Chapter 14

He couldn't take his eyes off her. She smiled gently, reached up and wiped a tear away. He took her hand in both of his as it caressed his face and kissed it again and again, crying freely.

Raven put up her other arm and wrapped them both around his neck, hugging him. He returned the gesture, pressing her to him.

"I thought I lost you again." He sobbed, his voice breaking. Raven shook her head, soft hair pressing against his face.

"Never… I'll never leave you…"

After what felt like forever but could only have been a few minutes, Raven lay back against the pillows. Beastboy held on to her hands.

"I should call Chi-Hey." He murmured.

"Who?"

"A Chinese doctor. He invented a drug that was used to bring you back. Where…. Where were you exactly?"

Raven frowned.

"I- I don't know. It was strange though. Dark… and all the Emotions were there apart from Anger."

"She's still in the mirror." Beastboy said.

Raven insisted that he tell her what had happened. It took a while, but when it was done, Raven's face was hard with resolve. Beastboy asked,

"What do you want me to do with the mirror?"

"Nothing yet. I'll send it away. An alternate dimension. That way I'll still be able to express Anger, but it won't be able to consume me." She frowned and rubbed her head. Beastboy stood up.

"I'll get Chi-Hey."

But the Chinese man walked in at that moment. He looked over at the bed and smiled.

"It is good to meet you at last, Raven. How are you feeling?"

"Tired."

"That's to be expected. We'll just take some numbers down and then we can let you get some sleep. I believe the other Titans will be back soon."

"Beastboy, why don't you go and find them?" Raven said. He was about to object but then saw that she wanted to talk to the doctor and left.

He met the others in the reception. They were holding a pizza box but the three of them froze when they saw him.

"Beastboy, what's wrong?" Robin asked. Beastboy smiled.

"She's awake. Chi-Hey's with her now." Starfire squealed and launched herself at Beastboy. He had the strange and not un-painful sensation of having his ribs crushed.

"We must see her immediately!" Starfire announced.

"We can see if Chi-Hey has finished." Beastboy agreed. They returned to the room to see Raven nodding as Chi-Hey told her about the drug. He turned as they entered.

"Don't be too long. She needs to sleep."

"She's been sleeping for ages!" Cyborg pointed out. Chi-hey laughed.

"Still, not too long."

Starfire hugged Raven.

"Oh, dearest friend Raven! I am overjoyed at your improvement in health!"

"Thanks Starfire."

"Hey Raven." Robin said, bending to give her a brief hug. Cyborg hugged her too, saying,

"Good to see you're better, Rae."

"Thanks everyone."

She smiled at them all and yawned. Beastboy grinned.

"I wonder when you can come home."

"Chi-Hey said not for at least a week. He wants to run tests and stuff like that." Raven replied. Starfire nodded.

"I will not allow you back to the Tower until you are completely well!" She told the dark-haired girl sternly. Raven nodded and yawned again.

"We'll let you get some sleep." Robin said, standing up. Raven nodded and looked at Beastboy.

"Go home."

"What? No, I want to stay here with you."

"And I'm telling you to go home. You need a shower."

Beastboy frowned and sniffed himself. Raven smiled and gave him a weak push.

"Go."

"We'll come back tomorrow, OK?"

"Fine. Just go home, eat pizza and tofu, watch movies, have a shower, play games… whatever. Just relax. I'm fine."

Beastboy ate hungrily. He hadn't felt like eating for a while but now his appetite came rushing back. Starfire watched in amazement as he ate plate after plate of tofu, washing it all down with sickening amounts of soda and soy milk. Cyborg and Robin were looking on their scanners and computers for any sign of Slade but he had disappeared.

"He'll be back." Cyborg said. Robin nodded grimly.

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"Robin, we can do nothing now. Let us all relax and enjoy life!" Starfire said enthusiastically. Beastboy nodded, speaking through a mouthful of tofu,

"Yeah, come on. Have some tofu."

"Uh, no thanks Beastboy. I'll just have a soda." Robin said, watching in disgusted fascination as a piece of Tofu fell from the corner of Beastboy's mouth. Cyborg started to fry some burgers.

Having not slept well, Beastboy went to bed straight after eating. It was only about midday, but he slept right through to the following morning. He awoke just after dawn. Sunshine flooded into his room. He watched the water moving through his window before stretching.

Only Starfire was up. Normally Raven was the first up, followed by either Beastboy or Starfire. The Tamaranian was making coffee and singing quietly along with the radio. Beastboy paused to listen. It was a new song, and he tried to place the name. In the heat of Summer Sunshine, I'll kiss you and nobody needs to know…

It was the exact sort of music he associated with Starfire. Cheerful, bouncy and something you could sing along to. He sat down and Starfire poured him some coffee.

"Hey, Starfire, who is this?" He said, nodding towards the radio.

"The Corrs, I believe. Do you like it?"

