** well now that we know what happened to Pippin while he was drunk up a
tree....now we get to see what happened to Merry and Legolas! Keep in mind
that Merry is waaaaaaay more drunk than Pip ((((
**just a little secret more reviews means faster postings
Legolas Greenleaf felt at peace for the first time in days knowing that Pippin couldn't cause any trouble in the tree he placed him in. There was still the lingering worry about Merry, who was laying dead drunk back in the tavern. Or did he hit him with the door again? It didn't matter; he could go back to 'tending' the trees in peace. These trees would never die, so long as they had what they needed. Their beautiful flowers were always in bloom and when their leaves did shed, they shed in shades of gold and silver, only to be replaced by sunrise with bright green buds of new leaves. It was an amazing sight to see, but the trees required something a little more special than water to keep them growing.
Seeing that the drunken hobbit in the tree was very busy in conversation with a squirrel, who was crawling all over him, Legolas got down to business. Gross as it was, Elvin urine was very nutritious to the trees. All he had to do was...well do his thing once every four or five months on each tree and that was that. Legolas was almost done with the last tree when Pippin suddenly yelled from his tree.
"MR. SQUIRREL! COME BACK!"
This outburst by the intoxicated hobbit had caused the elf to jump which caused him to hit the trunk and sputter himself in his own urine. Infuriated at the hobbit and himself for leaving his bow inside, Legolas picked up a nearby apple that he had been nibbling on and chucked it at Pippin, hitting him smack in the head. Feeling a strong urge to rid his clothes and hair of the rancid smell of fish, the elf made his way to the tavern. He could now hear Pippin talking to the tree he was sitting in.
'~Stupid hobbit~' he thought.
When he went back to the tavern, he again found the door closed. He tried to slowly pry the door open, but it wouldn't budge. He pushed harder and was able to open the door just a hair. He heard an unsuppressed laugh come from behind the door, as if a child were trying to hide a giggle.
Legolas walked away from the door about five paces and charged at the door.
This time the door opened without resistance and instead of hearing it slam against the wall, he heard the same moaning he had heard time and time again when he opened doors around the tavern. Jumping out of the way just in time, a slamming door revealed Merry to Legolas. He was clad in his tunic from Rohan with a pot as a helmet and a large pan as a shield and was actually holding his short sword that he had used during the War of the Ring. It was a rather imposing sight aside from the fact that the small warrior was only four and half feet tall and was swaying side to side.
What Legolas didn't see was his archery gear behind Merry in the shadow of a high-backed chair. Legolas began to advance on Merry to disarm him when the hobbit yelled out, "STOP SMELLY!! I'M NOT READY!!" His voice cracked with every syllable. He reached behind the chair and also pulled out a stool. Legolas had decided to grab a swig of ale while he was waiting for Merry to get ready. When he turned to face his 'opponent', he sprayed what ale was left in his mouth all over the counter of the highly polished counter.
Merry was standing on the stool with his archery gear, taking aim at the elf.
Legolas managed to jump the bar before Merry let the arrow fly. Fortunately he wasn't as good...or rather he had a worse shot than Pippin. Pippin didn't have a good shot to begin with. The shot went wild and hit one of the kegs, squirting ale in little spurts all over the pub. Placing his hands on the counter, Legolas slowly pulled himself up, only to immediately go back down when a better aimed shot came at him, this one so close he could feel the breeze in his ear.
The elf was trying to figure out how the hobbit had reached his gear when he saw one of the hobbit-sized stools on the bigger side of the bar. It was enough to allow a four and a half foot hobbit to reach up and tip down his gear.
Then the elf got an idea. Legolas went over to the area inside the bar where the stood was still standing. He slapped his hand on top of the bar and fingered around for the stool. When he felt it, he grabbed it and pulled in down quickly into the bartending area. Legolas stood up and took aim with the stool, but before he could launch it at the hobbit, Merry let another arrow go TWANG.
It went just past Legos' pointed ear, but not without consequence. A single hair fell to the floor. It fell in slow motion as the elf saw one of his perfect golden hairs leave his head forever. Sadness then fury welled up inside Legolas as Merry watched the elf look in horror as an invisible object fell to the floor. Legolas pout for a split second, and then locked eyes with him in a death stare. His eyes narrowed. Narrowing eyes were a bad thing if you were a hobbit who was doing something wrong.
Losing his balance, the stool and Merry fell to the floor, but the hobbit got up quickly, droping the bow, and ran for his room. Legolas jumped the bar and chased after him, but he didn't have to. While Merry was running out of pure terror and looking over his shoulder, he slipped on the small puddle of ale that had accumulated from the squirting of the leaking keg he had shot. His feet fell out from underneath him. (note at this point Pippin is beginning to tell Treestubble about Legolas's adventures w/ Elrond's dresses)
Legolas slowly and deliberately walked over to the fallen hobbit. His pot- helmet had rolled across the room and his sword and shield were of no use to him since he had left them when he dropped the elf's bow. Legolas stooped down to where the hobbit lay and stared him in the eye. Merry had never seen the elf so pissed before.
