**well hello hello hello...this chapter, contrary to what I said in the
last one, has nothing to do with personal experiences...I had to fit it in
somehow. Just keep your minds out of the gutter. Enjoy!
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Lord Elrond of Rivendell made his way slowly down the corridor after diagnosing and medicating the stupid injured hobbit. He was quite content in repaying Peregrin for when the hobbit laced his robes with itching powder the morning after they arrived in Rivendell. A harmless prank indeed...
The "Advil" that he had given Pippin was actually a sleeping potion that would not only make him wet the bed, but would also give him nightmares for at least a week.
With one marauder out of the way, the Elvin lord could now enjoy a night at the pub in peace. He came down the stairs to a very disgruntled Legolas, who was now tying the former Ringbearer to one of the columns in the tavern.
"Legolas, what are you doing to Frodo?" Elrond asked.
"My Lord, he is drunk. Getting drunk is a custom to the hobbits, but sometimes they go too far and drink too much," Legolas answered.
"As if you haven't before?" Elrond said with a smirk.
Legolas blushed and went back to tying Frodo to the column in several double knots. Elrond kept smiling and inspected the tavern, walking with his hands behind his back.
"These stones are from Moria, are they not?" he asked Legolas.
"Indeed, my Lord" Legolas said.
"Okay, Legos, cut the 'my Lord' crap. It's annoying," Elrond said, giving Legolas his best Agent Smith evil look.
"Yes my L.Elrond," Legolas said, looking uncomfortable. He stood there for a moment, shuffling his feet, looking for something to do until Elrond barked at him.
"Well? Are you going to serve me a drink or not?"
Legolas jumped to attention. "Oh! Of course! What would you like? We have a fine selection of ales. In fact, Pippin had just rolled up a keg of our finest before Frodo attacked him. Would you like to try it?"
"Serve it up!" Elrond said. Legolas gave him a funny look. "I mean, yes please!"
As Merry and Sam came down the stairs, they heard somebody laughing, no, two people laughing at the top of their lungs.
"Who could be down there? We couldn't have been up here more than ten minutes after Elrond left!" Sam asked, looking a little confused.
"Ya know Sam, I don't know. Maybe Legolas and Frodo got some more to drink," Merry said, looking confused himself. They made their way quietly down the last couple of steps, moving slowly, inch by inch.
"Can you see anything?" Sam said.
"Hold on," Merry said, poking his head around the corner of the wall. He saw two tall figures, shadowed by the fire.
CLANG
The sound of the fallen mug startled both sneaking hobbits, causing Sam to fall forward onto Merry, and the two tumbled down the last two stairs.
"HAHAHAHA!! WHOO!! Hobbits go BOOM!" one of the figures yelled. Now that their eyes had adjusted to the darkness, Merry and Sam could see that it was Elrond who had just made the comment, and was now pointing his finger at the two fallen hobbits. The other figure was Legolas, who was laughing equally as hard.
"HAHAHA!! GO BOOM!! HAHAHA!" he roared.
Merry pushed Sam off of him and stood up to his feet. The two drunken elves was actually a funny sight since he had never seen them like this before. His eyes wandered over to Frodo, still tied to the column, but now sleeping. Or maybe he had passed out. He couldn't tell.
Then his eyes fell upon Legolas's bow and arrows. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity.
"Sam!" he whispered, motioning for him to get up and come closer. "Ok, here's what we're gonna do. I'll go and serve them some more drinks while you get that nice shiny bow and pretty arrows over there next to Frodo. While I'm getting those two more drunk, you sneak behind the bar with the gear and put them on the floor. When they get drunk enough, we're gonna play a little game."
"But Merry! What if they see me?" Sam whined.
"They won't. I'll make sure of it," Merry said with a wink and a grin. He patted Sam shoulder and said, "Come on Sam, you can do it! Trust me! I'm a pro at this!"
And with that, Merry turned Sam around and pushed him over towards Frodo and the archery gear. Merry smiled, turned, and casually walked over to the bar.
