***drum role please...or maybe not, but this is the tig chapter! Long
awaited by my four fans, I finally got the time to write it back to back
with the last chapter. Amazing neh? Actually, not really no. But still,
enjoy!
Can I tig your tag?
Samwise Gamgee was thoroughly content by the fact that he and Frodo had finally reached Merry and Pippin's tavern. They had been traveling all day, and Frodo's recent case of the runs hadn't helped them the least.
As Pippin opened the iron-clad door (which over it had a wooden sign reading "Fool's Paradise" in Common and Elfish) to the tavern, the two hobbits were struck with awe. The Green Dragon and Prancing Pony were nothing compared to what they saw.
"Is it real Mr. Frodo?" Sam asked his companion, rubbing his eyes.
"I think so Sam," Frodo said in reply, about to rub his own eyes but then remembered that he hadn't washed his hands since Gandalf's laxative went into effect. He thought better of it and decided to wait before shaking hands with anyone.
Legolas and Merry were inside, Legolas polishing a few mugs and Merry grinning like a fool, obviously still very drunk.
Inside it was huge. It was a little cold, but the heat from the roaring fires could be felt like a blanket on a cold night. The pub was in the center, with bar stools surrounding it. Frodo and Sam were most pleased by the hobbit sized end of the pub. There were tables with benches around the bar up close to the walls, leaving plenty of room for dancing, or on Pint Night, when the second pint was free, it was more like stumbling.
Behind the bar, there was staircase leading up, obviously to Merry, Pippin, and Legolas's rooms, a staircase to the cellar, and a hall to the right that lead to the guest rooms.
Then Sam noticed Legolas and Merry's uniform vests.
"Matching vests? Never seen those before. Merry, stand up and let me have a look at you," Sam said. Merry didn't respond; he just kept on staring off into space, still grinning.
"Allow me," said Pippin. He grabbed his vest off the coat hanger next to the door. He put it on and turned around in a circle, showing off the fine vest. The deep blue cloth had a mystical effect in the half light of the fires. Sam and Frodo gathered around Pippin as he showed them his name embedded on the front.
"See?" he said, "It's in Common and Elfish."
"I still can't get over how tall you two are!" said Sam, scanning the two hobbits up and down, though Merry was seated it was still obvious that he was taller than your average hobbit.
"I agree. You need to go back to Fangorn sometime and get some of those Ent drafts for us!" said Frodo.
" 'fraid we can't Frodo. Can't have any other hobbits taller than us and breaking Bullroarer's record now can we?" Pippin said.
"AHEM!" came a voice from behind the bar.
Frodo and Sam turned around to see a very disgruntled Legolas, vigorously polishing a mug.
"Of course! How rude of us!" said Frodo, "How are you Legolas?"
"I could be better. The hobbits decided to have a couple of drinks a few hours ago and completely destroyed the tavern," he said.
Pippin shuffled his feet has he met with Legolas's piercing narrowed eyes. He abruptly changed the subject.
"So anyway, Frodo and Sam! Let me take your bags up to the guest rooms."
Frodo handed Pippin his bags, but Sam promptly dropped it on Pip's foot.
"EIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Pippin's girlish scream was now his trademark. In reaching down to nurse his foot, he dropped Frodo's bag on his other foot. His eyes welled up in tears and was forced to sit down.
Merry started giggling so hard that he fell down to the floor, rolling around with a now empty mug.
Sam and Frodo just stared.
"So anyway, while these two fools recover themselves, do you want a drink?" Legolas asked.
"I'll have an ale Legos," Sam said. Legolas nodded and began fixing the drink.
"How about you Frodo?" he asked.
"I'll pass," Frodo said, looking a little nauseated.
"You sure?" Legolas persisted.
"He's sure Legos," said Sam. He lowered his voice down to a mocking whisper and said, "He's got the shits."
"Awwwwww," Legolas said out of fake sympathy, ruffling Frodo's hair as he handed Sam his pint. He went back to polishing mugs.
"Well at least I don't smell like piss," Frodo said. Sam smelled it too and wrinkled his nose.
