Kathrine: And here is the ending that you all have been waiting for!

JC: We tried to get this out sooner, but just couldn't seem to find the time until after school ended.

Kathrine: Today just happens to be the first official day of summer vacation!

JC: So now it is also the official day that we ended this story. This chapter is very off, but we hope you like it anyway.

Kathrine: Do NOT expect fuzzy moments and lovebirds. You won't get it. Actually, some of you might just be mad at us after reading this.

JC: And now that we have finally finished this we are going to get started on writing some more chapters for a few others. Any suggestions? Not just RW/YST mind you, any of them.

Kathrine: We are going to try and write for our LOTR stories so please be patient, we've got more time, and a few ideas on how we want stuff to go.

JC: So just wait and see how things turn out!

Conflictions for the Heart

By Kathrine and JC

Epilogue

It was dark. He hated the dark. He lay curled up against the corner of the bed, his back to the wall and his eyes trained through the shadows of the dim moonlight from his window to the door to his room. He barely ever slept anymore, he always watched the door. Dim eyes stayed trained on the door. He felt the presence of the one sleeping in the chair across the room, the one who had never left his side and yet never came close enough to touch him. He was afraid of shattering what was left of his porcelain life. What the man didn't realize was that he was already broken beyond what he believed could be repaired.

He knew he should be thankful for the encouraging, understanding presence of his lover, but often it made him feel even weaker, inadequate, pathetic. Why does he stay? he wondered as he did at least one hundred times a day. Why can I not leave? He knew it was wrong to seek comfort where he did not deserve it. He had brought this on himself, it was his fault, and yet his lover would never accept it when he told him so. He was supportive and caring, trying his hardest to heal the scars of his mind, heart, and soul. But they will never heal, he told himself. Healing can only come to those worthy of it.

It was then that he felt the reoccurring, yet still sudden, sense of filth, of dirt clinging to his body. He needed to be clean. He had get clean. Slowly, he lifted himself up from the bed, his body healed by his lover and yet still sore. He crossed the room stealthily, though not with his normal grace. He cast one last soft look at the man in the reclining chair before exiting the room into the dark hallway. He knew where he was going, had done this for a week and a half of the two weeks since the…

Don't this about it, don't think about it… he repeated to himself much like a mental mantra, a ward against what lurked in the shadows of the night and his mind. His eyes flashed everywhere, never settling on anything in particular, but letting nothing go from his sight. His was tense and alert like a wounded fox during the hunt. The hunter was outside, his hounds sniffing for him, it was just a matter or time before…

DON'T THINK ABOUT IT! his head started to throb as he pushed open the door to the bathroom. He turned on the light, reveling in the slight pain that he felt from his pupils' shocked at the instantaneous brilliance. It was all that he could feel, all that he would let himself acknowledge. Pain was his friend, let him know the truth about himself all that he was good for. He locked the door and ran the water, letting it heat up to a scalding point, no cold to temper it.

His clothes were his lover's, and hung off of him. His own fit too nicely, he couldn't stand to have something so close to him, not even his clothes, not even his own skin. He removed them easily and then forced himself to stepped into the fiery liquid. " Burn away my sins, my shame," he whispered in a soft voice. " Wash away the emptiness." He could already feel his skin beginning to blister, but also knew that with the new connection that he had with his armor it would heal by noon at the latest.

They should not have reconnected us, he thought sadly. Now Korin is forced to endure my shame and dishonor as well. His hand touched the scar on his chest, the brand that ever reminded him of his ordeal, that would never allow him to forget. His now lengthening nails dug into the upraised flesh, scratching at it. He let out a short breathy hiss of pain, knowing that the scar would begin to bleed if he clenched at it and tighter. He wanted it to bleed, wanted the pain so he wouldn't forget.

" Why must you hurt yourself so?"

He looked up his ears not sure of what they had heard. He knew no one else was in the bathroom, at least he believed this until he felt the unearthly ghosting of a hand over the one that was grasped around the cursed scar. He turned his head, body thrown against the wall of the stall for the tub. Eyes no longer of the same color met deep green much like one of their own.

