A chapter in which Snape reflects on a meeting with Dumbledore and a little insight about his true feelings for Lierin. To bad that love is hell when jealousy comes into play. Let me know what you think. Please r & r. I'm always open for suggestions, but only for suggestions that can improve the story J
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Chapter 8
The dungeon was dark and cold as always, but somehow Severus Snape found the dungeon to be comforting. It fitted his nature, his character. Darkness. Severus shivered and pulled his black robe closer around him for more comfort. He could do well without the cold though, he thought to himself. He was standing in front of the fire place and he stared into the flames which seemed to burn on their own without any wood or coals to fuel the fire. His mind drifted away to Dumbledore's last visit. Again Dumbledore had surprised him by his strange behavior. He started to pace around in front of the fire, it's dancing flames creating eerie, tall shadows on the dungeon walls.
Something was going on! Snape stopped in his track.
Dumbledore had never shown such interest in his time as a Death Eater before! He started to pace around again. Why this sudden interest? He briskly stopped in his tracks again. Why the sudden interest in the Potion of Spirits? Of all the million potions one could brew, why this sudden interest in that awful potion? Again, Snape stared into the flames. Why, why, why, why, why? He kept repeating it to himself until the point he was almost chanting it without understanding what he was saying. He closed his eyes and let the last "why" linger on his lips. With his eyes closed Snape allowed himself to relax his otherwise stern features into a heavenly state of sullen blankness. Why?
Tired of pacing and standing, pacing and standing, Snape walked over to a high-backed armchair near the fireplace, lowered himself onto it and, again, he started to stare into the flames. This time however, they seemed to succeed in calming his troubled nerves.
The Potion of Spirits, how many times had Voldemort used it on him? A pained sigh escaped from his lips. He knew the answer to his own question very well, so many times he had lost track. One night, when Voldemort noticed the potion didn't have much affect on his trusted servant, he stopped using it on him altogether. If Voldemort had known how much Severus had really suffered from it, he never would have quit using it on him. No matter how loyal his servants, he loved to remind them who was in charge, who had the power. He now took his pleasure in one of the Forbidden curses; the Crucacius spell. Severus preferred the Crucacius spell above the Potion of Spirits anytime. Crucacius only brought you temporary pain. Unbearable pain yes, but Snape had learned to steel himself from physical pain at a young age. Still, the spell hurt tremendously but he'd rather experience physical pain than the mental torture at night. He already had had his fair share of that, he needn't have more. He could do very well without more ghosts plaguing his mind at night, he could do very well without them indeed.
The Potion of Spirits, it intensified your strongest emotion to horrifying heights and it raised your spirit but not in the good sense of the word. Even happiness was overshadowed by the dark side of the potion. Not that happiness was a frequent emotion found amongst the Death Eaters. Anger, bitterness, fear, thirst for power, envy, arrogance, cruelty: Those were the normal Death Eater's emotions. For Severus it had been those emotions as well as bitterness and loneliness, those were the feelings that haunted him at night. They always haunted him at night, but, after drinking the Potion of Spirits it became almost unbearable.
In daytime, after a night full of remorse, agony and suffering, he showed no mercy for his students and he tortured them like he had been tortured. It was really the only way of release he could find, the only way he could keep himself from going mad. In the end, a smoldering feeling of hate and disgust remained. Feelings he understood and which he harboured, yes, which he nurtured in his heart to remind himself who he was, what he was, what he had been and where he was standing in the world. He didn't care whether his colleagues understood him or not. The only worries they had were the lessons they had to prepare for the next day and how many house points they should award or deduct. After a days work, they could go to bed without any troubles. While he, Severus Snape, still pretended to be a servant of the Dark Lord, and had more worries than just his students and his stupid lessons. A sigh escaped from his lips again and the blankness on his face was gone, now there was utter fatigue engraved in his features and he felt so very tired...and lonely.
Let Dumbledore play his silly games, he thought to himself, but please, just leave me alone. Snape's shadow appeared on the walls as he hoisted himself to his feet. He allowed his feet to carry him wherever they wanted him to go - probably to the halls where he could deduct house points and give detention to unfortunate students. That way he could forget about his own problems, if just for a little while.
