:D Wheeee.
Sorry for totally not updating for a while. :[ I'm a poop head, I know.
But yes, I'm still mourning over the loss of A:tS. Not Fade Away was the best thing ever, was it not?
Okay, some notes:
1) Uh, I have no idea how Willow and Tara's dorm is set up. I don't think there's a bed under their window. Shoot me for not knowing. 2) I know there's probably more weird/strange/annoying thing wrong. Humour me.
- - - - - - - - - -
Chapter 9
Buffy sat diagonal to Angel, her feet tucked under her as she held a small coffee mug that read, "Smile, be Happy!" a bright yellow smiley face was painted on the side. She sipped the black liquid after blowing on it to cool the temperature. The caffeinated drink went down her throat and it burnt a little, she closed her eyes to sooth the tingling pain as it subsided. Coffee was the only thing that kept her going sometimes, the barrier between sleeping and... not.
But Angel was asleep on the couch; tucked under a wool blanket, his head on the arm rest. He slept soundly, something different from when he returned from hell, but Buffy still sat close by if anything went wrong. She rubbed her arm with her free hand and took another sip from her mug. She might have looked calm and collected, sitting there with Angel, but on the inside her mind was reeling, trying to figure out what to do. She guessed she should call Angel's crew down in LA, but decided to wait till morning. She sighed, morning was almost here, she would have to move Angel up to her bedroom if she didn't want him to turn to ashes.
Willow and Tara had gone home two hours earlier, they each said their goodbyes and condolences, telling Buffy that they would look for the spell first thing in the morning with Giles. Spike was actually still here, Buffy didn't know why, but she didn't really care anymore. She guessed it was better if Spike stayed here because if Glory showed up, Buffy didn't think she'd have the energy to protect Dawn and Angel. Her head was still spinning from tonight's events.
Angel stirred a bit and her eyes jumped toward him, but looked away when she realized he wasn't getting up. Buffy didn't know how Cordelia was going to react to all of this, although she'd probably try to kill Buffy first. Buffy was actually a little grateful at the fact that Angel, Cordelia and that other Irish guy, Doyle, she remembered. It made her feel good that there were people taking care of him. Yeah, she had to admit that she felt a little jealous over the fact that Angel was now hanging around Cordelia, but realized that Cordelia only served as a friendly figure - not someone who really took romantic interest in Angel. Buffy was glad that Angel had friends, he had never had any real friends in Sunnydale and she was grateful that his detective agency was their to fill in that gap.
God, but where had they been when Angel had went into his so called "spiral?" Didn't they try to catch him when he fell? Buffy frowned when she remembered that Angel had really slept with Darla; not Angelus, but Angel, the man she fell in love with. His insides wanted to jump out when she pictured him having sex with his sire, Darla saying his name when she came and visa versa. It was just down right gross and disturbing to Buffy. Then, of course, she guessed Angel really had been in a dark place. She knew Angel, and she knew that he would never sleep with that bitch. Tears stung her eyes when she thought about Angel trying to commit suicide, to unleash Angelus and return to the ether. She bit her lip, knowing Angel didn't know what kind of strength he possessed, what kind of good he could do.
Deciding it was time to get Angel upstairs, she put the coffee mug on the table and stretched her limbs, yawning. Her body was stiff and tense as she tried to loosen the knots that formed in her muscles. Turning to Angel's sleeping figure, she gently caressed his face, telling him it was time to get up. "Angel, sweetie, we have to go up stairs. Angel..."
He blinked his eyes slowly as Buffy pushed the blanket off of him. She wondered why she had put it there in the first place since, technically, vampires didn't have body temperatures, but decided it was just an act of common courtesy. She smiled when he looked up at her, but inwardly flinched when she saw how... plain those eyes were, unlike the soulful, kind, loving ones she used to look into. Putting on another fake smile, she helped Angel get up; he looked at her now with wide eyes.
Buffy looked back as Angel followed her upstairs, his hands occasionally dragging against the wall as he murmured quietly to himself. His fingers ran against multiple pictures that hung on the wall, almost knocking one over if Buffy hadn't caught it. She gave him a concerned look, but he didn't even give her a glance. His eyes either on the ceiling or the walls. Buffy pulled him along, peeking into Dawn's room before leading Angel into her's.
