Disclaimer: Harry Potter is a product of Rowling's genius…. And I am a product of her fandom!
___________________________________________________________________
February 10th, 1982.
I think they're noticing that I'm stealing napkins to write. I haven't been able to get any coal since December but I did find a muggle quill on the floor next to me of the floor, that could last me for a bit. I've still no idea how it got there. I've heard rumours floating in and out of the prisoners here. They're mostly mad but seemed to have known all about Peter and his devotion to Voldermort. They're furious… They want to kill him for leaving the dark lord. I'd gladly join them if they ever managed to escape. Everything's becoming hazier… It's getting difficult to think… They've increased my security. The gloom in here drowns me. I like re-reading my memoirs; it reminds me that I was once happy and that there is another existence outside these walls. I think I got a visitor yesterday but I was too weak to see whom it was. I could sense another person's presence however. Who would visit me if they believe I'm a criminal?
~Sirius~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Written by Burning Artist
______________________________________________________________________________________
April 21st, 1982
It has been a long time since I have been able to write, and I still cannot get
the image of that man's "death" out of my mind. It is ever present,
even in sleep..... More people are being brought in than ever before, I have
been able to catch small bits of conversations that they are rounding up the
last of the Death Eaters, I keep hoping for signs of Pettigrew... But he faked
his own death, and I can't see him being stupid enough to blow his own cover.
Still...if someone were to sight him...
The Dementor's are more appeased than ever, with so
many new humans to feed off of, so many fresh memories to ingest. Luckily, this
means that they leave me in "peace" a little more, as they have
sucked so much of me away already.
I am forcing myself to remember things...this keeps me saner. This morning, as
I sat alone, I thought back to my years at Hogwarts, thought of nothing but the
feeling I got when I first became an Animagus... I
had forgotten that I had even been attempting it... James was practicing
Quidditch with Remus, Peter and I watching and Snape
chose to interrupt our training session... He took off after James, and I was
so mad that I grabbed a broom and took off after him. I started to feel funny,
and realized I was growing thick, black fur on my arms and legs... I detoured
into the Forbidden Forest as fast as I could! I will
never forget that day.
Little did I know that it would save my life in the bleak future...?
~Sirius~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Written by LinzyBrook
________________________________________________________________________
May 7th, 1982
It has been exactly six months since I was brought to this god-forsaken place. Six terrible months. Is this how I am going to be forced to
spend the remainder of my life? Locked in a cage like an animal on constant
display to a crowd of emotion-thirty demons? I have thought often of attempting
to break out of here, but where would I go? No one would ever believe that I am
innocent, and without a purpose I would just wander... At least here they feed
me, if you can even call it that. If only I had some inkling of where Pettigrew
was, if only that I would at least know where to begin. Without that
information however, I am better off here... I can listen to conversations that
the ministry has when they come to make their reports, and I can keep an eye
out for the new ones brought in all the time.
I am transforming much more frequently now. It helps me keep a simple mind, and
the Dementors cannot suck so much out of me this way,
my emotions are much more primitive. I can almost sleep in my canine form, almost sleep without seeing the image of that mans
gruesome death.......
~Sirius~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Written by LinzyBrook
________________________________________________________________________
May 18th, 1982
Barty Crouch was here today. I heard him talking with
someone else, but it was a man I didn't recognize about the number of death
eaters he has put in here, heard him mention a few that were cleared, like Lucius Malfoy....If he wasn't a
death eater, then those dementors can give me their
kiss. One of the most devoted servants of the dark mage is running free and
powerful, and I, an innocent man, am trapped here! There is no justice in this
world. No justice with Barty Crouch running the
"trials." He condemns everything associated with the dark arts unless
they are powerful enough for him to worry about "what it would look like
to the ministry." I hate him, I hate him almost
as much as I hate Peter. No trial......no trial......
If it wasn't for Peter, Lily and James would be celebrating their five year
anniversary in a week. I remember this time back then. How nervous James was,
how the girls kept giggling like we were back in Hogwarts......... They should
still be happy...still together...raising their son...
