***sorry to leave you at another cliff hanger...but it's Memorial Day
weekend and I'm taking full advantage of it to write this for my um...is it
7 fans? O_o
Well, went back through my chapters and read in the preface that 'elves never need to sleep'. I need to make a correction. In order to become sober, elves must sleep. That is the only time.
Sorry if I get names mixed up in this...I tend to do that and I'm sorry...hopefully you can make sense of it
A brief refresher...Merry and Pippin got Frodo, Sam, and Gandalf into their plan to prank Legolas. They succeeded, but Legolas knows that they did something. Just as he realizes, Pippin and Sam meet Aragorn outside. The four hobbits hide as Legolas is searching for them...and this is where I start again
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Aragorn looked on in confusion and roaring laughter as Legolas stumbled out the door outside in his rabid search of the four hobbits who had apparently waxed his boots. The king soon had to sit on the steps leading up to the tavern, for he had gotten a stitch in his side from all the laughter.
"Did we loose him?" whispered Merry.
"I think we lost him," replied Pippin, searching the ground. The four hobbits had used a ladder to get into one of the trees.
"Frodo, pull up that ladder!" said Merry. Frodo nodded and grasped the top of the ladder and began to pull it up. A sudden shout startled the hobbit.
"HALFLINGS! OOOPH!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!! OOPH!!"
Legolas was shouting his lungs out as he continuously fell down.
Frodo, in his brief fright, had let go of the ladder, which fell to the ground. It fell slowly to the hobbits, almost as if in slow motion.
"NOOOOOOOOO" cried Merry, Pippin, and Sam. Frodo flinched.
"Frodo! I'm supposed to be the one who does the stupid stuff like that, not you!!" said Pippin, shaking Frodo violently.
"Stop that!" yelled Sam.
"Shut up Sam," said Merry. Sam shut up.
"I didn't mean to! Legolas scared the shit outta me!" Frodo whined. A smell filled the air...
"AWWW FRODO!!!" cried the other three hobbits. Pippin quickly climbed up onto a branch that was hanging overhead and Merry and Sam followed. Frodo tried to as well, but the other hobbits quickly took up as much space as possible on the branch.
"Come on guys! It's not that bad! I don't want Legolas to see me!" said Frodo.
"Tough shit man. You shouldn't have crapped your pants," said Merry.
"Sorry Mr. Frodo, but I really don't want to sit with---OW!" said Sam, massaging his smacked head. "What was that for?"
"What did we tell you about saying 'Mr. Frodo'?" Pippin said.
"Oh, right," said Sam, looking away. "Sorry Frodo, but you smell like ass!"
"Much better," said Merry.
A few yards away, a twig snapped. "Get down!" Merry whispered. The four hobbits pressed themselves flat against the limbs of the tree, easily hidden by the silver foliage and bark. Legolas appeared. He hadn't taken off his boots, but rather, he had sat down and was picking off the wax. Frodo shed a single tear, for he had done a fine job on waxing the shoes.
That single tear fell atop of Legolas's head. He stopped picking at his boots and looked up. He didn't see anything among the leaves of the tree. Luckily for the hobbits, it began to rain again. Legolas shrugged his shoulders and continued to pick at his boots until they were clean of all wax.
A sudden thought came to Legolas.
"I should get my bow..."
He pondered on this for a moment, but decided that the hobbits had probably already taken his bow and either had it hidden with them or hidden somewhere else.
"Can I help you at all Legolas?" came a voice. It was Aragorn.
"Please!" said Legolas, standing up. "Did you see where they went?"
"Sorry, no," lied Aragorn. He had seen the hobbits scramble up the tree and loose their ladder, but it would be all too much fun to have Legolas search for hours on end looking for them. The longer, the more enraged Legolas would be.
"I shouldn't have left this ladder out here..." said Legolas, lifting up the ladder and setting it at the side of the tavern. "Are you sure you didn't see where they went?"
"Positive. Maybe we should go wake up Gandalf to help?"
"No!"
Aragorn gave Legolas a funny look.
"I mean, he's probably still high. Besides, I would like to torture them on my own..."
At these words, Sam cringed. He squirmed a little, and in doing so, rustled some leaves. The sound went unnoticed by the king and the elf, but when Sam rubbed off a piece of bark with his leg, it fell to the ground. That the king and the elf noticed.
"The tree...Aragorn! They are in the tree!" Legolas said, shielding his eyes against the rain. "Now I've got you!"
"Shit, now you've done it!" said a very wet Pippin. He still had on his 'war paint', as did Frodo.
"Stupid Sam!" said Frodo, smacking his fellow hobbit on the back of the head. Sam became off balanced, and in a tangled knot of arms and legs fell to the ground. He landed on top of Legolas.
"OOOF!" Legolas said as he caught the hobbit before he was crushed by him.
"Legolas! How are you!" Sam said in Legolas's arms.
"Samwise..." Legolas said, his anger growing.
"Um...gotta go! Later Legos!" Sam said, squirming out of Legolas's arms.
"Oh no you don't!" said Legolas, who caught Sam by the collar. "Aragorn, watch after the tree. Don't let them down!"
"Naturally," said Aragorn, drawing his sword. Narsil (a/n: or is it Narcil? I'm too lazy to bust out the book to look...cos I'm a Took! Sorry, I felt like rhyming...) glittered in the rain.
Legolas left the tree and took Sam around the back of the tavern.
Merry and Pippin peered down to where Aragorn was standing guard.
"Aragorn, you are going to let us down, right?" Pippin asked.
