3 DAYS LATER
John was looking for Monica all over the base. He looked in their room, in her office, in Missy's room but couldn't find her. He was walking down another corridors when he saw Jack.

Jack have you seen Monica?

I saw her a couple of hours ago in the gym, I don't know if she would still be there.

Will you some check with me?



They made their way down to the gym and once they entered they saw Monica beating the hell out of a punching bag. Sweat covered her, no one else was in the gym.

She was doing that this morning when I was in here, that was hours ago, Jack whispered to John. John nodded and walked over to Monica, she saw him but didn't stop beating the punching bag up.

Monica ... Monica.

What is it? She continued to punch.

Will you stop?

I cant.

Why not?

I need to be ready.

For what?

Beating the Goul'd.

Monica you've been here for hours, take a break.

No I need to be ready.

You're gonna kill yourself from doing so much'.

No I'm not. She continued to punch and kick the bag. John could see she was exhausted, but she wouldn't stop.

John looked at her, he could see how tired she was. He looked back at the door and saw that Mulder, Dana, Jack, Jonas and Daniel where now watching with worried looks on their faces. John silently thanked God Missy wasn't there to see her mother put herself through this. John turned back to Monica.

Monica! Stop! He grabbed her arms to stop her from continuing.

No! Let me go! She struggled to get out of his grasp. He didn't let go.

Why are you doing this to yourself? he yelled over her cries of protest.

Everyone's counting on me, I have to save everyone.

That's years away Monica, you have plenty of time.

The sooner I start practising the better.

I'm not letting you go Monica, you're gonna kill yourself!

It wouldn't be the first time! She yelled. John instantly let her go. She took a few steps away from him.

What are you talking about? John asked shocked. She took a few deep breathes.

A few months after we split and after I found out I was pregnant, I was afraid. What if I wasn't a good mother? I thought I wouldn't be able to do it alone.

John started but Monica cut him off.

The one time I needed you, you weren't there! I never knew for sure you were still alive! I never knew who I could and couldn't trust. I tried to find you John, I tried for years but I couldn't do anything without paying for a private investigator, I couldn't afford it on a teachers pay. I was afraid that if I found you so would they. I was ... I was scared to be alone. I could never trust anyone. I never felt safe. Monica had been so angry, at the world, at God and at John. She had been holding everything in for seven years. When she wanted to scream out she held back. Now it was all coming out. Tears were streaming down her face. And now I've been told that we have to safe the universe, that I was abducted that I'm meant to be able to do all these things that I cant.

Monica fell to her knees in tears. John ran up to her and pulled her towards him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, crying with everything she had into his shoulder. He held her as close as he could. After what seemed like hours, John realised he couldn't here Monica crying anymore. He looked at her face. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing deep and evenly. She was unconscious. He lifted her up into his arms. Everyone who had been watching at the door came in and looked worriedly at Monica.

Is she going to be okay? Daniel asked. Dana check her pulse and breathing.

We should take her to the infirmary, to get her checked over, she's been pushing herself more that she should. Dana told them .

John carried her all the way to the infirmary where Dr Frasier checked her over.

She'll need plenty of rest, she really has worn herself out, any idea why she pushed herself as hard as she did? Janet asked.

Yeah, because I wasn't there. John told her, he sat down on a chair next to Monica's bed and took her hand in his.

3 HOURS LATER
John couldn't help but think over the past seven years. Of being alone. He had always wanted to go and find Monica but he didn't want to take any chances that it might of got her killed. Throughout the days of the past seven years he always stopped and wandered what Monica was doing at that precise moment. Was she thinking of him? Of old times? Had she found someone new? Had she moved on from him? He never liked to think that she had. A few weeks after they split up he realised that they never used protection, but always thought that if she had become pregnant she would have found him. But she never did, so he thought she hadn't of become pregnant. For hours he would sit at the beach and look out into the oceans. Thinking that on the other side of it Monica would be. He had wandered what sort of life she was living. What job she had. He had taken a job at a bar as a barman. The money was good and the job was low profile. John looked at Monica's sleeping face and saw her eye slowly open. He tightly squeezed her hand, the one he had not let go of in the last three hours. He felt her respond with another squeeze.

Hey there. John said calmly as he ran his fingers through her hair.

I'm so sorry John. Tears began to well up in her eyes.

Its okay. Do you want to tell me about it? She nodded her head yes.

I brought a load of pills, I was in the bathroom with them and a glass of water. I put them in my mouth, but I couldn't do it.

What stopped you?

I looked up and saw my reflection in the mirror, I thought how I couldn't do it, how I wouldn't take the easy way out. If there was a war coming I was going to go out fighting, I was going to see you before I died.

I'm sorry I wasn't there, I should have been.

It wasn't your fault.

I don't want you to ever do anything like that again and I don't want you working out non stop. Okay? I want you to promise me? He was nearly crying himself

I promise. She whispered as he took her into his arms tightly.