The standard disclaimer applies here. None of the characters from Hordes of the Underdark or Forgotten Realms belong to me. Only Shara Nailo and other characters from her life are my own. So, without further ado…

Shadowed Heart

by Shara Nai

There was something soothing about traveling by boat. Maybe it was the sound of the water gently lapping at the hull that put Shara at ease, she wasn't quite sure, but she wasn't going to spoil this moment of peace by trying to puzzle it out. There had been precious little time to relax over the past few days, so she was determined to make the most of their trip back to Lith My'athar.

She leaned back against the hull of the boat and stretched her legs out in what little space there was. She and Valen had somehow found room for themselves, despite the fact that Cavallas had an astounding array of things crammed in the back of his boat. She was mildly curious as to what some of them were, but something told her it would be better not to ask.

Valen had wedged himself between a sack of something that had a rather disturbing musty smell, and a small pile of crates. He definitely did not appear to be enjoying himself as much as Shara was. The spot he had picked was as far away from the water as possible, and there was a grimly determined look on his face, as if he was bracing himself for something horrible to happen.

"Who would have though that someone who has by all accounts faced death on a multitude of occasions would be afraid of boats?" Shara knew it probably wasn't a good idea to tease him right now, but she just couldn't help herself.

He glanced up at her sharply. "I am not afraid of boats!" he growled.

"Well then, how do you explain the fact that you have refused to look at the water since you boarded?" she said sweetly. "And you do realize that your knuckles are turning white, don't you?" She looked pointedly down at his hands, which were clenched in tight fists at his sides.

Valen looked at his hands in surprise, forcing himself to relax them. He hadn't realized that he was as nervous as he was; it was just that he had never had much opportunity to travel by boat. Of course, it didn't help that he knew just enough about the Dark River to wonder how the boat withstood the caustic waters. He kept picturing the water eating holes in the hull and seeping in around their feet, the boat slowly sinking to the bottom of the river… He noticed that his hands were clenched again and sighed. He really wasn't doing well at all.

The half-elf looked entirely too at ease, completely unconcerned that certain death lay just a handbreadth behind her back. Her green eyes sparkled with mirth. Clearly, she was amused with his predicament. He eyed her warily as a particularly mischievous expression crossed her face.

"You know, I probably would be a bit nervous about all this water if I had on as much armor as you. I think you might sink faster than the boat."

Valen shuddered. "Thank you for that image, Shara." he said, sarcasm thick in his voice. "Remind me to hold on to you if the boat does go down. The two of us together should sink so much faster, don't you think?"

Shara laughed delightedly, stopping herself as his glare deepened, a hint of red touching his eyes. "I'm sorry Valen. That wasn't very nice of me, was it?" She tried to look repentant, but was finding it rather difficult, even though she had obviously pushed too far.

He sighed, shaking his head. "Let's just talk about something else, alright?"

"In that case," Shara began, "I've been wondering a bit about your time in the Abyss." She was hoping that his obvious desire to change the subject would allow her to learn a bit more about him.

Normally, she didn't pry into peoples past, since that encouraged them to ask about her own, but he was an exception. She had been inexplicably drawn to him since her arrival in the Underdark, a fact that frightened her more than a bit. She hadn't been this intrigued by someone since she met Devyn all those years ago.

A small shiver ran down her spine as she remembered those days. It had all looked so bright and beautiful in the beginning, who would have thought that it would lead to such darkness… such pain. She had held herself apart from everyone in the years since then, her memories enough to keep her resolve strong, but she found herself faltering now. The wall she had built to protect herself was crumbling at the edges, and she didn't know how to fix it. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to, anymore, and that terrified her most of all.

Valen looked at her curiously. "You want me to speak about my time spent fighting? Whatever for?"

Shara shrugged, trying not to show the uncertainty that her impulsive question was causing her. "You needn't bother if you don't wish to talk of this. No doubt we can find something else to speak of."

He thought about this for a long moment before replying, "Very well. If it will please my lady, I would gladly tell her a tale or two. Ask what you will."

She had almost hoped that he would choose to change the subject, but since he hadn't, she forged ahead. "What did you do before you were taken captive? What was your childhood like?"

"I was a young lad in the streets of Sigil, if you must know. An orphan since my mother had died, and a thief when I could get away with it." He looked thoughtful for a moment. "I haven't thought of those days for a very long time."

"A thief, hmm…" Shara smiled as she pictured a whip thin boy with flaming red hair and a fierce look in his eyes lingering at the edge the street, nimble fingers darting out to snatch an unsuspecting pedestrian's purse.

"Indeed. It was long ago, so I've no skills from those days, but at the time I was one of the finest urchin pickpockets in the Hive." He smirked a bit at this, clearly proud of his past skills.