"Huh?" Legolas was shocked. He lifted up his arm to smell himself and he instantly remembered that he had forgotten to shower after he accidentally sprayed himself earlier!
Legolas dropped the mug he was polishing and dashed for the bathing room without another word.
Sam and Frodo laughed and for a moment he forgot about his diarrhea. When it came back a few seconds later it hit him like a Dwarfish hammer.
"Merry! Pippin! Where are your toilets!" he shouted urgently, grabbing his rear end.
Pippin had stopped sobbing over his foot but Merry was still rolling on the floor, giggling. Pippin hadn't seen Legolas's mad dash toward the bathing room.
"You'll have to use our bathing room," Pippin said. "It's upstairs, second room on the." Pippin didn't get to finish. Frodo had sprinted up the stairs already. "Left." Pippin finished.
"Sam, let's go grab a seat by the fire. By the way, where is Legolas?" Pippin asked.
"He went to go get a bath. He smelled like piss," Sam said.
Pippin's eyes lit up. "That explains it!" he exclaimed.
"Explains what?" Sam asked as he sat down, sipping his ale.
"Oh, nothing," Pippin said with a twinkle in his eye. Then his smile fell and he spaced out for a second. "Sam, you said that Legos went to get a bath?"
"Yep. What's wrong?" Sam said.
"Well if Frodo walks in on Legolas while he's taking a bath there will be hell to pay."
As soon as the words left his mouth, there was a shout of surprise from upstairs followed by a bellowing roar.
"GET OUT!!!! NNNOOOWWW!!!!!"
SLAM
TWANG
CREAK
SLAM
Frodo had slammed the door to Legolas's bathroom, ran across the hall, opened the hobbit's bathroom, and slammed the door. He only just made it.
"Right. The bags.." Pippin said, looking over at the bags. He picked up Sam's and took them down the hall to one of the hobbit rooms. When he came back, Sam was still sipping on his ale, not paying attention to anything. Merry had just begun to recover himself.
He picked up Frodo's bags and threw them outside. He closed the door and the deed was done. He wiped his hands on his trousers just as Sam turned around.
"What were you doing?" he asked.
"Frodo's sleeping outside remember?" Pippin said, the twinkle back in his eyes.
"He most certainly isn't!" Sam said, setting down his pint and getting up to his feet. Pippin put his hands on Sam's shoulders and forced him back down into his seat saying, "Whoa there. He's got the shits remember? If he's inside, he's in YOUR room. You'll have to put up with him all night."
Sam thought about this for a moment and decided it wasn't worth it to share a room with Frodo while he had the runs. He stayed in his chair and sipped on his ale again. Merry had regained his posture somewhat and staggered over to Sam and Pippin.
"What's going on?" Merry said with a stupid grin. Sam and Pippin just looked at each other and said, "Nothing."
"Okay!" Merry said, happy as could be.
"Sorry about that mates," came a voice from behind them. Frodo was standing there, hands in his pockets looking rather embarrassed. "I walked in on Legolas."
"I tried to tell you which door but noooooooo you just HAD to run off and go to the door on the RIGHT. Serves you right," said Pippin.
"You walked in on Legolas? HAHAHAHAHA!" Merry started giggling again, doubling over and getting the hiccups as well.
"Shut up," Frodo said, pushing Merry, causing him to fall down.
"HAHAHAHAHA!" Merry was still laughing.
"Anyway." Sam began, but was interrupted by Merry's shouting.
"HAHAHA!! TIG!! HAHAHA!"
"Tig? I remember that!" said Frodo, looking enthusiastic.
"Really?" said Pippin, winking at Sam while Frodo wasn't looking. "Let's play! Merry get up! We're going to play tig!"
