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I looked up as Benson walked out. "Did she say anythin'?" I asked and quickly stood up.
"We think she may have known her attacker." Benson replied and then placed some change into the soda machine.
"Why? Did she say she knew him?" I shoved my hands into my pockets and began to pace like an expectant father.
"Not in so many words. She claimed the voice, his voice, was familiar. But that doesn't mean anythin'. She could have been so scared it seemed that way. We're still waitin' on DNA results. I have a counselor lined up to talk to her. The sooner the better. She keeps saying she won't do it. I was hoping you could convince her." She poured some coffee and added a few spoons of sugar. "It might help her."
"Well she's kinda stubborn like that. She's pretty thick headed."
Olivia looked at me and smirked. "Obviously the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree."
"What's that suppose to mean?" I hardened my brow.
"Oh come on Brian, you couldn't accept the fact I turned you down. That it wasn't more then a one nightstand." She sipped at the coffee. "Denial isn't jus' a river in Egypt."
"Are you sayin' I couldn't accept the fact you used me?"
"I think that's exactly what I'm sayin'." Olivia licked her chapped lips.
"Well I didn't want anymore then that." I confessed. Okay I was lying. I did want more. I was hurt. I liked her. She was smart, cunning, good looks, great in bed. She was everything a guy wanted, and then some.
"How 'bout we discuss this at a later date, I need to get back in there see if we can get anywhere with her." She started towards the interrogation room. "An' Brain, she's definitely your sister."
"Yeah." I voiced to myself. I watched as Olivia disappeared behind the door, and into the interrogation room, I sat down behind a desk. I buried my head into my hands. Of course Brie didn't want to talk to anyone. She never did. She never admitted to anyone that she needed help. She was always there helping others, but never gave herself any thought. She had this way of bottling her true emotions and feelings up. In some small bottle hidden deep beneath her, then when you would least expect it. Bam; just like a ticking time bomb. She would blow. Erupting like Mount Vesbius. Maybe her habit of bottling everything up and not talking is what kept us apart. Kept us from not talking for all these years.
I'd be damned if I was going to let that happen this time. I wasn't going to let Brie go through everything by herself. It wasn't going to be easy to get her to open up but I -was- going to get her to open up. Even if it did take me forever. I lost my relationship with her once. If I was going to get her back, I was letting go of her this time.
"Hope your aren't thinkin' -too- hard." A voice from behind me came. I turned standing up and a smile crossed my lips as I extended my hand. "Munch..."
He shook my hand. "Long time no see huh buddy?" He let go of my hand, adjusting his glasses on the brim of his nose. "Heard what happened. Sorry 'bout that man. She doin' okay?"
My smile quickly turned to a frown when Munch mentioned my sister. "She's in there with Stabler an' Benson right now. She seems okay - from the outside. I know inside she's dyin'." I bit my bottom lip. "Last night when Benson an' Stabler came to my door, I knew. I didn't haveta hear her voice. I already knew. Right away I felt a rage like I never felt before. It was like a wildfire burnin' in my insides." I clenched my fists at my sides. "I wanted to go out there an' find that bastard, rip his balls off, and shove 'em right back down his fuckin' throat."
Munch nodded his head in reply. He shoves his hands into the pockets of his dress pants. "Sounds 'bout right. Who wouldn't want to do that? If she were my sister an' some bastard did that to her, I'd find somethin' much worse then what you jus' said."
I questioned Munch for a moment. How can it get much worse then having one's balls ripped off, and then shoved down his throat? I mean if someone did that to me, I know it couldn't get much worse then that.
"Trust me." Munch scratched his ear. "It -can- get much worse then that. I won't go into details."
"When she was kid, like 10. Some schoolyard bully was beatin' her up. She was a shy kid, believe it or not. So she had this stutter. Kids were always picking on her, callin' her dummy, retard, you know typical names. This one boy. Billy Larson, he pushed her off the monkey bars. Said retards couldn't play on them. She ended up breaking her arm in the fall." I shook my head in frustration as I recalled the event. "I was -so- mad. Not at him, but at myself., for not bein' there. For not bein' able to stop it before I happened. I knew for a fact. That little Billy Larson would never call that in front of me. If he did. I'd have killed the asshole." I kicked a trashcan, causing those around me to jump. "That's how I feel right now. I'm so mad at myself for not bein' there. For not protectin' her. I'm her older brother. It's my job to protect her. How the hell can I protect people in the city when I can't even protect my baby sister?"