"Good evening gentlemen! Anything I can do for you?" Merry said, hopping into the bar.
"Oh Legolas, look at the pretty elf maiden!" Elrond said with a stupid grin. He reached for Merry's shirt, but the hobbit was too quick and moved to the side.
"I want her! Lay off!" Legolas said, also reaching for the 'elf maiden'. The two began to throw wild punches before Merry broke them apart. However, in doing so, he had to leap up on top of the bar to keep them apart.
"Whoa there!" he yelled, keeping them both at arms distance. "If you want me, you gotta win the game!" Merry looked across the room as he was keeping the two elves apart and saw Sam scoop up Legolas's gear. Sam ducked, and quickly made his way to the bar.
"What game?" Legolas asked eagerly.
"Indeed, what game?!" Elrond said, bewildered.
"Oh come on, you're telling me you don't know the game?" Merry said, playing along with his lies. "Ok, first, you have to chug three pints in less than five minutes. Then, you have to sit perfectly still for a minute. Then, you have to play Twister while we shoot arrows at you."
"WHAT? Shoot arrows?" Legolas and Elrond said.
"Yes, but don't worry, I'm a better shot than Pippin. It's just to scare you! You're brave elfmen! Play the game!" Merry said, goading them on. Sam was now crouching behind him with the bow and arrows in hand.
"I will win the elf maidens heart! I will win for you, sweet maiden of the golden ale!" Elrond said, bowing his head.
"Nay! I will win for you!" Legolas said, taking Merry's hand, who quickly drew it away.
"Well that's nice. Are you ready for the first task?"
"Bring it on!" said Legolas.
"How about you Elrond?" Merry said. No answer. "Elrond?" Merry turned to look at the Elvin lord.
"ELROND!"
SMACK
Merry slapped Elrond across the back of the head. The Elvin lord had been trying to look up his trousers.
"Boxers or briefs?" Elrond asked Merry.
"WHAT?!?!?!" Merry yelled in utter disgust.
"Boxers or briefs?" Elrond asked again.
"Umm...neither?" Merry said, not knowing what boxers or briefs were.
"OOOOOOO!!!!!" Elrond said, squealing like a girl at Merry's reply. Merry ignored him, got down from the bar, and filled the elf's mugs with pure whisky. He had said that he would give them three pints in under five minutes, but he never said what beverage.
"Merry! Are you sure you should be doing this?" came the voice of a very frightened Sam from under the bar.
"Don't worry Sam! I have it all under control!" Merry said, smiling as he filled the mugs.
"I hope you're right..." Sam trailed off, trying not to think of what would happen if the two elves sobered up while Merry was shooting at them.
"Alright!" Merry said, giving each elf his mug. "On the count of three! One! Two!"
Legolas began drinking, and when Elrond saw Legolas begin before the finish of the count, he began as well.
"Three?" Merry said.
The two drank so fast it would have made any hobbit gape in awe. Legolas finished a few seconds before Elrond, and Merry refilled the mugs with more than four minutes left to go. This round however, the two drank more slowly. Elrond finished a good bit ahead of Legolas this time, and shoved his mug under Merry's nose with a loud belch.
"Very nice!" Merry commented. Not to be out done by Elrond and wanting to be commented by the 'elf maiden' as well, Legolas chugged the last of his whisky and burped even louder.
"Lovely, Legolas, lovely!" Merry cheered. Legolas smirked at Elrond, who was chugging his pint ferociously. He jumped at the sight and finished his.
Both of them slammed their mugs down at the same time.
BANG
"Very nice gentlemen!" Merry said, taking up their mugs and putting them under the counter. "Now! Time for the quiet game and let all of that whisky get into your system so that you are drunk enough to let me shoot arrows at you!"
Elrond and Legolas just stared at him.
"Good! One minute starts.Now!"
"Merry..."