Merry managed to get up to his feet and stumble over towards a chair as Pippin began the game. (ok folks, Frodo is F, Sam is S, Pippin is P, Merry is M, Legolas is L)
"Okay, I'll go first, then Sam, then Merry, then Frodo? Got it? Okay, tig!" P
"Tog" S
"Tigtag" M
"Tug?" F
"Frodo! You've already tigtag crisscrossed!" P
"Ok ok..ummm..tog?" F
"NO!" SMP
"Forget it" F
"Fine..tigtag" P
"Tigtog" S
"Tag!" M
"Tigtig" F
"NO!!!" SMP
"WHAT?" F
"How many times 'lijah you can't double tig a tag!" M
"Who's 'lijah?" F
"Oops..nevermind" M
"Togtug" P
"Tigtag" S
"Tug" M
"Whoa whoa whoa, wait a second. I can't tug on a tigtag but Merry can?" F
"Yea because I togtugged before Sam tigtagged." P
"What?!?" F
"Forget it..your turn Pip" S
"Tagtog" P
"Tug" S
"Tigtog" M
"Didn't he tigtag crisscross?" F
"NO!" SMP
"Shut up and play Frodo, it's your turn" P
"Tag"
"NOOO!" SMP
"THAT is a tigtag crisscross!" M
"Ok, we've let you get away with enough.get down on your knees and drop your trousers!!!" P
"WHAT?" F
"DO IT DO IT DO IT!!" SM
"Fine" F
"AW FRODO!!! What IS that smell?!" P
"Heh heh heh heh heh" F
"PULL THEM UP PULL THEM UP!" MP
Sam passes out in the chair due to the smell as Legolas walks in. He sees the hobbits playing tig and sits down in a chair, the smell of Frodo overwhelmed by strawberry scented soap. "Ok Legos, you take Sam's place. You're after me." P
"Okay..whose turn is it?" L
"Mine..tag" P
"Tog" L
"Tigtag" M
"Tig"
"NOOO!!" LMP
"You can't tig me after a tigtag! Now do an Oliphant impresson!" P
"Do a what? No way!" F
"Do it or get out!" M
"Alright! **BURRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU**!!!" F
"YEA Frodo!" M
"Very nice" L
"Oh shut up. Why can't you just tell me the secret?!" F
" 'Cause" M
"Because why?" F
"Here I'll whisper it in your ear" P
"Okay?" F
BUZZZZZZZZZ
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" F "A BEE! A BEE!"
"HAHAHAHAHA" LMP
"Very funny" F
"Whose turn is it?" L
"Mine" P "Togtug"
"Tug" M
"NO! It's my turn!" L
"Sorry mate" M
"TAG TIG TUG!" L
"TRIPLE SKIPPY!" MP
"Tig?" F
"NO!" LMP
"Then what do I say?!" F
"GIT!" P
"GUTGOT!" L
"GATGIT!" M
"Gat?" F
"You idiot! Triple skippy is over!" P
"Oh" F "Can we stop now? My head hurts."
"AWWWW!!!!!!" LMP
"Come on Frodo!" M
"Yes, come on, we'll go easy on you!" L
"Frodo! You pansy!"
"Nope. I'm quitting" F
"Fine..." LMP
Sam woke up in his chair, smelling the sweet smell of strawberrys.
"Whose turn is it?" he asked.
"No ones Sam. Frodo quit," said Legolas.
"No! Just one more round Frodo?" Sam pleaded.
"Yea, another round of ale. I don't care if I have the shits, I'm gonna have the shits and have fun," said Frodo.
"I'll drink to that!" cheered Pippin. He went down to the cellar to get a keg of their best ale.
"Say, I think it's high time for supper. Aren't you hungry?" Merry asked Frodo and Sam.
"Famished. I guess I forgot how hungry I was while we were playing tig," said Sam.
"I'll go get some mushrooms and lembas bread..I'm afraid that's all we have seen that SOMEONE forgot to go to the market this week," Legolas said, shooting a glance at Merry, who was whistling and twiddling his thumbs.
"That's fine. Anything will do right now," said Frodo as he and Sam pulled themselves up to sit at the bar. Merry walked behind the bar and began serving Frodo and Sam more ale.
"OI! Legolas! Come on, sit down and have a pint!" Merry yelled across the room. Legolas couldn't resist the invitation. He sat down next to Frodo and Sam and drank to his hearts content.
*Hope all 4 of my fans like! And I hope it's long enough...9 pages..dang, sorry I'll try to keep them shorter..if my work pleases you please R&R. if there are any mistakes please ignore them because 9 pages is a lot to look though
love and peace
Court
Can I tig your tag?