" Sh-Shuten…" Seiji's eyes were wide and disbelieving.

A sad smile crossed the transparent features of the once-living warrior. " Korin," he spoke. " I have waited long to speak with you."

The blonde's eyes were still wide. " N-No," he whispered. " You're not here, just in my mind. Just in my mind."

The saddened look deepened into the redhead's features. " I am sorry Korin, but in a way you are right…I am in your mind…and in your soul. To restore your broken spirit, I in turn had to fuse my own to it."

The two different eyes continued to stare as the mind took in this information. " You…You 'fused' yourself with me? You are the one who saved me? Who sent me back?"

" Yes," he admitted. " It was I. I battled the demon spirit of one called Shikaisen; he poisoned your soul and mind with darkness and despair. Even now I have not filtered out all of his evil venom."

" I don't understand," he whispered with shocked eyes. " Shikaisen is dead. W-we killed him!"

" I know," Shuten sighed. " I know everything that has happened to you, everything you thought, felt, everything. You should feel everything from me, if you would only look. Our spirits our joined; we have he ability know everything about the other. I know about what this Shikaisen did you to, all of it, and what it has led to."

Seiji took in his words before a look of anger crossed his features. Shuten could feel the anger within the blonde as well. He wanted him to be angry. It was one of many emotions that Seiji had tried to smother in the past two weeks. He couldn't hide his apprehension and most of the time his fear was open, but not seen. But his anger towards what had been done was locked inside, the tears he refused to cry hidden behind that shield. The blonde was afraid of what would happen if he became angry, for it was so deep and so desperate and so full of hate that he knew it would lash out at any and everyone around him. He wouldn't cry, he knew that he had shed tears before the men who had done this to him and refused to do so ever again. No one would see him cry. No one would see his anger…until now.

" Why have you done this to me?" Seiji demanded. " Why have you forced me to remain here when I wanted death?"

" That was the poison that Shikaisen seeped into you mind and soul," the former Oni Masho tried to reason. " It is the reason why you felt such despair, why you called for death. He darkened your thoughts, sent a voice to your conscience to eat away at you. Have you not noticed it is no longer there?"

The blonde's anger faded at those words. The Voice? Shikaisen had sent him the voice? It was indeed gone, had not come to him since that fateful night. Shuten had gotten rid of it? But why? Why would he do all of this for him?

" Because you are a brave and honorable soul," Shuten replied to his inner wonderings. " And Anubis loves you as much as you do him. Do not push him away because you fear his comfort. He does mot wish to bring you any more pain. He wants to help you. Open our link, look for me. You know what I say and feel are true."

" Open our link?" Seiji repeated.

" Feel me," Shuten explained. " I am much like your other half, another part of yourself, only with my own free will."

The blonde didn't believe that the late Masho was lying. Shuten was many things in his time, but never once had Seiji ever thought of him as a liar. But do I truly wish to risk him in my mind, my thoughts? he wondered. He offers solace, hope…can I accept this? But if might a trap…he could be lying. What if he is angry with me for dishonoring Anubis' love?

" No Korin…Seiji, I do to wish to harm you," Shuten quickly went to dispel his fears. " Look at me, feel my soul. Know I speak the truth."

His words worked in his defense. Seiji had never known Oni to call him by anything other than his Yoroi, never once by his true name. He searched himself, hoping that for once… his wishes had not been misplaced. The only good thing in his life was Anubis, but now he could not even allow the man to touch him without fear. It was the irony of getting what you wish for. He was determined not to let himself be pulled in like that again.

But he felt a sense of peace, of concern, honesty that he himself knew was not of his own mind. His soul was in turmoil with his sadness, incapable of this serenity while the invisible scars still burned deep. The emotions felt different than himself, more assured than how he had been as of the past year and calm. Is this you Shuten? he asked, knowing somehow that the phantom could indeed hear him.

" Yes, it is me," he agreed. " Do you now believe me? Do you now know I seek to bring no harm?"

