Shara had never thought that she would be so thankful to see Lith My'athar as she was that moment. What had once seemed almost a prison, thanks to the geas binding her here, now felt like sanctuary. Her weary steps quickened as they passed the gates, and some of the tension of the past few days eased within her. Even though she had been able to keep herself from another outburst, she had not had an easy time of it. Her nightmares had continued to worsen, to the point where Valen had started to wake her at the first sign of them. Because of this, she had been getting only an hour or two of sleep at a time, leaving her temper frayed. She and Valen had had more than a few arguments about completely inane things.
She glanced over at the tiefling. His steps were leaden, as if it was all he could do to put one foot in front of the other. His eyes were tinged red, not because of any sign of his demonic heritage, but due to sheer exhaustion. Valen had done all he could to help her, and the effort had taken its toll. He needed this respite just as much as she did.
A few people called out greetings as they made their way through the encampment, but the most kept their distance. Shara was glad of this, as neither of them were in any shape for social interaction. She saw Imloth over by the water's edge drilling the troops, and was relieved to see that their skill was improving. She just hoped it would be enough.
When they reached the temple, Valen pushed the doors open, allowing the half-elf to enter before following behind her. Light glinted off silvery lines of spider webs etched in the walls, giving the impression of being caught inside a giant glistening web. Shara shivered, unable to shake the feeling of being watched that came over her every time she stepped past those doors. Lolth very well may have disappeared, but that didn't mean her presence had not left its mark here.
The Seer, as always, was waiting for them near the altar. At the sight of her, Shara suddenly remembered Valen's suggestion. The thought of discussing her problems with the Seer sent a wave of panic through her. The drow priestess was looking expectantly at the two of them, but all thought had flown from Shara's mind. Thankfully, Valen had perceived her problem quickly enough, and began explaining how they had dealt with the threat posed by the beholders.
She was only half-aware of his words, as she tried to order her own thoughts and still her panic. A sudden silence caused her to look up, only to find both the Seer and Valen looking at her with concern. The drow's gaze softened at something she saw on Shara's face. "Is there something on your mind, child?"
The half-elf shifted uncomfortably, looking anywhere but at the woman standing in front of her. She glanced over at Valen and wished she hadn't. His eyes caught hers and she couldn't make herself look away. His stare was hard and unforgiving… no, he wasn't going to let her get out of this. She sighed in resignation, and turned to meet the Seer's gaze.
"I…" she started, her voice catching on the words she meant to say. The drow just regarded her with a compassionate gaze, waiting patiently for Shara to compose herself. When she continued, her voice was quite, but held no more confidence than it had before. "If you have the time Seer, yes, there is something I would speak of."
"Of course I have time, Shara." she said, smiling kindly. "It is the least I can do for all you have done for us."
Shara just nodded mutely, unsure of what to do now. She felt a light touch to her shoulder and turned to find Valen watching her carefully.
"Shara, I'm going to go get some rest. If there is anything you need…" his voice trailed off awkwardly.
His offer brought a small smile to the half-elf's lips. When she had first met him, she hadn't expected to find that his harsh demeanor hid such a kind and compassionate heart. Here he was, nearly asleep on his feet, and yet he was willing to delay rest for her sake. He never ceased to surprise her.
"Valen, go get some sleep, you're exhausted." She was surprised to se a flicker of disappointment cross his face, quickly gone. It seemed he actually wanted to do something. Shara considered this for a moment before continuing. "If you feel up to it though, our supplies do need restocking." She slung her pack off her shoulder and pushed it his way. "You know as well as I what we need, and we should be able to get enough coin from selling a bit of what we found. There's a small bag at the top of my pack that has some of the more valuable items, as well as a bit of coin, if you need it."
His eyes went wide as she said this, clearly surprised at her willingness to trust him as such. He reached down and scooped up her bag, the startled expression still in place. "Of course, my lady." he said as he looked back up at her. She thought he had been about to say more, but he just nodded once in the Seer's direction before leaving the temple.
"Do you always have such a strong effect on people, Shara?" The Seer's question startled her, and she turned to look at the drow quizzically.
"Wha… what do you mean?" She wasn't quite sure what to make of the comment. Considering the enigmatic smile on the priestess' face, she doubted there was going to be any elaboration, either.
As expected, the Seer spoke no more on the subject, just motioned to the stairs at the far side of the room. "Come, Shara. We can speak in more comfort upstairs… if you still wish to talk, that is."
Shara grimaced. She would bet that the Seer knew full well that she didn't actually want to discuss anything right now. However, want and need were two entirely different things, and she couldn't deny that she needed to speak to someone about the past few days. Resigned to the necessity, she followed the drow's lead, her tired feet somehow navigating the stairs and then the narrow hallway that followed. Once again, someone was holding a door open for her, and she passed through to find a simple but well-appointed room with, thankfully, a pair of comfortable chairs that beckoned to the tired half-elf. Shara sank into the nearest with a relieved sigh; it felt wonderful to finally get off her feet.
The Seer gracefully settled herself into the remaining chair and sat regarding the other woman for a few moments before speaking. "You needn't fear speaking your mind, child. I believe I can help you, if you'll let me. What is troubling you such that it clouds your every thought?"