A voice was whining under the bar. Merry ignored it for the time being. Meanwhile, Elrond was making obscene faces at Legolas, who was looking straight ahead, trying not to laugh. He looked away. Elrond stuck his fingers in his mouth and stretched out his cheeks and stuck out his tongue and went cross-eyed. Legolas turned around with an upturned lip like a chimpanzee and his eyelids flipped upside-down. Elrond only just caught himself from falling into a fit of giggles.
"Twenty seconds!" Merry called out.
The two elves were now using all their might to refrain from laughing. Elrond was holding his breath he was trying so hard not to laugh, while Legolas was biting his lip.
"Ten seconds!"
Elrond's face was turning purple, and Legolas's lip was bleeding.
"Five!"
Their eyes were watering.
"Four!"
Tears rolled down their cheeks.
"Three!"
They held their hands over their mouths.
"Two!"
They were shaking violently from suppressed giggles.
"One!"
"BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
Legolas and Elrond roared in laughter. Elrond roared so hard that he fell backwards and off his stool onto the floor, and was still laughing all the harder. Legolas began to point and laugh, and then Elrond grabbed Legolas's stool and pulled it out from under him, causing Legolas to fall as well.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
"Merry!" Sam was now pulling at Merry's trousers, trying to get his attention.
"WHAT?" Merry whispered loudly, exasperated.
"I don't think we should be doing this!"
"Sam! When will you stop being a pansy and have a little fun? They won't remember this by morning!" Merry jumped down from the ledge that he was standing on behind the bar to where same was squatting with the bow and arrows.
"Here we go," he said as he relieved Sam of the gear and pulled out a very large canvas out from a cabinet under the bar. "Now, I'm gonna get those two set up for Twister."
Before he could hop over the bar, Sam stopped him.
"Wait! What is Twister?" he asked.
"It's a game where you get all tied up in knots!"
"Where did you get it?"
"Ebay," Merry answered.
"What's Ebay?" Sam asked, bewildered.
"Nevermind..." Merry said, hopping over the counter.
As Merry jumped down to the floor, Legolas and Elrond began to get to their feet. Or at least, tried. They had to prop themselves up with the edge of the counter of the bar.
"Right! Now I'll set this up and you can play while I shoot arrows at you!" said Merry as he rolled out the canvas with rows of red, yellow, blue, and green dots on it. Legolas and Elrond let out a cheery "OKAY!"
"Alright, Legolas, you stand at one end, and Elrond stand at the other. I'm going to stand on the counter so I can shoot arrows at you," Merry explained.
"You're going DOWN!" Elrond said.
"No way! I will win for you, fair elf maiden!" Legolas yelled to Merry.
"That's..nice..." Merry said as he notched an arrow onto the string of the bow. "Ready! Okay, right hand yellow!" Merry called out. Legolas and Elrond bent down to put their right hands on yellow.
TWANG
FWOT
Merry's arrow went about three feet over the elves' heads and hit the sofa.
"Okay.." Merry notched another arrow onto the string. "Left foot green!"
Legolas and Elrond put their left foot on green.
TWANG
FWIT
The arrow went through Legolas's legs and hit the wall.
"Fair elf maiden? Is that my bow?" Legolas asked, a little jumpy at the fact that he had almost been hit.
"Nope," Merry said as he notched another arrow.
"I'm pretty sure..."
"Right foot red!" Merry called out. Legolas and Elrond fought for butt and elbow room as they went for right foot red, not bothering to notice that it would have been much simpler if they stayed at their own ends of the canvas.
TWANG
FWITA
The arrow landed in the canvas between the two elves crisscrossed arms. Legolas recognized his arrow.
"You ARE using my bow!" Legolas roared. "Wait...you're not an elf maiden! You're Meriadoc!"
"No I'm not!" Merry yelled as he notched yet another arrow. Legolas wasn't falling for it this time. Or maybe he was. He stood up from the game, knocking over Elrond, who fell laughing, but Legolas was so intoxicated that he tripped on his own feet trying to get Merry.
"Ok Sam, NOW is when we run and hide!" Merry said as he jumped down from the counter.
