Summary: But before Hermione could speak, Draco started, "I have my doubts ... about us." If her lips were trembling a moment ago, now her whole body was shaking. She never thought it would be this hard. HGDM fic
Author's Note: Hmm ... it has been terribly long since I've written anything good to upload here, so now that my writer's block is over, I'm going to be posting another story. You must be thinking about the title ... for some reasons, it fits the storyline, so I'll be sticking with the title Sweet Silence. You'll know why, when you read the whole story. As for the moment, I hope you enjoy the story. Please review afterwards.
Broken
By Cerulean Sapphire
It was the longest afternoon of autumn and there were no visible clouds in the sky – only the gloomy dark blue sky covering up the whole town. There was an eerie, unnerving silence all throughout, as if nobody was around. Birds that usually were chirping songs were flying somewhere else, as the season of winter is soon to come. The sun was yet to be seen, and the whole town was starting to get colder and colder at the moment.
Not very far away, the sound of leaves being stepped on was getting louder every second. A young lady of about the age of eighteen or so came in to view. Though her thick clothing and boots kept her from the coldness of the surroundings, she still felt cold. Her moderate breathing was seen in puffs of air, but the rate of her heartbeat was certainly not in its natural pace. She was looking around for some signs, expecting a tall man with blond hair to just pop out of the street. But there was none. Nobody was walking on the sidewalk, only her. Yet she still knew that he would come.
For many months now, Hermione had been expecting this to happen. She wasn't anticipating for it that much – she didn't even want this moment to ever occur. But somehow, as though it had always been a part of her life, she knew that something bad and dreadful would soon come.
And it was true.
This time, she went here not to smile at him or kiss him. She already knew why she was here – it was the moment she hoped would never come. But her friends were right – somehow, someday there would be the time when she'll finally say what she wished she'd never tell – goodbye.
And after a few moments, she knew her intuition was right. Everything about what they had will now be over ... but she promised to herself that whatever might happen, she would never cry – never break down in front of him or anyone else. If ever she'd cry, she'll do it someplace silent ... somewhere she could be alone.
"Hey."
Hermione closed her eyes and breathed slowly. Her wait was over. He's here – he always greeted her with a slow, cheery hey. But now, he greeted with no trace of feeling in his voice, as if he wished not to break the silence surrounding both of them.
Hermione turned around and faced the pale face she had always loved. His blond hair was, as always, neat and clean. His cheeks were flushed with a pale pink color as if he was slightly blushing; his lips were firm and steady – and his eyes. Those gray eyes that opened up to her months ago was now cold and troubled, but he tried to make them look calm, although he always failed. Just one look at those gray eyes of his, and she knew that she was absolutely right. Everything about them is starting to be over.
She breather deeply, looking straight to him, hoping against hope that she was wrong ... that this is not the end for them. That they came here, as they always do, because they want to be together ... that they shall once again enter their own little world where only their love mattered.
Hermione knew she needed to say something ... ask him why they were there, or are they truly going to finish everything off. But she knew she couldn't. She knew that she could not open up the subject, or else she would cry. And she was not going to cry, she promised that.
"Let's go over there, by the swings." He pointed on a nearby playground. Hermione wanted to get this over and done with, but she does not feel the liking of an argument over where they would end their relationship. Without speaking anything, she nodded her head and walked after him. After all, it would be much easier for her not to cry when sitting down. She might break down or faint if she's standing up while they said their last goodbyes.
Three swings were in front of them, and he sat on the farthest left, leaving Hermione with two choices – either sit on the swing in the middle or on farthest right. And after a few seconds, she sat on the right swing. Draco looked up to her, perhaps wondering why she felt the desire to leave a space between them. But then, Hermione knew it was best for them to be apart this early, if they would end up being apart forever.
Silence was once again enveloping both of them – they both tried to say something ... anything, but it was hard to think up any interesting topic to talk about. Nothing seemed to occupy Hermione's mind but the pain that it would cause her when she would hear the last goodbye. Her lips were trembling so suddenly, that she needed to keep reminding herself to be strong and collected. But the silence was creeping upon her, and her chest was getting tighter, not letting her breathe freely. She can't go on any longer, with this feeling of sadness, and she needed to let Draco know.
But before Hermione could even speak, Draco started. "I have my doubts."
If her lips were trembling a moment ago, now her whole body was shaking. She never thought it would be this hard.
"Everyone has their own fears and doubts ..." She tried to think of any other possible reply, but couldn't think of anything that would show him that even in this time, she's still strong.
But she knew she was far from being strong at this very moment.
"I know ... but I'm having doubts ... not about something unimportant. I'm having doubts, Hermione ... about us ... about our relationship."
Hearing those words come out straight from Draco's mouth was hard for her. She let out a small, inaudible whimper, yet still trying to collect herself and keep her head high. She knew there were no tears coming from her eyes, and she was glad of that. But her heart ... she knew it might be bleeding now, now that he had confirmed his doubts about what they have.