Pulling some rope from his belt, Legolas very expertly hog-tied Merry and then drained the remaining ale from the leaking keg into a pint. He gulped the last of it and opened the keg. It was a fairly large keg; large enough for a large hobbit to fit inside.
Then a thought came to his mind. It would be much more fun if he could stuff Merry and Pippin in a keg and send them down the hill behind the tavern at the same time so he could get at least an hours rest. However, he did leave Merry hog-tied on the floor while he cleaned up the bar and put his gear in an even higher place where Merry couldn't see.
He had been cleaning for about half an hour when he heard an ungodly shriek come from outside. He rushed to the window only to see that Pippin had fallen out of his tree and had fallen on top of Sam. He shook his head and went back to the pub to inspect his work. He flicked away a small piece of dirt off the bar and was satisfied.
Merry was still hob-tied, but had now managed to crawl over to his sword and was cutting himself free. Legolas didn't care. If he was sober enough to use his sword to set himself free, fine. At least he wasn't trying to kill him anymore. Then the thought of his hair came back to him. He jumped the bar and got down on his hands and knees, looking for the hair.
"TIG! TUG! TOG!!"
BANG
Legolas jumped as Merry started shouting words to his and Pippin's insane yet fun game, causing him to hit his head very hard on the lip of the bar. Then he saw his hair. He picked it up and put it in one of the pockets on his vest. Nursing his head, he looked around and saw Merry jumping and skipping around the room.
Either he was very happy to know that Frodo and Sam were coming or he was still drunk. Legolas quickly ruled out the fact that he was happy to see his companions and decided he was still drunk. Walking around the bar this time, Legolas swiftly caught up with Merry, grabbed him by the arm and yelled a single word.
"TAG!"
With that, Legolas raced out the door as slammed it behind him. He could hear Pippin and Sam and Frodo talking merrily as they came close to rounding the bend in the path.
"Five...four...three..two..one..." Legolas violently forced open the door.
His timing was perfect. Merry was once again pinned behind the door, moaning. He bolted back inside and gently closed the door just before the trio of hobbits rounded the corner.
Merry was now a very pissed off and still drunk hobbit. Legolas picked him up under the arms and put him in a stool. Merry just glared at Legolas. Then he started bursting out laughing as if the sight of the elf was the funniest thing in the world. Legolas handed him a pint and Merry smiled all the more gaily just as the three hobbits entered a Fool's Paradise.
Hope all 4 of my loyal fans like! Course I'd like to have more fan support so please R/R with some ideas that you think would be funny
Love and Peace
Court
**just a little secret more reviews means faster postings
Legolas Greenleaf felt at peace for the first time in days knowing that Pippin couldn't cause any trouble in the tree he placed him in. There was still the lingering worry about Merry, who was laying dead drunk back in the tavern. Or did he hit him with the door again? It didn't matter; he could go back to 'tending' the trees in peace. These trees would never die, so long as they had what they needed. Their beautiful flowers were always in bloom and when their leaves did shed, they shed in shades of gold and silver, only to be replaced by sunrise with bright green buds of new leaves. It was an amazing sight to see, but the trees required something a little more special than water to keep them growing.
Seeing that the drunken hobbit in the tree was very busy in conversation with a squirrel, who was crawling all over him, Legolas got down to business. Gross as it was, Elvin urine was very nutritious to the trees. All he had to do was...well do his thing once every four or five months on each tree and that was that. Legolas was almost done with the last tree when Pippin suddenly yelled from his tree.
"MR. SQUIRREL! COME BACK!"
This outburst by the intoxicated hobbit had caused the elf to jump which caused him to hit the trunk and sputter himself in his own urine. Infuriated at the hobbit and himself for leaving his bow inside, Legolas picked up a nearby apple that he had been nibbling on and chucked it at Pippin, hitting him smack in the head. Feeling a strong urge to rid his clothes and hair of the rancid smell of fish, the elf made his way to the tavern. He could now hear Pippin talking to the tree he was sitting in.
'~Stupid hobbit~' he thought.
When he went back to the tavern, he again found the door closed. He tried to slowly pry the door open, but it wouldn't budge. He pushed harder and was able to open the door just a hair. He heard an unsuppressed laugh come from behind the door, as if a child were trying to hide a giggle.
Legolas walked away from the door about five paces and charged at the door.
This time the door opened without resistance and instead of hearing it slam against the wall, he heard the same moaning he had heard time and time again when he opened doors around the tavern. Jumping out of the way just in time, a slamming door revealed Merry to Legolas. He was clad in his tunic from Rohan with a pot as a helmet and a large pan as a shield and was actually holding his short sword that he had used during the War of the Ring. It was a rather imposing sight aside from the fact that the small warrior was only four and half feet tall and was swaying side to side.