"Nope," Aragorn replied, polishing his sword.
"What?!" said Frodo. "But Aragorn! You have to! Legolas will kill us!"
"Oh he won't KILL you...just make you never forget that messing around with him is something to be punished," Aragorn explained.
"Aragorn!" Merry pleaded.
"You'll be next Aragorn!" yelled Pippin. He was already plotting.
"I'm sure I will be. And when you do, I won't go psycho like Legolas. I'll just hang you up on a wall for a couple of hours," said Aragorn, who was now whittling a small figure out of a nearby twig.
"Sounds good!" said Pippin.
Back over to Legolas and Sam...
"Aw Legolas, I didn't do anything!" whined Sam.
"I'm sure you didn't," said Legolas, picking up some rope as he tucked Sam under his arm.
"Please don't kill me!" Sam said.
"Oh I won't KILL you. I'm just going to make sure that you never forget the punishment for pranking an elf," said Legolas, walking up to one of the trees behind the tavern.
He put Sam down and tightly wrapped a length of rope around Sam's hands and binding his feet in the same fashion. Then, he took a third piece of rope that was longer than the others and tied the two bonds on Sam's hands and feet together and wrapped the remaining rope around the trunk of the tree, sitting Sam down on his rump.
"Don't move," said Legolas with a cruel smile and walking away.
"Like I have a choice?" said Sam. Legolas looked over his shoulder and glared at the hobbit. Sam didn't say another word.
When Legolas came back to the silver tree, there were now three hobbits in deep conversation with Aragorn. As he got close, he could hear what they were saying.
"Aragorn! Please! We'll let you have free ale for life, just don't let Legolas get hold of us!"
Legolas could tell who it was instantly: Pippin. His accent was always a dead giveaway.
"Pippin, for the last time, I'm not going to let you down!" said Aragorn, looking up at the hobbits. Rain splashed on his face.
"Aragorn, how are they doing?" asked Legolas.
"They want to come down," said Aragorn with a smile.
"Of course they do." Legolas smiled as well.
"Maybe we should just leave them here?" Aragorn suggested. "We could go inside AND DRINK ALL THE FINE ALES!" Aragorn stressed the last words in a loud voice so that the hobbits could hear them.
"NO!" shouted Merry and Pippin.
"Hahahahaha!" laughed Legolas. "You know, we should do that. But that is just cruel and unusual punishment."
"As if this isn't?" Frodo yelled.
Legolas looked up into the rain. It was coming down so hard now that he couldn't look up without shielding his eyes with a hand. He still could only make out vague shapes.
Up in the tree...
"Merry! What are we gonna do? Do you think they really might drink the fine ales?" asked Pippin with a very concerned voice.
"I dunno...but we have to get out of this tree!" Merry said, looking around for some sort of exit.
"Merry! Pippin! Over here!" came a voice from nowhere. The two hobbits knew it was Frodo, but they couldn't see him anywhere. He wasn't on the branch that he had crapped on.
"Frodo! Where are you?" asked Merry to the disembodied voice of Frodo.
"Look behind you! Across the path!" Merry and Pippin turned to see Frodo on the other side of the path in another tree.
"How did you get over there?!" asked Pippin.
"Easy. The branches of all the trees intertwine over the path. I just crawled over on one of the lower branches!" explained Frodo. It was so simple that Merry and Pippin wondered why they didn't think of it first.
"Stay there! We're coming too!" said Merry as he began to make his way over towards the intertwining branches.
"I think it's best if we stay in different trees Merry," said Pippin behind him.
"Good idea. Frodo! Move to another tree!" said Merry.
"Gotcha," said Frodo, quickly moving from the blue tree he was in to a gold and green one. The conversation was hidden by the sound of the pouring rain, that was coming down in monsoon proportions. The hobbits, the king, and the elf were all soaked through and through.
Once safely in another tree, Pippin stopped Merry before moving onto the next tree.
"Here use some of this," said Pippin, pulling out his Elfish snuff, "put some of this all over you and but some leave on it while it's still wet. Use the green leaves." Pippin put globs of the snuff all over his bare chest and picked out a handful of green leaves amid the blue ones from over head. He stuck them onto himself: a makeshift camouflage. He then put globs on his face before handing the tin to Merry. He tried to stick a couple of globs to his shirt, but it just ran down his shirt.
"Pippin! It's not working!" Merry said, looking down at the black streams that were running down his shirt.
"I dunno...it works on me!" shouted Pippin, who was now at another tree.
"You don't have a shirt on!" Merry shouted back.
"A shrirt? That's it! Take off your shirt!" shouted Pippin, crawling and settling into a golden tree and blending in almost seamlessly amid a cluster of green leaves.
Merry unbuttoned his shirt as quickly as he could, for he saw Legolas approaching his tree. He wasn't quick enough. All the fast movements drew Legolas's attention to the tree overhead. He looked up and looked into a pair of hobbit eyes that were staring back at him in horror.
"PIPPIN!" Merry cried. Legolas bent down and picked up a small stone that was on the wet path. He chucked it at Merry, who barely dodged it.
"PIPPIN! A LITTLE HELP?" Merry shouted. Another stone went whizzing by his left ear. Merry got no reply from Pippin, so he tried Frodo.
"FRODO! HELP ME! FRO---"
Legolas hit his mark. Merry fell from his branch in slow motion as Pippin watched him fall. The Took remained silent, for he knew that while Merry was doomed, he would not be if he remained quiet.
Merry landed in Aragorn's ready arms.