"We can't always be everywhere. Life doesn't work like that. We can only take things one step at a time." Munch replied.
"I know no one should haveta go through somethin' like that. But you know why her? Why of all people did it haveta be Brie? What'd she ever do to anyone?"
Munch looked at me. "Bad stuff often happens to good people for no reason at all. That's what makes this world so twisted and cruel. No matter how hard we try to protect the ones we love. We can't save them from all the bad. We can't protect them from all the monsters I the world. Sure we'd like too, but it just isn't possible. My mother always said what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger."
"I'm sure Brie would much rather be dead at the moment, then using this to grow stronger." I said harshly to Munch. A little more harshly then I wished I had. But I was angry, and I vented on him. On someone who didn't deserve it. Lucky for me though, Munch knew it wasn't the "real" me.
"So this, you an' Brie not talkin' thing, how long did it last?" Munch asked, in an attempt to make small talk with me.
"Too long." That was the truth. Ten years to long.
"One of those big brother ripped the head off or baby sisters Barbie doll or somethin'?" He ran his finger under his nose to wipe away the sweat that had formed on the top of his lip.
"Or somethin'." I replied staring down at the floor. In fact I don't know -exactly- where it went wrong. We just seemed to drift apart, next thing I know I'm telling her to drop dead and she never spoke to me again. Of course I never meant a single word of it. I was mad, upset. Actually I was pissed that I had found out my fiancé had cheated on me. Brie just happened to be at the wrong place, at the wrong time.
"Well whatever it is, you two have obviously worked past it." He replies.
I shrugged my shoulders. I wasn't sure if we were past it. I hoped so. "Well if it's not. I think now would be a good time, to fix whatever went wrong."
I know that now would be a good time. Now would be the best time. If only Brie lets me. If she lets me in. If not, I'm going to have to do whatever I can.
I looked up at Munch. "Think Cragen will let me in? You know back on SVU?" I questioned him. I was serious too. I wanted back in, at least for this, maybe even permanently. To bring down the asshole who raped my sister. Maybe some good, could actually come out of this. Maybe some how I could help other girls like Brie. My first tour in SVU hadn't worked, but this time I had motivation. This time I had a reason. Brie.
There was a long pregnant pause before he answered. "I don't know. You'll haveta take that up with Cragen." He rubbed his lips together. "You sure you'd want that? I mean, that is if he says yes."
I nodded. "Positive."
"I'll give him a heads up for you. See what he thinks 'bout the idea. Like I said. It's only a heads up. You haveta do the rest."
Before I can answer him, the door opened and Brie walked out with Benson and Stabler behind her. From the looks on their faces, I could tell that they didn't find out much. She hadn't given them much. Hopefully the DNA results would lead to something. If not that, then maybe something else would break.
I walked to my sister and wrapped one arm around her as I pulled her in. My eyes met Olivia's. I waited for an answer. I needed to make sense of all this madness.
She didn't have to talk; her body language said it all. Nothing. They knew absolutely nothing. "We'll call you if something comes up." She handed me a piece of paper, written on it is a name of a rape crisis counselor. Someone for Brie to, hopefully talk to. I studied the name for a moment, before stuffing it into my pocket.
"She'll be expectin' your call." Olivia said, as she threw away her Styrofoam cup.
"Thanks." I nodded in approval. "I'll - we'll call her as soon as we get home." I pulled Brie in a little closer, pushing some of her vivid strawberry-blonde hair out of her face.
"I said I wasn't talkin' to no one." She bellowed, obvious anger behind it.
I rolled my eyes, shaking my head at the same time. "Of course not." I look at Benson and Stabler. "Thanks 'gain. For everythin'."
"Anytime." Elliot extended my hand in a thankful handshake. "If she remembers anythin' night or day. Call us, or have her call us."
"Brie, honey?" Olivia looks into her scared green eyes. "Do you have a friend you can stay with, or someone who can stay with you for a while."
"She's goin' to stay with me for now. At least until this asshole who did this to her if off the streets." I looked down at my sister.
"I don' haveta if you don' want me too, Bri." She looked up at me. "I do have friends."
"I'm sure you do, but I rather have you stay with me. Okay? For once, don' argue with me. Jus' do as I say.
She let out a loud annoyed sigh. "Fine, whatever, jus' don' bother me." She said.