Samwise Gamgee was thoroughly content by the fact that he and Frodo had finally reached Merry and Pippin's tavern. They had been traveling all day, and Frodo's recent case of the runs hadn't helped them the least.
As Pippin opened the iron-clad door (which over it had a wooden sign reading "Fool's Paradise" in Common and Elfish) to the tavern, the two hobbits were struck with awe. The Green Dragon and Prancing Pony were nothing compared to what they saw.
"Is it real Mr. Frodo?" Sam asked his companion, rubbing his eyes.
"I think so Sam," Frodo said in reply, about to rub his own eyes but then remembered that he hadn't washed his hands since Gandalf's laxative went into effect. He thought better of it and decided to wait before shaking hands with anyone.
Legolas and Merry were inside, Legolas polishing a few mugs and Merry grinning like a fool, obviously still very drunk.
Inside it was huge. It was a little cold, but the heat from the roaring fires could be felt like a blanket on a cold night. The pub was in the center, with bar stools surrounding it. Frodo and Sam were most pleased by the hobbit sized end of the pub. There were tables with benches around the bar up close to the walls, leaving plenty of room for dancing, or on Pint Night, when the second pint was free, it was more like stumbling.
Behind the bar, there was staircase leading up, obviously to Merry, Pippin, and Legolas's rooms, a staircase to the cellar, and a hall to the right that lead to the guest rooms.
Then Sam noticed Legolas and Merry's uniform vests.
"Matching vests? Never seen those before. Merry, stand up and let me have a look at you," Sam said. Merry didn't respond; he just kept on staring off into space, still grinning.
"Allow me," said Pippin. He grabbed his vest off the coat hanger next to the door. He put it on and turned around in a circle, showing off the fine vest. The deep blue cloth had a mystical effect in the half light of the fires. Sam and Frodo gathered around Pippin as he showed them his name embedded on the front.
"See?" he said, "It's in Common and Elfish."
"I still can't get over how tall you two are!" said Sam, scanning the two hobbits up and down, though Merry was seated it was still obvious that he was taller than your average hobbit.
"I agree. You need to go back to Fangorn sometime and get some of those Ent drafts for us!" said Frodo.
" 'fraid we can't Frodo. Can't have any other hobbits taller than us and breaking Bullroarer's record now can we?" Pippin said.
"AHEM!" came a voice from behind the bar.
Frodo and Sam turned around to see a very disgruntled Legolas, vigorously polishing a mug.
"Of course! How rude of us!" said Frodo, "How are you Legolas?"
"I could be better. The hobbits decided to have a couple of drinks a few hours ago and completely destroyed the tavern," he said.
Pippin shuffled his feet has he met with Legolas's piercing narrowed eyes. He abruptly changed the subject.
"So anyway, Frodo and Sam! Let me take your bags up to the guest rooms."
Frodo handed Pippin his bags, but Sam promptly dropped it on Pip's foot.
"EIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Pippin's girlish scream was now his trademark. In reaching down to nurse his foot, he dropped Frodo's bag on his other foot. His eyes welled up in tears and was forced to sit down.
Merry started giggling so hard that he fell down to the floor, rolling around with a now empty mug.
Sam and Frodo just stared.
"So anyway, while these two fools recover themselves, do you want a drink?" Legolas asked.
"I'll have an ale Legos," Sam said. Legolas nodded and began fixing the drink.
"How about you Frodo?" he asked.
"I'll pass," Frodo said, looking a little nauseated.
"You sure?" Legolas persisted.
"He's sure Legos," said Sam. He lowered his voice down to a mocking whisper and said, "He's got the shits."
"Awwwwww," Legolas said out of fake sympathy, ruffling Frodo's hair as he handed Sam his pint. He went back to polishing mugs.
"Well at least I don't smell like piss," Frodo said. Sam smelled it too and wrinkled his nose.
"Huh?" Legolas was shocked. He lifted up his arm to smell himself and he instantly remembered that he had forgotten to shower after he accidentally sprayed himself earlier!
