A/N: I am an appalling, horrendous person. I am truly apologetic. I am going to hurl myself into a self-loathing marathon for callously ignoring my duties as a fanfic author. I beg forgiveness. And without further ado I present to you the final installment of this illustrious Final Fantasy X fanfic. (Don't you just LOVE big words?)
Quote of the day "It means that men 600 years ago were just a stupid as they are today." –Anna Kyouyama, Shaman King
Disclaimer: See chapters one, two, and three. These things are damn annoying and I don't feel like making it funny.
THE TRIAL (which will soon be over and will thankfully end your suffering)
Chapter Four: Sentence
"Guardian, your sentence is to be locked away in the Via Purifico!"
Everyone gasped but Lenna and Tidus. Lenna let out a whoop while Tidus made a confused sound, like, "Whazza Via Portico?" Of course it wasn't Portico but Purifico, but Tidus is not altogether the brightest man in Spira.
"Surely that is far too drastic?!" Auron pleaded. It would really just suck if Tidus was locked away in the Via Purifico because then Jecht would be mad and he would have broken his promise and Yuna might die and Sin might not go away . . .
Seymour shrugged. "It's the law."
Lenna laughed haughtily and pointed a finger at the group. "SEE! You shouldn't kill harmless endangered creatures!"
"THEY WERE GONNA SUMMON FIENDS!" Rikku exploded, attempting to rush Lenna but was stopped by Kimahri and Wakka. Lenna sniffed at her, the snotty piece o' crap. The maesters shook their heads.
"There is nothing we can do," said Maester Mika.
"In cases of murder, we don't allow appeals," Kinoc added.
"But what about my pilgrimage?" Yuna exclaimed.
Shia is a normally calm person. She does not overreact. But when someone constantly repeats the same argument over and over and over, she gets mad.
"FOR YEVON'S SAKE IS THAT ALL YOU CAN SAY?!" she exploded, showing no mercy towards Yuna in her explosion. Yuna sniffled and ran towards Kimahri for comfort; the big blue palooka. Well, not a palooka, 'cause that's technically an insult, but I like the word palooka. The word palooka should be defined as "Big blue hominid cat thingy" and not as "oaf." Oh well, there's plenty of time to adjust the English dictionary. I've sidetracked from the main point, haven't I? I need to stop doing that.
"Kimahri," Yuna whimpered, "she's being mean to me!"
Now Kimahri was in a compromising position. He had to hold on to a murderous Al Bhed in the heart of Yevon and comfort an overly sensitive and annoying summoner who was also related to the psychopathic Al Bhed. Kimahri was not happy but could not say so because then Maester Kelk would say he brought it on himself for leaving Mt. Gagazet and then Kimahri would get mad and yell at Auron for being all bloody and stupid by climbing down Gagazet while being injured. And then scary man in red coat would get mad that Kimahri leaked his secret and would wreak havoc on all. And then Sin would come and eat them. Like popcorn. Like yummy kettlecorn.
Kelk banged his gavel. "That is enough!" he roared, his headache growing ever larger. "The guardian is going into the Via Purifico whether you like it or not and that is that! Summoner Yuna, you have FIVE OTHER GUARDIANS. Surely this is enough to help you defeat Sin!"
"But, but-"
"Not only that, but what about your wedding?"
Oh yes, we have forgotten about that haven't we Yuna? Yuna blushed and fell silent. Auron piped up, his delicately formed plans shattering before him. "But I made a promise!"
"What sort of promise and to whom?" Kelk asked insidiously.
"I promised a friend that I'd bring that id- er – boy here and make him a guardian and battle Sin!"
Kelk sighed. "Well you're just going to have to break that promise, now aren't you?"
"Then sentence me to the Via Purifico as well!"
"You're not on trial," Seymour pointed out.
Auron glared at the young Guado maester. Seymour can't be that old. He looks to be in his twenties. It would really be weird if 17-year-old Yuna married a thirty-year-old, wouldn't you say? How do I know that Yuna's seventeen? The Calm came 10 years ago when she was seven . 710= 17. That and FFX-2 said she was 19 and it was two years after the events of FFX so it's really just simple math. And if you couldn't even figure that out then you're dumber than Idiot is. And Idiot is dumb.