~Sirius~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Written by LinzyBrook
________________________________________________________________________
July 31st 1982
Today is my godson's birthday. Little Harry should be 2 years old today. I hope he's well. I hope his aunt and uncle are taking good care of him. It grieves me not to be able to send him a birthday present. But could I possibly send him? Pieces of ripped letters and a fork from the prison food trays, I think not. I wonder if he looks more like James now. When I left him I saw the twine of fine black hair just root out of his scalp. It was a mess, just like James'. But his little eyes, half open and innocent… those little eyes we're Lily's. He has to be the perfect way to keep them alive: the Potter's little boy, embodying them both. It's like the gods knew that they had to make Harry look like that because death would take his parents so soon, too soon. If James we're alive right now, I'm sure he'd have already taught little Harry to ride a broom. He would have made sure he knew that even before he learned how to walk. These images of what could be have been forced the first smile on my face since I saw that Harry was alive. It's almost hurts. Well, Happy birthday Harry.
~Sirius~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Written by Burning Artist
______________________________________________________________________________________
October 16th 1982
I have come to a realization; my stupidity had no true justification. Why Peter? Why not Remus? Perhaps it's because I could not conceive of that little rat as dangerous. A spy… a slithering spy… Yet, Snape was a spy for us… He was the one to tip us off of the Potters being searched after in the first place… What a strange twist to an inevitable fate. Snape, who in our youth was a sworn enemy and Peter who had stayed by our side during those times… were in fact their opposites. Snape might have loathed James but in the end he did pass on the right information… I still think he's not to be trusted… and I'd have gladly seen him come here and be locked up just as I was. Yet, laying hatred a side I'm still finding it hard to conceive of such a reality existing… I suppose these thoughts have come to me because it will be their anniversary soon… just 15 days until the time of their deaths. I wish I had some brandy… A little to poor through the filth-ridden bars and the rest so I can drink… I care not to be sober on that horrid day…
~Sirius~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Written by Burning Artist
______________________________________________________________________________________
October 31st 1982
How strange. I used to love Halloween. The vision of those beautiful golden plates piled high with food used to bring the biggest smile to my face. I could remember me sitting next to Remus and across from James, Lily nervously next to him. I'm sure they were holding hands under the table as we ate. The thought of food always makes me weary. I'm still horridly thin… I'm nothing but skin and bones… You'd think the Azkaban guards would feed us more so we'd stay alive longer. They'd have a better meal this way or maybe they get bored with the same flavor of happy memories. Well, they won't be stealing them for me anymore. Being a dog, they do not feel me… they've stopped roaming around my cell, they probably believe I'm dead or taken away... No, they'd have protested that I'd be taken. My memories are sweet and worth the taking for it is just this that it keeping me from going mad. Thank you James, thank you Lily. It is your memories that are saving me from totally collapsing: your friendship, your love, your caring. So I stand here and choose not to be raped of my hope. Courage, man! You are strong Sirius! Today, on the day of James and Lily's death, I vow… I vow to rectify my mistake! I vow to avenge you both, my guardian angels!
~Sirius~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Written by Burning Artist
______________________________________________________________________________________
December 3rd, 1982
It's cold, I don't remember ever being this cold. I am
getting so very thin, even in my canine form I feel as though I have lost the
warmth of thick fur... I used to have a cloak, a wonderful cloak,
Lily had made one for me and one for Remus as a gift
for being James' groomsmen. It was so warm, so soft, and so full of happiness.
There was happiness sewn into the fabric... a little piece of everyone I loved...
It was made of heavy black velvet, the Dog; with gleaming horn buttons, the
Stag; and was sewn with silver thread, the Moon.
They were identical, we were brothers, and she had given James one as well. She
had said to us that day, "As long as you boys have these, the Marauders
will forever ride," well, I don't have mine, and James is gone... I don't
know about Remus, I haven't seen him in so long.
Every now and again I think I hear his voice, think he has come to tell me that
I am free, but it's only a dream. Remus won't come;
he doesn't know it wasn't me... When I get out of here, I will retrieve my
cloak, as long as I know where it is, I have a piece of Lily and of James...a
piece of the old days.....
~Sirius~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Written by LinzyBrook
________________________________________________________________________