"Got him?" asked Legolas.
"Well, he's right here in my arms...so what do you think dumb ass?" said Aragorn.
"Um, right. Take him to the back and tie him to a tree like I did to Sam. He should wake up in about ten minutes, so be quick."
Aragorn walked past Legolas and disappeared behind the tavern. Legolas turned his eyes to the trees again in search for the remaining hobbits.
"Two down, two to go..." Legolas couldn't help thinking.
Pippin was perfectly hidden among the leaves, but Frodo was not. He stuck out like a sore thumb amid the red and green that he was trying to blend into. The pouring rain began to let up. Legolas searched the trees, but didn't see Pippin. He kept walking closer and close to Frodo's tree. Frodo saw Legolas coming, and tried to climb higher in the trees. The rain had let up enough that Legolas heard him.
The elf ran to the tree like a hound after a fox. He looked up and saw a pair of ungodly blue eyes starting back at him. Legolas smiled and began to climb the tree with the assistance of a nearby ladder.
Pippin saw his chance. It was risky. It was dangerous. It was worth it. He climbed down to the lowest branches and hung by his fingers for a moment or two before letting go. Thunder boomed as he fell to the ground, the shattering sound engulfing his wet landing. Pippin rolled as his feet hit the ground, and he stood up quickly and ran behind a tree. He peered out from behind it. Legolas was still climbing the tree. There was nothing more Pippin could do for Frodo
"And then there was one..." came a voice from behind Pippin. Pippin almost yelped, but a large hand muffled it.
"Aragorn..." Pippin thought. Pippin turned around, only to see that it wasn't Aragorn behind him, but Gandalf. The highless wizard was grinning at him.
"I must give you credit, that was some of the finest weed that I have ever smoked you fool of a Took. I call you a fool, for I could have had Legolas drugged until morning and you could have had him do anything you wanted him. But no, you had to get me high. Sucks for you," said Gandalf. "As payment for your wrong, you must give me two pounds of that fine weed."
"Fine, just help me!" pleaded Pippin.
"Very well. I will help you...soon enough. You'll be spared, but the others I'm afraid are subject to Legolas's torture.
"But---"
"No 'but's. It's their own fault they got caught," said Gandalf with a wink. Pippin smiled and ran into the tavern, locking the door behind him. His back was against the door, and he was breathing heavily.
Back outside...
Legolas had reached the first limbs of the tree that Frodo was in, and the ladder was of no use. Gandalf walked up to the base of the tree and shouted up to the elf.
"May I be of some assistance Legolas?"
"Would you mind conjuring up something to knock this hobbit out of the tree? He keeps climbing up!"
"Certainly...ABRA KADABRA!" Gandalf shouted. Legolas looked down skeptically at the wizard.
"Come on Gandalf! There is no way that is a real---"
CRACKBABOOM
A bolt of lightning hit the tree.
"AHHHHH!!!"
Frodo landed in Legolas's arms.
"I'll have to remember that one..."
Legolas looked down to thank Gandalf, but the wizard was gone. Legolas shrugged and proceeded to climb down the ladder with a limp and smoking hobbit in his arms.
Back inside...
"He has Frodo doesn't he?" asked Pippin. Gandalf nodded and proceeded to the bar.
"Do you mind if I help myself to a pint?" asked the wizard.
"No, just don't get drunk. I might need you later," Pippin said as he looked outside. "Sweet Jesus!" he shouted as he saw Sam and an unconscious Merry tied up to different trees while Legolas was tying Frodo to a third. Aragorn was standing guard over Sam, who was fighting furiously against the ropes.
"Gandalf! I gotta help them!" cried Pippin.
"You got yourself into this mess, and you have to get yourself out of it, both now and when the true effects of your mindless prank occur to Legolas. Quite honestly, I would simply tell Legolas what the other pranks are to save you some grief," said Gandalf.
"I can't! We've worked to hard for this!" said Pippin, looking back outside. The rain was coming down harder than ever, and his friends were miserable.
"We? Pippin, there is no 'we'! It's just you now!" said Gandalf, looking Pippin in the eye as he faced the wizard again.
"I have to do this! I have no choice!" yelled Pippin.
"Well there is no changing your mind. Do what you want," said Gandalf as he took a swig of his beer. Gandalf had always preferred beer to ale.
"But what do I do...." pondered Pippin, looking around the tavern. He came up blank.
"Gandalf, could you at least do a spell for me? I'll give you two more pounds of my weed!" said Pippin.
Gandalf thought for a moment.
"What do you wish of me?" asked Gandalf with a smile.
"Is there any way that you can make me invisible?" asked Pippin.
Gandalf smiled even bigger.
"Of course...ALAKAZAM!"
"Did it work?" asked Pippin.
"Where are you?" said Gandalf, looking around for Pippin.
"Great! Thanks!" said Pippin as he strolled out the door.
Gandalf laughed in spite of himself as the door closed.
Pippin walked confidently past Legolas and Aragorn, who were plucking the hairs off Sam's feet. Pippin began to untie Merry first since he was the furthest away from the tormentors.
"It's okay Merry, it's me," said Pippin as he was untying.
"Um...Pip?" said Merry.
"Yeah, it's me."
"What are you doing?"
"Freeing you of course."
"Pip."
"Yep?"
"Are you mad?"
"No I'm not, why should I be?"
"Pip."
"What?"
"Do you need a straight jacket?"
"Merry! I'm not mad! Now shut up or Legolas will hear you!"
"Pip?"
"WHAT?"