"Would'nt dare think of it. C'mon lets get somethin' to eat." I said, escorting Brie towards the door. "Hey Munch?"
He lifted his head from a pile of papers.
"Thanks."
"Remember what I said." He said, placing the papers on the desk along side him. "You haveta do the rest."
"I know, I'll call him tonight." I told him before finally exiting.
"You okay?" I ask her as we finally step outside.
She shrugs in reply. "I wish everyone would stop askin' me that."
"Well what do you want me to ask?"
"Anythin' but that." She replied.
I get to my car and unlock the door then open it for her. Standing with her for a moment.
"What?" She hisses.
I shake my head waiting for her to get in. "Nothin'." I wish you'd jus' talk already. Jus' talk to me. Tell me what your feelin'. I -hate- seein' you like this kiddo. "Any idea of where you wanna eat at?"
"I'm really not that hungry Brian, so where ever." She rolls a ring around her finger.
Pulling away from the precinct and heading towards my favorite diner, I watch her for a few minuets. She was quiet the whole time, her eyes glued on the world outside. A watch as a lone tear leaks down her cheek. She quickly reaches up and dries it.
I slammed on the breaks, the car jolting as we stop. "Brie Ann Cassidy!" I yelled. I didn't mean too but seeing her cry like that scared me so damn much, it was how I reacted.
She turns a few more tears falling, again she dries them. "W-what?" She chokes out.
"Talk to me." My eyes soften on her. "Please. I wanna help you, an' I can't until you talk."
She shakes her head.
"I'm your brother Brie, you gotta lemme help. I'm not a stranger. I'm not Benson or Stabler. I'm family."
"I know." She sobs. "Brain I jus' can't. Goin' through it once was enough, I - I can't do it 'gain. Not yet. I jus' can't. I don' have the strength."
I start driving again. "Then lemme would'ja at least lemme be there for you, when you find the strength?" I feel pretty stupid asking her. I know I should be asking her to tell me everything right now. Making her open up, but I just can't.
She thinks for a few moments then finally nods her head. "Yeah, I think I can do that."
Now we were getting somewhere. I reached over taking her hand into mine, kissing the back of her hand. "Thanks." She wasn't telling me yet, but if she was willing to let me be there for her, then I knew she would be willing to eventually open up to me.
I looked up as Benson walked out. "Did she say anythin'?" I asked and quickly stood up.
"We think she may have known her attacker." Benson replied and then placed some change into the soda machine.
"Why? Did she say she knew him?" I shoved my hands into my pockets and began to pace like an expectant father.
"Not in so many words. She claimed the voice, his voice, was familiar. But that doesn't mean anythin'. She could have been so scared it seemed that way. We're still waitin' on DNA results. I have a counselor lined up to talk to her. The sooner the better. She keeps saying she won't do it. I was hoping you could convince her." She poured some coffee and added a few spoons of sugar. "It might help her."
"Well she's kinda stubborn like that. She's pretty thick headed."
Olivia looked at me and smirked. "Obviously the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree."
"What's that suppose to mean?" I hardened my brow.
"Oh come on Brian, you couldn't accept the fact I turned you down. That it wasn't more then a one nightstand." She sipped at the coffee. "Denial isn't jus' a river in Egypt."
"Are you sayin' I couldn't accept the fact you used me?"
"I think that's exactly what I'm sayin'." Olivia licked her chapped lips.
"Well I didn't want anymore then that." I confessed. Okay I was lying. I did want more. I was hurt. I liked her. She was smart, cunning, good looks, great in bed. She was everything a guy wanted, and then some.
"How 'bout we discuss this at a later date, I need to get back in there see if we can get anywhere with her." She started towards the interrogation room. "An' Brain, she's definitely your sister."
"Yeah." I voiced to myself. I watched as Olivia disappeared behind the door, and into the interrogation room, I sat down behind a desk. I buried my head into my hands. Of course Brie didn't want to talk to anyone. She never did. She never admitted to anyone that she needed help. She was always there helping others, but never gave herself any thought. She had this way of bottling her true emotions and feelings up. In some small bottle hidden deep beneath her, then when you would least expect it. Bam; just like a ticking time bomb. She would blow. Erupting like Mount Vesbius. Maybe her habit of bottling everything up and not talking is what kept us apart. Kept us from not talking for all these years.
I'd be damned if I was going to let that happen this time. I wasn't going to let Brie go through everything by herself. It wasn't going to be easy to get her to open up but I -was- going to get her to open up. Even if it did take me forever. I lost my relationship with her once. If I was going to get her back, I was letting go of her this time.
