Chapter 4: Why?
Rachel sat on the beach by the deep blue ocean. Her toes dug into the sand and water crept up and surrounded her feet every time the tide washed in. It was around midnight. There was nobody on the beach except for her. The moon was high in the sky. It was a full moon. That was probably why she was feeling so odd.
She felt a sharp pain and her fingers massaged a knot in her back. Her other hand rested on the round bump of her belly.
Rachel spent most of her nights on the beach, thinking about the past and the future. She had taken all of the money she had to her name, including the money from her father. She had gone clear across the states to get away from Todd. She didn't keep in touch with anyone back home. She didn't go to Ross and Monica's funeral, but she had never dared to look up their obituaries or their calling hours. She couldn't think about anything but that horrible day. Hell, she couldn't even watch the news. She barely watched television because she hated to hear the bad news. But the horrendous thing that happened the day Rachel left New York was the one she could never forget. It haunted her every night. That's why she spent her nights on the beach and slept in the daytime.
Rachel wasn't going by Rachel Green anymore. While her legal name was Rachel Green, everybody knew her as Karen Geller.
She found out she was pregnant a month after she fled New York. She had been devastated. She had always wanted children, but she never thought that her children would have to be without their father. But, she was having a baby, and her baby wouldn't ever get to know its father.
Another sharp pain surged through Rachel's lower back. She was in her last trimester and her ninth month. She was only a block away from the nearest hospital. She had made friends with her obstetrician, and the obstetrician promised that Rachel's records would be discarded as soon as she left the hospital with the baby.
"You're doing fine, Rach," Elizabeth whispered as Rachel breathed through a contraction. Elizabeth was Rachel's obstetrician and her friend. Elizabeth reminded Rachel a lot of Monica. She was short, petite, and had dark hair.
Rachel didn't want to cry, but the pain was so horrible. She had been given an epidural, and her labor was progressing a bit. She hated pain. She hated being scared and sad. That's why she ran away. She felt horrible for not going to the funeral. Even if she had known when it was, she couldn't have gone. She didn't want to say goodbye to Ross. She didn't even have a photograph of him to show to her child. She couldn't go back to New York and ask his parents. His parents probably hated her. She didn't blame them. She hadn't even asked about Ross and Monica before she left.
"I'm going to go check on my other patients. You buzz the nurse if you need help." Elizabeth left, and Rachel closed her eyes tightly. She put her hands on her stomach and breathed heavily.
"I don't know if you're a boy or a girl, but I'm going to love you so much. I'm going to give you everything that you need . . . with the exception of one thing. I can't give you a father. I'm sorry about that. Everything happened so quickly, and he's not here anymore. But I'm sure if he was here, he would love you very much. You've got to understand that I love you so much. I'm going to be a good mommy to you. I'm scared, but I'm ready for you. I've been preparing for you for the last nine months, and I'm going to get to see your face before the sun rises. I just . . . I just wanted to let you know how much I love you."
Pain overtook her body again, and she gripped the rails of the bed, wishing Ross were at her side, holding her hand through the pain.
"Any luck?" Chandler asked as he stood in the Geller living room. He looked over at the door to see his best friend's fallen face.
"No," Ross replied quietly. "God, Chandler, maybe I should just give up. She thinks I'm dead, for God's sakes!"
"Look, as soon as you got out of the hospital you started looking for her. You can't give up now."
"I love her so much, but it's like . . . it's like looking for a needle in a haystack. She's probably forgotten about me."
"How could you say that?" came a voice from the couch. "We've known her for years! Rachel would not just forget like that! She's not like that!" Ross looked over to see his little sister sitting on the couch.
"I didn't know you were down here. I figured you were sleeping."
"I couldn't sleep," Monica replied. "Mom and dad called. They won't be home until next week instead of tomorrow. Looks like we have to house sit a little longer." Monica stood slowly from the couch and walked over to her brother and her fiancé. She had a big of a limp, but it wasn't nearly as noticeable as it was eight months ago. She had been shot once in the chest, near her heart, and once in the hip. She was doing much better now, but she missed her friend, and she felt horrible at the thought that Rachel probably thought she and Ross were dead. "Ross, I don't want to change the subject. I want you to know that I won't let you give up, even if you feel like it. Not only was she your girlfriend, but she was my best friend. She was like a sister to me, and I don't want to give up the hope that we're going to find her. You can't give up either."
"I've spent all of my money looking everywhere for her. Her parents have even been searching. Nobody can find her. Nobody can track her down. I just want to hold her in my arms again and . . ."
"Ross, you saved her life," Monica reminded. "You took a bullet for her. You nearly died. You told her to run. She ran because she thought Todd had killed us." Tears came to Monica's eyes. She lived in fear everyday that she would turn the corner and run into Todd. She could still remember his cold, menacing eyes when she saw him as she left Rachel's apartment that day.
She shook her head, not wanting to remember. She cleared her throat and put her arms around Chandler.