"I don't think you have to worry about them hearing you."
"Why is that?"
"Cos I think they've seen you."
"Impossible! Gandalf put an invisibility spell on me!"
Pippin finished untying the last of the knots.
"Pip."
"Yep?"
"I suggest you run."
"No, I have to free Sam and Frodo first."
"Whatever. Goodbye"
Merry sprinted off towards the tavern. Legolas and Aragorn looked on dumbfounded as Pippin proceeded to untie Frodo and Sam as he was throwing insults at them.
"Ha! Can't see me now, can ya Legos? Look at the mighty King of Gondor now!"
Frodo was free, and like Merry, sprinted to the tavern. Legolas and Aragorn were still dumbfounded. Pippin threw a rock at Aragorn, and it bounced off his head.
"OoOoOoO!!! Where did that come from Aragorn? Can't find me? HA!" said Pippin as he finished untying Sam, who made like Merry and Frodo. Pippin lagged behind and danced around Legolas and Aragorn, yelling "NA NA, NA NA, NANANANANANA! YOU CAN'T SEE ME!"
Sometime while Pippin was doing his stupid little dance, Legolas and Aragorn came to their senses.
"Pippin, wait 'til I get my hands on you..." threatened Aragorn.
"Oh, I'm feart!" mocked Pippin, who continued to dance. Legolas stood up and grabbed Pippin by the collar.
"Oh shit..."
"Oh shit indeed Peregrin!" Legolas said as he led the hobbit towards the tavern. "Aragorn! Leave the other hobbits alone when we get inside! They've had enough! Pippin is MINE!" Legolas stressed the last word, and Pippin swallowed hard.
Legolas opened the door, and Pippin could see that Merry was serving Gandalf, Frodo, and Sam drinks.
Pippin looked into Gandalf's twinkling eyes and knew.
"Gandalf!" Pippin cried as Legolas led him to the coat rack. Legolas pulled down Pippin's trousers a bit, exposing a little of his underpants. He yanked them hard.
"EEEIAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
As Pippin was trapped in a state of pain, Legolas hung the hobbit by the underpants on the coat rack and left him dangling. He returned to the bar, where Aragorn was now drinking along with the wizard and the hobbits.
"Leave him there for a few minutes then let him down. I'm going to take a shower," instructed Legolas. He turned his back to Merry, Sam, Frodo, and even Pippin's smiling faces. However, Pippin's smile was quickly overcome by tears.
"Oh, Legolas," said Merry. Legolas turned.
"Yes?"
"Pippin and Sam tried to get into your bathroom, but the portcullis went down before they could get far. Just thought you should know."
"Thanks. I'm glad that thing actually works."
Legolas disappeared up the stairs, mumbling "Stupid hobbits. Stupid curly hair. Stupid hairy feet..."
"Okay, he's gone. You can let me down now."
Aragorn drew his sword. "One of you moves and you'll be up there as well."
Merry sat back down.
"Leave him for one minute, and then I'll get him down," said Aragorn. "I'm not THAT cruel."
It was the longest minute of Pippin's life, but he grinned and bore it. At last, a minute was up. Aragorn walked over to Pippin and took him down from the coat rack. He tried to stand Pippin up, but he fell in a heap on the floor, grabbing his ass. His eyes were wide open in pain.
"Give him a shot of whiskey," said Merry, putting a shot glass on the table. Aragorn picked it up and picked up Pippin's head and forced it into his mouth. Instantly, Pippin was up on his feet and sitting at the bar...in one of the padded seats of course. A wad of stretched fabric was hanging out from the back of his trousers.
"Bet that hurt, didn't it?" asked Sam.
"No, it felt really good," said Pippin sarcastically between sips of ale.
"Really?"
"No, dip shit,"
"Oh..."
"Tell me Aragorn, why did you go against us all of a sudden out there?" asked Frodo.
"I needed a laugh," said Aragorn.
"WHAT?" yelled all four hobbits. Gandalf looked on and chuckled. Aragorn fingered his sword and no one thought twice about pursuing the subject.
"Merry, what was it that you put in Legolas's boots?" asked Frodo.
"Rogain."
"What's Rogain?"
"You'll see."
"Where did you get it?"
"Ebay."
"What's Ebay?"
"Forget it."
"Okay..."
"So Merry, why did you tell him that Sam and I got stopped by the portcullis?" asked Pippin.
"So he wouldn't suspect," was all Merry said. Pippin nodded.
"I think I missed something," said Aragorn. "You can tell me, I'm not going to do anything to you anymore."
"Hmmmm...can we really trust him Pip?" asked Merry.
"Naw, he can wait. It won't be long before Legolas realizes---"
"GGGUUUUUUUURAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! HHHHAAAAFFFLLLINNNNNGGSSS!!!"
A voice yelled in agony and anger from upstairs.
"Now you'll see," said Pippin.
Legolas came bounding down the stairs in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. Strawberry scents filled the air. His hair was coiled in curls, even though it was wet, and it was greasy as could be. As the hobbits eyes fell downward, they saw thick, curly, yellow hair covering Legolas's feet. Not an inch of skin was visible.
"TELL---ME---WHO!" spat Legolas.
His words weren't heard, for the tavern was filled with laughter at the elf- sized, blond-haired hobbit.
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Revenge of the hobbits! Haha, Legolas is a tall hobbit now! What do you think of that? Sorry to disappoint you...this chapter is only 14 pages as opposed to the 15 of the last chapter...so sad.