"I told you this was a bad idea!" Sam whined as he came around from the bar and jumped into an empty barrel.
While Legolas was moaning on the ground and trying to get back to his feet with little success, Merry was looking for somewhere to hide. He spotted a table with a table cloth on it and quickly slid underneath it, dropping Legolas's bow and remaining arrows on the way.
"MERIADOC! YOU WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!" Legolas roared.
Frodo stirred. He looked around for a moment, and passed out again. Legolas breathed a sigh of relief before he began his drunken hobbit hunt for Merry. Merry held his breath as Legolas stumbled by twice. The third time, he was not so lucky.
Legolas lifted up the table cloth.
"BOO!" Legolas yelled.
"AHHH!!!" Merry shrieked as he scrambled out from under the table, but not before Legolas grabbed his ankle.
"GOTCHA!" Legolas roared.
Elrond was now passed out on the floor, grinning like a fool.
"This is twice today! And you aren't even drunk!" Legolas said as he pulled the terrified hobbit out from under the table, scratching at the floor, trying to get away. Legolas heard a small squeal from one of the empty barrels.
"I know just what do to with you," Legolas said with a smirk. Merry was frozen in terror. The elf pulled Merry over to where Sam was hiding. He peered over the top to see Sam curled up inside.
"Hello?" Sam said with a small wave, almost as scared as Merry. Legolas smiled bigger. He picked up Merry and tossed him inside with Sam. Then he picked up the lid that was lying next to the barrel and put it on top.
"Don't move," Legolas said. As if the hobbits were going to listen to him. As Legolas walked over to Elrond and picked him up by the wrist, Merry slid the top off of the barrel and climbed out. He picked up a near by mug and took aim.
THUD
CLATTER
The mug hit Legolas square in the back of the head.
"Oh! Look at the dancing leprechaun!" Legolas said as he crumpled to the ground next to Elrond.
"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Sam yelled.
"I saved our asses, that's what I did!" Merry said proudly.
"He's gonna kill us tomorrow!" Sam was now on the verge of tears.
"No he won't. Trust me, he won't remember a thing! All we have to do is get him to his bed and he'll think that he just got really drunk tonight and think nothing of it!" Merry explained.
"If you say so...it's not like we have any other choice.." Sam said, pulling himself out from the barrel.
"Come on, help me get him to his bed," Merry said, lifting up Legolas's legs. Sam carried his arms, and the two made their way up the stairs. Merry put down his load and opened the door to Legolas's room. Instantly they were overwhelmed by the smell of strawberries.
"Phew! What is that?" Sam asked.
"Legolas's soap and shampoo. They are the only thing that he loves more than his bow. Never touch them. Even I don't. I heard the bathroom is booby traped," Merry said, picking up Legolas's legs again. The two heaved Legolas into bed and left the room on tip toes and closed the door silently.
"What about Elrond?" Sam asked.
"I dunno. I guess we should just leave him," Merry said, shrugging his shoulders.
"What about Mr. Frodo?"
"Would you stop calling him Mr. Frodo? Frodo does it just fine," Merry said. "There is no way that we are untying him tonight. Besides, he's probably crapped all in his trousers by now. Good thing we left a few windows open."
"What about robbers?" Sam asked.
"Robbers?" Merry said with an eyebrow raised. "Look, they come inside and get one whiff of the place and they'll be gone. Besides, we have nothing to rob! The cellar locks itself after midnight as does the front door. You'd have to knock to get in."
"How did you get all that done?" Sam asked as the two began walking down the hall to Merry's room.
"Gandalf," was all Merry said, and he didn't need to say anymore.
"Oh."
"Your room is downstairs," Merry said, handing Sam a key. "This will get you into hobbit room number 2."
"But I don't want to sleep down there tonight!" Sam whined.
"Would you rather sleep with Legolas or Pip, 'cause you sure as hell are not sleeping in my room!" Merry said as he closed his door.
"Guess I don't have a choice.." Sam muttered as he made his way down to his room, hoping that he would get at least an hour's rest without fearing pain and torture from Legolas and Elrond the next day.