Hermione closed her eyes, trying not to cry from what Draco was saying. She gripped whatever she was holding onto, and tried her best to shut her senses from the surroundings. But however hard she tried; Hermione couldn't help but hear the last words uttered by Draco.
"... I know this is hard ... it's hard for me, too, if not harder. But we both know that we need to let go ... of ... of one another and of whatever we have. This has to end ... it just has to end. For both our sakes. I know you feel the same way. I'm sorry ..."
The sound of someone getting up from the swing and someone stepping on fallen leaves were the only sounds to be heard. When Hermione opened her eyes, she was again alone, with nothing but the pain she had. There were no visible tears, just as she had promised herself, but she knew it would have been much easier if she had cried ... by the pain wouldn't be breaking her from the inside.
It was the most dreadful day he had in his life. Most days back when he was still with his parents were sour, but not as gloomy as this. He knew that this would be the day where he would have to say goodbye. But how, he still doesn't know. He had been with her for almost a year now, and he had enjoyed every single minute of it. But now ... he needed to say it – and tell her his reasons for it.
But as he walked out of his lonely home towards the streets, he was still pondering about it ... what are his exact reasons, anyway, for trying to leave her? There were some good ones he could tell, but Hermione could simply contradict him. She was a very intelligent girl, and she would need some reasonable explanation behind this ... behind all of this.
Draco walked slowly, trying to find some interest on his surroundings – the falling leaves, the clear blue sky ... even his own breathing that causes the existence of small puffs of air coming out of his mouth. But he couldn't find anything interesting. All he could find interest in was the image of a crying Hermione in front of him. And even just imagining how she would react was painful for him.
But he must do it. It was all for the better. Their worlds are very different, and both of them must accept it. He knew it would certainly, definitely hurt her, but then, if he won't do it, he would be lying not only to himself, but also to Hermione. With their love for each other, they made a beautiful world exist, a place that only they could enter ... where they own the world and they don't need anything but each other.
And for almost a year, they both breathed and lived in that made-up world. But now it must come to an end. It must – for if they make it last longer, in the end it would only hurt more.
But what exactly was the point of breaking both their hearts he thought. He kept thinking of a right answer, or any answer at all. But none came. Perhaps there was really no point in it. Maybe Draco just wanted to hurt both himself and his dear Hermione.
He knew that wasn't true.
Draco came there for a reason. He wanted to make it clear to both of them that they weren't destined for each other ... that they were worlds apart. Even if the thought of it hurts, he must still do what he's supposed to do. And after a few more seconds, all is about to change in Draco Malfoy's world.
He turned on a corner and walked slowly, carefully picturing his last moments with Hermione. They were sitting down a bench, watching the sun set on the horizon. Her head was slightly tilted, resting on his shoulder, and everything was perfect.
But now it was far from being perfect. He saw, just a few meters away from him was the girl that he had shared that sunset with. And now he was about to rip her heart into pieces. For a moment, he felt like the world was stopping, and he didn't dare hurt her. But he needed to do it. He had to.
Heaving a small sigh, Draco walked towards her and said, in the coldest, un- friendliest way he could muster, "Hey." Draco heard her breathe ever so slowly. She turned around slowly, and looked straight at him. Draco felt like he could not even dare to look at her beautiful eyes. It was just too hard to bear ... that after a few minutes, he would be cruel to the one he most loved.
She looked absolutely beautiful, just as she always did. There was a faint smile crawling upon her lips, but it faded the minute he looked. And there was that undeniable frown that made him ache inside. He would have dearly loved to hug her, to ask her what was wrong ... and to kiss that frown away. But he should be firm, be cold, if needed. That's the only way to end this.
Hermione suddenly breathed, and was intently looking at him. Draco tried to look back, but it was hard. It was as if she was looking through his eyes into his thoughts, and it troubled him. He felt guilty for what he was going to do, but nothing could stop him. Not even the stare of the girl in front of him.
How could he possibly open the subject? There was no way he'd leave Hermione standing alone after a moment of speech about their relationship ending ... he couldn't possibly do that. He loved her, and he knew that. And then his eyes caught the playground. "Let's go over there, by the swings." He pointed his index finger on the playground. She looked at it slowly, and nodded without speaking anything. God, didn't she know it was hard for him, too? She wasn't making this the least bit easy.
Draco went ahead and sat on the swing farthest from them. He looked up at Hermione only to see that she sat on the swing farthest from him. It struck Draco painfully, realizing what Hermione was doing. She knew, of course she knew what was happening. It wasn't that hard to analyze it. Before, whenever Draco was with her, they would talk about anything – Hogwarts, the scenery, their feelings, people, relationship ... just about anything. But now it was only a long silence between them. It wasn't the type of silence that made you comfortable – but the sort that made you feel uneasy.