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Lierin knew she should thank Severus for saving her life. She was sitting in one of the hospital beds and one week of rest after the accident and Madam Pomefrey's good care had healed a few broken bones and a few bumps and bruises. Slowly, she was sipping one of Severus' steaming-hot brews. It tasted awful and Lierin grimaced every time the bitter taste harassed her senses. She couldn't help suspecting him of making his potions extra vile for her. Soft footsteps pulled her away from her thoughts and when she looked up she saw Remus pulling up a chair next to her bed. From the moment he had learned she was attacked by Dementors, he had spent every minute he could spare with her. At first she had been bad company because the healing process required rest and sleep but later on she was able to have small conversations with him. This evening she had been waiting for him. Before Remus sat down he moved towards her and planted a soft kiss on her forehead. When he sat down there was a warm look in his hazel brown eyes and a tender smile curved his lips.
"Good evening, I can see you are doing much better. Sorry I couldn't be here last night but I was so busy preparing this day's classes..."
Lierin had to laugh when she saw the apologetic look in his eyes.
"Oh come on Remus, did you really think I expected you to be here all the time? Of course, you have to prepare for classes!"
Remus smiled and stretched his long muscled legs. Even in his human shape he had predator like features and though he never showed it, Lierin knew he was keeping an eye...and an ear on things. However, it were times like these he reminded her most of a big fat lazy cat that just had a big fat bird for a meal.
"Yes, but I noticed it takes me a lot longer without your much valued assistance."
"Hmm, flattery will get you no where. So, anything in particular going on?"
"No, not really. Have you finished reading all those books yet?" asked Remus while nodding to a small pile of books.
Lierin rolled her eyes.
"Don't even start. I've read every single one of those books but I can't find anything useful about the goblets."
Curious, Remus got up from the chair and he nosed through the pile of books.
"Woodling's Account of the Dark Ages, Elfgard's Journey Through the Mystical Heights of Shambala, The Tales of Long Ago by L.P. Wolfmore, Legendary Objects: Truth or Delusion? by Lumarc. Interesting choice of books but did you really expect to find something useful in these?" asked Remus while he raised an eyebrow at the dirty and crumpled version of Elfgard's Journey Through the Mystical Heights of Shambala.
"No not really," sighed Lierin, "Woodling's Account of the Dark Ages is the only somewhat trustworthy book. All the others are full of mistakes and contradictions. The book about legendary objects is all right I guess, but nothing's in it I didn't already know."
"Hmm," said Remus who was still leafing through the books. "Say, what's this?" Remus picked up a fairly small leather-bound book, which from the looks of it was at least a hundred years old. Remus searched for a title on the cover but when he found none he opened up the book.
"Rowena Ravenclaw's Diary? How did you...." Remus' words were cut short when a sudden gust of wind threatened to mess up the pages and Remus was barely able to close the book without completely ruining it, though he couldn't prevent one of the pages escaping the book. Lierin glared around to see who had caused the sudden draft and she narrowed her eyes when she saw the pest.
"Peeves! I wondered when I'd be seeing you again."
A high cackling laughter filled the air and Peeves swirled through the air towards them ripping the single page apart.
"I am Peeves and you better look out! Better hide or run away and shout!" sang Peeves.
"Peeves!" called Remus, with a mild warning tone in his voice when Peeves tried to mess with the books again.
"What? Is this annoying to you? What about this?"
Peeves flung three books towards Remus but his amazing predatory skills made it very easy for him to snatch the books out of the air. For a moment Peeves could only stare at Remus with a dumb expression on his face and swearing he left the room, vanishing through one of the walls. One half of the loose page swirled through the air like a feather in the wind and neither Remus nor Lierin noticed it. Lierin smiled at Remus. She bet even Peeves didn't know Remus was a werewolf. Only a few people were familiar with that fact and she was sure Peeves wasn't one of them. Remus said nothing, he just looked at the wall through which Peeves had disappeared with a look of irritation on his otherwise quite attractive face.