The swordsman didn't know what to actually believe. He wanted to think that someone was there, someone who knew exactly how he felt within without him having to explain. But he knew that to hope would mean he was more vulnerable than he already was. He couldn't let himself be tricked into anything, like when he had gone to New York, or when he left himself open at the club…when Nickson had found him. No, he couldn't let something like that happen ever again.

" Let go of your pain, Seiji," Shuten implored him. " What you feel inside is not wrong, this hurt you feel will not simply go away. You can't fight it off like one of your opponents, it will only become stronger. You must accept it and learn to overcome it with the help of others, with Anubis' help."

That caught Seiji's attention. " No!" he hissed vehemently. " I will not bring him into this anymore than I already have. He fears to touch me, to hurt me, and at the same time I fear his touch, fear any and all forms of touch. You cannot imagine how deeply I long to feel him comfort me…to know that he still cares for me. But he can't touch me…I can't let him touch me. I am soiled, dirty, a broken toy. This scar upon my chest shows so. It is the proving reminder of what I once refused to accept. Many have used, played with me for their own benefit, Arago, Shikaisen, N-Nickson, even my own family at times. I understand now that is all shall ever be good for…"

He felt the ghostly extension as it connected with his face, feeling far more solid than the blonde thought possible. His head was tossed to the side and his hands quickly went to his face. His cheek stung and his eyes were wide. Shuten had struck him.

" Your senseless self-pity is unbelievable," the red-haired spirit stated. " Who are you and what have you done with Korin no Seiji? For surely, the Warrior of Light would never act so pitifully and with such little honor. Yes, horrid things have happened to you, and in consecutive intervals, but you let it eat at you, feeding the shadow that resides within you even more. The poison Shikaisen left in his wake will only become more potent if you allow this."

The blonde had a dark look in his eyes, one Shuten remembered well. Oni wanted that look. It meant that he was angry and angry was how he wanted him. He was not Anubis, who could use soft words and physical comfort to ease his love's soul, Seiji would not allow Anubis too near. So Shuten knew he had to try a different approach, one he knew that worked time after time on quite a few people he had known in his past life and on his own brother Masho.

" What would you know of this Darkness, besides who left it?" Seiji inquired harshly. " You do not know how I feel as if I'm about to be smothered, this emptiness ready to swallow my very being. My body shakes from the force of its power and yet I try to fight, I try to fight a battle that I have long known is futile."

" That is why you must learn to accept what has been done to you, not simply allow it to overrun your heart," Shuten reasoned. " What true warrior gives in to such despair without truly fighting back? I know the Darkness you feel, the Shadow that takes hold of you. I can feel it within me for it is within you. And if it should truly take you then know that I am also lost."

Lavender/blue and green had a confused look in them before a shine of realization took over. " Our bond?" he said. " But you are already dead. Should I pass on, will you not merely return to the spiritual plane as well?"

" No, nothing is that simple," Shuten replied. " I have foreclosed my right to go to the planes of the soul. It is the pact that I have set. Should the Darkness win even with my help, I shall be lost to a world of shadowed mists called the Abyss of the Forsaken. But should you overcome this, I shall be allowed to go free to the Spiritual Planes. So would you set my demise in stone as well, for I might very well be dead, but would you give up my soul?"

" I did not ask this of you," Seiji pointed out with a frown. " This will not be on my head should you be lost. I did not ask you to save me. I wanted to die, to let go finally and have some peace of mind, even if it was only in death."

" And yet I know you will not be so selfish as to cost another their spiritual liveliness because you yourself seek oblivion," the redhead knew the boy before him, even if the blonde was not ready to face himself yet. He had been within his soul, felt his turmoil of emotions and saw the nightmarish images that accompanied them. While he was capable of blocking Anubis' from sensing his distress, he could not block out Shuten. He knew that he was too honorable, even though he though himself despoiled and disgraced.

