AN: *BEEP BEEP* Ahem...ahem...We do NOT own a lot of things.....so perhaps
it is easier to tell you what we do own. We do own Tawny Spires and Bryan
McCulligan. We own other characters as well...but as we have not brought
them into the story yet it doesn't matter. Oh...and look for thank yous
after the chapter! *BEEP BEEP*
In case you are slightly confused as to the abbreviations, GNA and GNL stand for Guava Nancer....A and L. :-) We are a group of four, well, we are two of the group of four, that write in genres from parody/action/adventure of lotr and potc, and now, to Harry Potter. (Or in this case Lily and James Potter.)
CHAPTER TWO: ON THE TRAIN
Tawny Spires went along the train, running into James again once he stormed down the hall, sporting a lovely bruise. By and by, she reached the marauders coach, and heard the sound of an explosion. She quickly opened the door to stop them from, well, whatever they were doing in there . . .
"You boys better not be doing anything-aaahh, Remus!"
Remus Lupin, reading a book, was sitting docilely on the seat. Sirius and Peter, on the other hand, were covered with soot from a huge tower of exploding snap cards that had gone off moments ago. James was scowling at the scenery outside. A red welt had risen on his left cheek, tinged with lovely shades of purple and blue. Remus had looked up fearfully at the sound of her voice, and now was smiling sheepishly.
"I had wondered where you'd gone." Remus started to speak, but Tawny cut him off. Her pleasant tone evaporated.
"I cannot conceive how two Gryffindor prefects BOTH managed to miss their very important first meeting, NOT take up their duties in the hall, AND break school rules of punctuality and etiquette-all at the same time! I could not be more disappointed, and I can only pray that others will be as kind as me! You Gryffindors are irresponsible, immature, irreconcilabliably rude, unfair to those around you-you are risking safety by simply not being there for the school, in fact it's frankly astounding how erroneous your crimes are-"
"What is it with the ruddy prefects!" muttered James, and Tawny turned to him sharply.
"Excuse me, Potter, but what have I done to ruin the peace of your perfect little world?"
"RUDDY PREFECTS! She blows everything COMPLETELY out of proportion!" he yelled. "It was a ruddy stupid meeting, and she acts like she committed a ruddy crime! Which of course makes everything MY fault-"
"Potter," snapped Spires, "What happened?"
"Evans mauled me! Look!" he pointed accusingly at the handprint embedded on his cheek, and Tawny smiled lightly.
"She SLAPPED ME! ME!! JAMES POTTER! She better hope I don't get my hands on her, or I'll . . . I'll . . ."
"Snog her senseless?" cut in Sirius, snickering. "In a broom closet, maybe?"
James glared, and Tawny rolled her eyes.
"Well I do hope you can remove the hand mark, and Remus, if you are not in the prefects compartment in 10 minutes, I will personally see to it that your badge is taken away. Now. . .don't do anything stupid, you four. I don't feel like babysitting."
With that, Tawny left the marauders to amuse themselves.
HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP
Lily slammed the door shut after James left, knocking the glass out. She muttered reparo, testing the door by opening and closing it. Before she shut it she saw a figure run down the hall after a runaway tray of treats. The person's robes were thrown over their head, and they ran into a wall. Lily laughed when she saw a brown-haired girl peek from under her robes to see if anyone had seen her fall.
"Alice Deere!" called Lily. The girl jumped up and turned around, blushing.
"Sorry, I was just-Oh! Lily, it's only you! I thought I was in for it for a minute."
"Maybe you would have realized it was me if you didn't have your robe over your head." Smiled Lily.
She laughed. " . . .Think you could help? I can't find my own face in here."
Lily tugged at the arm until Alice's head came out of it, and soon the rest of her was visible. With straight brown hair, blue eyes, and slightly chubby, rosy cheeks, Alice was the picture of cheerfulness.
"So what's the rush?" asked Lily as they sat down in the prefect's compartment.
"Oh, you know. I was in a hurry to be ready, and Frank decided to let a treats cart go FLYING down the hall . . .think he hit Tawny Spires, actually . . ."
"What?"
"Oh, don't worry. Frank apologized. She didn't look too happy . . ."
"Why did you do that, Alice?" asked Lily, a twitch forming in her eye.
"Frank stole my chocolate frogs, and he offered to get me some. Only, he didn't."
"Really, sometimes I wonder who is more immature. You or Potter." She spat out his name with venom.
"Me, most likely. James is only an obnoxious prankster, while I am a true menace to society."