"Hope your aren't thinkin' -too- hard." A voice from behind me came. I turned standing up and a smile crossed my lips as I extended my hand. "Munch..."
He shook my hand. "Long time no see huh buddy?" He let go of my hand, adjusting his glasses on the brim of his nose. "Heard what happened. Sorry 'bout that man. She doin' okay?"
My smile quickly turned to a frown when Munch mentioned my sister. "She's in there with Stabler an' Benson right now. She seems okay - from the outside. I know inside she's dyin'." I bit my bottom lip. "Last night when Benson an' Stabler came to my door, I knew. I didn't haveta hear her voice. I already knew. Right away I felt a rage like I never felt before. It was like a wildfire burnin' in my insides." I clenched my fists at my sides. "I wanted to go out there an' find that bastard, rip his balls off, and shove 'em right back down his fuckin' throat."
Munch nodded his head in reply. He shoves his hands into the pockets of his dress pants. "Sounds 'bout right. Who wouldn't want to do that? If she were my sister an' some bastard did that to her, I'd find somethin' much worse then what you jus' said."
I questioned Munch for a moment. How can it get much worse then having one's balls ripped off, and then shoved down his throat? I mean if someone did that to me, I know it couldn't get much worse then that.
"Trust me." Munch scratched his ear. "It -can- get much worse then that. I won't go into details."
"When she was kid, like 10. Some schoolyard bully was beatin' her up. She was a shy kid, believe it or not. So she had this stutter. Kids were always picking on her, callin' her dummy, retard, you know typical names. This one boy. Billy Larson, he pushed her off the monkey bars. Said retards couldn't play on them. She ended up breaking her arm in the fall." I shook my head in frustration as I recalled the event. "I was -so- mad. Not at him, but at myself., for not bein' there. For not bein' able to stop it before I happened. I knew for a fact. That little Billy Larson would never call that in front of me. If he did. I'd have killed the asshole." I kicked a trashcan, causing those around me to jump. "That's how I feel right now. I'm so mad at myself for not bein' there. For not protectin' her. I'm her older brother. It's my job to protect her. How the hell can I protect people in the city when I can't even protect my baby sister?"
"We can't always be everywhere. Life doesn't work like that. We can only take things one step at a time." Munch replied.
"I know no one should haveta go through somethin' like that. But you know why her? Why of all people did it haveta be Brie? What'd she ever do to anyone?"
Munch looked at me. "Bad stuff often happens to good people for no reason at all. That's what makes this world so twisted and cruel. No matter how hard we try to protect the ones we love. We can't save them from all the bad. We can't protect them from all the monsters I the world. Sure we'd like too, but it just isn't possible. My mother always said what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger."
"I'm sure Brie would much rather be dead at the moment, then using this to grow stronger." I said harshly to Munch. A little more harshly then I wished I had. But I was angry, and I vented on him. On someone who didn't deserve it. Lucky for me though, Munch knew it wasn't the "real" me.
"So this, you an' Brie not talkin' thing, how long did it last?" Munch asked, in an attempt to make small talk with me.
"Too long." That was the truth. Ten years to long.
"One of those big brother ripped the head off or baby sisters Barbie doll or somethin'?" He ran his finger under his nose to wipe away the sweat that had formed on the top of his lip.
"Or somethin'." I replied staring down at the floor. In fact I don't know -exactly- where it went wrong. We just seemed to drift apart, next thing I know I'm telling her to drop dead and she never spoke to me again. Of course I never meant a single word of it. I was mad, upset. Actually I was pissed that I had found out my fiancé had cheated on me. Brie just happened to be at the wrong place, at the wrong time.
"Well whatever it is, you two have obviously worked past it." He replies.
I shrugged my shoulders. I wasn't sure if we were past it. I hoped so. "Well if it's not. I think now would be a good time, to fix whatever went wrong."
I know that now would be a good time. Now would be the best time. If only Brie lets me. If she lets me in. If not, I'm going to have to do whatever I can.
I looked up at Munch. "Think Cragen will let me in? You know back on SVU?" I questioned him. I was serious too. I wanted back in, at least for this, maybe even permanently. To bring down the asshole who raped my sister. Maybe some good, could actually come out of this. Maybe some how I could help other girls like Brie. My first tour in SVU hadn't worked, but this time I had motivation. This time I had a reason. Brie.
