(A/N: Everything that Nintendo owns is owned by Nintendo)
*****
Peach, Mario, Yoshi and Toad sat around in silence. They looked at each other, not really knowing what to expect. Toad finally spoke up.
"Mario," said Toad, "What are we going to do?"
"I don't know Toad," Mario said, "I don't think there's anything that we can do."
"Yoshi never been so scared in his life," said Yoshi.
Out from behind a doorway stood Luigi wearing an apron and a goofy looking chef's hat. "Dinner is almost ready," he said, "I just need to add the prune juice to the gravy and we'll be all set!" Luigi walked back into the kitchen and started pouring some nasty looking stuff into a pan.
"I think he wants to kill us," said Peach.
"Peach! That was a little mean," stammered Toad, "You shouldn't make jokes at the expense of Luigi, no matter how fun it is."
"I'm not joking Toad," said Peach, "I think he wants to destroy us."
"That's silly!" said Mario, coming to the defense of his brother, "Why would he try to murder his best friends?"
"Do I have to spell it out Mario?" said Peach, "Luigi has always felt neglected in his life."
"That's not true," said Mario, "We always invite him to parties, tennis games, and all of the other games released on the N64. If we're there, he's there too!"
"I know, but...he's only had two games. 'Luigi's Mansion' and 'Mario is Missing'. That's a small amount compared to the games you've had."
"Yeah, but at least he starred in games. I mean Luigi almost beats out Yoshi in the number of games, and he definitely beats out Toad since he only starred in 'Wario's Woods'."
"Mario right," said Yoshi, in his broken speech, "Luigi wouldn't want kill us for that because he had a good amount of his games. You don't have any games Peach, so if anything you should be one to kill us, heh heh!"
Peach stared at them.
"Don't give her any idea's," shouted Mario.
"Mario!" Peach exclaimed.
"Uh...I mean...." sputtered Mario.
"Er.........let's just change the topic," Toad said nervously. Toad is pretty famous for being a nervous guy. He's nowhere near as nervous as Wooster is, though, Peach's other assistant. "So come on people, what do we talk about now?"
"How about we talk about how we can escape from this?" said Mario.
"Great idea!" said Toad, "I'm going to get the climbing gear and I'll meet you guys by the tower window. We're going to have to work by Morse code though, so..."
"Or how about we just leave?" suggested Peach.
"Also a great idea!" said Toad.
"Let's leave then," said Yoshi.
"But what will be our excuse for leaving?" said Mario.
"Our excuse will be that Luigi's cooking sucks," said Peach.
Everyone got up and started to leave when Luigi walked out of the kitchen. "Hey, where are you guys going? I just finished dinner!"
Everyone stood still. "Luigi, er, we'd really like to stay," said Peach, "But we have to go do stuff now."
"What stuff?" said Luigi.
"I dunno," said Peach.
"But when I asked you guys whether or not you wanted to eat some of my cooking you all agreed to it!" said Luigi, "and now you all have something else to do? I don't understand?"
"I know it must seem weird just leaving like this, and it's not like we don't want to eat your food," said Mario, "Especially from how...interesting it smells."
"Yeah," added Toad, "how could we not want to eat after seeing how repulsive...I mean dangerous...I mean toxic...I mean delicious all of the ingredients look."
Luigi smiled. "Well if you guys want to eat it so much then sit down then. I'll have the waiters bring it out." Everyone looked at each other glumly and sat down. The minute the waiters pulled the food into the room was filled with a nasty odor. Everyone pulled whatever clothing they had on and put it over their noses (poor Yoshi couldn't do anything because the only thing he wore were boots). "Okay Yoshi," said Luigi, "I know how much you like fruits and berries and the like so I made a fruit platter on top of a koopa's shell."
"Wow, Yoshi never seen grapes look so white before," said Yoshi.
"Oh no...those aren't grapes, those are eyeballs," said Luigi.
Yoshi said nothing.
Luigi put the next plate in front of Peach. "And Peach, this is your dish since you like vegetables so much."
Peach looked at her plate. "I don't see any vegetables, I just see meat."
"Exactly," said Luigi, "Since you like eating vegetables so much I thought it was about you get some protein, and what better way of getting it than with monkey brains and donkey intestines."
Peach gagged uncontrollably.
"This is turning into an episode of Fear Factor," said Mario.
"Here Mario," said Luigi, placing a bowl in front of his brother, "you get to have a big bowl of pasta."
"Luigi, what's this discolored stuff floating in my pasta?" asked Mario.
"Fungus," answered Luigi. "It's not really different from the mushrooms you eat off of your daily pizzas."
Toad's face twisted in horror. "Luigi, how can you be so insensitive?"
Luigi suddenly remembered that Toad IS a mushroom. "I didn't mean it that way Toad. How can I explain this?" wondered Luigi. He thought for a moment and finally came up with an explanation. "You see Toad, there are some mushrooms we talk to, like you, and then there are some mushrooms we eat, like the ones on a pizza."