Legolas dropped the mug he was polishing and dashed for the bathing room without another word.
Sam and Frodo laughed and for a moment he forgot about his diarrhea. When it came back a few seconds later it hit him like a Dwarfish hammer.
"Merry! Pippin! Where are your toilets!" he shouted urgently, grabbing his rear end.
Pippin had stopped sobbing over his foot but Merry was still rolling on the floor, giggling. Pippin hadn't seen Legolas's mad dash toward the bathing room.
"You'll have to use our bathing room," Pippin said. "It's upstairs, second room on the." Pippin didn't get to finish. Frodo had sprinted up the stairs already. "Left." Pippin finished.
"Sam, let's go grab a seat by the fire. By the way, where is Legolas?" Pippin asked.
"He went to go get a bath. He smelled like piss," Sam said.
Pippin's eyes lit up. "That explains it!" he exclaimed.
"Explains what?" Sam asked as he sat down, sipping his ale.
"Oh, nothing," Pippin said with a twinkle in his eye. Then his smile fell and he spaced out for a second. "Sam, you said that Legos went to get a bath?"
"Yep. What's wrong?" Sam said.
"Well if Frodo walks in on Legolas while he's taking a bath there will be hell to pay."
As soon as the words left his mouth, there was a shout of surprise from upstairs followed by a bellowing roar.
"GET OUT!!!! NNNOOOWWW!!!!!"
SLAM
TWANG
CREAK
SLAM
Frodo had slammed the door to Legolas's bathroom, ran across the hall, opened the hobbit's bathroom, and slammed the door. He only just made it.
"Right. The bags.." Pippin said, looking over at the bags. He picked up Sam's and took them down the hall to one of the hobbit rooms. When he came back, Sam was still sipping on his ale, not paying attention to anything. Merry had just begun to recover himself.
He picked up Frodo's bags and threw them outside. He closed the door and the deed was done. He wiped his hands on his trousers just as Sam turned around.
"What were you doing?" he asked.
"Frodo's sleeping outside remember?" Pippin said, the twinkle back in his eyes.
"He most certainly isn't!" Sam said, setting down his pint and getting up to his feet. Pippin put his hands on Sam's shoulders and forced him back down into his seat saying, "Whoa there. He's got the shits remember? If he's inside, he's in YOUR room. You'll have to put up with him all night."
Sam thought about this for a moment and decided it wasn't worth it to share a room with Frodo while he had the runs. He stayed in his chair and sipped on his ale again. Merry had regained his posture somewhat and staggered over to Sam and Pippin.
"What's going on?" Merry said with a stupid grin. Sam and Pippin just looked at each other and said, "Nothing."
"Okay!" Merry said, happy as could be.
"Sorry about that mates," came a voice from behind them. Frodo was standing there, hands in his pockets looking rather embarrassed. "I walked in on Legolas."
"I tried to tell you which door but noooooooo you just HAD to run off and go to the door on the RIGHT. Serves you right," said Pippin.
"You walked in on Legolas? HAHAHAHAHA!" Merry started giggling again, doubling over and getting the hiccups as well.
"Shut up," Frodo said, pushing Merry, causing him to fall down.
"HAHAHAHAHA!" Merry was still laughing.
"Anyway." Sam began, but was interrupted by Merry's shouting.
"HAHAHA!! TIG!! HAHAHA!"
"Tig? I remember that!" said Frodo, looking enthusiastic.
"Really?" said Pippin, winking at Sam while Frodo wasn't looking. "Let's play! Merry get up! We're going to play tig!"