"No! Alice, the most menace you could conjure up wouldn't hurt a fly. Besides, POTTER is a despicable prat, who doesn't deserve to BE a fly, who doesn't deserve to be a fly that is squashed by a herd of rampaging hippogriffs under a large rock that's . . . covered with sharp fangs! He is a snot-faced, snub-nosed-"
Alice cut in, saying, "I think he has a very nice nose-"
"Shut it. You know how he treats me! I don't care if he has a bloody perfect nose, he still treats me like some-some-some HOOKER he can pick up, asking me out ALL the time-"
"What's a hooker?" asked Alice. Usually her ignorance of the muggle world would set Lily off on a lecture about anything from the function of a television to the history of the British Parliament. However, Lily was too angry to listen to Alice's comments. Desperate to calm Lily, Alice acquired a poker-straight face.
"Do you want me to go beat him up?"
Lily looked at Alice; her eyes were so serious that she couldn't help but laugh. Alice broke into a grin when she saw Lily start to chuckle a little. Soon, they were both laughing outright, Lily smiling mainly at Alice's good attempt at cheering her up.
For the next few minutes they sat reveling in the treats from the runaway cart. The two held a contest of Get-the-Dumbledore/Merlin-Chocolate-Frog- Card-First, until an unfortunate interruption.
The compartment door slid open, and a pale, sinister-looking girl with long black hair stood in the doorway.
"What do you want?" asked Lily loathsomely.
"This is a prefect carriage-I have a right to be here, unlike HER." Bellatrix Black sneered. Alice wrinkled her nose in disgust.
"Bugger off."
Bellatrix sat down purposefully across from her. Alice stood up, knocking chocolate frog wrappings all over the floor.
"I see that mudbloods are easily angered." laughed Bellatrix, and Alice clenched her hands into fists.
"I am no-no-muggle, Black!"
"You are friends with dirt, therefore you are dirt."
"Lily is not dirt! And she is not scum like you!"
"Suit yourself" said Bella lazily, taking out her wand, "But I hate to see the day when the greater powers crush you and your little mudblood friend."
"Ooh, I'M QUAKING IN MY SHOES!" shouted Alice. Silver sparks shot out of Bellatrix's wand.
Alice didn't flinch, as was intended, but laughed.
"HOW PRETTY, BLACK. IM SURPRISED THAT YOU COULD COME UP WITH SOMETHING THAT GOOD-LOOKING!"
Bellatrix glared at Alice and stood up.
"YOU SHOULDN'T BE TALKING, FILTH! ONE CAN TELL YOU HAVE NO TASTE JUST BY LOOKING AT THAT DISGUSTING LONGBOTTOM BOY!"
Alice grit her teeth and started to pull out her wand. Bellatrix pointed, took a breath, and shouted-
"EXPELLIARMUS!"
Bellatrix looked around in surprise, and saw Lily standing with two wands in her hand.
"Bellatrix Black, detention for threatening another student and insulting a prefect! Now get out of this compartment! NOW!" Bellatrix glared at Lily and snatched her wand back.
The door slid open and Remus stood in the doorway.
"Lily, why did you slap. . .James . . ." He trailed off as he glanced over the scene. "Uh, hello Alice. Am I interrupting anything?" he asked, looking between their outraged faces.
Bellatrix glared at him.
"I was JUST LEAVING. The mudblood in here is fouling up the air."
Remus scowled as Bella swept from the compartment.
"Stupid git." He muttered. Lily sat down, gripping at her skull like it would burst.
"So what did you want, Remus?" muttered Lily.
"Oh, just waiting for Tawny to come and yell at me some. You really wailed on James, didn't you?"
"Bloody twit had it coming." She said, suddenly sitting up straight and grabbing her robes. She carefully put them on, watching the creases so she could look respectable. Lily suggested to Alice that she leave, and left Remus to wait for Tawny alone; they were almost at the school, and she didn't want to shirk more than she had. For half an hour, she went about alerting the students, then running back to stop Tawny from killing Remus. Already Lily had gone through several emotional crises, and she would be glad to get to her large, comfortable, warm bed . . .
HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP
HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP
GNA: GNA and GNL here, bringing tidings of pointless tat that no one will read, such as...
GNL: Reviewer thank yous!
GNA: Aaaaaand....A short introduction to the GN's
Reviewers: run awaaaaay...!
GNA/GNL: *Rolls eyes*
The Guava Nancers have a tradition of handing out free gifts for reviews, which is the reasoning behind the guavas the reviewers have been given below.
To Morph- Our good and loyal reviewer , hello again! Great to see...or well...read you again! Have another complimentary guava!
To Katla- The Guava Nancer initiation is a long and drawn out process including lots of red tape, goat sacrifices, and guava juice chugging competions. Only those who enjoy staring at Orlando Bloom pictures all day and who have a dislike for Colin Farrel have been admitted....oh and aGuava for you!
To J.E.A.R.K. Potter- Hello! Thanks for reviewing! Guava for you!
To GND & GNK- HI!!!!!!! I think that about covers it.
