Author's Note: Thanks for hanging in there with my guys! I'm glad you're
enjoying the story!!
Chapter 5: Dreaming of You
Rachel's son weighed in at six pounds even. He was nineteen inches long, had a full head of light brown hair, and his eyes were a light blue. Rachel was lying in her hospital room with her son in her arms. Elizabeth had given her a book of baby names, but Rachel couldn't decide on anything.
"You don't look like a Morgan or a Jeff. I don't know what to name you, baby boy. I would name you Ross, but it would hurt too much, you know? Maybe you're a Jack." The baby grunted a bit. "No. I don't think so either. How about something with an 'R?'" She started looking through the 'R' section. She finally stopped on a name that caught her eye. "How about Ryan?"
"I like it," Elizabeth said as she walked into the room.
"That's what I'll call him. I like it too. Ryan Geller Green."
"Geller is his middle name?"
"No. Ryan Michael Geller Green," Rachel corrected. That's it. That's his name."
"It's a good name," Elizabeth replied. Rachel smiled and looked down at baby Ryan. She saw so much of his father in him.
"He looks just like his daddy, you know? God, I miss him so much. I don't want to do this alone."
"I can help you, Rachel."
"No. I need to do this alone. I have to be strong for Ryan." Elizabeth checked Rachel's vitals and then left the room. Rachel stared at the bundle in her arms. He had fallen asleep within a matter of moments, and he looked so incredibly peaceful as he slept. His little hands were clasped together and resting up under his chin. Rachel yawned a bit, and leaned over to place her new son into the bed the nursery had brought in for him. Rachel didn't want her son to leave her side. She wanted him with her all night.
She drifted off to sleep rather quickly, and her head soon became filled with a dream.
She was sitting in Central Park with the baby stroller next to her. She couldn't see inside the stroller, but she just felt that her baby was in it. She was sitting with her legs crossed, and the sunlight was bathing down on her. She had a content feeling in her heart because she was back home in New York.
"Rachel," said a familiar voice as he stepped out into the sunlight. Rachel's eyes lit up and she jumped up from the bench.
"Ross!" she exclaimed. Ross ran over to Rachel and hugged her tightly.
"Oh my God! Ross, it's really you!"
"I never gave up on you, Rachel. I never gave up."
"Thank God," she whispered.
Ross woke in a cold sweat. Every night, or at least nights when he could sleep, Ross dreamed about Rachel. But this dream was different. It seemed so much more real. He could still feel her arms around him. He could still smell the familiar smell of her hair.
He looked at the clock. It was four in the morning. The sun would be rising in a couple of hours. He stood and walked into the kitchen. He walked over to the refrigerator and grabbed a beer from the back. He opened it and took a sip, letting the cold, bitter liquid soothe his aching throat.
"Ross?" came a soft voice from the stairway.
"Monica, go back to sleep. I just needed a drink.
"Who drinks beer at four in the morning?" Monica asked. She folded her arms across her chest and walked into the dark kitchen. "Ross, I'm worried about you."
"I'm fine," Ross snapped. "I'm fine. Just go back to bed."
"Don't drink anymore of this. I'm not going to lie for you again to dad. These are his beers, and he'll be pissed if he finds out you've drank them all." Ross threw the beer bottle against the wall and Monica stomped her foot angrily. "You're cleaning that up! And you better stop acting like such an asshole!" Monica went back upstairs and Ross sat down on the kitchen floor and began to cry. He needed Rachel. He needed her in his arms. He hated what he had become. He drank all the time, and he still had the power to control it. He didn't want to though. He just wanted to drink himself into oblivion. He hadn't given up hope on Rachel yet. He still had the hope that she'd come back. But he knew she never would. Deep down, he knew she never would.
Ross began to clean up the mess he had made. He hated what he had done to himself. He needed to clean up. He needed to stop drinking. He needed to get a shower and get out on the road to find the woman he loved. He knew she was out there somewhere. He had to find her.