"It seems we have more in common than I suspected." Shara said, her smile deepening. "I myself never had much skill as a pickpocket, but fortunately I had other methods of supporting myself while I was on the streets. I was still a thief, just of a different sort."

Her statement startled Valen. Well, the fact that she had been a thief wasn't that surprising, since she was clearly still in full possession of those skills. What he found unusual was that she had freely told him something about her past. Since the day he had met her, Shara had rebuffed every attempt he had made to learn more about her, which certainly hadn't made trusting her any easier. Something had changed though, and he wasn't quite sure what that was.

He regarded her curiously, unsure now how best to proceed. She was seemingly lost in thought, gazing out across the inky waters of the river. A stray lock of dark hair had fallen in front of her face, which she absently pushed behind a faintly pointed ear. His eyes lingered on her hand as she dropped it lightly to her side. She had such slender dexterous fingers, so deft at picking a lock, Valen found himself wondering just what else those hands could do. He barely stopped himself from reaching out and taking her hand in his own, but he somehow knew that doing so would spoil any chance he had of learning more about her.

He glanced up at her face only to find her watching him with a bemused smile. He should have known better than to think she had been distracted for even a moment. He had never met anyone quite as aware of what was going on around her as Shara.

Valen steered his mind back towards safer territory. "How did you become a thief, anyway?" If she was feeling talkative, he was determined to take advantage of the situation.

It was Shara's turn to look thoughtful. She considered finding a way to avoid answering his question, but decided there was no harm in telling him a little about the earlier part of her life. It was certainly better than thinking about how his gaze was making her feel.

"I learned to stay out of sight when I was very young. My stepfather was none too fond of me, and went out of his way to make my life difficult. He never missed an opportunity to remind me of just what I was, a half-breed and a bastard." She shrugged, trying to shake off the feeling of worthlessness that those words still made her feel.

"I was fifteen when I left home. My mother had known it would happen eventually, and set aside a bit to help me out, but it didn't last long. Before I knew it, I was in an unfamiliar city without a copper to my name and nowhere to go. I lived on the edges for a time, stealing what I could to get by, until I finally was caught." She smiled an odd little smile, just a bare twist of her lips. "It was probably the best thing that could have happened at the time."

The boat rolled slightly, sliding the questionable sack a bit closer to her. She eyed it cautiously before continuing. "It seemed like the perfect opportunity, he appeared completely unaware of anyone around him and his purse was hanging at his belt in easy reach. I figured that even I could pull off this one. Imagine my surprise when I found my wrist trapped tightly in his fingers the minute I went for his coins." She laughed a little, remembering her chagrin at being caught so easily.

"So," Valen prompted, "what did he do then?"

Still grinning, Shara continued on. "It turns out that he had been watching me for a number of days, looking for the perfect chance to catch me in the act. I thought that was the end of it for me, but he just stood there smiling as he held my wrist. Rather than the end, it turned out to be just the beginning."

She looked over at Valen to see that he was listening attentively. "You see, Caenor was himself a thief, and apparently he liked to keep an eye out for young lads and lasses like me. I guess he figured better he find us than the law. He taught me how to use my skills to do more than just survive. Eventually I felt confidant enough to strike out on my own. I will always be indebted to him for helping me get to that point."

She stopped at this point, realizing that to go on would bring up things that she would rather not discuss. It was one thing to tell him about her childhood, but she wasn't about to reveal her deepest secrets to him. It was time to get this conversation back under her control.

"I seem to remember that we were speaking of your youth in Sigil before we became so horribly sidetracked. You mentioned that you lost your mother. If I may ask, how did she die?" Shara watched Valen carefully, not quite sure how he would react to her question.

His eyes grew sad as he thought back. "She was murdered by a customer. Or so I was told."

Despite her reservations, Shara found herself reaching out to take his hand into her much smaller gloved one. He looked up in surprise, but didn't try to pull away. "I'm sorry." she said. It was such an inadequate statement, but it seemed to be enough for Valen, as he smiled sadly and laced his fingers through hers.

"Thank you, Shara. We were not close, however. I barley remember her, in fact, though I would not have wished her end on anyone." The tiefling's tail began to move a bit faster, gently slapping against a nearby box. "My mother worked for a… very greedy and selfish demoness. I am certain that she killed my mother because she did not perform sufficiently one month when she was ill. The demoness disliked mortal frailty," he frowned deeply at the memory, "and disliked me even more. I was on the street, homeless, within an hour of my mother's death."

Sympathy shone clearly in Shara's eyes as she squeezed his hand tightly for a moment. "To be alone so young…" she said softly, "there's no fairness in that."