"I guess. Without at least three cups of coffee beforehand I can't like anything at this time in the morning!" He joked, slurping coffee. Starfire looked at her watch.

"I was planning on buying Raven some flowers before we go to the hospital, but I do not believe the others will be awake in time." She said sadly. Beastboy said,

"I'll go with you. We can meet the others at the hospital at 9:30."

"Wonderful idea! I shall write them a note!" Starfire said in delight. She scribbled a message on a notepad.

"But how can we make sure they find it?" Starfire asked. Beastboy thought about it, and grinned. He took the note and stuck it to the bacon that was in the refrigerator.

"There's no way that Cyborg's gonna miss it there." He told Starfire. She giggled and nodded.

It was nice, Beastboy thought lazily as he and Starfire strolled along a main street. They didn't really do much together anymore. Even when Raven had left and the Titans had gotten closer, they hadn't really done much. Starfire paused outside a flower shop.

"Shall we look in here?"

"Sure."

Starfire looked up all the different types of flowers. She turned to Beastboy.

"What do you think she would like?"

"I don't know… roses, maybe?" Starfire looked again.

"There are pink or red roses. Which ones?"

"I think it's more than our lives our worth to buy her pink ones. Better go for the red." Beastboy laughed.

While Starfire purchased the flowers, Beastboy strolled the shop. It wasn't big, so there wasn't a lot of room to stroll in but he managed quite well.

They still had an hour and a half before meeting the others, so they sat at a table outside a café drinking tea. Starfire held the cup in both hands and sipped it carefully. Beastboy found himself watching her. She smiled at him.

"You are staring."

"Yeah, I know. I was just thinking."

"Thinking what?"

"What a lucky guy Robin is." She flushed and put the tea down.

"I am lucky to have him. And all of you."

"I guess you never know what you've got until it's gone." Beastboy said thoughtfully. He caught Starfire's curious gaze.

"When she was gone I just kept thinking 'why?'. 'Why didn't I look after her?', 'why didn't I make sure these bad things didn't happen to her?'"

"Beastboy… I have learnt many things from my time on earth. And one of them is that you cannot always protect the ones you love. You can only pray that they will be safe and you can help them when they need it. But you can not merely shelter them from the bad things."

He smiled at her, through the bright sunlight.

"When did you get so philosophical?" She laughed and said,

"On my planet we have a saying."

"What is it?"

"Glornarf hytem lof pinbart." He raised an eyebrow and she translated, "Happiness is Sorrow in a different way."

"OK… explanation?"

"They are the same thing. You can't be truly happy without a little bit of sorrow. And sorrow could be happiness, but you have to look at it another way. For instance, when Raven was sleep. We were sorrowful because she might die, but we should have been happy because Anger was gone and Raven was alive."

"Oh, I get it." Beastboy said. He stretched and drained his teacup. Starfire finished hers too.

"You know, Beastboy, you are also lucky."

"How do you mean?"

"Raven… she truly loves you. And you love her too. You were the only one who could bring her back."

They walked down another street. Beastboy paused outside a jewellery shop. Starfire gasped in delight at the array of shining jewels. Beastboy said,

"What's the date today?" When she had answered he did some counting in his head.

"It's Raven's birthday next week."

"It is? She has never told me when her birthday is! How do you know?" Starfire said in surprise. Beastboy grinned impishly.

"Managed to get it out of her before she left. Anyway, I was thinking what to get her as a present and it'd be good to get a girl's opinion. What about that?"

He pointed at an object in the window. Starfire peered at it and then smiled at him.

"You have very good taste."

"You think I should get it?"

"Yes."

Robin and Cyborg were waiting in the entrance to the hospital. When they entered the hospital room, they found Raven in an argument with the nurse.

"I am NOT going to eat that." She told the nurse firmly. The nurse said patiently,

"Now, Raven, you have to eat something."

"I would like some herbal tea. This cannot even qualify as food." Raven said looking in disgust at the slop on the plate in front of her. The nurse put her hands on her hips, blonde hair swishing in its ponytail. Her pretty face was contorted into a frown.

"Raven, I cannot give you herbal tea. And unless you start eating we'll have to put you on a drip."

Beastboy peered at the tray.

"What is that?" He asked in awed curiosity. The nurse looked at him.

"Stew. It's full of nutrients and vitamins."

"It is not stew. Stew is not yellow and stew tastes good." Raven argued. The nurse sighed in exasperation.

"Raven, just eat it."

"Here let me try." Cyborg said, swallowing a spoonful of the slop. His face changed colour. He went very red, and then very pale. Raven said,

"Bathroom's through there." She pointed at a door. Cyborg bolted towards it. The nurse threw up her hands in despair.

"It's not that bad!"

"I would rather eat TOFU than this." Raven said. Beastboy frowned.

"What's wrong with tofu?"

"Raven, this is your last chance. It's the stew or the drip. Make your choice."