Oh, and sorry to leave you at another semi-cliff hanger. They are tooooooo much fun.
Love and peace
Court
Well, went back through my chapters and read in the preface that 'elves never need to sleep'. I need to make a correction. In order to become sober, elves must sleep. That is the only time.
Sorry if I get names mixed up in this...I tend to do that and I'm sorry...hopefully you can make sense of it
A brief refresher...Merry and Pippin got Frodo, Sam, and Gandalf into their plan to prank Legolas. They succeeded, but Legolas knows that they did something. Just as he realizes, Pippin and Sam meet Aragorn outside. The four hobbits hide as Legolas is searching for them...and this is where I start again
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Aragorn looked on in confusion and roaring laughter as Legolas stumbled out the door outside in his rabid search of the four hobbits who had apparently waxed his boots. The king soon had to sit on the steps leading up to the tavern, for he had gotten a stitch in his side from all the laughter.
"Did we loose him?" whispered Merry.
"I think we lost him," replied Pippin, searching the ground. The four hobbits had used a ladder to get into one of the trees.
"Frodo, pull up that ladder!" said Merry. Frodo nodded and grasped the top of the ladder and began to pull it up. A sudden shout startled the hobbit.
"HALFLINGS! OOOPH!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!! OOPH!!"
Legolas was shouting his lungs out as he continuously fell down.
Frodo, in his brief fright, had let go of the ladder, which fell to the ground. It fell slowly to the hobbits, almost as if in slow motion.
"NOOOOOOOOO" cried Merry, Pippin, and Sam. Frodo flinched.
"Frodo! I'm supposed to be the one who does the stupid stuff like that, not you!!" said Pippin, shaking Frodo violently.
"Stop that!" yelled Sam.
"Shut up Sam," said Merry. Sam shut up.
"I didn't mean to! Legolas scared the shit outta me!" Frodo whined. A smell filled the air...
"AWWW FRODO!!!" cried the other three hobbits. Pippin quickly climbed up onto a branch that was hanging overhead and Merry and Sam followed. Frodo tried to as well, but the other hobbits quickly took up as much space as possible on the branch.
"Come on guys! It's not that bad! I don't want Legolas to see me!" said Frodo.
"Tough shit man. You shouldn't have crapped your pants," said Merry.
"Sorry Mr. Frodo, but I really don't want to sit with---OW!" said Sam, massaging his smacked head. "What was that for?"
"What did we tell you about saying 'Mr. Frodo'?" Pippin said.
"Oh, right," said Sam, looking away. "Sorry Frodo, but you smell like ass!"
"Much better," said Merry.
A few yards away, a twig snapped. "Get down!" Merry whispered. The four hobbits pressed themselves flat against the limbs of the tree, easily hidden by the silver foliage and bark. Legolas appeared. He hadn't taken off his boots, but rather, he had sat down and was picking off the wax. Frodo shed a single tear, for he had done a fine job on waxing the shoes.
That single tear fell atop of Legolas's head. He stopped picking at his boots and looked up. He didn't see anything among the leaves of the tree. Luckily for the hobbits, it began to rain again. Legolas shrugged his shoulders and continued to pick at his boots until they were clean of all wax.
A sudden thought came to Legolas.
"I should get my bow..."
He pondered on this for a moment, but decided that the hobbits had probably already taken his bow and either had it hidden with them or hidden somewhere else.
"Can I help you at all Legolas?" came a voice. It was Aragorn.
"Please!" said Legolas, standing up. "Did you see where they went?"
"Sorry, no," lied Aragorn. He had seen the hobbits scramble up the tree and loose their ladder, but it would be all too much fun to have Legolas search for hours on end looking for them. The longer, the more enraged Legolas would be.
"I shouldn't have left this ladder out here..." said Legolas, lifting up the ladder and setting it at the side of the tavern. "Are you sure you didn't see where they went?"
"Positive. Maybe we should go wake up Gandalf to help?"
"No!"
Aragorn gave Legolas a funny look.
"I mean, he's probably still high. Besides, I would like to torture them on my own..."
At these words, Sam cringed. He squirmed a little, and in doing so, rustled some leaves. The sound went unnoticed by the king and the elf, but when Sam rubbed off a piece of bark with his leg, it fell to the ground. That the king and the elf noticed.
"The tree...Aragorn! They are in the tree!" Legolas said, shielding his eyes against the rain. "Now I've got you!"
"Shit, now you've done it!" said a very wet Pippin. He still had on his 'war paint', as did Frodo.
"Stupid Sam!" said Frodo, smacking his fellow hobbit on the back of the head. Sam became off balanced, and in a tangled knot of arms and legs fell to the ground. He landed on top of Legolas.
"OOOF!" Legolas said as he caught the hobbit before he was crushed by him.
"Legolas! How are you!" Sam said in Legolas's arms.
"Samwise..." Legolas said, his anger growing.
"Um...gotta go! Later Legos!" Sam said, squirming out of Legolas's arms.
"Oh no you don't!" said Legolas, who caught Sam by the collar. "Aragorn, watch after the tree. Don't let them down!"
"Naturally," said Aragorn, drawing his sword. Narsil (a/n: or is it Narcil? I'm too lazy to bust out the book to look...cos I'm a Took! Sorry, I felt like rhyming...) glittered in the rain.
Legolas left the tree and took Sam around the back of the tavern.
Merry and Pippin peered down to where Aragorn was standing guard.
"Aragorn, you are going to let us down, right?" Pippin asked.
"Nope," Aragorn replied, polishing his sword.