He sat on her bed as she quietly shut her door, then turning around to lean on it and let out a small breath. She shut her eyes for a moment, not wanting to open them ever again. She didn't want to see the hopelessness in his eyes. She wanted to wake up from this bad dream AFTER scratching Glory's eyes out and feeding them to Spike. The hell goddess was going to pay what she did to Angel.
She reluctantly opened her eyes to see Angel lying down on the bed, his back facing the window. Buffy wanted to breakdown and cry. It was like having the shell of her former lover walk around her house and it was killing her to see him like this. She wasn't sure if she was ever going to see the real Angel again, the man she fell in love with, he'd just become a lost cause - but maybe Tara and Willow would find that spell and restore him to his rightful state, maybe everything would turn out right in the end and Glory would be defeated just like all the other enemies they've faced.
Then again, if it wasn't for Angel, she would have died trying to defeat the hell goddess and earth would crumble to ruins. God, the thought was too eerie; she would have died if Angel hadn't warned her. Dead. Gone. Forever.
But it was oddly settling to her. If she died it meant she was finished with her work, why she was put on this earth in the first place. She would have done her part and it was time for the next Slayer, or even Faith, to save the world. Buffy Summers would finish her chapter. She could finally move on. Finally be free.
She slowly crept up behind Angel and she could feel his skin quiver under her touch. It was cold, colder than she remembered - his neck, his face, his beautiful hands - they were all so cold. Then she wondered if they had always felt like this, of ice and wind, but she just didn't seem to notice. She was so foreign to his touch that she had forgotten what he felt like, how cool he was, not warm like Riley or Parker. She wrapped her arms around his, entwining his unresponsive fingers in her's. Angel, Angel, Angel.
Who was she kidding? She had never been foreign with his body. Yeah, she and Riley did the funky a lot, but it was her and Angel's lack of sex which made them so deeply in love. They knew each other's insides and outs, their strengths as well as their flaws, they could trust each other. Buffy didn't know that kind of trust with Riley, not really, yet she denied it to Angel in LA. A horrible mistake on her part.
She quietly sighed as she put her head in the crook of his neck, breathing in the scent of his hair. Jasmine. It always smelled of Jasmine. Jasmine with a small hit of leather; always leather. They suited him very well, Buffy had to admit. Jasmine only bloomed when the sun slept, carrying a most elegant look; and leather - well, Angel and leather just connected. The fabric itself could stand the tests of time and still held this bad ass feel to it. Buffy smiled a bit and squeezed Angel's hand as she closed her eyes with nothing but bittersweet memories.
- - - - - - - - - -
Willow and Tara walked slowly across the threshold of their college dorm room, neither of them saying a word since they left Buffy's house. The walk took almost a little over an hour, the UC Sunnydale being a far ways away from where Buffy lived. On the way Willow thought about stopping at Giles' place on the way, fill him in on the 411, but decided against it knowing things would be much more... clear in the morning.
Although, she had to admit, things were very, very far from clear. They were downright murky. This whole thing with Buffy almost dying and now Angel all insane. It gave Willow a very sinking feeling in her stomach, like when she was waiting for the teacher to pass out a test - except a million times worse. Almost as if she wanted to throw up on the floor, cry and scream until her throat became raw with pain. But all she really wanted to do was lie next to Tara and hope that everything turned out for the best tomorrow.
But they both just stood a footstep away from their doorframe; hands still clasped together, a feeling of dread washing over the both of them as they just stared into the dark room. Willow looked through the small window and saw the stars twinkling in the sky. The moon was full and poured its light through the small opening of their dorm room. Willow's eyes welled with tears as she watched the still night sky. Everything up there was so peaceful, so surreal. The moon hung above all its star children and watched them dance and shine in the black blanket where they all lay. There was nothing that could disturb Her and her children, not even if the world below crashed and burned.
"D - do you think we're going to find the spell?" Tara asked, turning her head toward Willow.
Willow sighed, her shoulders slumping. Tara noticed how tired she now looked. "Honestly?"