Raven gave her a look that could kill before taking a deep breath, pinching her nose and swallowing the gelatinous substance. She gagged and coughed but managed to keep the stew down. The nurse stood over her, until half of the plate was gone and then she said,

"OK, that's enough. You can stop now." Raven threw down the spoon, seized a glass of water and drained it. The nurse rolled her eyes.

"Honestly, it's not THAT bad…"

"Have YOU ever eaten it?" Raven asked shrewdly. The nurse sighed and picked up the tray.

"I'm not going to get into an argument with you, Raven. Are you alright?" She asked Cyborg kindly. He nodded ands grinned.

"I'm good."

"Great. I'll be back in an hour with your medication, Raven."

Cyborg watched her leave, and then turned to Raven.

"Hot nurse, Rae!"

"Whatever." Raven said in a bored tone. Starfire held up the roses.

"I bring you flowers! I believe it customary to bring a sick person dead plants."

"Thanks Starfire. But I'm not sick." Raven said, putting the flowers into a vase on the bedside table. Beastboy scoffed.

"Yeah, right! You are too sick!"

"I am not. I feel fine." Raven replied. Robin was sitting back in his chair, watching them in amusement.

"I love watching you guys. It's better than TV." He said. They gave him twin evil glares. Beastboy smiled.

"Seriously, how DO you feel?"

"I feel as well as can be expected. A little tired, but other than that I don't see why I can't leave."

"You can't leave, because of the results of the tests." Said Chi-Hey, coming through the door. They all looked at him.

"What do you mean?"

"While the drug woke Raven up, we believe it may be having some side effects."

"Like what?" Beastboy said in concern. Chi-Hey sat down and looked around at them.

"Only little this, but I don't want to let her go until we solve them. For instance she may be experiencing some bad headaches."

They all looked at her. She had a guilty expression on her face.

"Raven! You have to tell us these things." Robin told her crossly. She shrugged. Chi-Hey looked down at his paper.

"Other symptoms include swollen joints, nausea and trouble breathing."

"I don't have swollen joints, anyone would be nauseous eating the swill they feed us here and I am breathing just fine." Raven argued. Chi-Hey smiled.

"Well, you're staying for another six days. Then we'll see how you're progressing. And even when we DO let you go, you'll still have to take medication and come back for regular check-ups."

"I didn't know you hated hospitals so much, Raven." Beastboy said. Chi-Hey had left and they were sitting in Raven's room, talking quietly. Raven looked up at him sharply.

"Who wouldn't hate hospitals?"

"I don't mind them." Starfire said lightly. The others agreed with her. Raven looked uncomfortable.

"It's just… I know hospitals are to help people get better, but I just can't help thinking that most of the people that come in here are going to leave dead."

"That's the optimistic Raven we all know and love." Cyborg said jokingly. Raven smiled sadly, pulling her knees up under her chin. Robin cleared his throat.

"Raven… if you're feeling a bit better, I think we all need to talk."

"About Slade?"

"Yes." Raven sighed at this. She had known that it would come, but had been dreading it.

"Why didn't you just tell us?" Robin asked. She shrugged, not meeting anyone's eye.

"Would you have told? I vanish for over a year and come back to tell you that I took help from Slade. I doubt that you would have wanted to hear something like that."

"And you were right. But I wish you would have told us anyway." Robin said. Beastboy nodded and said,

"Yeah… we could have helped you."

"How? Anyway it doesn't make a difference now. The cuff's gone. I'll just have to keep meditating like I used to."

"Guys, can I talk to Raven for a moment?" Beastboy asked.

The others left and he looked across at her. She met his eyes. He said,

"Raven, there's something I have to know."

"What is it?" She asked. He kept his eyes on her as he said,

"I understand why you didn't tell the others about it all. But why didn't you tell me?"

"Beastboy… I was scared."

"Of me?"

"Of everything. I didn't know if I could… If I could-"

"Trust us?" Beastboy said, disbelievingly. Raven looked away.

"You didn't think you could trust us? Raven, we're supposed to be your friends!"

"You don't understand! You don't understand anything!"

"Because you won't tell me! Why can't you trust us? God, Raven!" He stood up and walked around the room, angry.

Raven sat up straight, glaring at him.

"What, so all this is my fault? Sorry if I don't share every single part of my life with you! I KILLED someone, Beastboy! Maybe I overreacted, but wouldn't anyone act like that? Yes, I took help from Slade, but only because I was desperate to come back and see you! If I'd known it was going to be like this I wouldn't have bothered!"

They both froze as she said it. Her eyes widened. Beastboy turned away and walked out of the room. Cyborg, Starfire and Robin were waiting outside. Cyborg frowned.

"What's up, BB?"

"Get out of my way!" Beastboy snarled, striding past. They stared after him.

In her room, Raven stared at the opposite wall. The Titans came in, but she rolled over and lay on her side, eyes squeezed shut.