A/N: I have to say that this is a co-written story in Diary Form so the entries are EXTREMELY SHORT. That's the way they were written and that's the way they'll stay. If you were in prison with a bunch of happiness devourers everywhere, would you write novels? No, I didn't think so. LOL!
This story is written by LinzyBrook from HP.com and me. So either way I cannot change anything that is not mine. I also want to share credit because it's irritating when a co-written story gets reviews for one person. You will know who has written each entry at the end of the post.
Disclaimer: *Takes Flower* I own Sirius – I own him not – I own Sirius…. I own him Not!!
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November 7 1981
I sit here wondering why things turn out this way...
Petty as it all seems, writing might be the only way to save my sanity. I had never truly known hatred until last week. This cold unfeeling grip that strangles every part of my soul... or maybe it's the Dementors? No, it's this hatred that is truly draining me away. This loathing I cannot support in my chest, a loathing for the one I once called friend: Peter Pettigrew. May these memoirs serve me well after I begin to loose all that I treasure: my happy memories. I'm sorry James. I'm sorry Lily. I'm very sorry Harry.
~Sirius~
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Written by Burning Artist
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November 8 1981
Nine days ago my world turned upside down. Nine days ago all I have ever known
was stolen from beneath me; from a man I had considered my friend for so many
years. I thought I was doing the right thing, I thought that by turning my
duties to Peter the Potters would be saved, I thought....
But none of that matters now. I thought wrong, I was tricked, betrayed, and my
best friend and his wife are now dead. Dead because I was too
afraid to face the dark image. What will become of Harry? Living with muggles, growing up knowing nothing of his family, or of
his heritage, and growing up to believe that I killed his parents, parents he
never got to know.....
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Written by LinzyBrook
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November 9th 1981
There's
something about the smell here.
The air seems thin. I just wish I could look outside. The coal I've stolen from
the heating room is starting to tint my hands... I need more napkins to write
on... It's starting to become hard for me to remember times when I was sitting
at my desk writing to James with a clean piece of parchment and my favourite raven-feather quill. Come to think of it... My
house seems hazy now...
I guess I'll have to wait until lunch tomorrow to get more napkins... I hate
this place... I hate the one who put me here...
I think that in the end that is all I will remember for the Dementors
have been paying me more visits, was I ever truly blessed with this many happy
memories?
~Sirius~
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Written by Burning Artist
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November 10th, 1981
All my
memories are becoming fuzzy, they seem to be surrounded by an incredibly fine
mist. The only things that seem completely clear to me right now are that I am
innocent, and James and Lily are gone. I will never see their smiling faces,
never see them hold Harry so lovingly, never hear their voices, never see them
sparkle, never see Harry grow up, never......
And all because that rat tricked me! I thought I could trust him, and look
where it got me. Locked up in hell, with the Devil's hands
standing guard outside me door. No trial...they didn't even give me a
trial... Not that that would have done any good, Lily, James and Peter were the
only ones who knew that we had switched places. If I hadn't been such a dolt I
would have at least told Remus, but I thought it
would be him, if any of us, to turn, Peter lastly! Why was I so stupid, why......
~Sirius~
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Written by LinzyBrook
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November 15th 1981
Strange… where did the days go? What a horrible feeling to not know anything. Today things took a turn for the worst... It was the first time and certainly not the last that a Dementor approached me. As he ushered my into my cell I felt his green scaly hands touch my skin. Never did I imagine the horrors that could come from him…It was their bodies I'd seen… both them under the pile on wood, Lily's red hair flowing like blood. Yet there was no blood… just death. No visceral indication of mutilation… just cold, soulless death: a pitiless, heartless murder. I hope he's happy… I hope wherever he is he's proud of what he's done. I sit and rot here while he stays loose. It's a good thing I do... for only a horror like this would ever really turn me into a murderer.
~Sirius~
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Written by Burning Artist
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November 19th, 1981
This place is eating me inside. There is no joy, no hope, only despair and
sorrow. The Dementors are sucking my life out of me,
every time I come into contact with one I see James and Lily, dead, and every
time it gets worse. This morning, as they pushed my "food" beneath my
door I was hit with such an intense feeling of pain that I feel backward. I saw
not only Lily and James, lying there, but Harry crying as he sat there amid his
dead parents, confused, innocent, and with a wound the shape of a lightning
bolt bleeding on his forehead. At least Harry is alive though, that is the only
comfort I can take from that horrible sight. At least it is something to
sustain me in these dark days.
I vow that I will get out of this place, I don't care how long it takes me, but
I will escape. And when I do, I will hunt down the rat like a dog, and I will
treat him with the same regard he treated James. He will pay. He will pay......
I have found that in my darkest hours I can transfigure into my canine self,
this helps me to come inside myself when I feel I can no longer handle the
torture that I am being forced to endure..........
~Sirius~
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Written by LinzyBrook
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December 2nd 1981
The days keep getting shorter. My plan is working. They don't seem to notice that I'm a dog but they have been agitated lately though. I think they're getting upset that they can't rob me of my feelings. I couldn't care less. Since then, good things have been coming back to me. I've begun to remember the Potter's wedding. Lily was a vision and James was so nervous. I told the fool not to worry; they'd be fine. Remus told him that they'd be happy… Peter… Peter looked livid. I see know that he wasn't nervous at all. He was fearful… another Potter put onto this world might have frightened him. Another Potter to betray. And even if he wasn't on the Dark Lord's side then it still remains embedded in mind of his traitorous nature … I've noticed that I've become thin… too thin. It was a good thing I learned to transform when I did…
~Sirius~
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Written by Burning Artist
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December 25th, 1981
Today is Christmas. For the first time in my life I have no reason to wish
others a Happy Christmas. This is hard, this hurts. I remember last Christmas.
Lily and James had invited Lupin, Peter and I to join them for the holidays.
Peter hadn't come, he's said he had business to take care of, and we didn't'
think anything of it then, now I know what business that was... But, Lupin and
I were there with the Potters. Harry was 5 months old, and such a cute baby. I
remember how Lily cooed over him, and how he smiled so brightly at her, James
looking on proudly. That was when they had asked me to be Harry's Godfather, in
case anything happened to them.... A right bit of good I'm doing Harry now.... Remus, James and I hadn't been together since Harry's
birth, but it was if no time had passed. Best friends can spend years away from
one another, but when they are reunited its as if they
never left each other's side. Lily teased us all so that day. Talking about how
sometimes she felt that she had married the lot of us, and that Harry was the
luckiest child on earth to have James for a father, me for a Godfather and Remus as an "uncle" of sorts. And saying that he
couldn't be more protected with a Stag, Dog and Werewolf for company... I can
almost taste her cooking: the turkey, quail, ham, potatoes, sweet cakes,
pasties, pumpkin juice, butter beer, nothing like the
slop that they give us here. Lily was a master cook...
Sometimes these memories are all that keeps me from utter desolation...
~Sirius~
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Written by LinzyBrook
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