Seiji wouldn't look at him. He was trapped, that was what Shuten had done to him. He had forced him into a situation he couldn't leave. If he died prematurely, Shuten's soul would be forfeit and he couldn't let that happen. Even if he was nothing more that dirtied leftovers of the person he had once been, he would not, could not, do such a thing to the former Oni Masho. " Why must you torture me so?" he asked in a small whisper, pulling his knees closer to him in the quickly chilling water of his bath. His skin was still raw and red, the more sensitive areas blistering. Through the entire time he had not felt any fear of being so barely shown to the spirit, nor any apprehension, save at his shocking advent. Why do I not fear as I fear all others? he wondered. Why does neither my skin not crawl nor my stomach churn?

" You do not fear me because I am part of you," Shuten explained. " And while your mind might not want to accept it, your soul already knows. You should not be so withholding Korin, you are one who usually listens to their spirit, their instincts and intuition."

Seiji shook his head harshly, putting his hands against his temples. " Get out of my head!" he shouted. " Stop reading my thoughts! You have no right!" He picked up the soap from the counter above beside his head and through it as hard as he could at the transparent warrior. The soap sailed through the air with a slight whistling noise before crashing into the mirror above the sink and shattering the glass. Seiji's eyes flickered about the room. Shuten was gone. It was just in my head, he told himself. It was just in my head. That's why I felt all of this. It was just all in my head. I'm just going crazy, nothing to worry about. I am halfway there already.

Suddenly there was knocking on the door. " Seiji, are you all right?" It was Anubis. " Seiji, please open the door."

The blonde didn't answer him. He continued to stare at the still connected shards of the broken mirror above the sink. He heard the lock jiggling and then the turning of the knob but didn't register anything until the sound of Anubis' voice as he entered the formerly locked room. " Seiji? What happened?" He then shut the door behind him to keep out Naaza and Rajura.

Korin looked away, not wanting to admit his embarrassment, especially not to his lover. " I…I…" he didn't know what to say. Instead he pulled his knees closer to his chest, trying to hide the scars there. They had been the only ones not to heal, his brand and the two slashes down his abdomen.

The blue-haired man turned and saw the soap among the broken shards in the sink dish. " The mirror, did you…?"

" I-I am sorry," Seiji cut him off. " I didn't mean to break it. I-I threw the soap and it hit the mirror and…"

" It's all right," Anubis told him. " You don't have to worry so much. I will give Rajura a reason to finally redo the bathroom like he's being wanting to. Naaza wouldn't let him before." He stepped forward and kneeled net to the tub, his eyes seeking out the ones hidden behind lengthening locks of dull gold. Seiji's hair grew quickly, but the blonde usually kept it cut to a little below his neck. Now he was letting it grow out, as a way to hide his now abnormal eyes. Anubis still didn't understand why his eyes had been changed. But Rajura had said that Shuten had done something, made some agreement to save Seiji's life because he was now gone, unable to be reached.

Was your sacrifice worth it? Anubis wondered sadly about his former love. Seiji is so scared and afraid, so unstable. Was it right for us to deny him death, the freedom he needs so badly? It was too late now, Seiji couldn't die. With his renewed bond with his armor, his wounds healed too quickly. Anubis found that out when he found the blonde lying in a pool of blood eight days before, unconscious from repeatedly cutting his wrists, but not a wound to be seen.

" Why did you throw the soap?" he asked the blonde.

Seiji was silent for a moment. " I was angry…at myself," he replied lowly. " I-I'm sorry for letting my anger go out of control."

Anubis shook his head before looking back the other boy. " It is all- Seiji what happened to your face?"

The swordsman reached up to his cheek, still feeling the slight sting from Shuten's strike. No, he thought. It wasn't real, it wasn't real! It was just my worn mind toying with me. It couldn't…

" Seiji?" Anubis stepped closer, albeit carefully so as to not startle the younger of the two. " I knew you left the room…I wanted to come after you at first, but decided to wait. Now I see I should have listened to my instincts. You have to stop doing this Akarui, my light."

