Meriadoc Brandybuck stirred as the morning light crept onto his window and
into his room over the tavern. It was going to be a beautiful spring day
in Buckland: the birds were chirping like no tomorrow, and the bees were
buzzing outside, drinking the sweet nectar that flowed from the never
dieing trees that Legolas had provided. In fact.the bees were a little
louder today.something wasn't right. Suddenly a bee flew past his ear and
Merry let out a yelp and was up against the wall in all of a second.
Looking around for the insect, Merry only saw his buddy Pippin, curled up
in stitches against the wall. This wasn't the first time he had been
rudely awakened: Pippin had this trick that he did by rubbing his fingers
together and then making a buzzing sound in your ear that sounded exactly
like a bee.
Between the fits of giggles, Pip managed to blurt out, "Who's the pessy pants now!" No sooner had he said it, Mer felt a warm feeling between his legs that was now tickling down his right leg. When he tried to cover himself up Pip doubled over again. Grabbing a spare pair of trousers from his drawer, Merry dashed for the door, but was smashed between the door and the wall as Legolas dashed into the room.
"What is going on here?" he asked as he saw Pippin, who was now beyond the point of laughter, gasping for breath, tears rolling down his cheeks, holding onto the wall for support while pounding it with his fist. All Pip could do was to manage to point to the door. At first, Legolas didn't understand, but as soon as he felt the door slam into him and he skid across the floor he was perfectly aware of the situation. When he looked over at the door he saw a very disgruntled and very wet-panted hobbit, not glaring at him, but at his friend who was having trouble breathing. No sooner than Legolas could get up to try and stop him, Merry had Pip in a massive noogie, one so violent that he was forced to whelp in pain.
"Uncle! Uncle!" Pip cried.
"Uncle? No, you know what I'm looking for," Merry said with a huge grin on his face, digging his fist harder into Pippins curly hair.
"I'm a pervy orc!" he cried.
"ORC?! WHERE?" said Legolas with a huge grin on his face, drawing his bow and looking for the beast, eventually training it on Pippin. Merry noogied even harder and Pippin's back was arching, trying to get away from his tormentor.
Through much torment and anguish, Pippin cried out "I'M A PANSY!"
Merry let go of him, and Pippin fell in a bundle on the floor whimpering, caressing his head with a hand.
"What the Mordor was that for?!" Pip yelled. Merry just smiled and left the room to change his pants. As he was walking out, Pip said under his breath, "Pessypants." An eyebrow lifted on Legolas' face, and so did his arrow. Pip let out yet another yelp and ran out the door, but not before he had a little addition to his pants: a feathered arrow sticking out between his crotch.
Spring was a busy time in the Shire. Everything was in full bloom, and the damn tourists were flocking to the Hill, never giving poor Frodo and the Gamgees a moments rest. They had sent word a week before that they were going to visit soon to check out the new tavern. Merry and Pippin were looking forward to seeing their friends again, having not seen them since they decided to begin building the tavern with the dwarves last October, and it was now late March. After Merry and Pippin both changed their pants and put on their vests, they went downstairs to awaken any who had fallen asleep at the pub the night before. There weren't many, due to the fact that the weekly changing of the Shire-Stock signs hadn't taken place yet.
The pub was built for hobbits and Big Folk alike: on the inside of the bar there was a step tall enough to make the four and a half foot hobbits stand a foot higher, and on the outside there was a section of the pub that was about a foot and a half shorter than the rest for hobbits and dwarves. There were even special seats for the two races. Business was low but that was okay. Merry was actually thinking about closing the tavern for a day so they could spend some time with Frodo and Sam. Pippin disagreed: if the tavern were closed, people would suspect something because the tavern was always open. In the end Legolas had to step in saying that if there were any customers, who normally never came on Sundays, he would tend to the pub.
While Merry was rolling kegs up from the cellar, Pippin decided to have some more fun, even though he had already had close encounters that nearly prevented him from having little hobbits.
"Ho! Merry! Take a break and have a drink!" Pippin said.
"Gladly. All of this rolling is killing my back. Hey, what have you been doing?" Merry asked, looking at both Pippin's 'innocent' face and Legolas' archery gear.
