Disclaimer: Slam Dunk and its characters do not belong to me but Takehiko Inoue. I, merely a fanatic of SD, want nothing but borrow the characters for the purpose of fun.
Also, the plot of the situational events, if there are any similarities with the original shows, is out of pure coincidence. I'm squeezing my brain out here to produce what I think is funny enough and not just plagiarizing. Besides, the purpose is to make people laugh… (err, if they will… hehe) and not to make myself famous.Although… if I'm out of ideas, maybe I could borrow them too? Hehe… Thanks!
That's it. So please don't sue me.
Seize the camera!
Seize the camera! Strikes again! Victims on the loose. Watch out, players!
Target: Shohoku High School
Strike 3
Situation: During practice break. A 'fake' reporter is about to interview some students to reveal some… well, uhh.. shocking answers.
Accomplice: The reporter wears a casual outfit. Complete with an I.D., a notebook and a pen. The camera is hidden up anywhere in his sleeves. Appears to be one on the entertainment side.
Victim: Sakuragi Hanamichi
Location: campus vicinity
Accomplice enters. Shohoku team having a 15-minute break. Sakuragi practicing the basics on one side. Accomplice introduced himself as a reporter from 'Secrets Scraped Off' magazine and uhh.. whatever. Let's just imagine that he is now interviewing our beloved genius. Okay?
Both sitting comfortably at the bench, just outside the gym. Face to face manner.
Accomplice: So Sakuragi, for 30 seconds. I will be mentioning things and you'll say what first comes to your mind. I need it VERY fast. Understand? (smiling in a friendly way)
Sakuragi: You dare insult the tensai?? Ofcourse I understand! (in an irritated yet excited voice)
Accomplice: Okay. Let's get started.
The accomplice turned serious, looking like one of those top interviewers with an informal, yet challenging look.
Accomplice: Time starts… (looks at his watch) now. Complete name?! (in a fast, tough tone)
Sakuragi: Ore wa tensai Sakuragi Hanamichi! (not so fast, in his usual tone)
Accomplice: Nickname?! (tone is consistent till the end of the interview – never fading, monotone and demanding)
Sakuragi: Tensai of course. (looking normal)
Accomplice: Faster!! (more demanding now) Sign?!
The accomplice's tone made Sakuragi nervous. Eyebrows curled, he answered faster.
Sakuragi: Aries! (a little tensed)
Accomplice: Crush?!
Sakuragi: Haruko! (shocked and blushed but was more focused on answering faster)
Accomplice: Intimidating?!
Sakuragi: You!!
Accomplice: Who else?!
Sakuragi: Goriii!!
And faster…Accomplice: Shampoo?!
Sakuragi: Soap!!
Accomplice: Soap?!
Sakuragi: Shampoo!!
Yeah, Sakuragi. First thing that comes to your head. Tsk tsk.
18 seconds…
Accomplice: Manager?!
Sakuragi: Lady Gori!!
Accomplice: Pet?!
Sakuragi: Ryota… hihihi (naughty tone, chibi look, both hands covering his mouth)
Accomplice: 15 seconds! Go faster!!
Sakuragi: Hai!! (straightened up, yet finds the interview amusing)
Accomplice: Fill this in. You've got two big…? (cheeky smile)
Sakuragi: Ears!!
Accomplice: And one dark…?
Sakuragi: Underarm! Nyahaha!!!
Accomplice: (small smile, head swinging of disapproval)
Sakuragi: Hey! That was a joke!! (trying to show the other both his underarms)
Well… bad joke, Hana. Your reputation is toast.
Accomplice: Bugs you?!
Sakuragi: Bunny me!! (crossing his arms over his chest, sarcastic, thinking how one reporter can be so serious about checking his underarm out)
Accomplice: Sleep?!
Sakuragi: Bed!! (almost snappy, losing the energy and feeling bored)
Accomplice: With..?
Rukawa just came out of the gym with a ball in his hand. Haruko following behind offering him with a drink. Rukawa ignored her. Checking his bike near the bench.
Sakuragi: Rukawa… (distracted, angry tone, eyebrows curled)
Accomplice: BOO! (waking up Sakuragi's senses)
Sakuragi: Huh??
Accomplice: So you like him?!
Sakuragi: Hai! (puzzled, thought of the word 'HIM') I mean… NO, HER!! (pointing at Haruko with his right index finger) Teme! How dare you confuse-
Haruko: Hello Sakuragi-kun! (forced smile, disappointed from Rukawa)
Sakuragi: (chibi, alarmed, distracted, slowly shifting his hand down)
5 seconds…
The other players followed outside. Faces saying that they're there to tease Sakuragi's answers - Specifically Miyagi and Mitsui.
Accomplice: 5 seconds left! Faster!!! (same demanding voice)
Sakuragi: Ha- hai!! (determined, forcing himself to focus on the interviewer)
Accomplice: Deo?!
Sakuragi: MINT!! (shouting unconsciously like that of a soldier)
Accomplice: Perfume?!
Sakuragi: STINKY!!
Accomplice: Guntai?!
Sakuragi: BEST!!
Accomplice: Toothbrush?!
Sakuragi: RUKAWA'S!!!
Accomplice: Gotcha! I knew it! I knew it's him you like! (sudden naughty look, thrilled, slowly walking away, out of Sakuragi's sight)
Everybody who heard: Speechless. Mouth gaping at him.
Rukawa: Do'ahou.
Sakuragi: Teme!! It's a brand not kitsune's!! (blushing hard, aware of what the others are thinking)
Everybody who heard: Yuck. (disgusted faces)
Hikoichi's suddenly appeared. Sneaking behind a tree.