He kept looking sideways to Hermione, opening his mouth a bit as if wanting to say something. He did want to talk to her, peacefully, if possible. But he knew now how this was going to end. It would end somehow like their arguments before, where nobody was right or wrong. But this time, Hermione was right. Draco admitted that she was always right.
He looked back at her again, but this time he needed to speak, not just about anything, but about why they were there. Draco stared for a long time, letting the memory of her face sink one more time in his head. Somehow, he knew that this was going to be the last time he could ever stare at her again. Draco watched how Hermione moved, how she breathed, and he slowly realized that she was breathing slowly and deeply. He noticed how her lips were trembling, but it wasn't from the coldness of the place. It was because she knew that the moment has come for them to say goodbye.
But even as he thought of goodbye, he couldn't help but feel scared and weak. Scared because tomorrow will not be as looked forward to, now that there will be no Hermione for him to see everyday. He felt weak because he desperately needed her ... but then he had to let her go. And without any thought, he spoke.
"I have my doubts."
Why did he say that? His heart was thumping madly in his chest, and he was quite shocked about what he had just uttered. What exactly did he mean by telling that? But now it was just too late ... Hermione would surely ask him what his doubts are. Then it would be much easier, to know that she would be mad at him. At least there would be no room for depression and tears.
But Hermione wasn't looking at him, puzzled, or any of the sort. She was looking straight ahead, and Draco, as though he wasn't looking, can see that she was shaking all over. Oh, how he wanted to hold her, to tell her that it was okay, that he'll never leave her. But he shouldn't do that. Now that he's started everything that will end their relationship he should finish it.
"Everyone has their own fears and doubts ..." Hermione said in a voice that was perfectly clear and sturdy. But Draco knew it was just a façade ... to make him see that she was okay, that everything was still fine, though it wasn't. Nothing was fine now. Nothing.
"I know. But I'm having doubts ... not about something unimportant. I'm having doubts, Hermione ... about us ... about our relationship."
She probably noticed how his voice trembled as he spoke, or how in some parts of his sentence his voice faltered. But if she noticed or not, she didn't show. Hermione just sat there, and listened as he spoke some nonsense, made-up talk about why he had his doubts. Goodness, everything that was happening was all a blur to him. He couldn't even understand what he was talking about. But now that he had started, he had to go on.
"It's not that I didn't love you. I loved you much more than I show, much more than I'll ever show. You were the one who gave a new meaning to everything that's been happening to me ... and I am very thankful for that. I always look forward to the next day because I know I'll be having you by my side, and that's what only matters to me – before. I didn't care about others might think ... or what they might say, because we have our own world, where nothing can stop us ... nothing could ever separate us. All I know is that I love you, and I never had a doubt about the love we have been sharing."
"But Hermione ... I know that you've been having difficulties by just being with me. I never realized it before but now I do. You have sacrificed more than you can ... I know about it. Your friends know that I never deserved you, and that you need someone who can give you something more than that I'll ever give. And they were right. I never admitted it before but ... but ... see, we are different. Very different, Hermione. And our worlds will never unite and make one big, happy, prosperous world. I would never please your friends, just as I know that mine will never like you. Your family ... I have never met them, and I'm scared that if I do, they'll despise me for taking you and not making you happy. But Hermione ... I want you to be happy ... and while I'm with you, you can never achieve that ... because you have neglected many things in your life for me, even your career, and I want that to stop. I want you to become successful. But I can never give you any of that. All I'll ever give you is a sad life full of regrets."
"You've lived your life before without me, and I know you can move on, too ... without me ... I know this is hard. It's hard for me, too, if not harder. But we both know that we need to let go ... of ... of one another and of whatever we have. This has to end ... It just has to end. For both our sakes. I know you feel the same way ... I'm sorry."
Draco heaved a sigh and looked at Hermione. Her eyes were closed shut, and she was trying her best not to cry. He wanted to say goodbye, but he couldn't ... he couldn't say another word. It was enough ... everything he said was enough.
He stood up and walked towards somewhere else, not even looking back to the one he most loved, for he knew that it would be much harder for him to let go if he saw her once more. His head was numb, and he felt nothing but the pain of goodbye. But it was better this way. He'll just have to accept the pains of tomorrow with a broken heart.
Author's Note: How was it? Good, bad, sad? Please do tell me what you think of it, tell it to me through a review. Reviews will be truly appreciated. Um ... while I'm still here writing my author's note, I'll plug my own works, okay? I've written quite a few HGDM fanfics (Hoping for a Chance, Let Go, Falling for Gray Eyes), and one HG fic (Life Without Him). For more info, please see my bio ... ;)
And I've opened a boards site, so if you're bored or something, do visit http:portraitmirror.proboards30.com. And a friend of mine, Erythros, has opened Small Talks, a board to chat about anything. Here's the URL: http:boredtalks.proboards25.com. And another friend of mine, katorse, had just built her site, Flourish and Blotts. It's a HGDM site with a fan fiction archive. Here's the URL: http:www.geocities.com/viperkatorse
Thanks!