"Legos left his bow at the pub this morning while he went out to tend to the trees. Don't see why he needs to, they never die. Anyway, what's in that keg? This is one of the ale's right?"
"Yep. Here," said Merry, going over to a self and getting two half-pint mugs, "only a half right now. Can't get tanked before Frodo and Sam get here." But of course that was Pippin's intent: to get Merry as drunk as possible for what he was about to do.
"Oh come on Merry! A whole pint won't hurt!" Pippin pined, giving his puppy dog look at Mer. Merry couldn't resist: besides, they weren't expecting Frodo and Sam until nightfall, and it was early afternoon. He smiled, and replaced the half-pint mugs with two full pints. The two put the keg on the hobbit end of the bar and filled their mugs to the brim. Pippin drank slowly, but Merry downed his ale before Pip was half done, and he quickly filled it again. It wasn't long before the two broke out in song.
"Hey! Ho! To the bottle I go! To heal my heart and drown my woe! Rain may fall, the wind may blow, But there still be.many miles to go! Sweet is the sound of the pouring rain, And the stream that falls from hill to plain! Better than rain or rippling brook," "Is a mug of beer inside this Took!" Pippin finished.
The two laughed, and Merry, a little more drunk than Pip, tripped over himself and landed face first on the floor. As he was watching and laughing at Merry, the floor began to talk!
"The floor is talking Merry!"
"Little orcs? What are little orcs doing on my floor!" the floor asked.
"We aren't orcs! We're hobbits! Shire-folk!" Merry pleaded.
"Don't talk to it Merry! Don't encourage it!" Pippin whispered to Merry. Then the floor was silent, but apparently it was still talking to Merry. Then Pip came to a little and remembered what he was going to do. He smiled gaily (as in HAPPY), and retrieved Legos' archery gear, along with an apple.
"Merry! Come here!" Pippin said. "Wait a minute Pip! The floor is still talking to me!" Merry whined. "Yea and it's telling you to come over here against the wall," Pippin explained. "You're right!" And with that Merry swayed over to the wall and stood there while Pippin put an apple on his head. "Now just hold still," Pippin calmly said. He stood on a wooded crate and raised Legolas' bow and took aim.
TWANG-KRSH
The shot went wide, about three feet left of Merry's head. Merry suddenly realized what was going on. "Pip, are you sure you know what you're doing?" he asked, fidgeting. "Stop moving! I meant to do that!" Pippin said, taking aim again.
TWANG-FWIT
The arrow hit the wall in between Merry's leg, rather close to the crotch. Merry let out a yelp as it ricocheted just past his face.
"Okay that's it! I'm gone!" Merry yelled as Pippin took aim again. Merry jumped and the apple flew into the air as Merry staggered to the door outside. As the apple hung in midair in almost slow motion, Pip let the arrow fly.
TWANG-SPLAT
The apple busted into pieces, covering the wall in applesauce. It was then that, upon hearing Merry's yell, that Legolas busted into the tavern, again pinning Merry against the wall with the door. Legolas' eyes narrowed as he looked over to see Pippin holding his bow with a guilty grin covering his face, along with a lot of applesauce.
"Oh shit," Pippin said under his breath.
He ran (or rather nanced) over to the hobbit and snatched the bow away from him and picking him up by the ankles and lifting him up to eye level
"What were you doing?! You would have killed someone!" Legos yelled. "It was just a bit of. *HIC*.fun!" Pippin whined. Legolas got the full blast of the alcohol on Pip's breath.
"You've been shooting under the influence!" Legos yelled, shaking the hobbit. As soon as his eyes stopped rolling, Pippin smiled, grinned, and said, "Yep!"
"Fool of a Took! I'm going to have to put you up in a tree until you are sober enough to climb down!" Legos put his archery gear in a VERY high place, and still holding him by the ankles, climbed up the ladder that he was using to climb up into the trees with. Sitting Pippin about halfway up the tree, Legolas felt sure that the hobbit wouldn't be able to figure out how to get down for a good two hours.