Kia Santos- We are glad you like it! Have a guava!
Child-of-Scorpio- Thanks for the review! And here, the last guava in our stock until the next load comes in! It's not even squished!
In case you are slightly confused as to the abbreviations, GNA and GNL stand for Guava Nancer....A and L. :-) We are a group of four, well, we are two of the group of four, that write in genres from parody/action/adventure of lotr and potc, and now, to Harry Potter. (Or in this case Lily and James Potter.)
CHAPTER TWO: ON THE TRAIN
Tawny Spires went along the train, running into James again once he stormed down the hall, sporting a lovely bruise. By and by, she reached the marauders coach, and heard the sound of an explosion. She quickly opened the door to stop them from, well, whatever they were doing in there . . .
"You boys better not be doing anything-aaahh, Remus!"
Remus Lupin, reading a book, was sitting docilely on the seat. Sirius and Peter, on the other hand, were covered with soot from a huge tower of exploding snap cards that had gone off moments ago. James was scowling at the scenery outside. A red welt had risen on his left cheek, tinged with lovely shades of purple and blue. Remus had looked up fearfully at the sound of her voice, and now was smiling sheepishly.
"I had wondered where you'd gone." Remus started to speak, but Tawny cut him off. Her pleasant tone evaporated.
"I cannot conceive how two Gryffindor prefects BOTH managed to miss their very important first meeting, NOT take up their duties in the hall, AND break school rules of punctuality and etiquette-all at the same time! I could not be more disappointed, and I can only pray that others will be as kind as me! You Gryffindors are irresponsible, immature, irreconcilabliably rude, unfair to those around you-you are risking safety by simply not being there for the school, in fact it's frankly astounding how erroneous your crimes are-"
"What is it with the ruddy prefects!" muttered James, and Tawny turned to him sharply.
"Excuse me, Potter, but what have I done to ruin the peace of your perfect little world?"
"RUDDY PREFECTS! She blows everything COMPLETELY out of proportion!" he yelled. "It was a ruddy stupid meeting, and she acts like she committed a ruddy crime! Which of course makes everything MY fault-"
"Potter," snapped Spires, "What happened?"
"Evans mauled me! Look!" he pointed accusingly at the handprint embedded on his cheek, and Tawny smiled lightly.
"She SLAPPED ME! ME!! JAMES POTTER! She better hope I don't get my hands on her, or I'll . . . I'll . . ."
"Snog her senseless?" cut in Sirius, snickering. "In a broom closet, maybe?"
James glared, and Tawny rolled her eyes.
"Well I do hope you can remove the hand mark, and Remus, if you are not in the prefects compartment in 10 minutes, I will personally see to it that your badge is taken away. Now. . .don't do anything stupid, you four. I don't feel like babysitting."
With that, Tawny left the marauders to amuse themselves.
HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP
Lily slammed the door shut after James left, knocking the glass out. She muttered reparo, testing the door by opening and closing it. Before she shut it she saw a figure run down the hall after a runaway tray of treats. The person's robes were thrown over their head, and they ran into a wall. Lily laughed when she saw a brown-haired girl peek from under her robes to see if anyone had seen her fall.
"Alice Deere!" called Lily. The girl jumped up and turned around, blushing.
"Sorry, I was just-Oh! Lily, it's only you! I thought I was in for it for a minute."
"Maybe you would have realized it was me if you didn't have your robe over your head." Smiled Lily.
She laughed. " . . .Think you could help? I can't find my own face in here."
Lily tugged at the arm until Alice's head came out of it, and soon the rest of her was visible. With straight brown hair, blue eyes, and slightly chubby, rosy cheeks, Alice was the picture of cheerfulness.
"So what's the rush?" asked Lily as they sat down in the prefect's compartment.
"Oh, you know. I was in a hurry to be ready, and Frank decided to let a treats cart go FLYING down the hall . . .think he hit Tawny Spires, actually . . ."
"What?"
"Oh, don't worry. Frank apologized. She didn't look too happy . . ."
"Why did you do that, Alice?" asked Lily, a twitch forming in her eye.
"Frank stole my chocolate frogs, and he offered to get me some. Only, he didn't."
"Really, sometimes I wonder who is more immature. You or Potter." She spat out his name with venom.
"Me, most likely. James is only an obnoxious prankster, while I am a true menace to society."
"No! Alice, the most menace you could conjure up wouldn't hurt a fly. Besides, POTTER is a despicable prat, who doesn't deserve to BE a fly, who doesn't deserve to be a fly that is squashed by a herd of rampaging hippogriffs under a large rock that's . . . covered with sharp fangs! He is a snot-faced, snub-nosed-"
Alice cut in, saying, "I think he has a very nice nose-"
"Shut it. You know how he treats me! I don't care if he has a bloody perfect nose, he still treats me like some-some-some HOOKER he can pick up, asking me out ALL the time-"
"What's a hooker?" asked Alice. Usually her ignorance of the muggle world would set Lily off on a lecture about anything from the function of a television to the history of the British Parliament. However, Lily was too angry to listen to Alice's comments. Desperate to calm Lily, Alice acquired a poker-straight face.