"I'm ready to go up to bed," she said with a yawn. "Ross, you have to get some sleep tonight."
"I can't sleep."
"You haven't been able to sleep well since she left. You need to just try to relax. Look, when mom and dad get home, we'll borrow some money from them and go look for her again."
"No," Ross replied.
"Ross! You can't give up."
"I'm not giving up. I'm leaving first thing tomorrow morning. As soon as the sun rises, I'm leaving. I can't wait for mom and dad to get home." Ross turned to Chandler. "You take care of my sister while I'm gone."
"I will, man." Chandler and Monica headed upstairs and Ross sat down on the couch. He leaned back and closed his eyes. Since Rachel left, Ross had been working at the museum, studying for his doctorate in paleontology. He was making a good amount of money, but all of that money went into saving for a search for Rachel. He was living in her apartment and paying the rent. He was just staying with Chandler and Monica and the Geller house while Jack and Judy were gone. He knew it helped Monica to know that her big brother was there too. She felt safer that way.
"Rachel, I know you're out there somewhere," Ross whispered. "If only there was some way I could let you know that . . . that I'm still here . . ." He sucked in a deep breath. "Why did this have to happen? Why?"
Thousands of miles away, Rachel was lying in her hospital bed, her feet in stirrups, and her hands gripping the side rails of her bed. Elizabeth had scrubs on, and a nurse was standing to the side to wrap the baby in a blanket as soon as it was born.
"Come on! You're doing a great job!" Elizabeth urged. "The head's almost out. One more big push!" Rachel pushed harder and she felt a physical sense of relief as the baby's head left her body. "Look down at your baby!" Rachel opened her eyes to see her child's face. The baby's hair was dark brown, and it was so beautiful.
"Oh my God. My baby . . ." Rachel cooed.
"Alright. I need a couple of little pushes. The hard part's over. We just have to deliver the body." Rachel pushed a little bit, and a few seconds later, the baby slid quickly into the world and into the blanket the nurse had handed to the doctor. Healthy wails filled the delivery room, and Elizabeth placed the baby on Rachel's belly. "Congratulations! It's a boy!"
Ross had a son. The thought made Rachel cry harder as she looked at her child. Ross' son would never know how amazing his father was. How was she going to explain the story of Ross' death to her child someday?
"My little boy," Rachel cried. "My little boy." She sobbed as she rocked her newborn back and forth in her arms. Silently, she asked God why she had to be in the position she was in. Why did she have to raise her son without the father he deserved to have?
Rachel sat on the beach by the deep blue ocean. Her toes dug into the sand and water crept up and surrounded her feet every time the tide washed in. It was around midnight. There was nobody on the beach except for her. The moon was high in the sky. It was a full moon. That was probably why she was feeling so odd.
She felt a sharp pain and her fingers massaged a knot in her back. Her other hand rested on the round bump of her belly.
Rachel spent most of her nights on the beach, thinking about the past and the future. She had taken all of the money she had to her name, including the money from her father. She had gone clear across the states to get away from Todd. She didn't keep in touch with anyone back home. She didn't go to Ross and Monica's funeral, but she had never dared to look up their obituaries or their calling hours. She couldn't think about anything but that horrible day. Hell, she couldn't even watch the news. She barely watched television because she hated to hear the bad news. But the horrendous thing that happened the day Rachel left New York was the one she could never forget. It haunted her every night. That's why she spent her nights on the beach and slept in the daytime.
Rachel wasn't going by Rachel Green anymore. While her legal name was Rachel Green, everybody knew her as Karen Geller.
She found out she was pregnant a month after she fled New York. She had been devastated. She had always wanted children, but she never thought that her children would have to be without their father. But, she was having a baby, and her baby wouldn't ever get to know its father.
Another sharp pain surged through Rachel's lower back. She was in her last trimester and her ninth month. She was only a block away from the nearest hospital. She had made friends with her obstetrician, and the obstetrician promised that Rachel's records would be discarded as soon as she left the hospital with the baby.
"You're doing fine, Rach," Elizabeth whispered as Rachel breathed through a contraction. Elizabeth was Rachel's obstetrician and her friend. Elizabeth reminded Rachel a lot of Monica. She was short, petite, and had dark hair.
Rachel didn't want to cry, but the pain was so horrible. She had been given an epidural, and her labor was progressing a bit. She hated pain. She hated being scared and sad. That's why she ran away. She felt horrible for not going to the funeral. Even if she had known when it was, she couldn't have gone. She didn't want to say goodbye to Ross. She didn't even have a photograph of him to show to her child. She couldn't go back to New York and ask his parents. His parents probably hated her. She didn't blame them. She hadn't even asked about Ross and Monica before she left.
"I'm going to go check on my other patients. You buzz the nurse if you need help." Elizabeth left, and Rachel closed her eyes tightly. She put her hands on her stomach and breathed heavily.