What Legolas didn't see was his archery gear behind Merry in the shadow of a high-backed chair. Legolas began to advance on Merry to disarm him when the hobbit yelled out, "STOP SMELLY!! I'M NOT READY!!" His voice cracked with every syllable. He reached behind the chair and also pulled out a stool. Legolas had decided to grab a swig of ale while he was waiting for Merry to get ready. When he turned to face his 'opponent', he sprayed what ale was left in his mouth all over the counter of the highly polished counter.
Merry was standing on the stool with his archery gear, taking aim at the elf.
Legolas managed to jump the bar before Merry let the arrow fly. Fortunately he wasn't as good...or rather he had a worse shot than Pippin. Pippin didn't have a good shot to begin with. The shot went wild and hit one of the kegs, squirting ale in little spurts all over the pub. Placing his hands on the counter, Legolas slowly pulled himself up, only to immediately go back down when a better aimed shot came at him, this one so close he could feel the breeze in his ear.
The elf was trying to figure out how the hobbit had reached his gear when he saw one of the hobbit-sized stools on the bigger side of the bar. It was enough to allow a four and a half foot hobbit to reach up and tip down his gear.
Then the elf got an idea. Legolas went over to the area inside the bar where the stood was still standing. He slapped his hand on top of the bar and fingered around for the stool. When he felt it, he grabbed it and pulled in down quickly into the bartending area. Legolas stood up and took aim with the stool, but before he could launch it at the hobbit, Merry let another arrow go TWANG.
It went just past Legos' pointed ear, but not without consequence. A single hair fell to the floor. It fell in slow motion as the elf saw one of his perfect golden hairs leave his head forever. Sadness then fury welled up inside Legolas as Merry watched the elf look in horror as an invisible object fell to the floor. Legolas pout for a split second, and then locked eyes with him in a death stare. His eyes narrowed. Narrowing eyes were a bad thing if you were a hobbit who was doing something wrong.
Losing his balance, the stool and Merry fell to the floor, but the hobbit got up quickly, droping the bow, and ran for his room. Legolas jumped the bar and chased after him, but he didn't have to. While Merry was running out of pure terror and looking over his shoulder, he slipped on the small puddle of ale that had accumulated from the squirting of the leaking keg he had shot. His feet fell out from underneath him. (note at this point Pippin is beginning to tell Treestubble about Legolas's adventures w/ Elrond's dresses)
Legolas slowly and deliberately walked over to the fallen hobbit. His pot- helmet had rolled across the room and his sword and shield were of no use to him since he had left them when he dropped the elf's bow. Legolas stooped down to where the hobbit lay and stared him in the eye. Merry had never seen the elf so pissed before.
Pulling some rope from his belt, Legolas very expertly hog-tied Merry and then drained the remaining ale from the leaking keg into a pint. He gulped the last of it and opened the keg. It was a fairly large keg; large enough for a large hobbit to fit inside.
Then a thought came to his mind. It would be much more fun if he could stuff Merry and Pippin in a keg and send them down the hill behind the tavern at the same time so he could get at least an hours rest. However, he did leave Merry hog-tied on the floor while he cleaned up the bar and put his gear in an even higher place where Merry couldn't see.
He had been cleaning for about half an hour when he heard an ungodly shriek come from outside. He rushed to the window only to see that Pippin had fallen out of his tree and had fallen on top of Sam. He shook his head and went back to the pub to inspect his work. He flicked away a small piece of dirt off the bar and was satisfied.
Merry was still hob-tied, but had now managed to crawl over to his sword and was cutting himself free. Legolas didn't care. If he was sober enough to use his sword to set himself free, fine. At least he wasn't trying to kill him anymore. Then the thought of his hair came back to him. He jumped the bar and got down on his hands and knees, looking for the hair.
"TIG! TUG! TOG!!"
BANG
Legolas jumped as Merry started shouting words to his and Pippin's insane yet fun game, causing him to hit his head very hard on the lip of the bar. Then he saw his hair. He picked it up and put it in one of the pockets on his vest. Nursing his head, he looked around and saw Merry jumping and skipping around the room.
Either he was very happy to know that Frodo and Sam were coming or he was still drunk. Legolas quickly ruled out the fact that he was happy to see his companions and decided he was still drunk. Walking around the bar this time, Legolas swiftly caught up with Merry, grabbed him by the arm and yelled a single word.
"TAG!"
With that, Legolas raced out the door as slammed it behind him. He could hear Pippin and Sam and Frodo talking merrily as they came close to rounding the bend in the path.
"Five...four...three..two..one..." Legolas violently forced open the door.
His timing was perfect. Merry was once again pinned behind the door, moaning. He bolted back inside and gently closed the door just before the trio of hobbits rounded the corner.
Merry was now a very pissed off and still drunk hobbit. Legolas picked him up under the arms and put him in a stool. Merry just glared at Legolas. Then he started bursting out laughing as if the sight of the elf was the funniest thing in the world. Legolas handed him a pint and Merry smiled all the more gaily just as the three hobbits entered a Fool's Paradise.
Hope all 4 of my loyal fans like! Course I'd like to have more fan support so please R/R with some ideas that you think would be funny
Love and Peace
Court