Tara lead Willow to her bed, they both sat across each other and held both hands together. Willow's green eyes glistened with tears and Tara planted a sweet kiss onto her forehead as a small droplet of salty crystal escaped her eye. Willow looked up to Tara. "Honestly, I think this is all just too hard. I'm not really... sure if there's going be a spell to restore Angel's mind, he's been lucky once before with his soul, but I'm not really positive if he's going to come out of this one," she sighed, looking down at her fingers. "But," she pursed her lips, "I guess we gotta look on the bright, sunny side, right? At least, for Buffy's sake."
Tara nodded. "We will - we are - looking on the sunny side. Angel and Buffy are going to be fine." Willow smiled at Tara's small insight. Then again, she'd smile at whatever Tara did.
"Did I ever tell you how much I love you?" Willow asked, modestly.
Tara smiled with her loving eyes and beautiful lips. "Everyday," she pulled Willow down with her and they both lay silently on the bed, both of their heads rested on Tara's pillow as they looked up at the bare ceiling. It could have been much more romantic with candles and maybe some of that romantic music that were always on late night commercials, but right now wasn't the time for that - well, maybe it wouldn't hurt, but this moment was more suitable for cuddles and hugs.
"Were you scared?" Willow asked, still looking up at the air above her. She turned her head to look at Tara. "I mean, when Glory was there? Well, I guess everyone's afraid, even Buffy, but was it like..."
"Yeah, I was scared," Tara said, looking to Willow. "I was very scared, but I think I was even more scared that if Glory... you know, got us - Angel and I - she'd go after you and I couldn't let her take me away from you."
Willow smiled and pressed a kiss against Tara's shoulder. "I love you so much. Remind me, when we get Angel back to... Angel, to tell him thank you."
Tara grimaced and shifted her body onto its side, facing Willow. "So he does that a lot? Save people, I mean?"
Willow nodded, rolling her eyes in a playful manner. "Oh yeah," she smiled. "He's was like our knight in not-so-shiny armor. When he and Buffy were together, they were like an unstoppable force."
"Then why'd he leave?"
Willow shrugged her shoulders. "I guess because of Angel being, well, you know, all vampy and stuff. Although Buffy was so heartbroken when he left for LA, it was like he tore her heart out.
((I can't breathe, Will. I feel like I can't breathe.))
"I don't think she's ever really gotten over him. He's like - well, he's Angel. He used to be her everything. I don't know, maybe he still is."
Tara thought for a moment. She hadn't really spent a lot of time with Angel other than inside the Summers' house and when Glory tried to pair the both of them up with death. But with the time she was with Angel, she felt his aura, his being, give off this incredible warmth and light, which had to be a little ironic considering he was a vampire. Yet vampire with a soul, none the less.
She pursed her lips when she thought about Riley. Tara definitely knew Riley much better, but she oddly felt safer with Angel, besides the fact that he kept her from certain death tonight. Before she met Angel, she honestly thought that Riley and Buffy made the cute, all American couple, save the fact that Buffy was a Vampire Slayer and Riley was a part of the Initiative. Maybe because Riley was so all American, she guessed, he did live on a farm in Iowa, corn fed and all. But after tonight, she could positively say that Angel was Buffy's perfect match, maybe even soul mate.
But Tara just had to ask, "What about Riley?"
"Riley?" Willow raised an eyebrow. "Well... I guess Buffy liked him, but there just wasn't that same spark in her eyes. Her eyes used to glitter when she gushed about Angel and Xander would either try to stop her or drown it out."
Tara smiled as she pictured Xander ignoring Buffy's small rambles. "Xander didn't really like Angel?"
"Oh yeah," Willow said. "Especially after Angel went bad; Xander just couldn't seem to trust Angel anymore. I guess I could understand from where his hostility came from though, God, when Angel was all soulless and evil... it was bad. Angelus even killed Giles' girlfriend."
"Wow," Tara said softly. Willow had once told her about how Angel was once a ruthless vampire, so cruel that even other vampires would cower before him. Angelus. "Must have been bad."
"It was," Willow sighed. "I love Angel and all, but he was quite the bastard back when he was trying to kill us all. He got under everybody's skin; he could literally drive you insane. Killed my fish."