The cries of Ryan woke Rachel a few hours later. She saw that the sun had just risen, and it was shining into her hospital room. She reached over, ever muscle in her body aching, and lifted her tiny son into her arms.
"Are you hungry, sweetheart?" Rachel asked. The baby continued to wail. Rachel unfastened her robe and let her son begin to suckle at her breast. She caressed his cheek with her finger as she fed him. She watched him and was filled with so much love. "You're my little man. Mommy loves you so much. I do, baby boy."
"Surprise," Elizabeth said with a big grin as she walked into the room. She was carrying the baby carrier Rachel had bought.
"How'd you get that here?" Rachel asked.
"My shift ended an hour ago. I went over to your apartment and got it."
"Thank you so much. I need to take him home. Can I leave today?"
"Yeah. You can leave at noon," Elizabeth answered.
"Good," Rachel replied. She smiled at her son.
"He's a good eater."
"Yeah. Hey, did you happen to bring a diaper bag with you?"
"Yep." She pulled a diaper bag out from behind her back.
"You are so great," Rachel said with a smile.
"So, are you ever going to go back to New York?" Rachel's face fell.
"Don't you think your parents or Ross' parents would want to see their grandson?"
"My parents wouldn't care. Ross' parents probably wouldn't want to know. They wouldn't want to be reminded of me."
"Rachel, you don't know that they think that way."
"They have to think that. I just walked away without looking back!" Rachel exclaimed. "My son needs to have a good life. I'm going to give it to him."
"He needs to know his family though." Rachel closed her eyes and then opened them to look down at her son.
"You're right. He does need to know his family. God, you're right. I have to tell them. Can you do me a favor?"
"Anything."
"Go get a disposable camera."
"What?" Elizabeth asked.
"Just go get one."
"Alright . . ." Elizabeth left and went down to the gift shop. Rachel looked down at her son again.
"Your grandparents will know about you. They'll know you're here and that you're Ross' son. But we can't go back. Not yet anyway. Not until I know if they want you in their lives . . . if they want me in their lives too."
Chapter 5: Dreaming of You
Rachel's son weighed in at six pounds even. He was nineteen inches long, had a full head of light brown hair, and his eyes were a light blue. Rachel was lying in her hospital room with her son in her arms. Elizabeth had given her a book of baby names, but Rachel couldn't decide on anything.
"You don't look like a Morgan or a Jeff. I don't know what to name you, baby boy. I would name you Ross, but it would hurt too much, you know? Maybe you're a Jack." The baby grunted a bit. "No. I don't think so either. How about something with an 'R?'" She started looking through the 'R' section. She finally stopped on a name that caught her eye. "How about Ryan?"
"I like it," Elizabeth said as she walked into the room.
"That's what I'll call him. I like it too. Ryan Geller Green."
"Geller is his middle name?"
"No. Ryan Michael Geller Green," Rachel corrected. That's it. That's his name."
"It's a good name," Elizabeth replied. Rachel smiled and looked down at baby Ryan. She saw so much of his father in him.
"He looks just like his daddy, you know? God, I miss him so much. I don't want to do this alone."
"I can help you, Rachel."
"No. I need to do this alone. I have to be strong for Ryan." Elizabeth checked Rachel's vitals and then left the room. Rachel stared at the bundle in her arms. He had fallen asleep within a matter of moments, and he looked so incredibly peaceful as he slept. His little hands were clasped together and resting up under his chin. Rachel yawned a bit, and leaned over to place her new son into the bed the nursery had brought in for him. Rachel didn't want her son to leave her side. She wanted him with her all night.
She drifted off to sleep rather quickly, and her head soon became filled with a dream.
She was sitting in Central Park with the baby stroller next to her. She couldn't see inside the stroller, but she just felt that her baby was in it. She was sitting with her legs crossed, and the sunlight was bathing down on her. She had a content feeling in her heart because she was back home in New York.
"Rachel," said a familiar voice as he stepped out into the sunlight. Rachel's eyes lit up and she jumped up from the bench.