The blonde looked up at him. Anubis had taken to calling him that often as of late. He would repeat that no matter what Seiji thought of himself, he would always be the light that kept the blue-haired man alive. It always made him feel even lower than he had before. Anubis reached out a hand, causing Seiji to stiffen and lean farther to the wall, but instead grabbed the washcloth and dipped it into the cool water.

" You scalded your skin again," he pointed out. " If you don't soothe them then they will feel worse before Korin can heal them."

" I don't want them healed," he replied stoically.

" But they shall still heal, Korin worries over you constantly, keeping itself from dormancy." Yami ran the wet cloth over the blonde's arm, causing him to twist about in the water, splashing some over the side onto Anubis and the floor.

Bi-colored eyes held a guilty gaze. " Gomen nasai," he murmured. " I-"

" Stop apologizing," Anubis cut in. " You have apologized for everything small thing you've done, or believe yourself to have done, incorrectly for two weeks. You must see that not everything is your fault."

" I am-" A finger pressed against his lips, silencing him.

" If you say those three words one more time I will shatter the entire sink and not just the mirror." It was obvious that his lover was becoming exceedingly frustrated. " Your guilt, shame, and despair has taken such root that each person that is close to you has become bogged down by its weight." Anubis didn't know why he felt like this was right, that this was the time he needed to push Seiji. Something told him that maybe, just maybe he could finally reach the blonde that night, if only he went a step further than he had done before.

" You must realize that you are not to blame and if you do not, I will continue to remind you until the day that we part this world and even after," he swore. " You know I love you, I have told you so everyday since that rainy night so long ago. Is it that you don't believe that I love you enough? Have I done something that has caused you to doubt my worthiness of your love?"

There was a sadness and uncertainty within the midnight blue eyes of his love that Seiji had never known could exist there. And I am the cause of it! " No Anubis!" he shook his head. " It is I that am not worthy of your love nor your forgiveness."

" And who but I can decide who is or is not worthy of my affections and acceptance?" he asked. " I say that I forgive you, can you take away that forgiveness? I say I love you, can you take away that love? Can you make me forget that I love you? No, so I love and forgive you still. That ha not and will not change, no matter how much you think it should. The question is, can you forgive yourself? Can you love yourself and me?"

This caused the bi-colored eyes to turn away. " No, I cannot forgive myself and I shall not love myself for within in me are sins too great to forgive and nothing left to love."

" But can you love me?" Anubis asked. " You didn't answer that."

" I…" Seiji's voice died away. Tears filled his eyes and the proverbial 'knot' tightened in his throat. He couldn't say anything.

A dark look came over the man's deep blue eyes. " I see," he nodded. " But hat does not mean I will turn my back on you. I will help you through this Seiji, even if it means nothing for us in the end." He could feel tears coming to his eyes. Was this how things were to be? After everything, he would still lose Seiji? What was the entire point behind this then? To test their love? The Gods must have been either very disappointed or they had gone too far and their relationship was ruined. What relationship could they have had anyway when Seiji couldn't stand to be touched in any way, even to be comforted?

He stood up, backing away from the bathtub, his eyes not on the one he left there. " I shall leave you to you bath, call me once you are finished so that I may clean up the glass from the mirror," he told him.

The blonde's eyes were wide and filled with tears. He couldn't believe it. Anubis was giving up on their relationship. Isn't this what you wanted? he asked himself. Didn't you want to push him away? He didn't know what he wanted. He-He's everything to me…He's stood by me through all of this. But I pushed him away. I can't do this…I can't do this without him. He knew he might never heal from the 'incident'. He knew that he might never let Anubis touch him intimately ever again. But what reason did he have to go on if he lost him in the end?

That's it…he told himself. I don't want to lose him…I don't want him to go away or me have to leave him. Oh Gods, I need him so much and yet…I don't know if I can do this. Everything's different now. I'm…I'm so broken.

/ But what point would there be if he was gone? Who would you have to turn to? / The words shifted through his mind so slowly, but giving him such answers he didn't think he could find. He couldn't lose Anubis…he didn't know how to survive if he did.