But let's go back to the fanfic, shall we?
"Guards," Maester Mika managed to croak out, seeing as how he has not talked in a while and his voice box was threatening to shut down from disuse, "take away the guardian."
The same two ugly guards that had previously shoved Tidus came back and grabbed Tidus' arms and dragged him away. Tidus is not a calm and patient person. He is very impulsive and doesn't think. The ugly guards dragged him away, wincing at his childish yells and furious kicking at his fate. The others could do nothing more than watch. Unfortunately, Kimahri's hold on Rikku faltered and the psycho Al Bhed was loosed and jumped on Lenna, starting a rather large and amusing catfight. The others watched this catfight with interest and the guards that were called took their time because Lenna was getting her ass kicked.
"SOMEBODY HELP ME!" Tidus yelled, but to no avail. The guard on his left merely thwacked him with one of his Goliath-like fists and knocked him unconscious. They proceeded to drag our precious protagonist away, ignoring Lenna's screams of pain and the catfight they so dearly wished to see.
One Hour Later
After Tidus was given his sword, his items, and the rest of his equipment, he was then subjected to training and a choice: Either the dry area or the water area of the Via Purifico. Tidus, not wanting to hold his breath even though he should train his blitz skills, chose the dry path. The guards immediately took him to the water area and shoved him off the ledge.
"What am I supposed to do down here?!"
"DIE!" they called back.
Tidus wasn't too happy about that, so he back-floated a little while so he could straighten out his thoughts. He missed Yuna and now she was going to marry that ugly Seymour. Tidus grimaced at the thought of Seymour. He was so . . . icky. Tidus could not think of a more sophisticated word to describe Seymour other than icky. The man/Guado was just ICKY. And Yuna was gonna MARRY him. Tidus figured she didn't even LIKE Icky Seymour. Who would? He was icky.
Tidus decided that he was using the word icky too much. He should figure out how to get out of here. As he descended into the water, he found a save sphere. Wondering what the save sphere was doing all the way down here in the water, he saved his progress. He continued swimming down, looking for an exit.
WITH AURON AND COMPANY
"So..." Rikku started, "what're we gonna do now?"
"Continue pilgrimage," Kimahri said shortly. The whole business was annoying.
"We can't continue without him!" Yuna cried.
"Why not?" Lulu said. "It's better this way."
"No it's not," Auron countered stubbornly. "He needs to come with us. Je- I mean, we need him to destroy Sin."
"I don't think so, ya?" Wakka said, waving his hand in the air indifferently. "I mean, I liked him an' all, but we don't need him to beat Sin, ya?" He looked a little sad. "Though, it's quite a shame to lose such a great blitz player, ya know?"
Lulu sighed and shook her head. "Is that all you care about? Blitzball?"
"Hey! You like blitz too, ya!"
"That's enough!" Auron snapped. "No more whining, no more excuses! We have to get him back. That's final."
"Why?" Kimahri said. "Boy not needed to defeat Sin. Not needed on pilgrimage. Yuna have five guardians. FIVE. More than Braska."
Auron growled at Kimahri. "Because I made a promise to Jecht, remember?"
Yuna clapped her hands. "That's right! We can't let Sir Jecht down, can we?"
All of them shook their heads. You can't let down Sir Jecht. He could come back and kill you. And that's no fun. Being killed by a former guardian is not fun at all.
"Wait a minute," Rikku said, "how do we know you're telling the truth?"
Auron turned to look at her. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, is Sir Jecht even alive?" Rikku argued. "Show us proof! Tell us where he is! If he's dead, it's not like you HAVE to fulfill a promise anymore!"
"OH YEAH?!"
"YEAH!"
"Well, I'M dead, whaddaya think about THAT?!"
Everyone gasped. Auron slapped his head, unable to believe that he had acted so foolishly and blurted out his ultimate secret. That he was dead. An unsent.
"That's why you didn't go into the Farplane?" Yuna asked hesitantly.