When he went back to the tavern, the door was closed. Suspecting the worst, he stood back, and kicked the door open. No one was there, but there was a painful moaning coming from behind the door that sounded strangely familiar. Oh it's nothing Legolas thought, and he went back outside to tend to the trees again.
Well I must wrap this up now. Hope this is enough! More to come soon!
Love and peace, Court
Ps I hope this is a little easier on the eyes
Between the fits of giggles, Pip managed to blurt out, "Who's the pessy pants now!" No sooner had he said it, Mer felt a warm feeling between his legs that was now tickling down his right leg. When he tried to cover himself up Pip doubled over again. Grabbing a spare pair of trousers from his drawer, Merry dashed for the door, but was smashed between the door and the wall as Legolas dashed into the room.
"What is going on here?" he asked as he saw Pippin, who was now beyond the point of laughter, gasping for breath, tears rolling down his cheeks, holding onto the wall for support while pounding it with his fist. All Pip could do was to manage to point to the door. At first, Legolas didn't understand, but as soon as he felt the door slam into him and he skid across the floor he was perfectly aware of the situation. When he looked over at the door he saw a very disgruntled and very wet-panted hobbit, not glaring at him, but at his friend who was having trouble breathing. No sooner than Legolas could get up to try and stop him, Merry had Pip in a massive noogie, one so violent that he was forced to whelp in pain.
"Uncle! Uncle!" Pip cried.
"Uncle? No, you know what I'm looking for," Merry said with a huge grin on his face, digging his fist harder into Pippins curly hair.
"I'm a pervy orc!" he cried.
"ORC?! WHERE?" said Legolas with a huge grin on his face, drawing his bow and looking for the beast, eventually training it on Pippin. Merry noogied even harder and Pippin's back was arching, trying to get away from his tormentor.
Through much torment and anguish, Pippin cried out "I'M A PANSY!"
Merry let go of him, and Pippin fell in a bundle on the floor whimpering, caressing his head with a hand.
"What the Mordor was that for?!" Pip yelled. Merry just smiled and left the room to change his pants. As he was walking out, Pip said under his breath, "Pessypants." An eyebrow lifted on Legolas' face, and so did his arrow. Pip let out yet another yelp and ran out the door, but not before he had a little addition to his pants: a feathered arrow sticking out between his crotch.
Spring was a busy time in the Shire. Everything was in full bloom, and the damn tourists were flocking to the Hill, never giving poor Frodo and the Gamgees a moments rest. They had sent word a week before that they were going to visit soon to check out the new tavern. Merry and Pippin were looking forward to seeing their friends again, having not seen them since they decided to begin building the tavern with the dwarves last October, and it was now late March. After Merry and Pippin both changed their pants and put on their vests, they went downstairs to awaken any who had fallen asleep at the pub the night before. There weren't many, due to the fact that the weekly changing of the Shire-Stock signs hadn't taken place yet.
The pub was built for hobbits and Big Folk alike: on the inside of the bar there was a step tall enough to make the four and a half foot hobbits stand a foot higher, and on the outside there was a section of the pub that was about a foot and a half shorter than the rest for hobbits and dwarves. There were even special seats for the two races. Business was low but that was okay. Merry was actually thinking about closing the tavern for a day so they could spend some time with Frodo and Sam. Pippin disagreed: if the tavern were closed, people would suspect something because the tavern was always open. In the end Legolas had to step in saying that if there were any customers, who normally never came on Sundays, he would tend to the pub.
While Merry was rolling kegs up from the cellar, Pippin decided to have some more fun, even though he had already had close encounters that nearly prevented him from having little hobbits.
"Ho! Merry! Take a break and have a drink!" Pippin said.
"Gladly. All of this rolling is killing my back. Hey, what have you been doing?" Merry asked, looking at both Pippin's 'innocent' face and Legolas' archery gear.
"Legos left his bow at the pub this morning while he went out to tend to the trees. Don't see why he needs to, they never die. Anyway, what's in that keg? This is one of the ale's right?"
"Yep. Here," said Merry, going over to a self and getting two half-pint mugs, "only a half right now. Can't get tanked before Frodo and Sam get here." But of course that was Pippin's intent: to get Merry as drunk as possible for what he was about to do.