Hikoichi: Me too. If only they know it's the cheapest brand of toothbrush. (consoling Sakuragi quietly)
Yuck. That's all I can say.
The others were caught too.
If we actually asked them the same questions and put them in the same pace… with just a little twist. What could their punch line be..??
Kogure: "Yay!! Uhh… Actually, I don't know! My mother bought it for me!! And it's still in the grocery bag." (In fact, we could have only got a few answers from him because he might only be able to utter an 'uhh' and a 'yay' out of total nervousness. And yes, I think he got another 'brand-new' toothbrush after using his old one for like, three weeks. Ooh… clean, healthy living!! Cool. )
Akagi: "Oral-B." (His arms crossed, eyes looking straight at the reporter. He could have answered the entire questions confidently and maybe even scare the reporter causing the poor guy to forget his big, bad joke)
Mitsui: "Are you insulting me???" (In a defensive, ready-to-punch-someone kind of tone, avoiding the issues on his false teeth.)
Coach Anzai: "Ho ho ho ho." (the usual giddy tone. I guess the reporter could have guessed that this cute Santa Claus has plenty of brands to name to give on Christmas eve)
Ayako:"Well, it's…" (turned to her back) Whack!(that's of course, our loving paperfan whacking Ryota) "WHAT ARE YOU GRINNING ABOUT??!! GET BACK TO PRACTICE!" (Blushing, yet trying to declare a commanding word. Why does she have to pretend she doesn't like Ryota? Poor guy)
Rukawa: Zzzzz… (On his way to dreamland even before accomplice hits the first question. Then wakes up VERY spunky after hearing a whistle – signaling that break time is finished)
à Target: Ryonan High School
Strike 4
Situation: After classes, before basketball practice. A little girl of about 5 years old is sent to borrow something from the boys. Oh, and she is supposed to look cross-eyed by the way.
Victim: Koshino
Location: School corridor
Koshino was just dismissed from his Biology class. Recalling his lessons on organ transplants, he walks slowly directed to the gym. Only a few people to be seen. Little girl enters…
Girl: Hello, sir! (friendly way)
Koshino: Oh, hello chibi! Why are you here? (surprised to see a little girl around)
Girl: Well, daddy left me with my brother here.
Koshino: Really? Where's your daddy? (observed that she has an eye problem, voice is gentle)
Koshino turned his head around to see if the girl's brother is around.
Girl: At the hospital. Doctor gave me an assignment. Can you help me?
The girl's father is a doctor. Sometimes, she address him that. But Koshino might be thinking differently.
Koshino: An assignment? Hmm… depends. What is it? (getting fond of the girl)
Girl: I need to ask someone to give me one of his balls. Can you? (serious, innocent look)
Koshino: Nani??! (expression is shocked, taken aback)
Girl: He said the first I see with big reddish ones is THE ONE. (smiling excitedly)
Girl looks straight ahead, pointing. Koshino may be forgetting about something – her eyes. He thought that she was referring at HIS. Seems like Koshino couldn't get his thoughts off his lessons a while ago.
Koshino: Well… uhh. (speechless, sinking the thoughts in)
Girl: Can you, sir? Can you? Huh? I see that you're a professional. And my dad is playing. (desperately pleading now)
Koshino: Sorry! I need to go now. I still have a practice to attend to. (getting a bit tensed)
Girl: But, you have to! My dad needs it badly! He lost his! (turning aggressive)
Tranplants?? Nah.
Koshino: Listen, kid. I can't. These are not for sale, okay? These are mine and mine alone!! (losing his cool, imagines of sharing his with another)
Girl: (turning angry, like a spoiled brat) NO!! I WANT YOUR BALLS!! SO GIVE IT TO ME!!
Koshino: Uhh.. bye! (scared now at the mad kid, headed for a turn, running for his life)
Little girl is now stamping her feet, almost crying. Appearing like a brat - irritated by the rejection.
Girl: I SAID I WANT YOUR BALLLLSSS!!! (at the top of her lungs)
Some students who heard turned. Understanding what the girl meant, joined in persuading Koshino.
Now, the girl's brother showed up. Seems to be a member of a gang. An outsider. But remember that he is an accomplice too.
Brother: HEY MAN! MY SISTER WANTS YOUR BALLS!! WHY NOT LET HER GRAB ONE OF YOURS?? (voice booming all over the corridor, scaring the hell out of Koshino)
Koshino: If it's not because of that barmy kid, I could have punched that punk on the face! (referring to the brother)
Oh well. Koshino managed to get out fast. VERY FAST. Looks like he DID listen a lot at his Biology class.
If only he realizes that the accomplices were referring to the two basketballs he is carrying beside his duffel bag.. What a hentai!!
And yep, 'GRAB'. How else does a member of a gang call it?
Brother: Tsk. tsk. How many more hentais are in this campus??
Girl: What is a hentai? (regaining her tired eyes from being cross-eyed while tugging her supposed brother's shirt)
Brother: (sighed, giving the girl a cute doll and a lollipop for her work well done)
The others' possible reactions?
Sendoh: For a kid, you sure knows a lot! (amazed)
Uozomi: Hey kid, who taught you that?? (quite annoyed)
Fukuda: Don't shout at me! I'm still your senior!! (pissed off)
Hikoichi: Unberibabruya!! This kid is bright!! (mouth forming an O) What do you know about basketball?? Wait, where's my notebook? My notebook! (the only innocent one)
That's what you call attitude.