"No, I didn't go into the Farplane because I'm scared of ghosts." Auron paused as the others looked at each other dubiously. "OF COURSE IT'S BECAUSE I'M UNSENT!"
"Oh."
Auron sighed. It was all over now. There really was no point. He sat down and began to drink his alcohol out of that little jug by his hip. At this moment, Auron really wished he wasn't dead, because it was very hard for a dead person to get a buzz.
"We go now?" Kimahri asked. Frankly the entire day's events were boring Kimahri.
"No, Kimahri, we don't go," Yuna said, "because we have to save him!"
"Ya, I dunno why we have to save him," Wakka said, and was about to say more before Rikku and Yuna gasped and cut him off.
"Because he's my guardian!" Yuna cried.
"Because he's our friend!" Rikku cried.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU COULD BE SO INSENSITIVE WAKKA!" they both shouted, then turned and ran to Lulu for support.
"Why do they come to me? Always, it's me," Lulu sighed, then proceeded to comfort the two girls.
Wakka felt ashamed. He shouldn't have been acting like that. But, if the maesters themselves condemned Tidus, then what could he do? "Yuna, Rikku, I-"
"Ah, Summoner Yuna." (That's really how he says it! He drags out the "u".)
All of them turned to see Maester Seymour. "We must go back to Macalania, no? You still need to retrieve the aeon from the temple. We can come back here later." He smiled. Everyone shuddered, even Kimahri. Seymour was... scary.
"Umm... right. OK. But I, uh, have to do some stuff first," Yuna said quickly, then sprinted away and was closely followed by Rikku, Lulu, Kimahri, and Auron. Wakka stayed behind and laughed nervously.
"Um, I guess we have to go get ready then. See you later!" Wakka did the prayer then walked off muttering to himself. "'See you later'? What in the name of Yevon is wrong with me? Honestly, he's a maester, no matter how creepy he is..."
Seymour was left standing there. He decided that it would be better to just leave than it was to just stand there and look odd and out of place. Inwardly he cursed Shia and Lenna, since they both threw his entire plan off. He decided they had to be assassinated. But that would have to come later because he was hungry now.
TO THE VIA PURIFICO
Tidus was stuck. The gate wouldn't open. He futilely thwacked it with his sword, attempting to open it. It didn't work. Tidus went up to the tiny air pocket to get some air and then dove down again to thwack the gate some more.
BACK TO THE PARTY
"We just have to get thrown into the Via Purifico," Yuna said decidedly.
"Or," Auron said, "we could just wait at the end of the Via Purifico so he can come out. That way we can escape from Bevelle and go back to Macalania..."
"But won't someone notice that he's with us when we go to Macalania?" Rikku asked.
"No one will notice or care," Lulu replied, "because no one likes Shia and Lenna."
Everyone looked at her. "Where did you hear that particular tidbit?" Auron queried.
Lulu shrugged. "Look at me. I have one hell of a body. The guards tell me everything. I don't even have to ask. It's creepy, but handy."
"But what about that law?" Wakka cried. "We can't disobey the order of Yevon!"
They all looked at him. "He was arrested for killing a butterfly," Rikku reminded him, "a fiend-summoning butterfly. He was sentenced to Via Purifico for that. Don't tell me that that's not insanely stupid."
Wakka thought for a little while. It was a hard battle between his common sense and his urge to follow Yevon to the bitter end. Common sense appeared to win for a second, but his Yevonite-ness won in the end. "But the maesters said-"
"We go on pilgrimage or no?" Kimahri asked gruffly.
"We'll continue the pilgrimage, Kimahri, it's just that we need him," Yuna tried to explain to him, trying to overcome the fact that they didn't really need Tidus.
Kimahri's eyes looked over everyone in the room. They looked strong to him. They looked like they could take on Sin. Really they did. They just needed to get Yuna's summons and then go over Mt. Gagazet to get to Zanarkand. And then they'd get the Final Aeon and then they go battle Sin in the Calm Lands and then it'd all be over, right? Right? Judging by the looks on his companions' faces, that was a NO. Kimahri sighed.
"Save him now?" Kimahri asked.