"Your fish?" Tara asked, not knowing if she should be sympathetic considering they were just... fish. "I'm sorry."
"Nah," Willow made a small face. "I didn't even give them names," she paused. "Not that one gives their fishes names."
Tara laughed and it made Willow's heart flutter; just to hear Tara laugh was like listening to a symphony of love and passion, however corny that sounded. Tara smiled and kissed Willow's lips, then her nose. "Just try to go to sleep, I think we've got long day ahead of us."
"Definitely," Willow agreed, yawning. "Love you forever."
"Love you forever."
- - - - - - - - - -
It was like she was flying, all she could feel was the wind wiping in her hair and cool tears slide down her cheeks. Everything in the world was passing her by as she was finally suspended in midair. She could feel the energy course through her veins as a silent scream escaped her lips, but there was so much noise and no one could hear her. Pain laced its slippery fingers through her heart and crushed with a sickening noise. The energy stopped and everything stopped. She had stopped.
She fell.
She heard her neck snap on impact, her chin hitting the floor with so much force that it snapped her head back and her jaw broken. She could feel her kneecaps crack as they shattered in ugly pieces. But there's no pain. It just feels so... wrong. Everything's wrong because she can suddenly see all of them. They're looking down at her body and they're all too shocked to speak because their savior - friend - has died. She's finally lost, hair matted in blotchy blood patches, eyes still glaring at the scene before her.
And she can hear Willow's sobs and Spike's screams. It's all far away, but it's there. She can smell the salt tears slowly falling down everyone's faces, but somehow she can't bring herself to care - not because she didn't, but because she couldn't. She couldn't feel, she couldn't even be. The only thing she could do was ask herself, "How is Angel going to react to all of this?" Because that's all she cares about right now. Angel.
She closes her eyes and finally she sees him. There's Cordelia and Wesley, two other people she can't recognize, and one green demon. She can see his soulful brown eyes look at Willow's green ones with deep, dark knowing. Because Angel always knows. He knows she has died and her heart breaks in two when she hears him speak. His voice was so hallow and empty - she's never heard it so full of nothing. She wants to caress his face and tell him she's standing right here, but she can't because her limbs aren't moving and all she can do is think.
"It's Buffy."
Willow's red hair shakes slowly as she nods her head, tears starting to fall down her face and everything is starting to become tense and awkward for everyone else besides Angel and Willow. Buffy stares at her best friends and silently tells her that it's going to be okay, because she wasn't going to die - or she never was supposed to...
"Angel?" Cordelia's voice is far and somewhat distant. Buffy hadn't come to notice the weird and ostentatious... clothes she was wearing, but they glittered under the light and it hurt to look at all the gold beady things. The beautiful brunette put a comforting hand on Angel's shoulder and Buffy wanted to cringe. She was causing him all this pain and CORDELIA was the one tending to him. It made horrible sense and she wanted to scream and cry and tell him that she would be alright.
Buffy watched as Willow walked up to him and wrapped her arms around him, sobs now starting to escape from her throat. "She was so brave, Angel. You would have been so proud of her..." Willow cried harder. "You would have been so proud." And Angel just held her back, not saying anything - not ready to say anything. He just held Willow as she cried into his chest.
Wesley and the rest quietly said their condolences, trying to comfort the two as much as possible. The small, scrawny looking girl put a hesitant hand on his shoulder, but didn't say anything Buffy could here. All off them made a small circle around him, but he didn't look at either of them, just stared ahead. Maybe he could see her... just maybe.
Then Willow pulled back and wiped her tears, her eyes now all red and puffy. She took Angel's hands in hers and he finally looked at her. "She really loved you, she always loved you, remember that okay?" Willow said, her voice cracking at some point. She gave Angel one last hug and a small kiss on the cheek before turning around and walking back through the front doors, closing them almost too quietly.
Too quiet
Then, finally, Angel's tears started to fall and Buffy's heart broke for one last time.
Watching his tears fall, she quietly whispered, "I'm still your girl?"
And, maybe, if you listened really hard, you could almost here Angel's answer: "Always."
((You still my girl? Always.))
If I should die before I wake...
