'The knife?' Susie thought fast. 'It's my own, for protection.'

'Protection?' Tess repeated.

'Yeah, just in case I get jumped.'

'It er... matches the description of one taken from the kitchens a few weeks ago,' Monica said hesitantly. 'I read it in the notes book.'

'Stealing from the kitchens is a very serious matter.' Tess said.

'That shouldn't concern Environmental Health.' Susie said quickly.

'No,' Tess agreed. 'But I do have to tell your employer.'

'She'll fire me!'

'Perhaps if you told me why you needed the knife,' Tess said calmly. 'I might be able to help.'

'I wasn't planning to kill anyone with it, if that's what you're saying.' Susie defended herself, possibly too quickly.

'I didn't say you were.' Tess answered.

'Screw this.' Susie hissed as she grabbed her bag and fled.

Maybe this time she wasn't being careful. No, there was no 'maybe' about it, she was carelessly cutting deeply, deeper than she ever had.

Now she was silently watching the droplets of blood trickle down her arm, slowly gathering in pace. It was strange though. There was an absence of pain, it was as if her body had just given in.

She had long wished for this moment when she didn't care whether she lived or died. And at that moment she felt totally free.

Then it all went black.

Susie forced her eyes open, where was she? Oh, that smell! She was in hospital.

'Susie, you're awake.'

'Monica?' she asked shakily trying to sit up. 'What are you doing here? I've only known you like five minutes.'

'I was the one who found you,' Monica answered softly. 'I guess now we know why you needed the knife.'

Susie groaned. 'I wasn't trying to kill myself, you know.'

'Oh, I know,' Monica assured her. 'You were just trying to blot out the pain.'

'Don't you start judging me!' Susie said sharply. 'I do what I have to do and I don't need you telling me it's wrong.'

'I didn't say that.' Monica protested.

'That's what you're thinking though.'

'I think there are better ways to deal with these emotions, Susie.' Monica replied evenly.

'Like what?' Susie snorted.

'Talk to someone.'

'Who?!' I haven't got anyone.'

'No family, friends even?'

Susie stifled her tears. 'Nobody.'

'You can talk to me.' Monica said gently.

'Look, no offence, Monica, but I hardly know you and anyway, you don't wanna get too close, I'm not worth it.'

Monica shook her head. 'You've been doing this for a long time.'

'How did you know that?' Susie asked.

'Your scars,' Monica answered. 'Some of them are old. How long have you been...?

'Slicing myself to bits?' Susie finished helpfully.

'I would have out it that plainly but yes.'

'About a year. Maybe longer.'

'And no one noticed?'

'There isn't anyone to notice.' Susie replied bitterly.

'This morning,' Monica said. 'Andrew and I noticed there was something wrong with you.'

Susie looked up in surprise. 'You did?'

'Of course. A girl your age should be happy, not so on edge that she screams at Environmental Health officers.'

'Oh, what did that Tess woman do? Did she tell Nora?'

'No, she was worried about you. It was Tess you persuaded me to go and find and I'm glad I did, the doctors say you lost a lot of blood.'

'You sound like you know Tess,' Susie observed. 'Have you met her before?'

'We've worked together before.' Monica answered vaguely.

'Oh.'

'Listen, Susie,' Monica said. 'There might be someone else you can talk to.'

'Oh yeah? Who?'

'You could pray to God.'

Susie laughed grimly. 'I don't believe in all that, it's rubbish.'

'No, it isn't,' Monica insisted. 'And I know, you see, I am an angel sent from God to help you, Susie.'