There was a long pregnant pause before he answered. "I don't know. You'll haveta take that up with Cragen." He rubbed his lips together. "You sure you'd want that? I mean, that is if he says yes."
I nodded. "Positive."
"I'll give him a heads up for you. See what he thinks 'bout the idea. Like I said. It's only a heads up. You haveta do the rest."
Before I can answer him, the door opened and Brie walked out with Benson and Stabler behind her. From the looks on their faces, I could tell that they didn't find out much. She hadn't given them much. Hopefully the DNA results would lead to something. If not that, then maybe something else would break.
I walked to my sister and wrapped one arm around her as I pulled her in. My eyes met Olivia's. I waited for an answer. I needed to make sense of all this madness.
She didn't have to talk; her body language said it all. Nothing. They knew absolutely nothing. "We'll call you if something comes up." She handed me a piece of paper, written on it is a name of a rape crisis counselor. Someone for Brie to, hopefully talk to. I studied the name for a moment, before stuffing it into my pocket.
"She'll be expectin' your call." Olivia said, as she threw away her Styrofoam cup.
"Thanks." I nodded in approval. "I'll - we'll call her as soon as we get home." I pulled Brie in a little closer, pushing some of her vivid strawberry-blonde hair out of her face.
"I said I wasn't talkin' to no one." She bellowed, obvious anger behind it.
I rolled my eyes, shaking my head at the same time. "Of course not." I look at Benson and Stabler. "Thanks 'gain. For everythin'."
"Anytime." Elliot extended my hand in a thankful handshake. "If she remembers anythin' night or day. Call us, or have her call us."
"Brie, honey?" Olivia looks into her scared green eyes. "Do you have a friend you can stay with, or someone who can stay with you for a while."
"She's goin' to stay with me for now. At least until this asshole who did this to her if off the streets." I looked down at my sister.
"I don' haveta if you don' want me too, Bri." She looked up at me. "I do have friends."
"I'm sure you do, but I rather have you stay with me. Okay? For once, don' argue with me. Jus' do as I say.
She let out a loud annoyed sigh. "Fine, whatever, jus' don' bother me." She said.
"Would'nt dare think of it. C'mon lets get somethin' to eat." I said, escorting Brie towards the door. "Hey Munch?"
He lifted his head from a pile of papers.
"Thanks."
"Remember what I said." He said, placing the papers on the desk along side him. "You haveta do the rest."
"I know, I'll call him tonight." I told him before finally exiting.
"You okay?" I ask her as we finally step outside.
She shrugs in reply. "I wish everyone would stop askin' me that."
"Well what do you want me to ask?"
"Anythin' but that." She replied.
I get to my car and unlock the door then open it for her. Standing with her for a moment.
"What?" She hisses.
I shake my head waiting for her to get in. "Nothin'." I wish you'd jus' talk already. Jus' talk to me. Tell me what your feelin'. I -hate- seein' you like this kiddo. "Any idea of where you wanna eat at?"
"I'm really not that hungry Brian, so where ever." She rolls a ring around her finger.
Pulling away from the precinct and heading towards my favorite diner, I watch her for a few minuets. She was quiet the whole time, her eyes glued on the world outside. A watch as a lone tear leaks down her cheek. She quickly reaches up and dries it.
I slammed on the breaks, the car jolting as we stop. "Brie Ann Cassidy!" I yelled. I didn't mean too but seeing her cry like that scared me so damn much, it was how I reacted.
She turns a few more tears falling, again she dries them. "W-what?" She chokes out.
"Talk to me." My eyes soften on her. "Please. I wanna help you, an' I can't until you talk."
She shakes her head.
"I'm your brother Brie, you gotta lemme help. I'm not a stranger. I'm not Benson or Stabler. I'm family."
"I know." She sobs. "Brain I jus' can't. Goin' through it once was enough, I - I can't do it 'gain. Not yet. I jus' can't. I don' have the strength."
I start driving again. "Then lemme would'ja at least lemme be there for you, when you find the strength?" I feel pretty stupid asking her. I know I should be asking her to tell me everything right now. Making her open up, but I just can't.
She thinks for a few moments then finally nods her head. "Yeah, I think I can do that."
Now we were getting somewhere. I reached over taking her hand into mine, kissing the back of her hand. "Thanks." She wasn't telling me yet, but if she was willing to let me be there for her, then I knew she would be willing to eventually open up to me.