- - - - - - - - - -
Sorry for totally not updating for a while. :[ I'm a poop head, I know.
But yes, I'm still mourning over the loss of A:tS. Not Fade Away was the best thing ever, was it not?
Okay, some notes:
1) Uh, I have no idea how Willow and Tara's dorm is set up. I don't think there's a bed under their window. Shoot me for not knowing. 2) I know there's probably more weird/strange/annoying thing wrong. Humour me.
- - - - - - - - - -
Chapter 9
Buffy sat diagonal to Angel, her feet tucked under her as she held a small coffee mug that read, "Smile, be Happy!" a bright yellow smiley face was painted on the side. She sipped the black liquid after blowing on it to cool the temperature. The caffeinated drink went down her throat and it burnt a little, she closed her eyes to sooth the tingling pain as it subsided. Coffee was the only thing that kept her going sometimes, the barrier between sleeping and... not.
But Angel was asleep on the couch; tucked under a wool blanket, his head on the arm rest. He slept soundly, something different from when he returned from hell, but Buffy still sat close by if anything went wrong. She rubbed her arm with her free hand and took another sip from her mug. She might have looked calm and collected, sitting there with Angel, but on the inside her mind was reeling, trying to figure out what to do. She guessed she should call Angel's crew down in LA, but decided to wait till morning. She sighed, morning was almost here, she would have to move Angel up to her bedroom if she didn't want him to turn to ashes.
Willow and Tara had gone home two hours earlier, they each said their goodbyes and condolences, telling Buffy that they would look for the spell first thing in the morning with Giles. Spike was actually still here, Buffy didn't know why, but she didn't really care anymore. She guessed it was better if Spike stayed here because if Glory showed up, Buffy didn't think she'd have the energy to protect Dawn and Angel. Her head was still spinning from tonight's events.
Angel stirred a bit and her eyes jumped toward him, but looked away when she realized he wasn't getting up. Buffy didn't know how Cordelia was going to react to all of this, although she'd probably try to kill Buffy first. Buffy was actually a little grateful at the fact that Angel, Cordelia and that other Irish guy, Doyle, she remembered. It made her feel good that there were people taking care of him. Yeah, she had to admit that she felt a little jealous over the fact that Angel was now hanging around Cordelia, but realized that Cordelia only served as a friendly figure - not someone who really took romantic interest in Angel. Buffy was glad that Angel had friends, he had never had any real friends in Sunnydale and she was grateful that his detective agency was their to fill in that gap.
God, but where had they been when Angel had went into his so called "spiral?" Didn't they try to catch him when he fell? Buffy frowned when she remembered that Angel had really slept with Darla; not Angelus, but Angel, the man she fell in love with. His insides wanted to jump out when she pictured him having sex with his sire, Darla saying his name when she came and visa versa. It was just down right gross and disturbing to Buffy. Then, of course, she guessed Angel really had been in a dark place. She knew Angel, and she knew that he would never sleep with that bitch. Tears stung her eyes when she thought about Angel trying to commit suicide, to unleash Angelus and return to the ether. She bit her lip, knowing Angel didn't know what kind of strength he possessed, what kind of good he could do.
Deciding it was time to get Angel upstairs, she put the coffee mug on the table and stretched her limbs, yawning. Her body was stiff and tense as she tried to loosen the knots that formed in her muscles. Turning to Angel's sleeping figure, she gently caressed his face, telling him it was time to get up. "Angel, sweetie, we have to go up stairs. Angel..."
He blinked his eyes slowly as Buffy pushed the blanket off of him. She wondered why she had put it there in the first place since, technically, vampires didn't have body temperatures, but decided it was just an act of common courtesy. She smiled when he looked up at her, but inwardly flinched when she saw how... plain those eyes were, unlike the soulful, kind, loving ones she used to look into. Putting on another fake smile, she helped Angel get up; he looked at her now with wide eyes.
Buffy looked back as Angel followed her upstairs, his hands occasionally dragging against the wall as he murmured quietly to himself. His fingers ran against multiple pictures that hung on the wall, almost knocking one over if Buffy hadn't caught it. She gave him a concerned look, but he didn't even give her a glance. His eyes either on the ceiling or the walls. Buffy pulled him along, peeking into Dawn's room before leading Angel into her's.