Everyone looked at each other and each other looked at everyone. The message box popped up and the cursor was on yes. A button was pressed and the message box disappeared.
"Yes, Kimahri," Auron answered, "we save him now." He picked up his sword and the others picked up their respective weapons and items and all of them moved to the end of the Via Purifico. How did they know where it was? Simple: they followed the signs saying, "THIS WAY TO THE VIA PURIFICO" and "YOU'RE ALMOST AT THE VIA PURIFICO" and "I HOPE YOU HAVE WEAPONS 'CAUSE SOME NASTY FIENDS CAN COME CRAWLING OUTTA THAT PLACE".
So they waited at the end of the Via Purifico, hoping that Tidus would come crawling out of it and back to them.
TO THE VIA PURIFICO
"It opened!" Tidus cried in joy as the gate opened. He had finally figured out that you are supposed to hit the switch thingy in the bottom right hand corner. Tidus went through two more gates until...
SCREAM!
BOSS BATTLE!
Tidus was facing Zombie Evrae. THE ZOMBIE EVRAE. He was scared, since he was facing it without the help of Rikku and Wakka and he had a lower strength. How on Earth could he battle this thing? How?
It took a swing at him and he barely dodged it. He Scanned it and saw that it was a zombie. Of course, the black, rotting flesh should have given him a clue, but hey, it's Tidus and the events that have been happening seem to occur only in a week. Intriguing, no? Since it was a zombie he threw a Phoenix Down at it, which considerably damaged it. The fiend attacked him again and this time it hit. It was a fierce battle between the two as they fought bitterly, each determined to win...
OUTSIDE
"So..." Rikku said, in an effort to bring up some conversation.
"Did he make it?" Kimahri asked. It was quite a morbid question.
"Of course he made it!" Yuna cried. "He can't NOT make it!"
"Wait!" Lulu cried. "What's that?"
They all leaned in to see. The surface of the water rippled and then...
Yuna and Rikku let out piercing screams. Lulu and Wakka threw up. Kimahri and Auron stared in horror at what had disturbed the water.
It was Tidus' body.
GAME OVER
Kitase-sama threw down the controller. "DAMMIT!" he shouted. "I knew we shouldn't have put this in!"
"It's your own fault," drawled Nomura-sama, picking up the controller, "you said we should have something that would completely throw off the player."
"I want to play!" cried Sakaguchi-sama. "It's my turn!"
"Oh shut up, Sakaguchi-san," Nomura-sama muttered. "I'm the character designer, I get next dibs."
"I'm the executive producer! I get rights over you! Now give it to me!" Sakaguchi-sama protested, and yanked the controller out of Nomura- sama's hands.
"Hey! Give it back!" Nomura-sama cried and snatched it back from Sakaguchi-sama.
Kitase-sama grabbed the PlayStation® 2 controller from Nomura-sama. "There must be some way to correct this," he muttered, restarting the game, "some way to make it right."
"Why don't we just scrap the whole thing?" Nomura-sama grumbled. "I don't think anyone will be happy that we killed off the main character."
"That's it!" Kitase-sama cried. "We must kill off Tidus! But we have to do it in a lovely way!"
"We already did that, Kitase-san," Sakaguchi-sama cut in. "He's a dream of the fayth, remember? And then he disappears? And Yuna goes straight through him?"
"Oh right..."
IN THE LOFT
"MoMo-ChAn," protested Choco, "this is a load of crap!"
"I know, I know," MoMo-ChAn grumbled, "but I can't think of anything else..."
NEVER END
A/N: The "Never End" thing belongs to CLAMP from "Miyuki-chan in Wonderland" which is the craziest thing I've ever seen. Hey, I managed to finish this, so go me! Well, I'm not going to do another game fic for a while until Halloween rolls around and I get to torture Vinnie again. Which is always fun. But right now, I gotta work on my anime fics. Yeah, so I'm really sorry for waiting like... four months to update this. I guess that when it comes to FFX, I can't stick to a schedule... I'm sorry, you guys. If you wanna chew me out, my e-mail is dracolian482sbcglobal.net. So don't hesitate to attack me, OK?