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**double header weekend! Hope you enjoyed!
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Lord Elrond of Rivendell made his way slowly down the corridor after diagnosing and medicating the stupid injured hobbit. He was quite content in repaying Peregrin for when the hobbit laced his robes with itching powder the morning after they arrived in Rivendell. A harmless prank indeed...
The "Advil" that he had given Pippin was actually a sleeping potion that would not only make him wet the bed, but would also give him nightmares for at least a week.
With one marauder out of the way, the Elvin lord could now enjoy a night at the pub in peace. He came down the stairs to a very disgruntled Legolas, who was now tying the former Ringbearer to one of the columns in the tavern.
"Legolas, what are you doing to Frodo?" Elrond asked.
"My Lord, he is drunk. Getting drunk is a custom to the hobbits, but sometimes they go too far and drink too much," Legolas answered.
"As if you haven't before?" Elrond said with a smirk.
Legolas blushed and went back to tying Frodo to the column in several double knots. Elrond kept smiling and inspected the tavern, walking with his hands behind his back.
"These stones are from Moria, are they not?" he asked Legolas.
"Indeed, my Lord" Legolas said.
"Okay, Legos, cut the 'my Lord' crap. It's annoying," Elrond said, giving Legolas his best Agent Smith evil look.
"Yes my L.Elrond," Legolas said, looking uncomfortable. He stood there for a moment, shuffling his feet, looking for something to do until Elrond barked at him.
"Well? Are you going to serve me a drink or not?"
Legolas jumped to attention. "Oh! Of course! What would you like? We have a fine selection of ales. In fact, Pippin had just rolled up a keg of our finest before Frodo attacked him. Would you like to try it?"
"Serve it up!" Elrond said. Legolas gave him a funny look. "I mean, yes please!"
As Merry and Sam came down the stairs, they heard somebody laughing, no, two people laughing at the top of their lungs.
"Who could be down there? We couldn't have been up here more than ten minutes after Elrond left!" Sam asked, looking a little confused.
"Ya know Sam, I don't know. Maybe Legolas and Frodo got some more to drink," Merry said, looking confused himself. They made their way quietly down the last couple of steps, moving slowly, inch by inch.
"Can you see anything?" Sam said.
"Hold on," Merry said, poking his head around the corner of the wall. He saw two tall figures, shadowed by the fire.
CLANG
The sound of the fallen mug startled both sneaking hobbits, causing Sam to fall forward onto Merry, and the two tumbled down the last two stairs.
"HAHAHAHA!! WHOO!! Hobbits go BOOM!" one of the figures yelled. Now that their eyes had adjusted to the darkness, Merry and Sam could see that it was Elrond who had just made the comment, and was now pointing his finger at the two fallen hobbits. The other figure was Legolas, who was laughing equally as hard.
"HAHAHA!! GO BOOM!! HAHAHA!" he roared.
Merry pushed Sam off of him and stood up to his feet. The two drunken elves was actually a funny sight since he had never seen them like this before. His eyes wandered over to Frodo, still tied to the column, but now sleeping. Or maybe he had passed out. He couldn't tell.
Then his eyes fell upon Legolas's bow and arrows. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity.
"Sam!" he whispered, motioning for him to get up and come closer. "Ok, here's what we're gonna do. I'll go and serve them some more drinks while you get that nice shiny bow and pretty arrows over there next to Frodo. While I'm getting those two more drunk, you sneak behind the bar with the gear and put them on the floor. When they get drunk enough, we're gonna play a little game."
"But Merry! What if they see me?" Sam whined.
"They won't. I'll make sure of it," Merry said with a wink and a grin. He patted Sam shoulder and said, "Come on Sam, you can do it! Trust me! I'm a pro at this!"
And with that, Merry turned Sam around and pushed him over towards Frodo and the archery gear. Merry smiled, turned, and casually walked over to the bar.
"Good evening gentlemen! Anything I can do for you?" Merry said, hopping into the bar.