He sat on her bed as she quietly shut her door, then turning around to lean on it and let out a small breath. She shut her eyes for a moment, not wanting to open them ever again. She didn't want to see the hopelessness in his eyes. She wanted to wake up from this bad dream AFTER scratching Glory's eyes out and feeding them to Spike. The hell goddess was going to pay what she did to Angel.
She reluctantly opened her eyes to see Angel lying down on the bed, his back facing the window. Buffy wanted to breakdown and cry. It was like having the shell of her former lover walk around her house and it was killing her to see him like this. She wasn't sure if she was ever going to see the real Angel again, the man she fell in love with, he'd just become a lost cause - but maybe Tara and Willow would find that spell and restore him to his rightful state, maybe everything would turn out right in the end and Glory would be defeated just like all the other enemies they've faced.
Then again, if it wasn't for Angel, she would have died trying to defeat the hell goddess and earth would crumble to ruins. God, the thought was too eerie; she would have died if Angel hadn't warned her. Dead. Gone. Forever.
But it was oddly settling to her. If she died it meant she was finished with her work, why she was put on this earth in the first place. She would have done her part and it was time for the next Slayer, or even Faith, to save the world. Buffy Summers would finish her chapter. She could finally move on. Finally be free.
She slowly crept up behind Angel and she could feel his skin quiver under her touch. It was cold, colder than she remembered - his neck, his face, his beautiful hands - they were all so cold. Then she wondered if they had always felt like this, of ice and wind, but she just didn't seem to notice. She was so foreign to his touch that she had forgotten what he felt like, how cool he was, not warm like Riley or Parker. She wrapped her arms around his, entwining his unresponsive fingers in her's. Angel, Angel, Angel.
Who was she kidding? She had never been foreign with his body. Yeah, she and Riley did the funky a lot, but it was her and Angel's lack of sex which made them so deeply in love. They knew each other's insides and outs, their strengths as well as their flaws, they could trust each other. Buffy didn't know that kind of trust with Riley, not really, yet she denied it to Angel in LA. A horrible mistake on her part.
She quietly sighed as she put her head in the crook of his neck, breathing in the scent of his hair. Jasmine. It always smelled of Jasmine. Jasmine with a small hit of leather; always leather. They suited him very well, Buffy had to admit. Jasmine only bloomed when the sun slept, carrying a most elegant look; and leather - well, Angel and leather just connected. The fabric itself could stand the tests of time and still held this bad ass feel to it. Buffy smiled a bit and squeezed Angel's hand as she closed her eyes with nothing but bittersweet memories.
- - - - - - - - - -
Willow and Tara walked slowly across the threshold of their college dorm room, neither of them saying a word since they left Buffy's house. The walk took almost a little over an hour, the UC Sunnydale being a far ways away from where Buffy lived. On the way Willow thought about stopping at Giles' place on the way, fill him in on the 411, but decided against it knowing things would be much more... clear in the morning.
Although, she had to admit, things were very, very far from clear. They were downright murky. This whole thing with Buffy almost dying and now Angel all insane. It gave Willow a very sinking feeling in her stomach, like when she was waiting for the teacher to pass out a test - except a million times worse. Almost as if she wanted to throw up on the floor, cry and scream until her throat became raw with pain. But all she really wanted to do was lie next to Tara and hope that everything turned out for the best tomorrow.
But they both just stood a footstep away from their doorframe; hands still clasped together, a feeling of dread washing over the both of them as they just stared into the dark room. Willow looked through the small window and saw the stars twinkling in the sky. The moon was full and poured its light through the small opening of their dorm room. Willow's eyes welled with tears as she watched the still night sky. Everything up there was so peaceful, so surreal. The moon hung above all its star children and watched them dance and shine in the black blanket where they all lay. There was nothing that could disturb Her and her children, not even if the world below crashed and burned.
"D - do you think we're going to find the spell?" Tara asked, turning her head toward Willow.
Willow sighed, her shoulders slumping. Tara noticed how tired she now looked. "Honestly?"