"Ross!" she exclaimed. Ross ran over to Rachel and hugged her tightly.
"Oh my God! Ross, it's really you!"
"I never gave up on you, Rachel. I never gave up."
"Thank God," she whispered.
Ross woke in a cold sweat. Every night, or at least nights when he could sleep, Ross dreamed about Rachel. But this dream was different. It seemed so much more real. He could still feel her arms around him. He could still smell the familiar smell of her hair.
He looked at the clock. It was four in the morning. The sun would be rising in a couple of hours. He stood and walked into the kitchen. He walked over to the refrigerator and grabbed a beer from the back. He opened it and took a sip, letting the cold, bitter liquid soothe his aching throat.
"Ross?" came a soft voice from the stairway.
"Monica, go back to sleep. I just needed a drink.
"Who drinks beer at four in the morning?" Monica asked. She folded her arms across her chest and walked into the dark kitchen. "Ross, I'm worried about you."
"I'm fine," Ross snapped. "I'm fine. Just go back to bed."
"Don't drink anymore of this. I'm not going to lie for you again to dad. These are his beers, and he'll be pissed if he finds out you've drank them all." Ross threw the beer bottle against the wall and Monica stomped her foot angrily. "You're cleaning that up! And you better stop acting like such an asshole!" Monica went back upstairs and Ross sat down on the kitchen floor and began to cry. He needed Rachel. He needed her in his arms. He hated what he had become. He drank all the time, and he still had the power to control it. He didn't want to though. He just wanted to drink himself into oblivion. He hadn't given up hope on Rachel yet. He still had the hope that she'd come back. But he knew she never would. Deep down, he knew she never would.
Ross began to clean up the mess he had made. He hated what he had done to himself. He needed to clean up. He needed to stop drinking. He needed to get a shower and get out on the road to find the woman he loved. He knew she was out there somewhere. He had to find her.
The cries of Ryan woke Rachel a few hours later. She saw that the sun had just risen, and it was shining into her hospital room. She reached over, ever muscle in her body aching, and lifted her tiny son into her arms.
"Are you hungry, sweetheart?" Rachel asked. The baby continued to wail. Rachel unfastened her robe and let her son begin to suckle at her breast. She caressed his cheek with her finger as she fed him. She watched him and was filled with so much love. "You're my little man. Mommy loves you so much. I do, baby boy."
"Surprise," Elizabeth said with a big grin as she walked into the room. She was carrying the baby carrier Rachel had bought.
"How'd you get that here?" Rachel asked.
"My shift ended an hour ago. I went over to your apartment and got it."
"Thank you so much. I need to take him home. Can I leave today?"
"Yeah. You can leave at noon," Elizabeth answered.
"Good," Rachel replied. She smiled at her son.
"He's a good eater."
"Yeah. Hey, did you happen to bring a diaper bag with you?"
"Yep." She pulled a diaper bag out from behind her back.
"You are so great," Rachel said with a smile.
"So, are you ever going to go back to New York?" Rachel's face fell.
"Don't you think your parents or Ross' parents would want to see their grandson?"
"My parents wouldn't care. Ross' parents probably wouldn't want to know. They wouldn't want to be reminded of me."
"Rachel, you don't know that they think that way."
"They have to think that. I just walked away without looking back!" Rachel exclaimed. "My son needs to have a good life. I'm going to give it to him."
"He needs to know his family though." Rachel closed her eyes and then opened them to look down at her son.
"You're right. He does need to know his family. God, you're right. I have to tell them. Can you do me a favor?"
"Anything."
"Go get a disposable camera."
"What?" Elizabeth asked.
"Just go get one."
"Alright . . ." Elizabeth left and went down to the gift shop. Rachel looked down at her son again.
"Your grandparents will know about you. They'll know you're here and that you're Ross' son. But we can't go back. Not yet anyway. Not until I know if they want you in their lives . . . if they want me in their lives too."