"Do you want me to go beat him up?"
Lily looked at Alice; her eyes were so serious that she couldn't help but laugh. Alice broke into a grin when she saw Lily start to chuckle a little. Soon, they were both laughing outright, Lily smiling mainly at Alice's good attempt at cheering her up.
For the next few minutes they sat reveling in the treats from the runaway cart. The two held a contest of Get-the-Dumbledore/Merlin-Chocolate-Frog- Card-First, until an unfortunate interruption.
The compartment door slid open, and a pale, sinister-looking girl with long black hair stood in the doorway.
"What do you want?" asked Lily loathsomely.
"This is a prefect carriage-I have a right to be here, unlike HER." Bellatrix Black sneered. Alice wrinkled her nose in disgust.
"Bugger off."
Bellatrix sat down purposefully across from her. Alice stood up, knocking chocolate frog wrappings all over the floor.
"I see that mudbloods are easily angered." laughed Bellatrix, and Alice clenched her hands into fists.
"I am no-no-muggle, Black!"
"You are friends with dirt, therefore you are dirt."
"Lily is not dirt! And she is not scum like you!"
"Suit yourself" said Bella lazily, taking out her wand, "But I hate to see the day when the greater powers crush you and your little mudblood friend."
"Ooh, I'M QUAKING IN MY SHOES!" shouted Alice. Silver sparks shot out of Bellatrix's wand.
Alice didn't flinch, as was intended, but laughed.
"HOW PRETTY, BLACK. IM SURPRISED THAT YOU COULD COME UP WITH SOMETHING THAT GOOD-LOOKING!"
Bellatrix glared at Alice and stood up.
"YOU SHOULDN'T BE TALKING, FILTH! ONE CAN TELL YOU HAVE NO TASTE JUST BY LOOKING AT THAT DISGUSTING LONGBOTTOM BOY!"
Alice grit her teeth and started to pull out her wand. Bellatrix pointed, took a breath, and shouted-
"EXPELLIARMUS!"
Bellatrix looked around in surprise, and saw Lily standing with two wands in her hand.
"Bellatrix Black, detention for threatening another student and insulting a prefect! Now get out of this compartment! NOW!" Bellatrix glared at Lily and snatched her wand back.
The door slid open and Remus stood in the doorway.
"Lily, why did you slap. . .James . . ." He trailed off as he glanced over the scene. "Uh, hello Alice. Am I interrupting anything?" he asked, looking between their outraged faces.
Bellatrix glared at him.
"I was JUST LEAVING. The mudblood in here is fouling up the air."
Remus scowled as Bella swept from the compartment.
"Stupid git." He muttered. Lily sat down, gripping at her skull like it would burst.
"So what did you want, Remus?" muttered Lily.
"Oh, just waiting for Tawny to come and yell at me some. You really wailed on James, didn't you?"
"Bloody twit had it coming." She said, suddenly sitting up straight and grabbing her robes. She carefully put them on, watching the creases so she could look respectable. Lily suggested to Alice that she leave, and left Remus to wait for Tawny alone; they were almost at the school, and she didn't want to shirk more than she had. For half an hour, she went about alerting the students, then running back to stop Tawny from killing Remus. Already Lily had gone through several emotional crises, and she would be glad to get to her large, comfortable, warm bed . . .
HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP
HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP
GNA: GNA and GNL here, bringing tidings of pointless tat that no one will read, such as...
GNL: Reviewer thank yous!
GNA: Aaaaaand....A short introduction to the GN's
Reviewers: run awaaaaay...!
GNA/GNL: *Rolls eyes*
The Guava Nancers have a tradition of handing out free gifts for reviews, which is the reasoning behind the guavas the reviewers have been given below.
To Morph- Our good and loyal reviewer , hello again! Great to see...or well...read you again! Have another complimentary guava!
To Katla- The Guava Nancer initiation is a long and drawn out process including lots of red tape, goat sacrifices, and guava juice chugging competions. Only those who enjoy staring at Orlando Bloom pictures all day and who have a dislike for Colin Farrel have been admitted....oh and aGuava for you!
To J.E.A.R.K. Potter- Hello! Thanks for reviewing! Guava for you!
To GND & GNK- HI!!!!!!! I think that about covers it.
Kia Santos- We are glad you like it! Have a guava!
Child-of-Scorpio- Thanks for the review! And here, the last guava in our stock until the next load comes in! It's not even squished!