A/N: Okay! We're getting closer and closer to where Linzy and I had stopped! Not much prewritten after year 9! I hope I can find Linzy so we can write more together because for now… it's still just little old me.

Disclaimer: Okay… it's been 9 years and still no one gets it! LOL. J.K. Rowling's material, our twist!

January 4th, 1989

It has been months since I could find the strength to write. Letting myself be taken by these Dementors was foolish and impractical. Letting them come near enough to me to wax my skin, thin my bones and hollow my heart only made me go mad! I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe and I could barely speak. Transforming into a dog had become painful. I didn't have enough magic after letting them drain me with whatever foul thing lay beneath their robes. Skin and bones… it was all that was left in me yet the Azkaban guards and ministry officials' reactions were not that of compassion. Even as I lay so close to complete wretchedness, they looked upon my sickly body and laughed. They laughed! They enjoyed my tormented and twisted sight! I was near death and they relished in the vision on my weakness! They are demons far worse then Dementors! I AM INNOCENT! I am a victim yet they care not! As long as they have comfort in the assurance of my guilt… they care not. A hooded one does come near as I write. He wants to take me again but he will not have me! I transform. He moves away… I want to escape! I want to be free! Please, can no one help? These tears seeping from within me are the only emotion left! I feel cold… I need rest… I need comfort… love? But who would come for me? No one would dare. All those I love are dead… but did they ever love me at all? Who would love a murderer? No wait! I'm not a murderer! Am I? Is that why they laugh? Is that why I'm here? The Dementors take from me because I'm guilty? 'Innocent', 'guilty', 'crime'; are nothing but words. Rest… I need… rest…

Sirius

Written by: Burning Artist

April 18th, 1989

So much for my plan, so much for the taste of freedom... Why can't fate come to my rescue? I'm so tired of these walls, tired of being alone, and tired of it all. I must keep my mindset. I must keep my wits about me. Yet words, even so written, are embedded with ink, not blood.

Silence then merciless yells. I must think of good things – but then I must not. For if I do to keep my sanity; then the Dementors will smell it. They'll rush to me like bloodhounds to towards their favorite pray. If only I had my wand again.

Once again, I was raped and violated of an important part of me, the very wand I had gone to get with him. We were so young and excited. Learning magic the way real wizards should was something truly amazing, especially for him – for James. James… Remus, I wonder what he thinks of me now. I wonder if he believes that I'd betray one of our best friends.

Yet – he did, didn't he? It was not I was it? It was the rat – and poor Harry – no. I can't loose my nerve now. I just can't.

Sirius

Written by: Burning Artist

September 1st, 1989

The scent to dry autumn air fills me tonight. I can sense the crispness of the wind – sweet winds of freedom. It is life and transcends all things solid and fluid. My only wish right now would be to become that wind. Living each moment erratically, master less to the rest of these beings. Humans – be they wizard or muggle, do not have such understanding of the world. I can even sense it in my dog form how separated I am from everything as a human. As a dog I feel the breath on their lips, the pulse of the earth and the connection to life. No – this is not life. This suspended existence only brings me more grief and sorrow. My only wish now: To simply end it. I wish to end it all! Not that my life even before coming to this cursed place was anything of comfort. The only comfort were my friends and now they are gone. Harry – I hope you're doing well. I'll meet you someday, one way… or another.

Sirius

Written by: Burning Artist

September 18, 1989

I don't know how long I can stand it. Each breath brings consequence to a new futile reality. Now I have a new plan! No longer shall I sit here breathing in the decaying air and take in the sight of death! I will become part of it. Become the dark void and no longer let any light inside. I just need… an opportunity…

Sirius

Written by: Burning Artist

September 24. 1989

I… will… die…

Sirius

Written by: Burning Artist