The dark-haired man was practically out the door when he heard his name being called. He turned around and stared at the shaking form in the chilling water. He wanted so bad to be able to run and hold the trembling form in his arms, to try and make him forget any of this had ever happened and that they were still the same happily passionate couple they had been two weeks before. But he knew it was too late.

" Pl-Please…" Seiji started, his voice caught in his throat. " Please…don't go, don't-don't leave me."

" I will be there for you as long as you need me to be," Yami assured him. " But I can only heal so much…some things just aren't meant to be. Maybe we were one of those things." With a saddened look in his eyes Anubis exited the room and shut the door behind himself. He could feel the eyes burning into his back.

" He will never let me touch him again, we weren't meant to be," he spoke, knowing the person could hear him.

" Time is what heals more thoroughly than anything else," Rajura replied. " Will you let him go so easily."

" I must," he stated with conviction. " He won't be able to heal if he thinks that all I want from him is for him to get better only so I can sleep with him. He has to believe that it doesn't matter. If we are not meant to be, it does not matter."

The white-haired warrior shook his head. " What reason does he have to heal if you are not there at the end for him."

" But I will be there," he countered. " There just will not be an 'us' at the end. It's better for him that way."

" You haven't told him," he stated.

" No," he said. " It will only make it worse for him to know that one of them is still alive."

" They found hat girl's body," the other went on. " She was left in a barrel of battery acid and left by a trash bin behind the police station parking lot. The think she might have still been alive when she was bolted in."

Anubis took in a deep breath. " More of a reason for him to heal," he thought. " He can better defend himself If not in a state such as this constantly. I will not always be there to protect him, I know that now. And he is a warrior, he must rekindle that fire he lost so long ago."

" Are you so certain that this is for the best?"

" No," the other admitted. " But our love is what hurt us both this way. To heal, there must not be the same problem. He will feel my pain and I will feel his. The cycle will never end. He-We both must heal from this or else there was no point in the first place." The Gen Masho could tell that it was hard for Anubis to admit such things, to show any form of weakness. It had never been the way of the former war general.

" But you know that you shall hurt him deeply if you reject him now," Rajura wanted him to see sense, to know that this did not have to be their only option.

" I will not reject him, only put a stop to the progression of our intimacy," he sighed, a wistful tone in his voice. " I could never reject him." He then continued down the hall to his own room, the one he had rarely seen in two weeks. " I need to collect some clothing for Seiji," he spoke absently before entering the room. He had stayed by Seiji's side in he guest room the entire time and only went into his room for clothing or something he thought might make the blonde more comfortable.

I only hope that this does not cause the rift between them to widen, Rajura prayed before shaking his head dismally. As I know it will. He spared a short glance at the bathroom door before returning to his own room where he knew his lover would be waiting. He knew that Naaza also would be in the mood, but he himself just did not have the drive for it that night. Something was going to happen, something that none of them were ready for and he couldn't stop it. He wasn't even sure 'WHEN' it would happen. It just wasn't his place to interfere and it would only cause more harm than good.

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He stared at the picture in his hand, the identification card that had been his ever-faithful companion for the past two weeks. He ran a finger over the blonde hair of the man in the photo before trailing down to the left side of the chest that was part of the image. He knew the man didn't look like he did in the picture anymore, he made sure of that.

" I'll be waiting for you my pet," he whispered. " I know where I can find you. But I will be patient. I want you to get better, so that I can try and break you all over again. Toys are always more fun after they've been put back together." He then slid the ID into his breast pocket and patted it like one would a fragile piece of glass. " I can't wait until we see each other again. I'll get to meet all the people that are important to you, let them know just who you belong to…me."

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JC: Don't be mad…there will be another story! Recurrence of Terror is the third and hopefully final story in this series.

Kathrine: Yeah, but there is something we plan to do in it that we hope people don't get mad at us for.

JC: But the ending of that one will be real big. But as for this one…how did you like it? Leave a review and tell us.

Kathrine: Don't expect the next story for a while though, we have LOTS of other work to do.

JC: Bye yall! Until next time.