Tara lead Willow to her bed, they both sat across each other and held both hands together. Willow's green eyes glistened with tears and Tara planted a sweet kiss onto her forehead as a small droplet of salty crystal escaped her eye. Willow looked up to Tara. "Honestly, I think this is all just too hard. I'm not really... sure if there's going be a spell to restore Angel's mind, he's been lucky once before with his soul, but I'm not really positive if he's going to come out of this one," she sighed, looking down at her fingers. "But," she pursed her lips, "I guess we gotta look on the bright, sunny side, right? At least, for Buffy's sake."
Tara nodded. "We will - we are - looking on the sunny side. Angel and Buffy are going to be fine." Willow smiled at Tara's small insight. Then again, she'd smile at whatever Tara did.
"Did I ever tell you how much I love you?" Willow asked, modestly.
Tara smiled with her loving eyes and beautiful lips. "Everyday," she pulled Willow down with her and they both lay silently on the bed, both of their heads rested on Tara's pillow as they looked up at the bare ceiling. It could have been much more romantic with candles and maybe some of that romantic music that were always on late night commercials, but right now wasn't the time for that - well, maybe it wouldn't hurt, but this moment was more suitable for cuddles and hugs.
"Were you scared?" Willow asked, still looking up at the air above her. She turned her head to look at Tara. "I mean, when Glory was there? Well, I guess everyone's afraid, even Buffy, but was it like..."
"Yeah, I was scared," Tara said, looking to Willow. "I was very scared, but I think I was even more scared that if Glory... you know, got us - Angel and I - she'd go after you and I couldn't let her take me away from you."
Willow smiled and pressed a kiss against Tara's shoulder. "I love you so much. Remind me, when we get Angel back to... Angel, to tell him thank you."
Tara grimaced and shifted her body onto its side, facing Willow. "So he does that a lot? Save people, I mean?"
Willow nodded, rolling her eyes in a playful manner. "Oh yeah," she smiled. "He's was like our knight in not-so-shiny armor. When he and Buffy were together, they were like an unstoppable force."
"Then why'd he leave?"
Willow shrugged her shoulders. "I guess because of Angel being, well, you know, all vampy and stuff. Although Buffy was so heartbroken when he left for LA, it was like he tore her heart out.
((I can't breathe, Will. I feel like I can't breathe.))
"I don't think she's ever really gotten over him. He's like - well, he's Angel. He used to be her everything. I don't know, maybe he still is."
Tara thought for a moment. She hadn't really spent a lot of time with Angel other than inside the Summers' house and when Glory tried to pair the both of them up with death. But with the time she was with Angel, she felt his aura, his being, give off this incredible warmth and light, which had to be a little ironic considering he was a vampire. Yet vampire with a soul, none the less.
She pursed her lips when she thought about Riley. Tara definitely knew Riley much better, but she oddly felt safer with Angel, besides the fact that he kept her from certain death tonight. Before she met Angel, she honestly thought that Riley and Buffy made the cute, all American couple, save the fact that Buffy was a Vampire Slayer and Riley was a part of the Initiative. Maybe because Riley was so all American, she guessed, he did live on a farm in Iowa, corn fed and all. But after tonight, she could positively say that Angel was Buffy's perfect match, maybe even soul mate.
But Tara just had to ask, "What about Riley?"
"Riley?" Willow raised an eyebrow. "Well... I guess Buffy liked him, but there just wasn't that same spark in her eyes. Her eyes used to glitter when she gushed about Angel and Xander would either try to stop her or drown it out."
Tara smiled as she pictured Xander ignoring Buffy's small rambles. "Xander didn't really like Angel?"
"Oh yeah," Willow said. "Especially after Angel went bad; Xander just couldn't seem to trust Angel anymore. I guess I could understand from where his hostility came from though, God, when Angel was all soulless and evil... it was bad. Angelus even killed Giles' girlfriend."
"Wow," Tara said softly. Willow had once told her about how Angel was once a ruthless vampire, so cruel that even other vampires would cower before him. Angelus. "Must have been bad."
"It was," Willow sighed. "I love Angel and all, but he was quite the bastard back when he was trying to kill us all. He got under everybody's skin; he could literally drive you insane. Killed my fish."