"Oh Legolas, look at the pretty elf maiden!" Elrond said with a stupid grin. He reached for Merry's shirt, but the hobbit was too quick and moved to the side.
"I want her! Lay off!" Legolas said, also reaching for the 'elf maiden'. The two began to throw wild punches before Merry broke them apart. However, in doing so, he had to leap up on top of the bar to keep them apart.
"Whoa there!" he yelled, keeping them both at arms distance. "If you want me, you gotta win the game!" Merry looked across the room as he was keeping the two elves apart and saw Sam scoop up Legolas's gear. Sam ducked, and quickly made his way to the bar.
"What game?" Legolas asked eagerly.
"Indeed, what game?!" Elrond said, bewildered.
"Oh come on, you're telling me you don't know the game?" Merry said, playing along with his lies. "Ok, first, you have to chug three pints in less than five minutes. Then, you have to sit perfectly still for a minute. Then, you have to play Twister while we shoot arrows at you."
"WHAT? Shoot arrows?" Legolas and Elrond said.
"Yes, but don't worry, I'm a better shot than Pippin. It's just to scare you! You're brave elfmen! Play the game!" Merry said, goading them on. Sam was now crouching behind him with the bow and arrows in hand.
"I will win the elf maidens heart! I will win for you, sweet maiden of the golden ale!" Elrond said, bowing his head.
"Nay! I will win for you!" Legolas said, taking Merry's hand, who quickly drew it away.
"Well that's nice. Are you ready for the first task?"
"Bring it on!" said Legolas.
"How about you Elrond?" Merry said. No answer. "Elrond?" Merry turned to look at the Elvin lord.
"ELROND!"
SMACK
Merry slapped Elrond across the back of the head. The Elvin lord had been trying to look up his trousers.
"Boxers or briefs?" Elrond asked Merry.
"WHAT?!?!?!" Merry yelled in utter disgust.
"Boxers or briefs?" Elrond asked again.
"Umm...neither?" Merry said, not knowing what boxers or briefs were.
"OOOOOOO!!!!!" Elrond said, squealing like a girl at Merry's reply. Merry ignored him, got down from the bar, and filled the elf's mugs with pure whisky. He had said that he would give them three pints in under five minutes, but he never said what beverage.
"Merry! Are you sure you should be doing this?" came the voice of a very frightened Sam from under the bar.
"Don't worry Sam! I have it all under control!" Merry said, smiling as he filled the mugs.
"I hope you're right..." Sam trailed off, trying not to think of what would happen if the two elves sobered up while Merry was shooting at them.
"Alright!" Merry said, giving each elf his mug. "On the count of three! One! Two!"
Legolas began drinking, and when Elrond saw Legolas begin before the finish of the count, he began as well.
"Three?" Merry said.
The two drank so fast it would have made any hobbit gape in awe. Legolas finished a few seconds before Elrond, and Merry refilled the mugs with more than four minutes left to go. This round however, the two drank more slowly. Elrond finished a good bit ahead of Legolas this time, and shoved his mug under Merry's nose with a loud belch.
"Very nice!" Merry commented. Not to be out done by Elrond and wanting to be commented by the 'elf maiden' as well, Legolas chugged the last of his whisky and burped even louder.
"Lovely, Legolas, lovely!" Merry cheered. Legolas smirked at Elrond, who was chugging his pint ferociously. He jumped at the sight and finished his.
Both of them slammed their mugs down at the same time.
BANG
"Very nice gentlemen!" Merry said, taking up their mugs and putting them under the counter. "Now! Time for the quiet game and let all of that whisky get into your system so that you are drunk enough to let me shoot arrows at you!"
Elrond and Legolas just stared at him.
"Good! One minute starts.Now!"
"Merry..."
A voice was whining under the bar. Merry ignored it for the time being. Meanwhile, Elrond was making obscene faces at Legolas, who was looking straight ahead, trying not to laugh. He looked away. Elrond stuck his fingers in his mouth and stretched out his cheeks and stuck out his tongue and went cross-eyed. Legolas turned around with an upturned lip like a chimpanzee and his eyelids flipped upside-down. Elrond only just caught himself from falling into a fit of giggles.
