone would volunteer that information Snape thought as nobody said anything.
"That's wonderful! Next thing, who likes Muggle torturing?" Everybody raised their hands. Lucius in particular had an excited look on his face that matched the look Bellatrix gave when she was cursing somebody or something.
Voldemort gets stupider by the minute thought Snape
"Wonderful! We'll make a trip out of it. Wonderful. Brilliant Fantastic" Voldemort clapped his hands together in excitement.
"So everyone understands that we don't like muggles, and we don't like Mudbloods. These are our main goals. Also people don't be afraid to have fun. I hope we can become a really close knit family unit. Ok does anybody have any concerns or questions?"
When does this meeting end? thought Snape tapping his long fingers on the table impatiently.
"Ok, no queries? Well thank you for coming. Please take your poster with you when you leave and hang it somewhere important where LOTS of people will see it. And Wormtail, please ask Bellatrix to get your poster down for you, I don't' think you will be able to cope with the unsticking charm." The Death Eaters each claimed their posters and made way for the door.
"See you next Saturday, we're going bowling. Meet at the alley at 6pm. Don't forget, we need members. You may go now." Voldemort said, picking up a batch of cookies and handing them to people.
Snape couldn't have run away faster. He had gone before Voldie had gotten the opportunity to pawn more cookies on him.
Meeting number three coming soon..... Bwahahahaha :lol
Ajay