"As if there's a difference!" shouted Toad, "I guess no one remembers how my father died, right? You know, how he was mistaken for a topping and cooked into a mushroom and anchovy pizza!"
"Eeew, anchovies!" Peach said disgusted. Toad glared at her. "Oh right...you're father...sorry," apologized the princess.
"I'm sorry for your loss," said Luigi, "Here, I think this might cheer you up." Luigi placed a small bowl in front of Toad. The liquid in there was completely yellow.
"What is this?" asked Toad.
"It's called 'Dry Soup'," said Luigi, "Try some."
Toad took the spoon and hesitantly put some of it into his mouth. "Hey...this isn't so bad," said Toad, "Though I never had soup that tasted so dry before." Toad drank spoonful after spoonful until all of the soup was gone. "Ahhh! Seconds please!"
"Wow Toad! I didn't think you'd like it that much."
"I didn't think so either, but I really like it!" exclaimed Toad. He started convulsing and then he slammed his head against the table.
"Oh no!" shouted Mario, "Toad is dead! You killed Toad!"
"I knew it!" shouted Peach, "Don't say I never said anything!"
Toad wasn't dead though. He got back up and started spinning around. He did a couple of somersaults soon after. He somehow landed on the table, which was an ideal place for him to practice his martial arts.
"What the [radio edit] is Toad doing?" asked Yoshi.
Peach tried to sit Toad down but he pulled away and started running around the room. Everyone got up and chased after him until he ran on the walls. He didn't take account of the windows though. He ran right through one like it was a trapdoor.
His friends screamed and ran towards the window. Looking out they could see Toad falling headfirst onto the grassy lawn. They left out of the dining hall and ran down the six flights of stairs, heading straight to the closest exit. When they finally found Toad he was lying upside down on the ground with spirals in his eyes.
Mario made him sit up. "Toad, are you okay?" he said, "You took a pretty bad fall."
Toad didn't say anything.
"He doesn't look so good," said Luigi.
Peach began to get really worried now. "Toad, say something," she said.
Toad blinked a couple of times and opened his mouth.
"Thank you Mario but our princess is in another castle."
Everyone stared at Toad blankly. "What was that, Toad?" asked Mario.
"Thank you Mario but our princess is in another castle," repeated Toad.
"Oh, that's what I thought you said....well say something else."
"Thank you Mario but our princess is in another castle," repeated Toad.
"No...something ELSE!" demanded Mario.
"Thank you Mario but our princess is in another castle," repeated Toad.
*****
Peach, Mario, Yoshi and Toad sat around in silence. They looked at each other, not really knowing what to expect. Toad finally spoke up.
"Mario," said Toad, "What are we going to do?"
"I don't know Toad," Mario said, "I don't think there's anything that we can do."
"Yoshi never been so scared in his life," said Yoshi.
Out from behind a doorway stood Luigi wearing an apron and a goofy looking chef's hat. "Dinner is almost ready," he said, "I just need to add the prune juice to the gravy and we'll be all set!" Luigi walked back into the kitchen and started pouring some nasty looking stuff into a pan.
"I think he wants to kill us," said Peach.
"Peach! That was a little mean," stammered Toad, "You shouldn't make jokes at the expense of Luigi, no matter how fun it is."
"I'm not joking Toad," said Peach, "I think he wants to destroy us."
"That's silly!" said Mario, coming to the defense of his brother, "Why would he try to murder his best friends?"
"Do I have to spell it out Mario?" said Peach, "Luigi has always felt neglected in his life."
"That's not true," said Mario, "We always invite him to parties, tennis games, and all of the other games released on the N64. If we're there, he's there too!"
"I know, but...he's only had two games. 'Luigi's Mansion' and 'Mario is Missing'. That's a small amount compared to the games you've had."
"Yeah, but at least he starred in games. I mean Luigi almost beats out Yoshi in the number of games, and he definitely beats out Toad since he only starred in 'Wario's Woods'."
"Mario right," said Yoshi, in his broken speech, "Luigi wouldn't want kill us for that because he had a good amount of his games. You don't have any games Peach, so if anything you should be one to kill us, heh heh!"
Peach stared at them.
"Don't give her any idea's," shouted Mario.
"Mario!" Peach exclaimed.
"Uh...I mean...." sputtered Mario.
"Er.........let's just change the topic," Toad said nervously. Toad is pretty famous for being a nervous guy. He's nowhere near as nervous as Wooster is, though, Peach's other assistant. "So come on people, what do we talk about now?"
"How about we talk about how we can escape from this?" said Mario.
"Great idea!" said Toad, "I'm going to get the climbing gear and I'll meet you guys by the tower window. We're going to have to work by Morse code though, so..."
"Or how about we just leave?" suggested Peach.
"Also a great idea!" said Toad.
"Let's leave then," said Yoshi.
"But what will be our excuse for leaving?" said Mario.
"Our excuse will be that Luigi's cooking sucks," said Peach.