"Whoever said life was fair, my lady?" Valen caught her gaze and saw a flicker of remembered pain cross her eyes. "If it was, you would not have had to live thorough whatever it is that haunts you." Her eyes widened in surprise, clearly she hadn't realized she had revealed so much.

The errant lock of hair had fallen across her cheek once again, and he slipped his fingers from hers and tucked it behind her ear. He brushed her cheek gently as he pulled his hand away. "You hide it well, Shara. Only your eyes give you away." He noticed a faint hint of fear in her gaze, and smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring way. "You needn't worry, my lady. I know better than to pry."

"Thank you, Valen. I appreciate that." She shut her eyes as a small shiver ran through her body. "It's not a time I care to remember much."

"Then I don't mind talking a bit more about myself, if it will keep your mind from darker times." He tried to settle himself into a more comfortable position, but the cramped confines did not allow for much movement. "What would you like to know of next?"

Shara pushed the troubling memories away, and tried to focus on Valen's question. "You told me earlier that you spent twenty years or more in the Abyss. How is it that you didn't die during all that time?"

His brow furrowed as he pondered the question. "To tell you the truth, I do not know. There were times I wanted to die. There were times I tried to die. But I never did. Perhaps it was simply my fate to survive long enough to escape Grimash't's grasp. I certainly do not question it overmuch."

Shara leaned her head against a nearby stack of crates and smiled shyly. "Well, I'm thankful you're here too."

He returned her smile, a bit bashful himself. "Thank you, my lady. That is most kind of you."

She watched him in silence for a while. He had relaxed considerably since they had started talking. He was now leaning somewhat comfortably against the back of the boat, hands resting on his knees and tail swishing gently at his side. She had never expected to find herself attracted to a man with a tail and horns, but she could no longer deny how she felt, despite how uncomfortable the thought made her. She wondered if there had ever been someone else in his life. Before she realized what she was doing, she found herself speaking her thoughts aloud. "Valen, have you ever… been in love?"

Valen turned and looked at her, shock evident on his face. That was the last thing he had expected her to ask. Of course, considering the expression on her face, he didn't think she had meant to speak those words.

"That… that is a most personal question, my lady…" He stopped, unsure of what to say next.

"I… I'm sorry, Valen. I had no right to ask that. Please, forget that I ever did." She looked down at her hands self-consciously, rubbing her fingers against her wrist as if to sooth a remembered pain. He had seen her do this before, and wondered just what it was that she was hiding behind those gloves.

He was silent for a moment longer, considering whether what he wanted to say next was wise. Wise or not, he decided to take the chance. "I shall answer that question, Shara, if you will do the same."

This got her to look up at him. "Valen, I thought you said that you wouldn't pry?"

"You needn't say anything, if you do not wish… but you did ask first." He didn't push any further, just waited for her response.

"Fair enough," she said ruefully, "but you first."

He was silent for a long moment, and then finally he nodded. "Yes, I was, once." He caught her gaze and held it before continuing. "She died."

"I'm so sorry, Valen." She had dropped her guard enough now that he could see that she truly meant what she said.

He couldn't hide the pain that he felt either, but he swallowed it back and nodded slowly. "Thank you, my lady. It is… not easy to discuss her, even still. She was a mortal servant to my master in the Abyss. When I was being tortured, my master brought her before me and… and he killed her." He closed his eyes, frowning. "It was meant to cause me pain and it did. But that was a long time ago."

Shara watched him for a long while before speaking. "And there has been no one else since?"

He smiled gently, staring at a far off point in the distance. "No, nobody else since. I have moved on, however… but there has been no one else."

After a moment, he turned his gaze back to the half-elf questioningly. She didn't say anything for a time, but finally in a soft voice she spoke. "I was just seventeen, young and so very naive. Devyn was everything I could have wished for, handsome, a daring thief, and kind. He treated me as if I was the finest lady in the land. I soon learned though, that a bright surface could hide a great deal of darkness. It…" She faltered, closing her eyes in pain. "It ended badly… very badly."

She hugged her knees to her chest and sat there for a moment before continuing, eyes still closed. "I don't know that there ever can be someone else after what he did to me."

Valen wanted to wrap his arms around her and shield her from the pain, but he suspected that would be too much for her. Instead, he reached out and cupped her cheek in his hand. "Never say never, Shara. You can't know what the future may hold."

She opened her eyes and looked at him, a tear slowly falling from the corner of one eye. "Careful, Valen, you just might give me hope."

He gently brushed the tear away. "Then have hope, my lady."

Somehow, it felt wrong to break this silence, so he sat back, content to watch her for the duration of the voyage. Sooner than he would have liked, he felt the boat nudge the dock, and it was time to go ashore. They disembarked in silence and walked together to the temple to report to the Seer.