"What?!" said Frodo. "But Aragorn! You have to! Legolas will kill us!"
"Oh he won't KILL you...just make you never forget that messing around with him is something to be punished," Aragorn explained.
"Aragorn!" Merry pleaded.
"You'll be next Aragorn!" yelled Pippin. He was already plotting.
"I'm sure I will be. And when you do, I won't go psycho like Legolas. I'll just hang you up on a wall for a couple of hours," said Aragorn, who was now whittling a small figure out of a nearby twig.
"Sounds good!" said Pippin.
Back over to Legolas and Sam...
"Aw Legolas, I didn't do anything!" whined Sam.
"I'm sure you didn't," said Legolas, picking up some rope as he tucked Sam under his arm.
"Please don't kill me!" Sam said.
"Oh I won't KILL you. I'm just going to make sure that you never forget the punishment for pranking an elf," said Legolas, walking up to one of the trees behind the tavern.
He put Sam down and tightly wrapped a length of rope around Sam's hands and binding his feet in the same fashion. Then, he took a third piece of rope that was longer than the others and tied the two bonds on Sam's hands and feet together and wrapped the remaining rope around the trunk of the tree, sitting Sam down on his rump.
"Don't move," said Legolas with a cruel smile and walking away.
"Like I have a choice?" said Sam. Legolas looked over his shoulder and glared at the hobbit. Sam didn't say another word.
When Legolas came back to the silver tree, there were now three hobbits in deep conversation with Aragorn. As he got close, he could hear what they were saying.
"Aragorn! Please! We'll let you have free ale for life, just don't let Legolas get hold of us!"
Legolas could tell who it was instantly: Pippin. His accent was always a dead giveaway.
"Pippin, for the last time, I'm not going to let you down!" said Aragorn, looking up at the hobbits. Rain splashed on his face.
"Aragorn, how are they doing?" asked Legolas.
"They want to come down," said Aragorn with a smile.
"Of course they do." Legolas smiled as well.
"Maybe we should just leave them here?" Aragorn suggested. "We could go inside AND DRINK ALL THE FINE ALES!" Aragorn stressed the last words in a loud voice so that the hobbits could hear them.
"NO!" shouted Merry and Pippin.
"Hahahahaha!" laughed Legolas. "You know, we should do that. But that is just cruel and unusual punishment."
"As if this isn't?" Frodo yelled.
Legolas looked up into the rain. It was coming down so hard now that he couldn't look up without shielding his eyes with a hand. He still could only make out vague shapes.
Up in the tree...
"Merry! What are we gonna do? Do you think they really might drink the fine ales?" asked Pippin with a very concerned voice.
"I dunno...but we have to get out of this tree!" Merry said, looking around for some sort of exit.
"Merry! Pippin! Over here!" came a voice from nowhere. The two hobbits knew it was Frodo, but they couldn't see him anywhere. He wasn't on the branch that he had crapped on.
"Frodo! Where are you?" asked Merry to the disembodied voice of Frodo.
"Look behind you! Across the path!" Merry and Pippin turned to see Frodo on the other side of the path in another tree.
"How did you get over there?!" asked Pippin.
"Easy. The branches of all the trees intertwine over the path. I just crawled over on one of the lower branches!" explained Frodo. It was so simple that Merry and Pippin wondered why they didn't think of it first.
"Stay there! We're coming too!" said Merry as he began to make his way over towards the intertwining branches.
"I think it's best if we stay in different trees Merry," said Pippin behind him.
"Good idea. Frodo! Move to another tree!" said Merry.
"Gotcha," said Frodo, quickly moving from the blue tree he was in to a gold and green one. The conversation was hidden by the sound of the pouring rain, that was coming down in monsoon proportions. The hobbits, the king, and the elf were all soaked through and through.
Once safely in another tree, Pippin stopped Merry before moving onto the next tree.
"Here use some of this," said Pippin, pulling out his Elfish snuff, "put some of this all over you and but some leave on it while it's still wet. Use the green leaves." Pippin put globs of the snuff all over his bare chest and picked out a handful of green leaves amid the blue ones from over head. He stuck them onto himself: a makeshift camouflage. He then put globs on his face before handing the tin to Merry. He tried to stick a couple of globs to his shirt, but it just ran down his shirt.
"Pippin! It's not working!" Merry said, looking down at the black streams that were running down his shirt.
"I dunno...it works on me!" shouted Pippin, who was now at another tree.
"You don't have a shirt on!" Merry shouted back.
"A shrirt? That's it! Take off your shirt!" shouted Pippin, crawling and settling into a golden tree and blending in almost seamlessly amid a cluster of green leaves.
Merry unbuttoned his shirt as quickly as he could, for he saw Legolas approaching his tree. He wasn't quick enough. All the fast movements drew Legolas's attention to the tree overhead. He looked up and looked into a pair of hobbit eyes that were staring back at him in horror.
"PIPPIN!" Merry cried. Legolas bent down and picked up a small stone that was on the wet path. He chucked it at Merry, who barely dodged it.
"PIPPIN! A LITTLE HELP?" Merry shouted. Another stone went whizzing by his left ear. Merry got no reply from Pippin, so he tried Frodo.
"FRODO! HELP ME! FRO---"
Legolas hit his mark. Merry fell from his branch in slow motion as Pippin watched him fall. The Took remained silent, for he knew that while Merry was doomed, he would not be if he remained quiet.
Merry landed in Aragorn's ready arms.
"Got him?" asked Legolas.