"Oh come on Merry! A whole pint won't hurt!" Pippin pined, giving his puppy dog look at Mer. Merry couldn't resist: besides, they weren't expecting Frodo and Sam until nightfall, and it was early afternoon. He smiled, and replaced the half-pint mugs with two full pints. The two put the keg on the hobbit end of the bar and filled their mugs to the brim. Pippin drank slowly, but Merry downed his ale before Pip was half done, and he quickly filled it again. It wasn't long before the two broke out in song.
"Hey! Ho! To the bottle I go! To heal my heart and drown my woe! Rain may fall, the wind may blow, But there still be.many miles to go! Sweet is the sound of the pouring rain, And the stream that falls from hill to plain! Better than rain or rippling brook," "Is a mug of beer inside this Took!" Pippin finished.
The two laughed, and Merry, a little more drunk than Pip, tripped over himself and landed face first on the floor. As he was watching and laughing at Merry, the floor began to talk!
"The floor is talking Merry!"
"Little orcs? What are little orcs doing on my floor!" the floor asked.
"We aren't orcs! We're hobbits! Shire-folk!" Merry pleaded.
"Don't talk to it Merry! Don't encourage it!" Pippin whispered to Merry. Then the floor was silent, but apparently it was still talking to Merry. Then Pip came to a little and remembered what he was going to do. He smiled gaily (as in HAPPY), and retrieved Legos' archery gear, along with an apple.
"Merry! Come here!" Pippin said. "Wait a minute Pip! The floor is still talking to me!" Merry whined. "Yea and it's telling you to come over here against the wall," Pippin explained. "You're right!" And with that Merry swayed over to the wall and stood there while Pippin put an apple on his head. "Now just hold still," Pippin calmly said. He stood on a wooded crate and raised Legolas' bow and took aim.
TWANG-KRSH
The shot went wide, about three feet left of Merry's head. Merry suddenly realized what was going on. "Pip, are you sure you know what you're doing?" he asked, fidgeting. "Stop moving! I meant to do that!" Pippin said, taking aim again.
TWANG-FWIT
The arrow hit the wall in between Merry's leg, rather close to the crotch. Merry let out a yelp as it ricocheted just past his face.
"Okay that's it! I'm gone!" Merry yelled as Pippin took aim again. Merry jumped and the apple flew into the air as Merry staggered to the door outside. As the apple hung in midair in almost slow motion, Pip let the arrow fly.
TWANG-SPLAT
The apple busted into pieces, covering the wall in applesauce. It was then that, upon hearing Merry's yell, that Legolas busted into the tavern, again pinning Merry against the wall with the door. Legolas' eyes narrowed as he looked over to see Pippin holding his bow with a guilty grin covering his face, along with a lot of applesauce.
"Oh shit," Pippin said under his breath.
He ran (or rather nanced) over to the hobbit and snatched the bow away from him and picking him up by the ankles and lifting him up to eye level
"What were you doing?! You would have killed someone!" Legos yelled. "It was just a bit of. *HIC*.fun!" Pippin whined. Legolas got the full blast of the alcohol on Pip's breath.
"You've been shooting under the influence!" Legos yelled, shaking the hobbit. As soon as his eyes stopped rolling, Pippin smiled, grinned, and said, "Yep!"
"Fool of a Took! I'm going to have to put you up in a tree until you are sober enough to climb down!" Legos put his archery gear in a VERY high place, and still holding him by the ankles, climbed up the ladder that he was using to climb up into the trees with. Sitting Pippin about halfway up the tree, Legolas felt sure that the hobbit wouldn't be able to figure out how to get down for a good two hours.
When he went back to the tavern, the door was closed. Suspecting the worst, he stood back, and kicked the door open. No one was there, but there was a painful moaning coming from behind the door that sounded strangely familiar. Oh it's nothing Legolas thought, and he went back outside to tend to the trees again.
Well I must wrap this up now. Hope this is enough! More to come soon!
Love and peace, Court
Ps I hope this is a little easier on the eyes