Chapter 1
Beastboy lay on the sofa, staring at the ceiling. Robin and Starfire were in the training room and Cyborg was in his room.
Beastboy sighed and thought back to that day.
The day Raven had left.
The day his life had changed.
Raven stared in horror at the body. He was only a teenager. The same age as them. The other four Titans were gaping at her, with similar expressions of horror.
Robin didn't need to check the boys pulse. He knew he was dead. No one could have survived Raven's powers, the way they had just erupted.
Raven shook uncontrollably. She stammered,
"He's dead."
"Raven-"
"I killed him." She whispered.
Beastboy stepped forward and put his arms around her.
"Raven, it wasn't your fault."
"It is. My emotions… I let them free…"
"You couldn't help it."
"But I can!"
She pulled away from his loving embrace.
"I let them out." Robin spoke,
"Raven, calm down."
"I killed a person!" She shouted at him. A nearby post box blew up, throwing envelopes and parcels into the air. Beastboy seized her and kissed her forehead.
"Raven, it's OK."
"It's not…"
"He killed someone." Cyborg pointed out. Raven pushed the green boy away and turned on Cyborg.
"And that makes it alright? He killed someone, so that makes it alright to kill him?"
She turned away.
They returned to Titans Tower. Raven immediately locked herself in her room. The other Titans didn't speak for the rest of the evening.
It was past midnight. Beastboy was woken from restless sleep by the sound of light footsteps passing his door. He recognised that walk.
On the roof he found Raven. Her hood was drawn over her face.
"Raven?" She froze and stayed with her back to him.
"Go back to bed, Beastboy."
"You're leaving?"
She didn't speak, but he knew it was true.
"Raven, we all mess up."
"Have YOU ever killed someone?"
"No… but-"
"But nothing. Beastboy, I'm leaving because I have to. I'm putting all of you in danger. Ever since we… I haven't been controlling my emotions since I fell in love with you."
"We'll work it out, Rae. Just stay with me. Please."
She finally turned to him and lowered her hood. Her eyes were filled with sorrow. He came towards her and held her tightly, desperate to keep her.
"Raven, please. I can't… I need you."
"I know, Beastboy."
"Stay with me. We can work this out! I'll try harder, and it'll be better, I promise…" His voice broke. Tears were leaking from his eyes. It nearly broke her heart.
"Beastboy…"
"Yes?" He said, holding her hands, and gazing into her eyes.
"If you truly love me…"
"I do, I really do!" He promised her. She swallowed and looked back at him, resolve in her face, mixing with sorrow and pain.
"If you truly love me… you'll pretend I'm dead."
"What?" He said, his heart skipping a beat. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, finding the despair in his face too much to bear.
"Stay here. Carry on with life. Pretend I'm dead. Don't search for me. Just let me go."
"I can't do that, Raven. I love you. You're my everything."
"Please, Beastboy."
He held her hands even tighter and she shook her head.
"Promise me you won't come looking for me."
"Will you come back?" He asked. She didn't answer. He knew what she was saying.
"Please Raven…" He begged one last time.
She pulled away from him.
"Beastboy, it would take a thousand years for me to tell you how much I love you. But there aren't a thousand words that would make me stay."
He started after but suddenly found himself encased in black light. She turned away and floated into the air. He banged his fists on the light, but it didn't give.
Tears fell from her violet eyes as she flew away. She stopped, turned and looked back towards Beastboy. Unable to speak because of the lump in her throat, she mouthed one last word.
Goodbye.
And then she was gone. Eventually the black light disappeared and Beastboy fell to his knees. He howled his pain into the night.
Cyborg, Robin and Starfire found him there the next morning, head in hands, still crying.
Beastboy felt a familiar lump in his throat. He shook his head and stood up. Going to the training room, he found Robin and Starfire attacking dummies. Cyborg and Robin had taken a couple of Slade's lackeys and reprogrammed them into a harmless training programme. They were starting to look a bit battered by now.
Slade was still out there somewhere. They hadn't seen in a few months now. Beastboy knew that this concerned Robin, but Starfire kept him occupied. Beastboy couldn't help grinning as Starfire blew up one of the robots and Robin smiled proudly. Cyborg came in and stretched.
"Well… anyone wanna go for pizza?"
"Sure." Robin said and Starfire smiled brightly,
"That is a very good idea." Cyborg turned to the green changeling.
"What about you, BB?"
"Sounds good. As long as it's not meat." He added slyly. Cyborg narrowed his eyes. Robin sensed an argument and leapt in.
"We can order you a small tofu pizza, Beastboy. OK?"
"Then what are we waiting for?"
"We would like a large meat feast pizza, a small tofu pizza, three cokes and large pot of mustard please!" Starfire told the waitress brightly. Robin cleared his throat and Starfire sighed.
"A small pot of mustard." Robin shook his head. The waitress looked like she was trying very hard not to laugh.
"Please may we have four cokes and no mustard?" Starfire said sulkily. The waitress nodded, and walked away. Robin smiled and kissed Starfire's cheek.
"Come on, Star."
"I am not talking to you." She said, looking away. They knew she was joking. Robin sighed and said,
"I'm sorry."
"Well… alright. I forgive you. Even you are Tribumder Snarglot."
Within fifteen minutes they were eating pizza and laughing. Starfire sipped her coke and said,
"Shall we go to Bowling Alley?"
"Um, Starfire. It's not Bowling Alley. It's just the bowling alley." Robin said. Starfire considered it and said,
"That sounds even better, let's go there instead!"
They hadn't had such a good day in a long time, Beastboy thought as Robin bowled. Cyborg glanced over at him.
"You OK, man?"
"Yeah… cleaning the room. It seems like closure, you know? I would just think to myself that if I knocked on the door she'd be there meditating, or reading. But I never dared open the door, because I knew she wouldn't be there." He said thoughtfully.
He was surprised to find himself talking so openly about it. But it just seemed so easy to discuss her now. Cyborg nodded and slapped him on the shoulder.
"You've really grown up, you know that BB?"
"I have? Damn!" He joked and they laughed.
When they returned to the Tower, they settled down to watch an action movie Cyborg had just bought. It was pretty good, Beastboy thought, as he tossed some popcorn into his mouth. He glanced over at the others. Cyborg was absorbed in the movie, and Robin seemed more interested in Starfire who had fallen asleep with her head in his lap. Her long red hair spilled over her face and he was absentmindedly stroking it away, smiling as he watched her dream.
Beastboy suddenly found the sight unbearable. He looked away and turned his attention back to the movie. But he had lost interest. He stood.
"I'm going to bed."
"OK, goodnight." Robin said. Cyborg nodded.
As he climbed into bed, Beastboy picked up the mirror. He ran his fingers over the surface, leaving traces in the dust. He whispered,
"Raven?"
And almost instantly felt foolish.
"She's gone." He reminded himself. "And nothing is going to change that."
During those first few weeks after she had left he hadn't been able to bear anyone even speaking her name. After a while, he was horrified to discover he couldn't even remember exactly how she looked or how her voice sounded. It had felt like his heart was being chipped at. Growing smaller and smaller.
But the pain faded, as all pain does. The weeks passed and he began to feel better. He cheered up, and played computer games. He defeated bad guys. He hung out with his friends.
But he knew that he would always love her. It sounded ridiculously over-clichéd, but it was true. You couldn't love someone like that and forget about it.
He had done what she had asked. He had pretended she was dead. Pretended that she had gone forever.
Because she had.