"Twenty seconds!" Merry called out.
The two elves were now using all their might to refrain from laughing. Elrond was holding his breath he was trying so hard not to laugh, while Legolas was biting his lip.
"Ten seconds!"
Elrond's face was turning purple, and Legolas's lip was bleeding.
"Five!"
Their eyes were watering.
"Four!"
Tears rolled down their cheeks.
"Three!"
They held their hands over their mouths.
"Two!"
They were shaking violently from suppressed giggles.
"One!"
"BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
Legolas and Elrond roared in laughter. Elrond roared so hard that he fell backwards and off his stool onto the floor, and was still laughing all the harder. Legolas began to point and laugh, and then Elrond grabbed Legolas's stool and pulled it out from under him, causing Legolas to fall as well.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
"Merry!" Sam was now pulling at Merry's trousers, trying to get his attention.
"WHAT?" Merry whispered loudly, exasperated.
"I don't think we should be doing this!"
"Sam! When will you stop being a pansy and have a little fun? They won't remember this by morning!" Merry jumped down from the ledge that he was standing on behind the bar to where same was squatting with the bow and arrows.
"Here we go," he said as he relieved Sam of the gear and pulled out a very large canvas out from a cabinet under the bar. "Now, I'm gonna get those two set up for Twister."
Before he could hop over the bar, Sam stopped him.
"Wait! What is Twister?" he asked.
"It's a game where you get all tied up in knots!"
"Where did you get it?"
"Ebay," Merry answered.
"What's Ebay?" Sam asked, bewildered.
"Nevermind..." Merry said, hopping over the counter.
As Merry jumped down to the floor, Legolas and Elrond began to get to their feet. Or at least, tried. They had to prop themselves up with the edge of the counter of the bar.
"Right! Now I'll set this up and you can play while I shoot arrows at you!" said Merry as he rolled out the canvas with rows of red, yellow, blue, and green dots on it. Legolas and Elrond let out a cheery "OKAY!"
"Alright, Legolas, you stand at one end, and Elrond stand at the other. I'm going to stand on the counter so I can shoot arrows at you," Merry explained.
"You're going DOWN!" Elrond said.
"No way! I will win for you, fair elf maiden!" Legolas yelled to Merry.
"That's..nice..." Merry said as he notched an arrow onto the string of the bow. "Ready! Okay, right hand yellow!" Merry called out. Legolas and Elrond bent down to put their right hands on yellow.
TWANG
FWOT
Merry's arrow went about three feet over the elves' heads and hit the sofa.
"Okay.." Merry notched another arrow onto the string. "Left foot green!"
Legolas and Elrond put their left foot on green.
TWANG
FWIT
The arrow went through Legolas's legs and hit the wall.
"Fair elf maiden? Is that my bow?" Legolas asked, a little jumpy at the fact that he had almost been hit.
"Nope," Merry said as he notched another arrow.
"I'm pretty sure..."
"Right foot red!" Merry called out. Legolas and Elrond fought for butt and elbow room as they went for right foot red, not bothering to notice that it would have been much simpler if they stayed at their own ends of the canvas.
TWANG
FWITA
The arrow landed in the canvas between the two elves crisscrossed arms. Legolas recognized his arrow.
"You ARE using my bow!" Legolas roared. "Wait...you're not an elf maiden! You're Meriadoc!"
"No I'm not!" Merry yelled as he notched yet another arrow. Legolas wasn't falling for it this time. Or maybe he was. He stood up from the game, knocking over Elrond, who fell laughing, but Legolas was so intoxicated that he tripped on his own feet trying to get Merry.
"Ok Sam, NOW is when we run and hide!" Merry said as he jumped down from the counter.
"I told you this was a bad idea!" Sam whined as he came around from the bar and jumped into an empty barrel.