"Well, he's right here in my arms...so what do you think dumb ass?" said Aragorn.
"Um, right. Take him to the back and tie him to a tree like I did to Sam. He should wake up in about ten minutes, so be quick."
Aragorn walked past Legolas and disappeared behind the tavern. Legolas turned his eyes to the trees again in search for the remaining hobbits.
"Two down, two to go..." Legolas couldn't help thinking.
Pippin was perfectly hidden among the leaves, but Frodo was not. He stuck out like a sore thumb amid the red and green that he was trying to blend into. The pouring rain began to let up. Legolas searched the trees, but didn't see Pippin. He kept walking closer and close to Frodo's tree. Frodo saw Legolas coming, and tried to climb higher in the trees. The rain had let up enough that Legolas heard him.
The elf ran to the tree like a hound after a fox. He looked up and saw a pair of ungodly blue eyes starting back at him. Legolas smiled and began to climb the tree with the assistance of a nearby ladder.
Pippin saw his chance. It was risky. It was dangerous. It was worth it. He climbed down to the lowest branches and hung by his fingers for a moment or two before letting go. Thunder boomed as he fell to the ground, the shattering sound engulfing his wet landing. Pippin rolled as his feet hit the ground, and he stood up quickly and ran behind a tree. He peered out from behind it. Legolas was still climbing the tree. There was nothing more Pippin could do for Frodo
"And then there was one..." came a voice from behind Pippin. Pippin almost yelped, but a large hand muffled it.
"Aragorn..." Pippin thought. Pippin turned around, only to see that it wasn't Aragorn behind him, but Gandalf. The highless wizard was grinning at him.
"I must give you credit, that was some of the finest weed that I have ever smoked you fool of a Took. I call you a fool, for I could have had Legolas drugged until morning and you could have had him do anything you wanted him. But no, you had to get me high. Sucks for you," said Gandalf. "As payment for your wrong, you must give me two pounds of that fine weed."
"Fine, just help me!" pleaded Pippin.
"Very well. I will help you...soon enough. You'll be spared, but the others I'm afraid are subject to Legolas's torture.
"But---"
"No 'but's. It's their own fault they got caught," said Gandalf with a wink. Pippin smiled and ran into the tavern, locking the door behind him. His back was against the door, and he was breathing heavily.
Back outside...
Legolas had reached the first limbs of the tree that Frodo was in, and the ladder was of no use. Gandalf walked up to the base of the tree and shouted up to the elf.
"May I be of some assistance Legolas?"
"Would you mind conjuring up something to knock this hobbit out of the tree? He keeps climbing up!"
"Certainly...ABRA KADABRA!" Gandalf shouted. Legolas looked down skeptically at the wizard.
"Come on Gandalf! There is no way that is a real---"
CRACKBABOOM
A bolt of lightning hit the tree.
"AHHHHH!!!"
Frodo landed in Legolas's arms.
"I'll have to remember that one..."
Legolas looked down to thank Gandalf, but the wizard was gone. Legolas shrugged and proceeded to climb down the ladder with a limp and smoking hobbit in his arms.
Back inside...
"He has Frodo doesn't he?" asked Pippin. Gandalf nodded and proceeded to the bar.
"Do you mind if I help myself to a pint?" asked the wizard.
"No, just don't get drunk. I might need you later," Pippin said as he looked outside. "Sweet Jesus!" he shouted as he saw Sam and an unconscious Merry tied up to different trees while Legolas was tying Frodo to a third. Aragorn was standing guard over Sam, who was fighting furiously against the ropes.
"Gandalf! I gotta help them!" cried Pippin.
"You got yourself into this mess, and you have to get yourself out of it, both now and when the true effects of your mindless prank occur to Legolas. Quite honestly, I would simply tell Legolas what the other pranks are to save you some grief," said Gandalf.
"I can't! We've worked to hard for this!" said Pippin, looking back outside. The rain was coming down harder than ever, and his friends were miserable.
"We? Pippin, there is no 'we'! It's just you now!" said Gandalf, looking Pippin in the eye as he faced the wizard again.
"I have to do this! I have no choice!" yelled Pippin.
"Well there is no changing your mind. Do what you want," said Gandalf as he took a swig of his beer. Gandalf had always preferred beer to ale.
"But what do I do...." pondered Pippin, looking around the tavern. He came up blank.
"Gandalf, could you at least do a spell for me? I'll give you two more pounds of my weed!" said Pippin.
Gandalf thought for a moment.
"What do you wish of me?" asked Gandalf with a smile.
"Is there any way that you can make me invisible?" asked Pippin.
Gandalf smiled even bigger.
"Of course...ALAKAZAM!"
"Did it work?" asked Pippin.
"Where are you?" said Gandalf, looking around for Pippin.
"Great! Thanks!" said Pippin as he strolled out the door.
Gandalf laughed in spite of himself as the door closed.
Pippin walked confidently past Legolas and Aragorn, who were plucking the hairs off Sam's feet. Pippin began to untie Merry first since he was the furthest away from the tormentors.
"It's okay Merry, it's me," said Pippin as he was untying.
"Um...Pip?" said Merry.
"Yeah, it's me."
"What are you doing?"
"Freeing you of course."
"Pip."
"Yep?"
"Are you mad?"
"No I'm not, why should I be?"
"Pip."
"What?"
"Do you need a straight jacket?"
"Merry! I'm not mad! Now shut up or Legolas will hear you!"
"Pip?"
"WHAT?"
"I don't think you have to worry about them hearing you."
"Why is that?"