A sigh escaped his lips and he bent to pick up the page from the book. He looked quite disappointed when he noticed half of it was missing. When he sat down he gently threw Rowena's dairy in Lierin's lap and he started to read the loose page.
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Severus Snape briskly walked through the dimly lit hallways and the surroundings gave him a false feeling of peace. He had no idea where he was going but he hoped he would catch some rule-breaking students. Upon that wish he caught a fifth year Hufflepuff girl in an sneaky yet intimate embrace with a sixth year Ravenclaw boy.
"Thirty points from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw for littering the hallways," said Snape curtly while quickly passing the two students who released each other upon hearing his voice. With a startled as well as an angry look they watched him stalking down the corridor with his huge probably oversized robes swaying behind him. Snape walked on with a sturdy pace and to his sardonic glee he saw the Granger girl accompanied by Weasly boy and he who's name he didn't even want to think about, loaded with a LOT of books from the library.
"Twenty points from Gryffindor for carrying more books from the library than allowed."
Astonished and with a look of hatred, Harry, Ron and Hermione watched Snape moving on.
"Can you believe that slimy git?" asked Ron, "While these books are for HIS stupid assignment! He probably made that one up just now, just to able to deduct points!"
"Another thirty points from Gryffindor for insulting a teacher and detention tomorrow after classes at seven o'clock," came the bellowing voice from Snape from past a curve in the corridor. Ron gritted his teeth and Harry sniggered.
"That goes for you too, Potter!"
Harry stopped sniggering and Neville rushed past the trio in fear he might loose some house points as well. A condescending smile curved Snape's lips as he had been able to deduct a total of ninety house points from various houses. With every point he deducted, he could feel his spirit lifting. And when he realised he was near the hospital wing, he felt gracious enough to pay Heartilly a visit and ask if she needed more of his - somewhat altered - painrelieving potion. He hadn't heard her complain about the awful smell and taste yet, he thought with a smirk, while he had put fungulus rat livers in it! Yet, when he touched the doorknob he experienced a brief moment of guilt when he thought back to how helplessly she had laid in his arms when they were under attack of the Dementors. His mind drifted away as he remembered more of her and he couldn't help but notice his heart had started to beat a tad bit faster in anticipation of seeing her again. He closed his eyes and for a short moment he allowed himself to think of her, not aware of the fact his lips started to curve in a small but genuine smile. A small smile which faded away immediately upon hearing the voices in the hospital wing. He noticed his hand had already turned the doorknob, his mind in great impatience to see Lierin. The door was open just a little but it was enough to clearly hear the voices, and enough to notice he hadn't been noticed yet.
"Oh darling, patiently I'm awaiting the day I'm released from blame. I can bear it no longer, I must be freed from shame."
Snape grew even paler than usual upon hearing those words. Remus Lupin, a shabby old werewolf was declaring his love to Lierin! He was telling her poetry! Snape clenched his hands together in fists, unaware of the fact he started to tremble. What he really wanted to do now was to turn away but he forced his foolish heart to listen.
"Oh darling, remember the summer nights and how we were merged in one. Remember, my sweet and let once again our hearts come together. Please let my undying love be your token. Never, no never again shall your heart be broken!"
Snape could barely withhold a roar of anger and the stupidity about this entire situation was. He couldn't grasp the reason why in the world Remus' tender and heartfelt words annoyed him so. What he did know, was he'd surely explode if he'd listen to this nonsense any longer. Fine, if they wanted to have a relationship, fine, but Snape would not, he would definitely not allow them to confront him with their sickening display of mushy behavior. They could take their lovemaking to their private chambers if they must, but he'd be damned to be confronted with it at any given moment. Irrationally convinced by his own rightness, Snape flung open the door and barged in on a very startled Lierin and Remus as they noticed they were caught. Guilt was written all over their faces and Snape knew enough. A deadly silence fell in the room as Snape watched the two people with his piercing eyes, looking like he was ready to kill.