While Legolas was moaning on the ground and trying to get back to his feet with little success, Merry was looking for somewhere to hide. He spotted a table with a table cloth on it and quickly slid underneath it, dropping Legolas's bow and remaining arrows on the way.
"MERIADOC! YOU WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!" Legolas roared.
Frodo stirred. He looked around for a moment, and passed out again. Legolas breathed a sigh of relief before he began his drunken hobbit hunt for Merry. Merry held his breath as Legolas stumbled by twice. The third time, he was not so lucky.
Legolas lifted up the table cloth.
"BOO!" Legolas yelled.
"AHHH!!!" Merry shrieked as he scrambled out from under the table, but not before Legolas grabbed his ankle.
"GOTCHA!" Legolas roared.
Elrond was now passed out on the floor, grinning like a fool.
"This is twice today! And you aren't even drunk!" Legolas said as he pulled the terrified hobbit out from under the table, scratching at the floor, trying to get away. Legolas heard a small squeal from one of the empty barrels.
"I know just what do to with you," Legolas said with a smirk. Merry was frozen in terror. The elf pulled Merry over to where Sam was hiding. He peered over the top to see Sam curled up inside.
"Hello?" Sam said with a small wave, almost as scared as Merry. Legolas smiled bigger. He picked up Merry and tossed him inside with Sam. Then he picked up the lid that was lying next to the barrel and put it on top.
"Don't move," Legolas said. As if the hobbits were going to listen to him. As Legolas walked over to Elrond and picked him up by the wrist, Merry slid the top off of the barrel and climbed out. He picked up a near by mug and took aim.
THUD
CLATTER
The mug hit Legolas square in the back of the head.
"Oh! Look at the dancing leprechaun!" Legolas said as he crumpled to the ground next to Elrond.
"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Sam yelled.
"I saved our asses, that's what I did!" Merry said proudly.
"He's gonna kill us tomorrow!" Sam was now on the verge of tears.
"No he won't. Trust me, he won't remember a thing! All we have to do is get him to his bed and he'll think that he just got really drunk tonight and think nothing of it!" Merry explained.
"If you say so...it's not like we have any other choice.." Sam said, pulling himself out from the barrel.
"Come on, help me get him to his bed," Merry said, lifting up Legolas's legs. Sam carried his arms, and the two made their way up the stairs. Merry put down his load and opened the door to Legolas's room. Instantly they were overwhelmed by the smell of strawberries.
"Phew! What is that?" Sam asked.
"Legolas's soap and shampoo. They are the only thing that he loves more than his bow. Never touch them. Even I don't. I heard the bathroom is booby traped," Merry said, picking up Legolas's legs again. The two heaved Legolas into bed and left the room on tip toes and closed the door silently.
"What about Elrond?" Sam asked.
"I dunno. I guess we should just leave him," Merry said, shrugging his shoulders.
"What about Mr. Frodo?"
"Would you stop calling him Mr. Frodo? Frodo does it just fine," Merry said. "There is no way that we are untying him tonight. Besides, he's probably crapped all in his trousers by now. Good thing we left a few windows open."
"What about robbers?" Sam asked.
"Robbers?" Merry said with an eyebrow raised. "Look, they come inside and get one whiff of the place and they'll be gone. Besides, we have nothing to rob! The cellar locks itself after midnight as does the front door. You'd have to knock to get in."
"How did you get all that done?" Sam asked as the two began walking down the hall to Merry's room.
"Gandalf," was all Merry said, and he didn't need to say anymore.
"Oh."
"Your room is downstairs," Merry said, handing Sam a key. "This will get you into hobbit room number 2."
"But I don't want to sleep down there tonight!" Sam whined.
"Would you rather sleep with Legolas or Pip, 'cause you sure as hell are not sleeping in my room!" Merry said as he closed his door.
"Guess I don't have a choice.." Sam muttered as he made his way down to his room, hoping that he would get at least an hour's rest without fearing pain and torture from Legolas and Elrond the next day.
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**double header weekend! Hope you enjoyed!