"Your fish?" Tara asked, not knowing if she should be sympathetic considering they were just... fish. "I'm sorry."
"Nah," Willow made a small face. "I didn't even give them names," she paused. "Not that one gives their fishes names."
Tara laughed and it made Willow's heart flutter; just to hear Tara laugh was like listening to a symphony of love and passion, however corny that sounded. Tara smiled and kissed Willow's lips, then her nose. "Just try to go to sleep, I think we've got long day ahead of us."
"Definitely," Willow agreed, yawning. "Love you forever."
"Love you forever."
- - - - - - - - - -
It was like she was flying, all she could feel was the wind wiping in her hair and cool tears slide down her cheeks. Everything in the world was passing her by as she was finally suspended in midair. She could feel the energy course through her veins as a silent scream escaped her lips, but there was so much noise and no one could hear her. Pain laced its slippery fingers through her heart and crushed with a sickening noise. The energy stopped and everything stopped. She had stopped.
She fell.
She heard her neck snap on impact, her chin hitting the floor with so much force that it snapped her head back and her jaw broken. She could feel her kneecaps crack as they shattered in ugly pieces. But there's no pain. It just feels so... wrong. Everything's wrong because she can suddenly see all of them. They're looking down at her body and they're all too shocked to speak because their savior - friend - has died. She's finally lost, hair matted in blotchy blood patches, eyes still glaring at the scene before her.
And she can hear Willow's sobs and Spike's screams. It's all far away, but it's there. She can smell the salt tears slowly falling down everyone's faces, but somehow she can't bring herself to care - not because she didn't, but because she couldn't. She couldn't feel, she couldn't even be. The only thing she could do was ask herself, "How is Angel going to react to all of this?" Because that's all she cares about right now. Angel.
She closes her eyes and finally she sees him. There's Cordelia and Wesley, two other people she can't recognize, and one green demon. She can see his soulful brown eyes look at Willow's green ones with deep, dark knowing. Because Angel always knows. He knows she has died and her heart breaks in two when she hears him speak. His voice was so hallow and empty - she's never heard it so full of nothing. She wants to caress his face and tell him she's standing right here, but she can't because her limbs aren't moving and all she can do is think.
"It's Buffy."
Willow's red hair shakes slowly as she nods her head, tears starting to fall down her face and everything is starting to become tense and awkward for everyone else besides Angel and Willow. Buffy stares at her best friends and silently tells her that it's going to be okay, because she wasn't going to die - or she never was supposed to...
"Angel?" Cordelia's voice is far and somewhat distant. Buffy hadn't come to notice the weird and ostentatious... clothes she was wearing, but they glittered under the light and it hurt to look at all the gold beady things. The beautiful brunette put a comforting hand on Angel's shoulder and Buffy wanted to cringe. She was causing him all this pain and CORDELIA was the one tending to him. It made horrible sense and she wanted to scream and cry and tell him that she would be alright.
Buffy watched as Willow walked up to him and wrapped her arms around him, sobs now starting to escape from her throat. "She was so brave, Angel. You would have been so proud of her..." Willow cried harder. "You would have been so proud." And Angel just held her back, not saying anything - not ready to say anything. He just held Willow as she cried into his chest.
Wesley and the rest quietly said their condolences, trying to comfort the two as much as possible. The small, scrawny looking girl put a hesitant hand on his shoulder, but didn't say anything Buffy could here. All off them made a small circle around him, but he didn't look at either of them, just stared ahead. Maybe he could see her... just maybe.
Then Willow pulled back and wiped her tears, her eyes now all red and puffy. She took Angel's hands in hers and he finally looked at her. "She really loved you, she always loved you, remember that okay?" Willow said, her voice cracking at some point. She gave Angel one last hug and a small kiss on the cheek before turning around and walking back through the front doors, closing them almost too quietly.
Too quiet
Then, finally, Angel's tears started to fall and Buffy's heart broke for one last time.
Watching his tears fall, she quietly whispered, "I'm still your girl?"
And, maybe, if you listened really hard, you could almost here Angel's answer: "Always."
((You still my girl? Always.))
If I should die before I wake...
- - - - - - - - - -