"Cos I think they've seen you."
"Impossible! Gandalf put an invisibility spell on me!"
Pippin finished untying the last of the knots.
"Pip."
"Yep?"
"I suggest you run."
"No, I have to free Sam and Frodo first."
"Whatever. Goodbye"
Merry sprinted off towards the tavern. Legolas and Aragorn looked on dumbfounded as Pippin proceeded to untie Frodo and Sam as he was throwing insults at them.
"Ha! Can't see me now, can ya Legos? Look at the mighty King of Gondor now!"
Frodo was free, and like Merry, sprinted to the tavern. Legolas and Aragorn were still dumbfounded. Pippin threw a rock at Aragorn, and it bounced off his head.
"OoOoOoO!!! Where did that come from Aragorn? Can't find me? HA!" said Pippin as he finished untying Sam, who made like Merry and Frodo. Pippin lagged behind and danced around Legolas and Aragorn, yelling "NA NA, NA NA, NANANANANANA! YOU CAN'T SEE ME!"
Sometime while Pippin was doing his stupid little dance, Legolas and Aragorn came to their senses.
"Pippin, wait 'til I get my hands on you..." threatened Aragorn.
"Oh, I'm feart!" mocked Pippin, who continued to dance. Legolas stood up and grabbed Pippin by the collar.
"Oh shit..."
"Oh shit indeed Peregrin!" Legolas said as he led the hobbit towards the tavern. "Aragorn! Leave the other hobbits alone when we get inside! They've had enough! Pippin is MINE!" Legolas stressed the last word, and Pippin swallowed hard.
Legolas opened the door, and Pippin could see that Merry was serving Gandalf, Frodo, and Sam drinks.
Pippin looked into Gandalf's twinkling eyes and knew.
"Gandalf!" Pippin cried as Legolas led him to the coat rack. Legolas pulled down Pippin's trousers a bit, exposing a little of his underpants. He yanked them hard.
"EEEIAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
As Pippin was trapped in a state of pain, Legolas hung the hobbit by the underpants on the coat rack and left him dangling. He returned to the bar, where Aragorn was now drinking along with the wizard and the hobbits.
"Leave him there for a few minutes then let him down. I'm going to take a shower," instructed Legolas. He turned his back to Merry, Sam, Frodo, and even Pippin's smiling faces. However, Pippin's smile was quickly overcome by tears.
"Oh, Legolas," said Merry. Legolas turned.
"Yes?"
"Pippin and Sam tried to get into your bathroom, but the portcullis went down before they could get far. Just thought you should know."
"Thanks. I'm glad that thing actually works."
Legolas disappeared up the stairs, mumbling "Stupid hobbits. Stupid curly hair. Stupid hairy feet..."
"Okay, he's gone. You can let me down now."
Aragorn drew his sword. "One of you moves and you'll be up there as well."
Merry sat back down.
"Leave him for one minute, and then I'll get him down," said Aragorn. "I'm not THAT cruel."
It was the longest minute of Pippin's life, but he grinned and bore it. At last, a minute was up. Aragorn walked over to Pippin and took him down from the coat rack. He tried to stand Pippin up, but he fell in a heap on the floor, grabbing his ass. His eyes were wide open in pain.
"Give him a shot of whiskey," said Merry, putting a shot glass on the table. Aragorn picked it up and picked up Pippin's head and forced it into his mouth. Instantly, Pippin was up on his feet and sitting at the bar...in one of the padded seats of course. A wad of stretched fabric was hanging out from the back of his trousers.
"Bet that hurt, didn't it?" asked Sam.
"No, it felt really good," said Pippin sarcastically between sips of ale.
"Really?"
"No, dip shit,"
"Oh..."
"Tell me Aragorn, why did you go against us all of a sudden out there?" asked Frodo.
"I needed a laugh," said Aragorn.
"WHAT?" yelled all four hobbits. Gandalf looked on and chuckled. Aragorn fingered his sword and no one thought twice about pursuing the subject.
"Merry, what was it that you put in Legolas's boots?" asked Frodo.
"Rogain."
"What's Rogain?"
"You'll see."
"Where did you get it?"
"Ebay."
"What's Ebay?"
"Forget it."
"Okay..."
"So Merry, why did you tell him that Sam and I got stopped by the portcullis?" asked Pippin.
"So he wouldn't suspect," was all Merry said. Pippin nodded.
"I think I missed something," said Aragorn. "You can tell me, I'm not going to do anything to you anymore."
"Hmmmm...can we really trust him Pip?" asked Merry.
"Naw, he can wait. It won't be long before Legolas realizes---"
"GGGUUUUUUUURAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! HHHHAAAAFFFLLLINNNNNGGSSS!!!"
A voice yelled in agony and anger from upstairs.
"Now you'll see," said Pippin.
Legolas came bounding down the stairs in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. Strawberry scents filled the air. His hair was coiled in curls, even though it was wet, and it was greasy as could be. As the hobbits eyes fell downward, they saw thick, curly, yellow hair covering Legolas's feet. Not an inch of skin was visible.
"TELL---ME---WHO!" spat Legolas.
His words weren't heard, for the tavern was filled with laughter at the elf- sized, blond-haired hobbit.
************************************************************************
Revenge of the hobbits! Haha, Legolas is a tall hobbit now! What do you think of that? Sorry to disappoint you...this chapter is only 14 pages as opposed to the 15 of the last chapter...so sad.
Oh, and sorry to leave you at another semi-cliff hanger. They are tooooooo much fun.
Love and peace
Court