Everyone got up and started to leave when Luigi walked out of the kitchen. "Hey, where are you guys going? I just finished dinner!"
Everyone stood still. "Luigi, er, we'd really like to stay," said Peach, "But we have to go do stuff now."
"What stuff?" said Luigi.
"I dunno," said Peach.
"But when I asked you guys whether or not you wanted to eat some of my cooking you all agreed to it!" said Luigi, "and now you all have something else to do? I don't understand?"
"I know it must seem weird just leaving like this, and it's not like we don't want to eat your food," said Mario, "Especially from how...interesting it smells."
"Yeah," added Toad, "how could we not want to eat after seeing how repulsive...I mean dangerous...I mean toxic...I mean delicious all of the ingredients look."
Luigi smiled. "Well if you guys want to eat it so much then sit down then. I'll have the waiters bring it out." Everyone looked at each other glumly and sat down. The minute the waiters pulled the food into the room was filled with a nasty odor. Everyone pulled whatever clothing they had on and put it over their noses (poor Yoshi couldn't do anything because the only thing he wore were boots). "Okay Yoshi," said Luigi, "I know how much you like fruits and berries and the like so I made a fruit platter on top of a koopa's shell."
"Wow, Yoshi never seen grapes look so white before," said Yoshi.
"Oh no...those aren't grapes, those are eyeballs," said Luigi.
Yoshi said nothing.
Luigi put the next plate in front of Peach. "And Peach, this is your dish since you like vegetables so much."
Peach looked at her plate. "I don't see any vegetables, I just see meat."
"Exactly," said Luigi, "Since you like eating vegetables so much I thought it was about you get some protein, and what better way of getting it than with monkey brains and donkey intestines."
Peach gagged uncontrollably.
"This is turning into an episode of Fear Factor," said Mario.
"Here Mario," said Luigi, placing a bowl in front of his brother, "you get to have a big bowl of pasta."
"Luigi, what's this discolored stuff floating in my pasta?" asked Mario.
"Fungus," answered Luigi. "It's not really different from the mushrooms you eat off of your daily pizzas."
Toad's face twisted in horror. "Luigi, how can you be so insensitive?"
Luigi suddenly remembered that Toad IS a mushroom. "I didn't mean it that way Toad. How can I explain this?" wondered Luigi. He thought for a moment and finally came up with an explanation. "You see Toad, there are some mushrooms we talk to, like you, and then there are some mushrooms we eat, like the ones on a pizza."
"As if there's a difference!" shouted Toad, "I guess no one remembers how my father died, right? You know, how he was mistaken for a topping and cooked into a mushroom and anchovy pizza!"
"Eeew, anchovies!" Peach said disgusted. Toad glared at her. "Oh right...you're father...sorry," apologized the princess.
"I'm sorry for your loss," said Luigi, "Here, I think this might cheer you up." Luigi placed a small bowl in front of Toad. The liquid in there was completely yellow.
"What is this?" asked Toad.
"It's called 'Dry Soup'," said Luigi, "Try some."
Toad took the spoon and hesitantly put some of it into his mouth. "Hey...this isn't so bad," said Toad, "Though I never had soup that tasted so dry before." Toad drank spoonful after spoonful until all of the soup was gone. "Ahhh! Seconds please!"
"Wow Toad! I didn't think you'd like it that much."
"I didn't think so either, but I really like it!" exclaimed Toad. He started convulsing and then he slammed his head against the table.
"Oh no!" shouted Mario, "Toad is dead! You killed Toad!"
"I knew it!" shouted Peach, "Don't say I never said anything!"
Toad wasn't dead though. He got back up and started spinning around. He did a couple of somersaults soon after. He somehow landed on the table, which was an ideal place for him to practice his martial arts.
"What the [radio edit] is Toad doing?" asked Yoshi.
Peach tried to sit Toad down but he pulled away and started running around the room. Everyone got up and chased after him until he ran on the walls. He didn't take account of the windows though. He ran right through one like it was a trapdoor.
His friends screamed and ran towards the window. Looking out they could see Toad falling headfirst onto the grassy lawn. They left out of the dining hall and ran down the six flights of stairs, heading straight to the closest exit. When they finally found Toad he was lying upside down on the ground with spirals in his eyes.
Mario made him sit up. "Toad, are you okay?" he said, "You took a pretty bad fall."
Toad didn't say anything.
"He doesn't look so good," said Luigi.
Peach began to get really worried now. "Toad, say something," she said.
Toad blinked a couple of times and opened his mouth.
"Thank you Mario but our princess is in another castle."
Everyone stared at Toad blankly. "What was that, Toad?" asked Mario.
"Thank you Mario but our princess is in another castle," repeated Toad.
"Oh, that's what I thought you said....well say something else."
"Thank you Mario but our princess is in another castle," repeated Toad.
"No...something ELSE!" demanded Mario.
"Thank you Mario but our princess is in another castle," repeated Toad.