"I don't know if you're a boy or a girl, but I'm going to love you so much. I'm going to give you everything that you need . . . with the exception of one thing. I can't give you a father. I'm sorry about that. Everything happened so quickly, and he's not here anymore. But I'm sure if he was here, he would love you very much. You've got to understand that I love you so much. I'm going to be a good mommy to you. I'm scared, but I'm ready for you. I've been preparing for you for the last nine months, and I'm going to get to see your face before the sun rises. I just . . . I just wanted to let you know how much I love you."
Pain overtook her body again, and she gripped the rails of the bed, wishing Ross were at her side, holding her hand through the pain.
"Any luck?" Chandler asked as he stood in the Geller living room. He looked over at the door to see his best friend's fallen face.
"No," Ross replied quietly. "God, Chandler, maybe I should just give up. She thinks I'm dead, for God's sakes!"
"Look, as soon as you got out of the hospital you started looking for her. You can't give up now."
"I love her so much, but it's like . . . it's like looking for a needle in a haystack. She's probably forgotten about me."
"How could you say that?" came a voice from the couch. "We've known her for years! Rachel would not just forget like that! She's not like that!" Ross looked over to see his little sister sitting on the couch.
"I didn't know you were down here. I figured you were sleeping."
"I couldn't sleep," Monica replied. "Mom and dad called. They won't be home until next week instead of tomorrow. Looks like we have to house sit a little longer." Monica stood slowly from the couch and walked over to her brother and her fiancé. She had a big of a limp, but it wasn't nearly as noticeable as it was eight months ago. She had been shot once in the chest, near her heart, and once in the hip. She was doing much better now, but she missed her friend, and she felt horrible at the thought that Rachel probably thought she and Ross were dead. "Ross, I don't want to change the subject. I want you to know that I won't let you give up, even if you feel like it. Not only was she your girlfriend, but she was my best friend. She was like a sister to me, and I don't want to give up the hope that we're going to find her. You can't give up either."
"I've spent all of my money looking everywhere for her. Her parents have even been searching. Nobody can find her. Nobody can track her down. I just want to hold her in my arms again and . . ."
"Ross, you saved her life," Monica reminded. "You took a bullet for her. You nearly died. You told her to run. She ran because she thought Todd had killed us." Tears came to Monica's eyes. She lived in fear everyday that she would turn the corner and run into Todd. She could still remember his cold, menacing eyes when she saw him as she left Rachel's apartment that day.
She shook her head, not wanting to remember. She cleared her throat and put her arms around Chandler.
"I'm ready to go up to bed," she said with a yawn. "Ross, you have to get some sleep tonight."
"I can't sleep."
"You haven't been able to sleep well since she left. You need to just try to relax. Look, when mom and dad get home, we'll borrow some money from them and go look for her again."
"No," Ross replied.
"Ross! You can't give up."
"I'm not giving up. I'm leaving first thing tomorrow morning. As soon as the sun rises, I'm leaving. I can't wait for mom and dad to get home." Ross turned to Chandler. "You take care of my sister while I'm gone."
"I will, man." Chandler and Monica headed upstairs and Ross sat down on the couch. He leaned back and closed his eyes. Since Rachel left, Ross had been working at the museum, studying for his doctorate in paleontology. He was making a good amount of money, but all of that money went into saving for a search for Rachel. He was living in her apartment and paying the rent. He was just staying with Chandler and Monica and the Geller house while Jack and Judy were gone. He knew it helped Monica to know that her big brother was there too. She felt safer that way.
"Rachel, I know you're out there somewhere," Ross whispered. "If only there was some way I could let you know that . . . that I'm still here . . ." He sucked in a deep breath. "Why did this have to happen? Why?"
Thousands of miles away, Rachel was lying in her hospital bed, her feet in stirrups, and her hands gripping the side rails of her bed. Elizabeth had scrubs on, and a nurse was standing to the side to wrap the baby in a blanket as soon as it was born.
"Come on! You're doing a great job!" Elizabeth urged. "The head's almost out. One more big push!" Rachel pushed harder and she felt a physical sense of relief as the baby's head left her body. "Look down at your baby!" Rachel opened her eyes to see her child's face. The baby's hair was dark brown, and it was so beautiful.
"Oh my God. My baby . . ." Rachel cooed.
"Alright. I need a couple of little pushes. The hard part's over. We just have to deliver the body." Rachel pushed a little bit, and a few seconds later, the baby slid quickly into the world and into the blanket the nurse had handed to the doctor. Healthy wails filled the delivery room, and Elizabeth placed the baby on Rachel's belly. "Congratulations! It's a boy!"
Ross had a son. The thought made Rachel cry harder as she looked at her child. Ross' son would never know how amazing his father was. How was she going to explain the story of Ross' death to her child someday?
"My little boy," Rachel cried. "My little boy." She sobbed as she rocked her newborn back and forth in her arms. Silently, she asked God why she had to be in the position she was in. Why did she have to raise her son without the father he deserved to have?