Merry managed to get up to his feet and stumble over towards a chair as Pippin began the game. (ok folks, Frodo is F, Sam is S, Pippin is P, Merry is M, Legolas is L)
"Okay, I'll go first, then Sam, then Merry, then Frodo? Got it? Okay, tig!" P
"Tog" S
"Tigtag" M
"Tug?" F
"Frodo! You've already tigtag crisscrossed!" P
"Ok ok..ummm..tog?" F
"NO!" SMP
"Forget it" F
"Fine..tigtag" P
"Tigtog" S
"Tag!" M
"Tigtig" F
"NO!!!" SMP
"WHAT?" F
"How many times 'lijah you can't double tig a tag!" M
"Who's 'lijah?" F
"Oops..nevermind" M
"Togtug" P
"Tigtag" S
"Tug" M
"Whoa whoa whoa, wait a second. I can't tug on a tigtag but Merry can?" F
"Yea because I togtugged before Sam tigtagged." P
"What?!?" F
"Forget it..your turn Pip" S
"Tagtog" P
"Tug" S
"Tigtog" M
"Didn't he tigtag crisscross?" F
"NO!" SMP
"Shut up and play Frodo, it's your turn" P
"Tag"
"NOOO!" SMP
"THAT is a tigtag crisscross!" M
"Ok, we've let you get away with enough.get down on your knees and drop your trousers!!!" P
"WHAT?" F
"DO IT DO IT DO IT!!" SM
"Fine" F
"AW FRODO!!! What IS that smell?!" P
"Heh heh heh heh heh" F
"PULL THEM UP PULL THEM UP!" MP
Sam passes out in the chair due to the smell as Legolas walks in. He sees the hobbits playing tig and sits down in a chair, the smell of Frodo overwhelmed by strawberry scented soap. "Ok Legos, you take Sam's place. You're after me." P
"Okay..whose turn is it?" L
"Mine..tag" P
"Tog" L
"Tigtag" M
"Tig"
"NOOO!!" LMP
"You can't tig me after a tigtag! Now do an Oliphant impresson!" P
"Do a what? No way!" F
"Do it or get out!" M
"Alright! **BURRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU**!!!" F
"YEA Frodo!" M
"Very nice" L
"Oh shut up. Why can't you just tell me the secret?!" F
" 'Cause" M
"Because why?" F
"Here I'll whisper it in your ear" P
"Okay?" F
BUZZZZZZZZZ
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" F "A BEE! A BEE!"
"HAHAHAHAHA" LMP
"Very funny" F
"Whose turn is it?" L
"Mine" P "Togtug"
"Tug" M
"NO! It's my turn!" L
"Sorry mate" M
"TAG TIG TUG!" L
"TRIPLE SKIPPY!" MP
"Tig?" F
"NO!" LMP
"Then what do I say?!" F
"GIT!" P
"GUTGOT!" L
"GATGIT!" M
"Gat?" F
"You idiot! Triple skippy is over!" P
"Oh" F "Can we stop now? My head hurts."
"AWWWW!!!!!!" LMP
"Come on Frodo!" M
"Yes, come on, we'll go easy on you!" L
"Frodo! You pansy!"
"Nope. I'm quitting" F
"Fine..." LMP
Sam woke up in his chair, smelling the sweet smell of strawberrys.
"Whose turn is it?" he asked.
"No ones Sam. Frodo quit," said Legolas.
"No! Just one more round Frodo?" Sam pleaded.
"Yea, another round of ale. I don't care if I have the shits, I'm gonna have the shits and have fun," said Frodo.
"I'll drink to that!" cheered Pippin. He went down to the cellar to get a keg of their best ale.
"Say, I think it's high time for supper. Aren't you hungry?" Merry asked Frodo and Sam.
"Famished. I guess I forgot how hungry I was while we were playing tig," said Sam.
"I'll go get some mushrooms and lembas bread..I'm afraid that's all we have seen that SOMEONE forgot to go to the market this week," Legolas said, shooting a glance at Merry, who was whistling and twiddling his thumbs.
"That's fine. Anything will do right now," said Frodo as he and Sam pulled themselves up to sit at the bar. Merry walked behind the bar and began serving Frodo and Sam more ale.
"OI! Legolas! Come on, sit down and have a pint!" Merry yelled across the room. Legolas couldn't resist the invitation. He sat down next to Frodo and Sam and drank to his hearts content.
*Hope all 4 of my fans like! And I hope it's long enough...9 pages..dang, sorry I'll try to keep them shorter..if my work pleases you please R&R. if there are any mistakes please ignore them because 9 pages is a lot to look though
love and peace
Court