Shara leaned back in the chair, her eyes closed. She had held her fears close to her for far too long, so long that she wasn't quite sure how to put voice to them anymore. In all honesty, it was only just recently that she had seen them for what they truly were, and was still coming to terms with her discovery. Of course, that was why she was here, wasn't it?
She mulled it over in her mind, finally deciding to start with the simplest fact. "I've started having nightmares."
"These are not just simple nightmares, are they?" the Seer said gently.
"N… no, they're not." Her voice shook as she continued, the dreams all too vivid in her mind. "They are more like memories… memories of something I wish I could forget." She heaved a sigh as she stared down at her hands. "I haven't had these dreams for years. I thought I had gotten past this, but it seems I was wrong."
"Nightmares like this don't just return for no reason, Shara. You're afraid of something, aren't you?" The drow gazed intently at the young woman, but didn't bother to wait for a response. She didn't need to, she already knew the answer. "So afraid, it is with you every moment of the day, waking or sleeping, haunting your every thought." She paused, the silence hanging thick between them. "What is it, Shara, that you are so afraid of?"
She pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes, as if in doing so she could block out the world for just one moment. "What am I afraid of? At times, it seems like everything." She laughed bitterly. "I'm afraid of being alone, afraid of trusting anyone, of letting anyone close to me… of… of being hurt again." She looked up at last, tears sparkling in her eyes. "You see, I can't win, no matter what I do."
She couldn't hide her emotions anymore. The confession had stripped away the last of her protections. Fear, loneliness, desperation, all these and more shone from her eyes, begging the Seer for an answer… any answer. The only one missing was hope. For all that she wanted an answer, she couldn't bring herself to believe that there actually was one.
The Seer reached out her hand, covering the ugly scar on the half-elf's wrist. "You have lived through things no woman should ever have to. I wish there was something I could do to take away the pain of those memories, but there isn't. This is something that you must do for yourself." Shara's eyes were fixed on the dark fingers lying across her wrist, far easier to look at than the compassion filled eyes that were watching her. "You have a choice, Shara. Will you risk pain for the chance of having somebody to share your life with, or will you stay as you are, apart and alone, letting the loneliness eat you away, till you are but a shell of what you were?"
"That isn't much of a choice, is it?" she said, bitterness still lacing her tone.
The Seer withdrew her hand, watching as the young woman stared fixedly at the scar. "That may be so, but it is your choice to make."
Shara's lips thinned in distaste at the prospect. It seemed nothing in her life could ever be easy. She watched, only half interested, as the Seer rose and went to the door, speaking quietly to someone in the hall.
The priestess turned back to her once her brief conversation was done. "You have had a long day, child, and much to think on. A bath will be waiting for you in you room. It should help, at least a little. Go… get what rest you can." Her hand lightly caressed Shara's cheek before she ushered her from the room, leaving the half-elf alone with her thoughts.
She made her way back down the stairs and out from the temple almost unconsciously, her feet slowly leading her to her own room whilst her mind wandered. She pushed her door open to see that the Seer had spoken true. A large tub of steaming water was waiting for her, soap and towels lying close at hand. As she made her way over to it, she noticed her pack leaning against the bed. Unsurprisingly, it appeared Valen had been as good as his word, and restocked their supplies.
What did surprise her was the new pair of gloves laid across her pillow. She picked them up reverently and slipped them on her hands. The fit was perfect, the soft supple leather molded to her hands as if they had been made just for her. She shook her head in wonder as she took the gloves off, placing them carefully on top of her pack. This had to be Valen's doing; he was the only person who knew her gloves had been ruined. The tiefling never ceased to amaze her.
Her mood noticeably lightened, Shara shed her armor quickly, not wanting to let the bathwater get any colder than it already had. She left it and her clothing in a careless heap and began unwrapping the bandage on her arm. The wound appeared to be healing cleanly and quite quickly. Where once there had been a red and angry gash, only a tender pink scar remained. Magic definitely had its uses.
Shara sunk gratefully into the still steaming water, until her chin rested at the surface. She allowed herself a few minutes just sitting there, thinking of nothing, before reaching out for the soap. She commenced with a thorough scrubbing, determined to remove every last bit of blood and dirt that had accumulated over the past few days. As she worked her fingers through her long hair, her eyes drifted over to the gloves laying on her pack. Her movement slowed as she contemplated the implications of the gift. Could it be that he actually cared for her, at least in some small way? The thought stopped her dead, her fingers still entangled in her soapy hair.
What if there was a chance, even just a little one, that she didn't have to be alone. Would it be worth the risk to find out? Rather than the fear this idea would normally have inspired in her, she found that she truly wanted to know. Apparently, her fear of being alone outweighed all the others. This definitely was not what she had been expecting to discover.
Shara dunked her head underwater, rinsing the soap from her hair. When she had finished, she stepped out from the now cool water and wrapped a towel about herself. She perched herself on the edge of her bed, gently untangling her dark locks, letting her mind wander where it would. Not unexpectedly, it continued to circle around the subject of Valen. It was one thing to know that she wanted to do something, but what? This was relative new territory for Shara, and she found herself at a complete loss.
She yawned hugely, interrupting her train of thought. Well, she certainly wasn't going to be able to sort this out tonight, tired as she was. The half-elf threw the towel on the floor and slipped under the covers. She just needed a little rest. She'd figure something out once she was thinking straight again.
Sleep took her almost the instant her head hit the pillow, a blessedly deep and dreamless sleep.